L.A. Guns, "The Ballad of Jayne"

What a Shame...  

THE VIDEO L.A. Guns, "The Ballad of Jayne," Cocked & Loaded, 1989, Polydor 

SAMPLE LYRIC "Now it all seems funny / kinda lahk a dream / things ain't always what they seem / what a shayyyy-ayyyy-aaaaaame / what happened to Jay-ayne" 

  

THE VERDICT What is it about metal bands and ill-fated blondes? Actually, I guess I shouldn't ask what it is about metal bands. I mean sure, there are metal songs about everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Edie Sedgwick. But it's more of an American phenomenon. We're sort of obsessed. Still, these gals seem to have a real hold on metal bands. I don't know much about them, but my guess is that given metal's previous track record, Steel Panther are currently working on a song about Anna Nicole Smith (and be forewarned, that last link is way more depressing than titillating). 

 

But of course you know L.A. Guns aren't going to say the umpteenth goodbye to Norma Jean. Instead, they go with Jayne Mansfield, who was sort of the Anna Nicole Smith of her day. I had never heard of her until I was in high school, when I checked out a book from the public library called The Encyclopedia of Bad Taste. If I am remembering correctly, Jayne had her own entry, but if not, she was definitely mentioned in the section on death cars. (I also remember this book as the first place I encountered the idea of "dancing water.") 

 

Does the video reference Jayne Mansfield at all? Weirdly no. We just get a couple of shots of a fairly generic-looking brunette walking around. But oh the place she's walking around! L.A. Guns have rented themselves the grounds of some ridiculous mansion (I'm bummed I've been unable to track down the exact location). 

They aren't anywhere near a house, but that doesn't mean they don't have a gazebo with a stained-glass roof, tons of stone lions and other various statuary, assorted topiaries, and a ginormous swimming pool with a tiled bottom. I should also mention that all of it is wrapped in enormous swags of red fabric.

 

Oh yeah, and let's not forget the strings! You know a metal band is getting down to business when strings get involved. You'd think this would be a case where it's like, Guns N' Roses made it safe for everyone else, but this video pre-dates the Use Your Illusion albums and videos. Maybe Whitesnake made violins safe for metal. 

 

Anyway, they've got a good half-dozen or so super old white guys playing the strings on one side of the pool. Most notable is the one with the huuuuuge muttonchop sideburns and the handlebar moustache. Not sure what his deal is, but he's all over this video — he's in it way more than the foxy brunette, and probably than Mick Cripps too. 

 

Aesthetically though this video is such a sign of things to come, with the super-saturated, high-contrast colors. I've lately gotten really into the Instagram app, and this video reminds me of that — it's like they shot whole segments with the "Lomo-fi" filter. (Okay, really, they probably shot it with whatever lomo-fi is meant to imitate.) But really, it's impressive that this video is still technically in the 80s, 'cause this is kind of where everyone's heading. Maybe the L.A. Guns made Yves Klein blue safe for everyone! 

Okay, but let's talk about the other aesthetic elements of this video. L.A. Guns look less badass here than they do in their other videos, but they still bring it, especially my fave Kelly Nickels. The little black leather gloves and mirrored glasses are really working with his sassy bass moves. 

Phil Lewis is commendable in this video, too, though. He doesn't often look good (e.g., when he's wearing the weird kimono-type top), but when he does look good, he looks very, very good. Yes, you know what I'm talking about. When he's all shirtless with the roses. This is a look I can get behind!

 

Unlike yes, the beginning of the video, where he's stuck partway between the Mad Hatter as played by Tom Petty and Kate Hudson's ex Black Crowes' lead singer Chris Robinson.

 

Steve Riley, of course, not so much. I really like that his bass drum just says "Steve Riley." He's not that famous of a drummer. It's more that it feels like he's too temporary to get an actual L.A. Guns logo on his bass. Also, he apparently got the memo that everyone was supposed to dress in red, black, or denim, but decided that a red cowboy shirt was the right way to go. Oh Steve. 

This is a weird song, in that it's a little bit of a snoozefest, but at the same time it's an exceptional vocal from Phil Lewis. And the harmonies they do, especially in the final verse, are gorgeous. Phil seems like he's really into it in the video too, leaning on Tracii and really belting it out. 

I know, I know, a bunch of other times he's just sitting around in a stupid hat staring at falling rose petals. But the other times guys, the other times! 

So why'd I pick this video for this week? Well, it's gonna sound kind of morbid, but I just can't shake Jani Lane from my mind, and it's not much of a stretch to change this song into "The Ballad of Jani." Yeah, he was older than me, but he was just so... not old. And unlike say, Kevin DuBrow, he didn't have an extensive resume of substance abuse. Or at least, no more than your average rock n roller. I just keep thinking about it. 

It's cliche to say Jani's death makes me reflect on and appreciate life more (a lot of other stuff has gone on much closer to me this year that has made me think about that). But still, it's kind of true — it just feels like such a waste. I mean we're talking about the man who wrote "Cherry Pie"! We're just not about to get another "Cherry Pie." Everyone else is freaking out about Steve Jobs, and don't get me wrong, I love my iMac, numerous iPods, and iPhone... but I mean come on you guys, it's Cherry effing Pie!

LA Guns, "Never Enough"

The Tracii Guns-Kurt Cobain Connection

THE VIDEO LA Guns, "Never Enough," Cocked and Loaded, 1989, Polydor

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "(aaaahhhhhh) It's never enough just to hold you / (aaaaaaaahhhhhh) It's never enough just to please you / (aaaaahhhh-aaaaaahhhhhhhh) ooh baby, it's never enough"

THE VERDICT A couple of years before Nirvana shot more or less the same video plus retro costumes, the LA Guns made a video that shows off one of their many talents -- making great, straight-ahead pop. Yes, the LA Guns can rock your ass off -- I mean, just listen to "Bitch is Back" or "Sex Action." But Phil Lewis and co. also made some terrific pop songs, and this, like "I Wanna Be Your Man," is definitely one of them.

In spite of the fact that we see Ed Sullivan show parodies long before this -- think Spinal Tap's "Gimme Some Money" -- I'm going to argue that the LA Guns ushered in a new era here. Though parody videos came before this one (notably "Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody"), "Never Enough" is different in that it isn't really trying to be funny. It's more of an homage than a parody. Given that the LA Guns are certainly no Beatles, it's a bit of a stretch. But if we think of them as like a much less successful version of the Dave Clark Five, maybe we've got something.



In spite of feeling relatively straightforward, this video comes off a bit tongue-in-cheek -- the LA Guns never achieved the level of stardom they pantomime here. But also, in their hammy stage antics (particularly Tracii Guns' exuberant guitar solo), they seem to be giving us a knowing wink. Or to be devolving into self-parody. But no, I mean the LA Guns' various members kicked around the LA scene and did enough time in enough bands that I think they were probably pretty self-aware by the time they made this video. I mean they come off here a lot better than say the members of London (a similarly long-lived band with likewise a roster of went-on-to-be-famous former members) do in Decline II.

I talk about the clothes a lot, but this is a video-oriented blog, hence an emphasis on the visual. And let's face it, with the exception of Steve Riley (who I have heard admit as much himself!), LA Guns are a great-looking band with overall just a great look. Yes, it's harder to tell them apart than the members of say Faster Pussycat, who share their late 80s/early 90s LA style, but that kind of makes them cooler. Lots of dyed black hair, black leather pants, and polka dots a la Theatre of Pain-era Nikki Sixx. And you know I love that.

P.S.: This is by a considerable amount the shortest post I've ever written, so why is it so damn popular? Oh wait... gulp... is that why it's so damn popular?

LA Guns, "Bitch is Back"

Welcome to the LA, Bitch!

THE VIDEO LA Guns, "Bitch is Back," LA Guns, 1988, Polydor

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Please! Don't save me / don't tell me when it's time to go / It! Could not faze me / I only wanta let you know / bitch is back / right on track / bitch is back / I likeit like that"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION This video had a budget of approximately $2. While that is what makes it awesome, it also makes it somewhat illegible. Coupled with the fact that nearly everyone in LA Guns looks like he could be everyone else in LA Guns' brother, it makes many of the people shown in the different shots if not unidentifiable then at least very, very difficult to positively ID. Needless to say, don't kill me if I screw it up.

The video opens with some scribbly, motion-filled shots of city lights at night as seen from behind the windshield of a car. We see the lights of buildings, cars, highway signs, and so on. This cuts to a pan of a bunch of skyscrapers at sunset, then back to more squiggly lights, then a neon sign ("BUY SELL TRADE") which makes me think pawn shop but then we go inside for a b&w fast pan of guitars racked on a wall and a second neon sign ("USED & VINTAGE GUITARS") followed by neon signs for guitar company logos. Okay, so I jumped to conclusions.

Next we see singer Phil Lewis coming towards us on his motorcycle, and then a shot of Tracii Guns headbanging as he plunges into a riff. Phil gets as close as he can before leaving the frame, then we see a strange, purpley black and white shot (like they mimeographed the film) of two sort of goth looking ladies uhh... possibly wrestling in a bathtub. Okay scratch that, make that one goth looking lady scratching her stomach and then sitting up. I was correct on the bathtub though. Then we see Phil parking his chopper. Next we have Mick Cripps thrashing away. There's a quick pan up a blonde's leg as she sits on a motorcycle, then we see a woman's mostly shadowed face (p.s., she's wearing a blindfold). Light flashes and reveals I think that her wrists are bound as well, then we see Phil leaning against a pole by the side of the street.

Okay, a really weird shot with possibly nude people who are possibly women (but far from definitely). There's a guitar involved. Then the camera swings past some city lights and a woman sitting on top of a car before we see Tracii again. Next there's that perennial b-roll favorite, film the band during a photo shoot. Honestly though, I can't tell who's who. I'm pretty sure Phil's in the middle and Steve's on his right, but that's it. We see Tracii (?) doing something with a guitar, then we're finally in a normal shot again: Phil sort of trotting along the street while singing. The camera tries to follow him around while he spins and mimes different words from the song's lyrics. We see quick shots of Tracii playing and a quick photo shoot still of ...Mick? And a woman sharing an intimate moment with a guitar.



Now Phil's waving his hands around while walking backward down the street. He seems to have put on more scarves. Then we see Kelly, but quickly cut back to Phil, who's walking down the street sans scarves. He's managed to take off those plus a leather jacket, and now he's got quite the crowd around him. Throughout this video it would appear that they didn't exactly get a permit to shut down a block. Instead, they had a couple of p.a.'s get everyone to stand about two feet away from Phil. The effect is somewhat like U2's "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," only a lot, lot cheesier. Also, I don't remember the people in that video laughing at Bono. But that's another story (plus it doesn't involve metal).

We see a little bit of Kelly (?) then we're back with Phil for a long time as he stumbles down the street past a bunch of closed stores. In between, a couple of models look bored, and Steve Riley shows slightly more enthusiasm for being in LA Guns than he did for W.A.S.P. Woops, Phil has his jacket on again for a moment, then he's back to normal. Turns out he's walking along the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Anyway, Phil stumbles around more, then we see Tracii and Kelly really quickly. Phil keeps getting really, really close to the camera, then backing up a bit. At one point, we see a creepy shot of two quite androgynous people, one lying face down on top of the other one. The bottom one, who may be Phil, sort of screams. Phil's stopped walking and has been leaning against the grill pulled down over the front of a closed shop for a while now. He's interspersed with brief shots of the whole group having their photo taken and um... looks like someone wearing cowboy boots' feet standing in shallow, running water, and Tracii spinning around. Phil then briefly has his leather jacket and scarves again as he stumbles across a street, gesturing for the camera to follow. But mixed in with some shots of city lights, he's back in front of that same store again, shoving his hands in his ears (he does this a lot throughout the video).

Phil backs down the street, dressed again, and Tracii swings his guitar around and makes faces like a working man's Nikki Sixx while Kelly Nickels just looks hot. We see a bunch more weird shots of models (bored and in bondage). Anyway, Tracii's tearing it up as we go into the hottest part of the video, as Phil rapidly removes his jacket and saunters up to a blonde leaning against a pole.

They just start going at it, which is interesting mainly because you rarely see anyone but David Coverdale or later, Axl Rose, actually touch any of the women in any of these videos. And he was married to Tawny Kitaen and Axl was well, in some sort of relationship with Stephanie Seymour, so that's different. Or maybe it's not, for all I know she's Mrs. Phil Lewis. Tracii and Mick make guitar faces and Kelly finishes his cigarette as the solo continues. Even Steve shows some zeal.



Finally, Phil smiles in a totally hot, sort of shy way (I don't normally find him appealing at all, but then again, this is the one video where he has this kind of messy, spiky hair and doesn't look like a working man's Taime Downe -- rough stuff) and unlocks lips with said blonde. He then stumbles around with his hand over his mouth while the rest of the band rocks out (he takes it off to make that "whoa" sound effect). As the camera swings back to Phil, you can almost read the name on one of the stars on the sidewalk, but not quite. As Phil sings and grabs at his head, we see much more of Tracii than we've seen in the rest of the video. We quickly cut away thought to more weird models, first blindfolded girls flinching, than an expressionless woman standing in a swimming pool.

Phil, jacket and scarves back on (we also see a brief shot of him looking at himself in a mirror), elects to sit down on the sidewalk, and sing the rest of the song sitting there. Scratch that, now he's lying down on his side. We see Kelly, Mick, and Tracii briefly, and then Phil is writhing around and practically rolling into all of the people hanging around on the sidewalk like 2" away from him. Steve almost rocks out, models grope guitars, then Phil approaches a bike with a blonde already sitting on it and gets on, though this action is cut up by shots of him (in jacket again) singing on the sidewalk as someone grabs him) and (not in jacket) leaning against a phone pole or something like it. He and the blonde drive off, Tracii thrusts his guitar, and the video ends with the LA Guns logo.

THE VERDICT Again, I absolutely love how raw this video is, but they could have watched the continuity a little bit more (the whole thing where Phil's clothes keep changing is kind of annoying). But on the whole this is just badass. LA Guns often get a bad rap, but they're a damn good band. I mean, come on, if you'd never heard this song before, you were probably expecting a cover of that stupid Elton John song. Instead, you get this totally kick ass rock song.

I also like it because it feels a little bit like a time capsule. You definitely get the sense of being there even moreso than you get in videos like Dokken's "It's Not Love," which has a somewhat similar premise (actually, it has a very similar premise to another classic U2 video, "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For") but is much more staged. I mean, the people who are rooting Dokken on are mainly good looking women and dudes in KNAC shirts. None of the women in "Bitch is Back" are good looking, with the exception of the blonde Phil locks lips with, and the men are all kind of fat and dodgy looking. Clearly, in this case it is whoever was hanging out outside this closed store or whatever at night. It is a little weird that the rest of the band never makes it out of the studio (or that Phil's never there), but that I can deal with.