THE VIDEO Queensryche, "Queen of the Reich," Queensryche, 1983, EMI America
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SAMPLE LYRIC "There is no escayyy-ape / it's the ending of your / precious li-iiife / your soul slipped awayyy-ay / it belongs / to the Queen of the Reiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiich"
EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION Prepare yourself for a little story from the "Tales of Queensryche" -- in fact, the Queensryche creation myth of sorts. This video starts off with a Star Wars style intro that I could skip over -- but I could also quote the entire thing, leaving all of their weird line breaks and capitalizations intact! The only change I've made is that well, the writing on the screen is in red with a black shadow, and unlike Star Wars, it's all for whatever reason (lack of actual computer technology?) left-aligned.
"In The Millenium After / The 4th Great War / The World Was In / Chaos. / An Evil Adventurer / Had Discovered An / Ancient Computer / Energized By A Crystal / So Powerful That It / Enabled Her to Enslave / The World And To / Become Queen... / "Queen Of The Reich." / Many Tried To Destroy / The Queen And Failed / Only To Be / Absorbed / Into Her Computer / Shrine. / Mankind's Last Hope / Was The Five Freedom / Fighters..."
While this is going on there's of course, mad guitars and a lot of stuff moving around behind a heavy fog. The first real thing we see is the band, spinning around on some kind of rock pyre while Geoff Tate screams, and then Geoff Tate's scream becomes the Queen's scream, as she clutches he big computer head. Who is the Queen of the Reich? (Other than an evil adventurer). Well, as best as I can tell, she's a leggy brunette who favors red lipstick and a giant metal half-helmet with a Cyclops-style single eye slit. She finishes off her look with a low-cut, midriff-baring silver bustier with linebacker-style silver shoulder pads.
She's watching various enslaved peoples on her ancient computer shrine (which appears to have a giant flat screen!) when she spots the Queensrychers, whom she asks the computer to identify (which it does, nothing their full names and instruments played, using that amazing super 80s computer font in green). Let it be noted also that the rest of the computer, which is probably supposed to look like it's made of crystals but was probably actually made from someone's old Habitrail, appears to be a bong. Or perhaps a superbong made from many, many other bongs.
Anyway, as Queensryche whoop it up on a very misty soundstage, the computer "runs identification" on them. She's like "uh-uh," and while they're walking around in a misty, spiky sort of future forest, she sends some equally spiky-looking robot monster things after them. They fight by sort of falling on each other, and then the monsters drag everyone but Geoff down into a hole of some sort, and he's all like, "nooooo!"
The monsters bring them down to the Queen, who's been flipping channels on her super computer between what's going on and the band performing the song. She takes a look at all of them and her Cyclops thingy just lights right up. She's got again, what looks like a bong in her hand, and as she waves it at each band member, they either turn into aluminum foil or, more likely, turn into being covered with foil (it's hard to tell what exactly happens, but suffice it to say foil is definitely involved). The whole time this is going on, Queensryche's really rocking out back on the soundstage.
The dual guitar solos wake Geoff Tate up, and he's all "dude, what happened?" but then he gets it together and gets up. He manages to successfully open a door in a chain-link fence, then he's in this spooky hallway. He runs and hides just as the (inevitable) monsters that look like obese worms (what, was this a cheap costume to rent or make or something? This monster is in like every video) are bringing a (also inevitable) comely female prisoner down the hall. He kicks and zaps the monsters, then kneels to help the scantily clad damsel. But the Queen is watching, and as he and the girl make their way between the papier-mâché walls, she is suddenly turned into a sort of robot monster thing. Oh no!
The two start to tangle, and next thing you know they're in the Queen's throne room (or at least her computer nook). She zaps him with a laser, but then he uses some foil to reflect her laser and zap her back (the oldest trick in the book! See "The Mystery of the Lizard Men"). Geoff quickly runs over and like, touches all the bongs (he doesn't really do anything to them, the effect is more like he's playing Simon), allowing all of his bandmates to be released from their foil-covered fate. The Queen apparently frozen, they all high-five each other.
Oh, but is she frozen? They walk back, and she's like, moving her fingers around and stuff, so Geoff decides to remove her robo-helmet. What's under it? We'll never know (because we don't see it), but it gives off a blinding light and a strong wind (or possibly a strong scent, based on some of their faces!). The video tells us it's "To be continued..." then we see a shot of the band members backlit and that "Tales of Queensryche" logo again.
THE VERDICT Well. If you were expecting "Silent Lucidity" or "Jet City Woman," this one's kind of a surprise. Who knew Queensryche were so, well, cheesy? The name was always a hint, and this video finally explains what it was hinting at. Which is why I love it. I mean, the fact that there is a Queen of the Reich is pretty amazing, as is the whole in the future but found an ancient computer thing. And are their really more Tales of Queensryche? I have to plead ignorance on this one -- while I'm sure there are like, a bajillion videos between this one and Operation Mindcrime, I've never seen them. (On a side note, I wonder if Angelina Jolie would be willing to play the Queen if this got a big-budget remake. On another side note, how bummed was I that the Queensryche "playing Operation Mindcrime in its entirety" show totally did not come anywhere near me? SO bummed.)
In an effort to speak more coherently about why I like this video: It brings together so, so many of the tropes seen in early 80s metal videos. First, hot woman as enslaver. Like the women in "Rock You Like a Hurricane," "Into the Fire," and "Looks That Kill," the Queen might be hot, but she's basically looking to tie them up (and not that kind of "tie them up"). Even the damsel in distress who shows up toward the end winds up being a threat. As I've mentioned with other videos, this is really common during what I consider to be metal's 'preadolescent' years.
Second, there's the idea of the whole band (not just the lead singer, although everyone but Tate does manage to get covered in foil pretty early on) as actors and as driving the plot of the video. The sort of unspoken idea here is that the guys have gotta stick together to throw off possible enslavement by robobabes.
Third, of course there's the sci-fi dystopian future run by robots/computers (an obvious concern in the early 80s) -- and this is the coolest one this side of "The Last in Line." And lastly, you've got to love the "special effects," from the turning into foil to the lasers. I'm obsessed. Not since Ed Wood have people tried so hard using so little.
