Skid Row, "I Remember You"

Youth Gone Mild
THE VIDEO Skid Row, "I Remember You," Skid Row, 1989, Atlantic

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SAMPLE LYRIC " Rememberr yesterday! / walkin' hand in hay-and / lovelettersinthesay-ay-and / I remember you / Through all the sleepless nights / through ev'ry endless day-ay-ay / I wanna hear you say-ay-ay / I ree-eee-member you-ouuuuu"

THE VERDICT I had to end Power Ballads Month with a bang, and while you might think this would call for Bang Tango, in the end I went for Skid Row. Yes, in spite of all the hard rocking singles like "Youth Gone Wild," in spite of the bottle-throwing and offensive t-shirt wearing, in spite of even the utterly hawt gold leather pants Bas wore on the cover of Rolling Stone's late-to-the-party metal issue, "I Remember You" is arguably the reason most people still remember Skid Row. Well that, and Sebastian Bach's shameless self-promotion all over Vh-1, or maybe Rob Affuso's wedding band, but I feel like those are more niche. "I Remember You," in all of it's powerful balladry, casts a much wider net.

Well, blogging about this video has solved one mystery for me: The third line of the chorus is apparently "love letters in the sand." I had always found this mostly unintelligible, and unscrambled it as "la-la-laaahh feel the say-ay-ame." I guess "love letters in the sand" makes more sense, but good lord is it cheesy. I mean, Sebastian's over-the-top vocal -- particularly when he goes into full-on power scream, e.g., "whoa my darlin' / I LUHHH-UUUUUUUUUVE YOUUUUUUU!" -- already meant this song was dead cheesy. But I had always thought, given the other parts that I really liked (such as "we spent the summer with the top rolled down / wished ever after would be like thi-is"), a slightly more subdued vocal might make it a truly great song. "Love letters in the sand" though... serious cheese factor.

But what about the video? It's a total tearjerker!! Or at least, it aspires to tearjerkiness. For about half of the video, we're in grainy black and white, and following around a homeless man. He's walking around what I would guess is New York's Lower East Side -- there are a bunch of shots that look like Tompkins Square Park, and though it's hard to be sure, a couple buildings that look like Alphabet City to me. Also at one point he steps on a Con-Ed labeled manhole cover, which seemed like a detail not worth the trouble of recreating on a Southern California soundstage, hence my guess that it's really New York.



What else tells us this? Well, since this is a love song -- and god forbid anyone think the big, bad, metal men are all lovey-dovey -- we never actually see this man and the band in the same space at the same time. Skid Row (who are shot in color) are playing in a large, open warehouse-y space. The only time we see the man in color is when he peeks in at them through a broken window, a la the bum in Britny Fox's "Long Way to Love."

Mostly though, we just see him walking around, as well as shots of buildings, trash, homeless encampments, etc. As he walks, the man keeps looking through a bunch of photos that show a cleaner-shaven, middle-class-looking version of himself cuddling up with an Andie MacDowell-looking lady. He's still wearing a wedding ring, but we're meant to assume via his clearly changed circumstances and the song's lyrics that she's not in the picture anymore. Oh gosh, sorry, that came out as a bad pun, didn't it.

When I was younger I always just assumed they'd broken up, but thinking about it now -- omg she's dead. All their money got spent paying for hideous cancer treatments that only made her sicker, and now she's dead and gone, and he's lost the house and his job and all the vestiges of their former life together!! Sobbb!!! But okay see, this is just me reading into the video. We don't see it (except for possibly the one shot where he appears to look at tombstones lined up in an alley). This is why I say this video heads for tearjerker territory, but I don't know that it takes us all the way there. We'll have to use our imaginations, as I just have, thus making myself totally depressed!



Most of the band footage consists of close-ups of Sebastian's quivering lips as he strings out the high notes. But I do love how both Snake Sabo and Rachel Bolan (one of my all-time favorite stage names) are singing along in every shot they make it into! In general I love this, as it's usually a tip-off as to who in the band wrote the song (ever notice how Steve Harris is singing in pretty much every Iron Maiden video?), which in this case again it is. Even questionable facial piercings and dye jobs can't keep down these boys' adorableness in this video.

I know, I know -- everyone's supposed to love Bas most, right? I mean as noted above, this video is really where they figure out the "light Sebastian to show off his highlights and cheekbones" formula. And I'll admit I love his hair, but more in a "I so want my hair to look like that way" and less in a "his hair looks hot on him" way. Part of this is probably knowing that, much like his fellow blond frontmen Bret Michaels and Jani Lane, he seriously succumbs to face bloat in midlife. But for me, even at the time, he was too cutesy. All his homophobic rantings and other failed attempts at bad-assery don't change the fact that the man has a button nose.

Regardless of Bas' well-documented annoying-ness, this song's hugeness circa 1989-1990 is undeniable for almost anyone who lived through the period. And apparently it still holds up for people -- just look at all the versions with misread lyrics ("soothing sound of pouring rain") on YouTube. The real question is, if you hire Rob Affuso's wedding band, will they play it at your reception?

Great White, "Save Your Love"

Passing the Savings On to You

THE VIDEO Great White, "Save Your Love," Once Bitten..., 1987, Capitol

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SAMPLE LYRIC "Save all your love / save your love / for me! / when I'm aloooone at night / you're all / I see-eeee!"

THE VERDICTLet's face it: Ever since 2003, pretty much no one is going to think of Great White as anything but the band whose ill-advised indoor pyro resulted in the horrific deaths of a hundred people. But, if we can think back before then, we can recall Great White as a band that -- following a self-titled album that was a true masterpiece of sleazy rock -- decided to stake their claim in the kingdom of the power ballad. Much as I might like to ignore them, there's just no getting around Great White in the power ballad department. If nothing else, plumbing the depths of their faux sincerity may help us learn how it was that, from every anecdote I've ever heard, a guy as icky as Jack Russell could get so much ass.

I've chosen "Save Your Love" because of the numerous Great White ballads that are out there, this is the only one where I'm consistently like, "you know what? This is a pretty good song." Even though the sentiment is a little weird -- we're both dating other people, but hold out for me, which sounds like a good excuse for a guy to string along two women at once (or vice versa, I suppose) -- I really like the instrumentation, particularly the guitar at the beginning. The vocal is a bit underwhelming, but you feel like maybe a stronger vocalist could do this song justice. I also especially enjoy the bit at the end where the voice and guitar keep cutting themselves and each other off, giving it sort of a layered sound.



As for the video: Well, Great White may have been known for their power ballads, but they were never known for their videos. So what's going on here? Well, I guess to play up the sort of classical guitar sound in this song, the lads are playing it all sitting around in some kind of music storeroom, with all kinds of instruments -- pianos, cellos, drums, etc. -- for whatever reason suspended in the air around them. They're hanging from chains, so that makes it a little bit more metal, as does the fact that Audie Desbrow has a gong suspended behind him. But then you see Michael Lardie playing a guitar harp (a guitarp?) and it gets, you know, a little less metal.

Great White -- or maybe just Jack Russell -- must've had a thing for straight-haired blondes, because the girls in all their videos look like the same girl. With the exception of the girl in "Rock Me," who's also on the album cover of Once Bitten..., they aren't ever actually the same girl. Anyway, here we've got the usual sort of Bobbie Brown-looking gal (though for some reason she's giving me a Stacey from the Baby-sitters' Club vibe), wearing a hooded black cape, a black blouse, a high-waisted black leather skirt, sheer black tights, and I think strappy sandals.

Honestly, in a way she looks downright glamorous (even with wet hair!), particularly when compared to Jack Russell's ensemble. He's wearing a sleeveless denim jacket over a pouffy pirate shirt, and what may or may not be chaps. Definitely some sort of embellished black leather pant. As per usual, he's thrown on wayyy too much silver and turquoise jewelry. You know, I think actually he's the one dressed like a member of the Baby-sitters' Club. And he does sort of have Stacey's hair, so... you be the judge.



Oh goodness, as if we didn't get enough of this with Whitesnake, now this girl's face is being reflected in water too. Somehow this is one power ballad cliche the Crue missed! Anyway, she's walking around touching the instruments in the same space as the band, though we see she's not there at the same time as the band.

And things are getting more intense. The girl is standing behind a rainy window, it's raining indoors, and next thing you know Mark Kendall and Tony Montana are standing up and rocking out. In a truly bizarre turn of events, the girl's clothes magically change (into a sort of long white nightgown thing) as she walks past a brass bed strewn with red rose petals. We get an overhead shot of her jumping onto the bed. And oooh, it's a sensual time there on the bed. We get shots of the girl making sexy faces, rolling around and caressing the rose petals, juxtaposed with Mark just playing the sh-t out of his guitar. Yeah, that's sexy. Mm, I'm realizing belatedly it may be hard to hear a sarcastic tone of voice when I'm, you know, just typing. Crap.

Anyway, next thing you know, she's disappeared. Jack tries to reach for her, but it's just her reflection in water. And now she's back to her all-black outfit and walking away from the bed, which may or may not also be covered in barbed wire. Huh? Next thing we know, she's put the cloak back on and dissolved into thin air.

So long story short, is this love? Umm, not sure. But I think I'm going to have to save all my love (or at least the bulk of it) for the next video. I need to come up with something that puts the pow! back in power ballads.

Whitesnake, "Is This Love?"

I'm Feeling Very Tawny

THE VIDEO Whitesnake, "Is This Love?" Whitesnake, 1987, EMI

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SAMPLE LYRIC "Is this love that I'm feelin'? / Is this the looove, that I've been searchin' for-or? / Is this love, or am I dreami-iii-in'? / This must be love, 'cause it's really got a hold on mee-eeee / a hold on meeee"

THE VERDICT This isn't my favorite Whitesnake song, but it's Power Ballads Month, so I can't exactly blog about "Slow An' Easy" or "Give Me All Your Love." I do have a particular affinity for it though, as if nothing else, it always makes me think of my cat, Pudge. I have a habit of working my pets' names into songs and singing to them, and given that "Pudge" rhymes with "Love" she bears the brunt of this. Besides, lyrics like "Is this Pudge? That I'm feelin' / Is this the Pudge? That I've been searchin' for" crack me up. So even though this isn't my most favorite Whitesnake song (I've always taken issue with its inclusion on Monster Ballads), here we are, 'cause it's Power Ballads Month.

And this song has a pretty damn enjoyable video. I love it when heavy metal guys invite their real girlfriends to "act" in their videos -- yes, much like having your relationship or marriage showcased in a reality show, it's pretty much the death knell for your relationship, but it gets around the usual "they aren't paying me enough to do that" awkwardness, as the real-life girlfriends are willing to be a lot more demonstrative. Or something.

The video opens with the inimitable Tawny Kitaen in her exposed-brick apartment, hastily packing a few unmentionables while wearing a teensy white dress that may or may not have a super high-waisted 80s thong built into it. David Coverdale -- looking very Sonny Crockett in an unstructured suit with a low-cut tee under it -- basically just watches all this happen. Their initial interaction basically sets the tone for the entire video: Tawny acting all spastic and jumpy, and Coverdale acting tired and resigned. Is this love? I guess?



Everyone in Whitesnake -- and Tawny -- appear to be playing in some kind of vague, dry ice-filled area, with each musician or band member's girlfriend standing atop a kind of horizontal structure. Basically, imagine if Stonehenge fell over, someone dropped a bunch of dry ice there, and everyone in Whitesnake came and stood on it, swaying their hips while playing this song, and you've got it. It's actually a really similar set to the one used in Dio's "I Could Have Been a Dreamer" and W.A.S.P.'s "I Wanna Be Somebody," if you can believe it. On a semi-related note, the humidity seems to be doing a number on everyone's hair.

Tawny next does something that seems totally natural. She drops her trunk in the hallway and balances on top of it in a sexy pose. That's how I usual relieve my frustration. Per my comments before, Coverdale just stands in the hallway staring.

Next we get one of my favorite parts of this video. A flashback! Yes, to the good old days when she would give him a lap dance in their super-80s loft apartment. Look out though David, as when this cuts back and forth, it appears the dry ice is filling the hallway as well -- are they sure it isn't some kind of gas leak? After all, whenever we cut back to them playing the song, everyone seems pretty subdued. It's pretty dim so it's hard to see if Adrian Vandenberg is making his usual guitar face, but based on his other movements I'd have to say the answer is a shocking no.

Coverdale's just laying on the bed, so between that, the nearly catatonic band members, and this sludgefest of a song, it's up to Tawny to carry the whole thing. And she tries very, very hard, tossing around her gigantic mane of hair (seriously, it looks like it's 1/4 of her body weight!), making furious sexy faces at the camera, and getting jiggy with the stairwell railing. I really love how content she is to dance around the bed without getting anywhere near David Coverdale. Even when he reaches out to touch her, you get this sort of "you need to pay extra for that" feeling. Is this love? Umm, doesn't seem like it so far.

Unless, that is, you count the director's love for David Coverdale. They seem to have been so enamored of doing a quick-zoom on Coverdale standing in the hallways that they've felt the need to repeat it at least five times so far. If I were anyone else in the band, I'd be like, "so let's see, you've shown me in silhouette a few times and my face in shadow once, but we've now done a quick-zoom toward David five times?!?" And as I finish typing, they go in for a sixth quick-zoom.



We also keep getting these shots of everyone reflected in water, with a foggy background. In these, Tawny appears to be wearing David's blazer. Does the water signify that this isn't what's really happening? Possibly yes, as she's letting David kiss her. Did I neglect to mention that Tawny has changed into an equally tiny silky black dress? Well, she has. Nothing else has really changed though.

The guitar solo kicks things up a little bit. We actually get to see the rest of the band's faces, and they move around a bit more. At least reflected in the water, David and Tawny seem reasonably realistically affectionate toward each other. And as it wraps up -- look! -- after a few failed attempts, Coverdale finally gets Tawny onto the bed with him. Is this love? Ewww, the leering David out in the hall seems to think so.

Now Tawny's outside, and between the weird loft they live in and all the steam on the street outside, it appears they live near Vince Neil's place in "Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)." She's put on a truly ridiculously proportioned white 80s coat, and in spite of all the sexy faces she was making at the camera a minute ago, she now appears determined to get out of there.

Frustrated, Tawny throws her trunk away, and as she's reaching her car (yes, it's one of the Jaguars from "Here I Go Again"), David Coverdale freakin' jumps out from the shadows, grabs her, and begins yelling at her and shaking her! Next thing you know, he has her laid out on the hood of the Jag and is kissing her neck. Is this love? Gosh, I sure hope not.

P.S. And I can't Kitaen myself! I swear, this is something Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell says at some point, but for the life of me I can't locate the source of this quote. Suffice to say the next words out of his mouth are likely "schwing!"

Mötley Crüe, "Home Sweet Home"

Defining Moments

THE VIDEO Mötley Crüe, "Home Sweet Home," Theatre of Pain, 1985, Elektra

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SAMPLE LYRIC "I'm on my wayyy-ayyy-ayyy, I'm on my wayyy-ayyy-ayyyyy / home swee-eeet home / ta-night, ta-night! I'm on my wayyy-ayyy, just set me freee-eeee / home sweeeeet home"

THE VERDICT I have decided, for reasons all my own, and in spite of the fact that February probably would have made more sense, that March will be Power Ballads Month over here at Heavy Metal Videos. Many guitar-oriented rock bands have written and performed power ballads, but never before or since has their been such powerful balladry as during hair metal's heyday. As such, all this month's posts will be power ballads. So get out your lighters! Find a make-out partner! It's Power Ballad Month!

I've chosen Mötley Crüe's "Home Sweet Home" as my opener for a couple of reasons. First, in spite of songs such as, I don't know, "Still Loving You" (1984), "Bringin' on the Heartbreak" (1981), or going even further back, "Stairway to Heaven" (1971), I have in more than one instance heard Vince Neil claim that the Crüe invented the power ballad with this song. As per the previously introduced evidence (as well as much more), they didn't.

However, what the Crüe arguably did invent with "Home Sweet Home" was the power ballad video. In many ways, this video introduces nearly all of the conventions that will be hallmarks of so many power ballad videos to come, from "Wanted Dead or Alive" to "Love Song," and so many in between. Not all power ballad videos include these visual tropes (as we shall see this month), but the Crüe really do concoct so many of them right here in this video. There's a very good reason that any Vh-1 metal montage includes copious footage from "Home Sweet Home." Actually, there are ten very good reasons, as we shall see below.

Admittedly, it's not all soon-to-be cliches. The Crüe put some elements into this video that are very specific to them, and in particular, specific to Theatre of Pain. They include a humorous intro featuring Michael Berryman from The Hills Have Eyes, who also appears in the (also funny) video for "Smokin' in the Boys' Room." He approaches each band member letting them know they have a phone call, to which each responds "I'm on my way." Vince is at the beach, Mick Mars is in some kind of dungeon (which if you've read The Dirt you'll agree may well be his house), Nikki Sixx is in some kind of costume-oriented jazz bar, and Tommy Lee is throwing some kind of retro-theme party. Once this sequence ends and the video begins, however, it's video genre-defining moment after video-genre defining moment.



Power Ballad Video Cliche #1: The Tour Bus Ah, life on the road. Showing the tour bus emphasizes that the band is spending much of their time isolated and traveling around the country. They really are going to need some special ladies to help them feel more at home at the next Best Western! Speeding up the footage emphasizes the repetitiveness of touring.

Interestingly -- because they don't really travel on a bus? Because they do, and it's beyond filthy? -- we don't actually see the Crüe inside the bus, which is a surprise. Many subsequent bands will add to this cliche the cliches of footage of the lead singer leaning against the window and looking pensive and footage of various band members sleeping while wearing sunglasses.

Power Ballad Video Cliche #2: Setting Up for the Show Also shown with sped-up footage, setting up for the show is a key element, literally "setting the stage" for the video. We get to see fans entering the arena, a band-theme backdrop being hoisted, lights going up, roadies dragging stuff around, and so on. Speeding it up not only makes it go faster, it also makes all the people look like ants, possibly emphasizing the hugeness of the band.

Power Ballad Video Cliche #3: Goofing Off Backstage Aww, see girls? They're totally nice guys! Showing the band backstage emphasizes that they are normal, down-to-earth, and that rock stardom hasn't gone to their heads. They make jokes with each other, eat food, and so on.

The Crüe again don't take this one as far as other bands do -- while they are shown before the show, we don't see the usually inevitable shots of the band sitting around looking exhausted in bathrobes after, or spraying each other with beer and/or grooming products. However, since it is the Crüe, we do see Vince Neil kissing pinup posters set up backstage.

A related cliche (3A?) is the First-Person Camera -- in behind-the-scenes footage, band members will look straight at the camera, react to it, etc. In this case, Tommy Lee gestures to the camera to follow him out onto the stage.



Power Ballad Video Cliche #4: Mood Lighting What would the power ballad be without mood lighting? You need to let the audience know that you're going to slow things down a little, so it's a good time to get out the lighters (a key element of mood lighting) and start groping your date, your friend, or whomever has passed out next to you. A blue gel over a spotlight will do wonders for your lead singer! It will also help anyone who has a music video blog twenty-odd years later to identify what footage in your video is of you actually performing this song.

Power Ballad Video Cliche #5: Footage of Band Sweatin' and Rockin' As referenced above, much concert footage in power ballad videos tends to be of the band performing songs that are clearly not ballads. Sometimes we know this from an inadvertent shot of a teleprompter or clearly read lips, but mostly we know this from all of the guitar swinging, over-emotive facial expressions, jumping around, thrashing about, and sweating.

Why all the footage that's not of this song? Because remember folks, no matter how many make claims that power ballads were written solely to gain a female audience, a genre of music this invested in masculinity has not forgotten about the guys. It's a little reminder -- we may not be rockin' right at this moment, but it's just because we need a break from all that rockin' we're doing the rest of the time. Plus the contrast with the slower music makes it look like you're rocking all the harder!

Power Ballad Video Cliche #6: Women Get On the Stage Not only does this showcase the irresistibility of your lead singer, it's also a handy technique for getting women backstage. Because really, where do you think those roadies are carrying them off to? You think they're being tossed out of the arena? Um no. I mean think about it. How'd they get onstage in the first place? Those giant security guards really couldn't contain a pair of 110-pound women? Hopefully the band got security something as a thank-you gift.



Power Ballad Video Cliche #7: Band Members React to Sexy Fans Nothing says you care about your fans like editing together some footage to make it appear that band members are reacting to specific things fans do. Yes, the Crüe does it quite a bit raunchier than most bands, but they're the Crüe. In this case, footage of Nikki Sixx making a come-hither gesture is implicated in causing the lifting of a female fan's one-shoulder, snake-print top (her arms are straight up in the air, so she's not as implicated here). Oh wait, except for the fact that Vh-1 uses this particular shot in every show they do that's even tangentially related to metal, the 80s, or women, so this gal's concert flashing has been immortalized. The Crüe add an extra twist to this by following that with what appears (via the magic of editing) to be a reaction from Tommy.

Power Ballad Video Cliche #8: Wholesome Fans Sing Along It's not all flashing and lascivious tongue gestures out there in the audience. No power ballad video is complete without footage of utterly wholesome-looking female fans (think 15ish-years-old, applied eyeliner in arena bathroom just before show, mom picking up after) singing along with the song's chorus. "Home Sweet Home" establishes this as an integral shot in the power ballad video arsenal.

Power Ballad Video Cliche #9: Male Fans Scream If you're a guy, how are you going to get yourself into a power ballad video? Screaming, screaming, and more screaming. As this video proves, particularly during the most frenetic part of the guitar solo, it is important to have a shot of a male fan who appears to be engaging in some kind of deep, primal scream. You want a guy who looks like he's about to turn into the Hulk, so intensely moved is he by the intensity of the guitar solo.



Power Ballad Video Cliche #10: The Big Finale Thanks no doubt in large part to "Home Sweet Home," power ballad videos tend to be strikingly similar in their conclusions. Pyro! Particularly sparks falling from the ceiling. Shot in black and white, gosh, they almost look moody (we don't see this here since they're in color, but this is a favorite shot in Bon Jovi videos). The band members all put their arms around each other and bow -- this is always shot from behind, so we can see the gratitude of the crowd. And last, we get a reprisal of the lead singer bathed in blue light, and all the lighter action. Since in case you forgot, this is a power ballad.

If you want to see the progeny of this video, it's out there in spades. Even though power ballad videos would go on to branch out in more narrative-oriented directions, the "life on the road is so tough"-slash-"we rock so hard" power ballad video originated here really has some serious legs. Just look at "I Won't Forget You." Or "When the Children Cry." Or "Living on a Prayer." Or "Alone Again." Or fill-in-the-blank-with-your-own-favorite-power-ballad-video.

P.S.: As I noted a while ago on Twitter, for the record I wrote this post before seeing Hot Tub Time Machine. (I know, kind of obvious since it's not in theaters yet, but full disclosure: I saw a preview screening a week ago.) I write the posts several weeks ahead, so everything except this little post-script I wrote back in January. Anyway though -- the main reason I bring this up is because if you liked this post, hell, if you read this post, there's very good chance you will like this movie. Or at least, even if you aren't feeling the whole thing, there are some parts of it you will frickin' love. I promise.