Faster Pussycat, "You're So Vain"

I Betcha Think This Post is About You  

THE VIDEO Faster Pussycat, "You're So Vain," Rubaiyat: Elektra's 40th Anniversary, 1990, Elektra

SAMPLE LYRIC "Yoooooou're so vain / [insert lots of bad scatting and weird mouth noises here] / I betcha think this song is about you, don't you, don't youuuuuu" 

  

THE VERDICT Faster Pussycat covering Carly Simon? Wha-aaaaa-aat? Where does this song come from? Well allow me to answer that! We can thank an uneven but actually kind of awesome double-album that Elektra put out in honor of the label's 40th anniversary, with bands who were currently on the roster covering classic Elektra hits. (If you're wondering what a rubaiyat is, technically it's a collection of Arabic verse. I think maybe they were trying to play on this being their "ruby" anniversary.) 

 

Anyway, if you don't know Rubaiyat, it's the album responsible for all kinds of random greatness, like the kickass Metallica cover of Queen's "Stone Cold Crazy", and the Gipsy Kings' version of "Hotel California" that everyone knows from The Big Lebowski. 

And of course, it's what brings us to Faster Pussycat covering Carly Simon — two great tastes that indeed, taste great together. There was a lot of drama around this song — the original Carly Simon version — about a year ago, as Carly purportedly revealed who it's actually about. Is it Eric Clapton? Jackson Browne? Some random music exec? Who cares! The entire point of this song is that if you think it's about you, you're probably kind of a jerk. I feel like I have a lot of people in my life right now giving off that vibe, which put it in my mind to do this video.

 

After all, unless you're just here to search for pictures of a young Christina Applegate (which, statistically, a lot of you are), you've probably noticed I've been away for a while... four months almost. Just had too much going on to keep up. I kept just barely getting posts up on time, and then one week, I just missed it. And yet, life went on. And on. 

But as I'm writing this, having just found a month-old email from one of my most devoted readers, I know I miss this blog too much to let it go (and besides, I have to keep identifying which Great White girls look like Kelly Bundy). I mean, it's nearly March — Power Ballads Month! I don't know that I'll be able to keep up with weekly posts, but I'll do what I can to serve up at least some meager morsels of metal. 

Like this gem, which is like a time capsule of what people thought was cool in the early '90s (and what people thought was kitsch). I think in the intervening twenty freakin' years the two have reversed themselves at least once, and now seemingly swung back around, at least from what I can tell by the preponderance of velvet at American Apparel. That said, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of Taime's fainting couch. I love that kind of useless furniture. (Though I'm not so much with the animal prints these days ... another trend that has definitely come back around.)

 

Not to sound like Stefon, but this video has it all. Sexy women's shadows. Wildly swinging cameras. Saturated colors, including of course the de rigeur Yves Klein blue. Mannequins dressed as cops. Louis XIV-style portraits. Burlesque dancers. Contortionists. A crap-ton of mirrors. Aging beauty queens. Velvet curtains. A woman who looks just like her poodle (or a poodle who looks just like it's woman, depending how you want to look at it). Sunless tanning. Human furniture. Human furniture? You know, it's that thing of when the members of the band who aren't the lead singer just have to sit through the video. (Sorry, no midgets... so far.) 

 

Oh no wait, behind curtain number six-zillion we do finally find Faster Pussycat actually performing the song instead of just sitting on furniture that looks like it got rejected from Singled Out or left over from like, the original Real World apartment (wow, I'd totally forgotten that they had that guy who looked like Matt Dillon in Singles!). 

The boys seriously seem to be in some kind of contest as to who can wear the most velvet. I think Brent Muscat is winning with the red suit. Okay, but then the video ends with the roles being reversed — now the members of Faster Pussycat are playing in the little areas behind the curtains, and a bunch of model-types are posing and preening on the rotating furniture (completely ignoring the band, though I suppose that's the point). 

But for real — they finally let the guys play, and then they just throw tons of other stuff in front of them. Oh wait, now everyone's singing. And everyone's there at once, too. I guess New York's hottest club is the "You're So Vain" video.

Faster Pussycat, "Bathroom Wall"

Bathtub Time Machine

THE VIDEO Faster Pussycat, "Bathroom Wall," Faster Pussycat, 1987, Elektra

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Gotttttt your number off the bathroom wall / and I decided it was about time I made the call!/ Yeahh I got your number off the bathroom wall!"

THE VERDICT So before I actually get into talking about this video, I have a confession to make: I think all the time about giving up on this blog again for the zillionth time. There are weeks when it feels less like a hobby and more like a chore, particularly now as I'm looking toward beginning my dissertation research. But the other day, thanks to Blogger, I realized something: Apparently, there are people who read this blog. Or who at least look at it anyway -- I don't know if y'all stick around and read anything, but definitely folks seem to like to look at the pictures.

How do I know this? Well, it turns out that a few months back Blogger added functionality allowing me to view statistics on the blog. I debated clicking on it for a while, figuring it would be depressing to see the five page views from me writing a new post. But finally I did it and -- lo and behold -- for a random anonymous blog with very little promotion (basically just the Twitter feed), this thing actually gets some traffic. I mean yeah, it gets like, country road traffic, not like multi-month-long Beijing traffic jam traffic, but still. Someone out there is looking at this thing who isn't me!

What is it that you all want to look at? Well, apparently some of the more common ways to find this site include searching for "my ancestors spit on your haircut" and "krokus screaming in the night." The former surprised me, the latter not so much -- I've gotten emails from folks asking for more details on that video, and trust me, I don't know them. And I never would have guessed anyone else wanted to know!

So what are the most popular videos on the site? Funny you should ask. I was a little surprised, honestly. As of today, the all-time most viewed pages are:
1) Danzig, "Mother" -- this more or less makes sense. All kids love Danzig.
2) Scorpions, "No One Like You" -- this one really puzzles me.
3) David Lee Roth, "Yankee Rose" -- hence all the people searching for weird insults.
4) Warrant, "I Saw Red" -- really, you guys? Really?
5) LA Guns, "Never Enough" -- inexplicable. My only guess is because I put "Kurt Cobain" in the title of the post. This makes me think I should redo the images for it though, since they're a bit low-res.

Anyway, sorry for that meta moment. And sorry I don't know more about "Screaming in the Night," like who any of the actors are, or what on earth they made those craptastic props out of, or why they just recycled that video directly into the even more horrible "Eat the Rich." I really don't know what anyone wants when it comes to this metal stuff. I only know what I like, and what I want, which is George Lynch circa 1985 and to be one of the cohosts of Vh-1 Classic's That Metal Show 'cause come on, they should really have a woman, and I should totally be that woman.



So what am I in the mood for this week? Well, some down and dirty LA glam metal. I know some people think Faster Pussycat are awful and derivative, but I've got to tell you, I love this band. Even "House of Pain," literally one of the crappiest ballads ever written, can't put a dent in my affection for them. Even knowing that Taime Downe turns into a scary fat pseudo-Nazi can't do it. They're just that fabulous.

Faster Pussycat are like someone took the Sunset Strip circa 1989 or so and distilled it, boiled it down into its purest essence, and squeezed out this band. I mean look, even at the time Taime might have been kind of a d-bag, but he co-owned the Cathouse for heaven's sakes! And just look at him -- he's not an attractive guy, even young, but he's got a fantastic look.

Actually, everyone in Faster Pussycat has a fantastic look, and this is used to great advantage here. Of particular note is Brent Muscat, who has this awesome sort of frilly hippie thing going. I mean okay sure -- the longer you look at Faster Pussycat, the more you realize they have ripped their style straight from Hanoi Rocks (I mean it's like a one-to-one correlation even) but whatever. Somehow, while Hanoi Rocks look totally Euro, Faster Pussycat look super, super LA.

I mean after all, this is the band that Penelope Spheeris used to more or less frame The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (if you have not seen this film, you will click that link -- you can watch the entire thing there. The image quality isn't amazing, but the sound is all there). In any event, the boys are all over that one, and "Babylon" plays over the closing credits. They've certainly got the best look of any band in that movie. And we get to hear all about the Cathouse, so that rules.



And anyway -- wait! The video! This video! Yes, of course. Well, they do also perform "Bathroom Wall" in Decline II, though they swap in a fake phone number over the one Taime usually says in the song (it sounds like he says "five-five-five-seven-sixty-ten" instead of 928-1768... or is it 281-7668, if anyone wants to make that the new 867-5309). So the entire previous discussion was relevant. Sort of.

Seriously, if I could time-travel, I would go to the Cathouse. Taime on starting the Cathouse: "We needed a place where we could meet strippers." Riki (nee Rikki) on the clientele: "A lot of blonde girls come here, a lot of girls who look like they come out of Russ Meyer's films." (Side note: I knew of Faster Pussycat as a band way before I knew of Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!. Sigh, learning the reference without knowing the referent.)

I know this isn't the video either, but their interview segment in Decline II is great. Why are so many of their songs about sex? "Because Taime's a sexual monster." No really, why are they so obsessed with sex? "We used to be obsessed with money but we had to give up on that." Do they do drugs? Faster Pussycat say no -- umm, lying. "Alcohol, aspirin, Advil" are all they'll cop to. Are they in this for the long run? "I'm just doing this until I can be a manager at McDonald's or something." So okay, it's not all lies.

Even better, they follow it with a segment with Steven Tyler (with an adorable Jane Fonda shag) and Joe Perry talking about how they ripped off the New York Dolls' look, and then how everyone else ripped off their look. Weirdly, Joe seems way more pissed about other people tying scarves around their mics than Steve does. Taime claims he does it because he needs a place to blow his nose, but it sounds like later she paints him into a corner about it and Taime does thank Steven Tyler.

Anyway it's okay, because not the most happens in this video -- it's mostly grainy black and white footage of the band performing the song. We also get "behind the scenes" stuff of them hanging out in LA, which rules. Seriously, if someone had made a "Day in the Life of Faster Pussycat" documentary around that time, I'd totally watch that too. Oh man, I'm getting really distracted right now watching Decline II. It's so good! Can they please do some kind of anniversary DVD of it with like a zillion hours of out-takes? Can they do a really long where-are-they-now special?