Krokus, "Our Love"

Spring Has Sprung, And So Has Marc Storace

THE VIDEO Krokus, "Our Love," The Blitz, 1984, Spitfire Records

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SAMPLE LYRIC "Owww-owwww-our / our love will never die / (nev-errrr die) / don't know why-yyyyyy-yyyyyy / it's a feelin' / in-siiiiiii-iiiiide"

THE VERDICT I was originally thinking hey, it's spring -- trees are budding, flowers are blooming -- and what better symbol of spring than the humble crocus? Or in this case, the hubris-filled Krokus. But in retrospect, what was I thinking? Good god is this a horrible video. Honestly, I feel like I need to go use one of those eyewash stations that they put in labs every time I watch it. The song is actually probably one of Krokus' better ones -- or okay, at least it's not a cover -- and still it's pretty brutal. But it's really the video's constant barrage of things I never wanted or needed to see that gets me every time.

It's a pretty narrative-heavy video -- and not just because Marc Storace literally sings almost every single lyric straight into the face of the woman in the video, as if this were a musical and he was singing dialogue. The video begins with Krokus' tour bus (bedecked in Christmas lights), a few vague concert shots, and a woman peeking out from behind some blinds. She looks pretty smug about the return of the Krokus bus.

Next comes a bizarre shot that's repeated a bunch of times, makes no sense, and never needed to happen: Storace and the woman are lying in bed, with the woman closer to us and the camera very close, almost from the point of view of her shoulder. She either starts laughing, crying, or gets very suddenly aroused, arching her back and making a weird face, and this causes Storace to sit up in concern. What the heck is going on there? They show it like three times in the video, so you'd think it'd be clearer.

The whole beginning actually is mostly these weird atmospheric shots foreshadowing crap we'll have to sit through in full later -- Storace walking in a dark alley, Storace and the woman in a red convertible, blurry concert footage, etc.



Once Storace has unlocked the door, it gets a lot more straightforward, as he starts singing all the lyrics at the woman as if they're having a conversation. Ugh this dude is lame. Cut the lectures already! Since she doesn't have any "lines" in the song, all she gets to do is blow smoke at him. It keeps cutting to shots of them in bed, and of him kissing her neck, which are making me -- let's just say I should have made a reaction video of me watching this video, and that I hope my face doesn't get stuck that way.

Now their argument has moved to in front of what appears to be some kind of neon shelving housing tons of VCRs and cassette decks. Honestly, who knows what it is except for something a set designer on a music video in 1984 would have thought looked super rad.

Speaking of things that seemed like a cool idea in the 80s, different frames keep being cut into what's being shown on the screen in stripes. I'll take whatever as long as it gets Storace off my screen for even a second! More than a minute in and all it is is him singing at the camera. How is it even possible that he simultaneously has a mullet and a rat tail?! It's like someone shaved down John Oates and the lead singer from REO Speedwagon, and made some kind of weird curly Davy Crockett hat out of the results.

Oh god, now they're rolling around in bed together. Thank god she's on top so we don't have to see Storace. Why the camera appears to be filming them through a chain link fence (on their ceiling?) is a total mystery. Gahhh now he's rolling onto the top! Please let this scene end soon.

Nooo!! No!! The last scene ended, but now it has cut to Storace SHAVING. This is far atop my list of things in this video I never needed to see. He spots something behind him -- it's the woman in the shower. And damn, for a music video, she looks pretty naked. Storace seems super surprised by this. Ughh, and then we get an eyeful of his gross hair.

Somehow a shot of a hand gripping a bed sheet transitions us to the woman in the same bathroom, putting on lipstick. Over her shoulder, we see what appears to be Storace and the woman together in the shower, but when we see a shot of just the shower, he's on his own. And thank heaven for small mercies -- he is wearing briefs in the shower.



Then more boring sexy time stuff -- she's smoking while they're lying in bed, she's putting her hand over his while he works the gearshift in the car (ew). Storace seems super-frustrated all of the sudden, and boom, next thing you know he's singing at her again, this time in the car. And then it turns into a montage of all their arguments thus far. Snoozeville.

No! No! Nooo!! They're going at it again. Oh god, and she's running her hands through his carpet of chest hair. Ew, ew, ew. All I can say for this sequence is because they keep fading and layering the shots on top of each other, it's not super-easy to tell what's going on. A shot of her butt fades into that weird shot from the beginning -- are we meant to believe she's having an orgasm just from laying in bed next to Storace?! I can't even begin on what's wrong with that picture.

With the guitar solo, someone involved with this video suddenly remembers -- Krokus is a band. So not only do we get to see them in fake-concert, we get to see other band members. Well, really we only get to see Fernando Von Arb. Everyone else pops up, if they do at all, in still images layered in stripes across the screen.

But before we know it, we're back in the car. Images of just the woman's face keep flashing on the screen for like a single frame, breaking up most of what we're seeing, which is just Storace and the woman sitting in the convertible. Then we're with Krokus in concert, but again really only showing Storace and Von Arb.

The video ends back in the car, with the woman popping her head up suddenly, and Storace breaking the fourth wall to make a shocked face at the camera. Seriously, a blowjob joke? You put me through that entire horrible video, and that's the payoff? Oooh-weee Krokus. You needed to think before you made these horrible, horrible videos. Bokay?

KISS, "Who Wants to Be Lonely?"

The Rock 'N' Wrestling Connection

THE VIDEO KISS, "Who Wants to Be Lonely?" Asylum, 1985, Mercury/Polygram

Click here to watch this video NOW

SAMPLE LYRIC "Who wants to be loh-own-lay / who wants to be with you tonight / oh-oh-oh-OH-oh, oh-oh-oh-OH-oh"

THE VERDICT So why on earth am I devoting an entire post to this WTF-fest of a video? I mean, the entire first 45 seconds consists of nothing but Paul Stanley in an incredibly ridiculous neon, sparkly trenchcoat and fringed hot-pink gloves walking down some kind of industrial hallway (maybe a boiler room? There's steam and fire). Literally. There's nothing else. This is KISS without makeup in the sense that they aren't wearing their signature black-and-white facepaint, but it is KISS with makeup in the sense that they sure have put on a lot of eyeshadow.

And then when it gets going, it only gets weirder. KISS appear to be playing in some kind of industrial women's bathroom (think white tile, weird pipes and valves everywhere) that in addition to featuring many leather-clad ladies also has the dancing fountains from the Bellagio. The question for the women is less "who wants to be lonely?" and more "who wants to get hosed down by Paul and Gene?" Because all these video babes -- dressed sort of like female, skin-baring versions of Rob Halford -- are standing under individual showerheads and/or being sprayed with water from off-camera. Water, water everywhere, but not a plot to speak of.

What else happens? Paul takes off his shirt, of course. We find out the dark area separating Eric Carr from the rest of the band is a swimming pool. One of the women falls into the pool, and another gets all sexy with a big valve wheel. Many, many shots of the various ladies dancing beneath their showerheads. Many of those are from a low angle and basically just show legs and butts, though to be fair, we also get a lot of crotch shots of KISS. We see lots of Paul and Gene singing together, and very few shots of Eric or Bruce Kulick.



More random occurrences: A woman in some kind of black leather apron getting spooled out from a long swath of white fabric. Paul doesn't even pretend to play his guitar. Bruce rises out of the swimming pool during the solo. And one of the women dances her way out of a wall of cellophane. For the finale, a shirtless Paul gets cleaned off by some of the ladies before returning to the hallway from the beginning of the video, which is now on fire.

I could describe this video in three letters -- WTF. But I could also describe it using three other letters -- WWF. Or I suppose technically by law now I have to say WWE, but really I still use both interchangeably (and often just refer to it as WW). Why do I say this? Many reasons. And not just because I am kind of obsessed with professional wrestling, and sort of have been since I was about seven (sort of goes well with the metal, no?).

First, the weird boiler room/hallway thing Paul is in at the beginning of this video has always instantly made me think of No Holds Barred, the crappy Hulk Hogan vehicle. Click on that link and watch the trailer -- Zeus is totally in that same weird hallway as Paul Stanley!

Second, just look at what Paul is wearing (or really any of the members of KISS, since they all are wearing variations on the same outfit). A long, glittery, multi-colored coat over either a) a bare chest or b) a super low-cut shirt, with colorful spandex pants and boots. Paul even goes so far as to top off his look with a wide gold belt. Um, who does this sound like?! How about any wrestler ever!??! Or okay, fine, any wrestler in the 80s (though it also sounds like Gorgeous George, so).



Seriously, there's a long line of spangly coats worn by wrestlers that goes from the Ric Flairs of yesteryear to the John Morrisons of today. I would say with all the neon, sparkles, and chest hair, for me Paul is most reminiscent of the Macho Man, Randy Savage. And it's a symbiotic relationship too, as you can draw a straight line from metal costumery to the type of ringwear favored by the Rockers, the Rock 'N' Roll Express, or even folks like the Road Warriors/the Legion of Doom, and the Ultimate Warrior (though in the latter cases I think the Mad Max movies are the confounding variable).

Third, all of the pointless decorative women. I know, I know -- it's a feature of like every metal video circa 1985. But pro wrestling also has a long history of pointless decorative women -- the valets, from Miss Elizabeth to Sherri and everyone else in between. Yes, these days the women actually do get to wrestle a bit more (not just in women-only franchises like GLOW but also on the main nationally televised wrestling programs), but nine times of ten its in something ridiculous like a "Red Carpet Dress to Impress" match, a "Baywatch" match, a "Divas Pajama Pillowfight" match, or something else to render them relatively decorative and pointless as compared to the men.

Fourth, all of the crotch shots. I can't explain it, but no matter how many cameras they have covering a pro wrestling match, they always will manage to cut to the one that is positioned directly between the legs of whomever is in a submission hold, getting pinned, or is otherwise just laying all splayed out in the ring. Honestly, it's kind of weird. I mean sometimes it's someone like Randy Orton, so it's okay, but other times, like when it's Sheamus, I just don't need to see all that.

Long story short, I can't completely hate this video -- much as I do -- because it reminds me of one of my other favorite things. Professional wrestling! The two really go together. Wrestling theme songs are some of the only places I can still dig up songs that actually sound a lot like lyrical metal -- for example, Christian's current theme or even Dolph Ziggler's music. Just imagine those being done by Warrant and Winger! Oh, I die. I mean, imagine if the Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection had really gotten going -- it's got to be a similar demographic, right? So why can't TNA get Poison to perform at one of their pay-per-views?

P.S.: Because a picture is worth a thousand words, peep the side-by-side comparison:

W.A.S.P., "I Wanna Be Somebody"

Tell Me Whatcha Want, What You Really Really Want

THE VIDEO W.A.S.P., "I Wanna Be Somebody," W.A.S.P., 1984, Capitol

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Ohhhhhhh / I jest got ta beeee / up hii-iiiiigh where the whole world's watchin' meeee / 'cause I / I got the guts to be somebody / I! / wanna be somebody, be somebody soon / I wanna be somebody, be somebody SOON!"

THE VERDICT There are so many awesome things going on in this video I don't know where to start. I know, haters will always hear the title for this song and say something along the lines of, "well, I see that didn't happen," but for me W.A.S.P. are total freakin' rock stars in this video. Minus women in bondage, it's basically every element of W.A.S.P. distilled into one video. Oh and plus a skeleton hand opening the door that for some reason W.A.S.P. is playing right behind.

Let's begin with the outfits, because even if W.A.S.P. has in my opinion an amazing sound, their look is what really hits you over the head. Seriously, if this album came out now, they'd be opening for Lady GaGa. Blackie Lawless has his crazy white streaks in his hair, his circular saw cuffs, and ridiculously high-heeled boots on. Randy Piper is also in heeled boots which are thigh-high, and attached to some kind of leather panty by full-size chains. I mean really W.A.S.P. Really. You have out-KISSed KISS with that one.

Chris Holmes is dressed the most normally (all black leather, chains across chest), and honestly we don't see drummer Tony Richards stand up really at all in this video so I don't know what he's wearing (except a lot of eyeliner). But whatever, Blackie and Randy's outfits are more than enough for me.



Now we move on to the set, which is vaguely similar to the arrangement they have going on their album cover. The guitarists are all arrayed on these long platforms, with torches set up in between them and dry ice smoke everywhere. At various points they jump from platform to platform. Blackie in particular really gets some serious vertical, which is impressive given that he's a quite tall man who is also wearing quite tall heels.

They all also straddle multiple platforms at various times, which is awesome. I feel like W.A.S.P. spend a lot of time figuring out how they'll look cool standing. I mean when Blackie gets up on the middle platform with his legs splayed and knees bent, he really looks like some kind of bad ass demon. Somehow the high heels give the impression of him being a satyr (i.e. having goat legs).

When they aren't on set, we get these little sequences that imply W.A.S.P. (or at least the better-known members there of) lead an awesome, rock star lifestyle (remember, this is a few years before Decline II came out, so we can just ignore the whole dark side of that for now). Chris Holmes is seen standing astride several bikers' Harleys, pouring beer into his mouth, and spitting it out everywhere.

Blackie gets an even cooler sequence, acting out the "I want shiny cars / and dirty mon-ay" lyrics (though this part of the video is especially hard to see). He's in the back of a limo with a bunch of blonde women, who are all throwing piles of money around. Blackie (who I should also mention is wearing giant 70s-style sunglasses) swigs from a bottle of champage and also spits it out everywhere. And people think "Space Lord" was the first metal video to showcase living large!



The video also features a getting-to-know-you sequence at the end, which I love. We see photos of each band member float toward the camera. Interestingly, they let guitarist Chris go last -- I feel like every other one of these I can think of, the lead singer gets to go last.

W.A.S.P. finish off the video with complete awesomeness (and also elements of their stage show). Blackie lights the ring around the W.A.S.P. logo on fire, and then proceeds to headbang in just a perfect, textbook circle. Honestly, it's got to kill his neck, but it looks unbelievably great. He then finishes things off by lifting a skull above his head, and then dumping a bunch of blood from it onto his face (and into his open mouth). It really doesn't get much more badass than this.

My one complaint? Seriously, I don't know what is going on with the camera in this video. At some points, the band appears to be being filmed through chicken wire; at other times, a fishnet stocking. Sometimes it reminds me of those little looking glasses they sell at museum shops where you can see how insects see, with like all those tiny little facets of glass. Honestly since it's W.A.S.P., part of me is like "Chris Holmes probably threw a beer at the camera, and they didn't bother to clean it off, knowing he'd just throw another one." But honestly, the camera's not helping the legibility of this video (which it's im-frickin'-possible to find a decent copy of anywhere).

But getting back to the good stuff, let me also mention this is a great song. Yes, I do feel like they kind of just reworked the guitar solo in this song for "Wild Child," but whatever, that's also a great song. I just realized in retrospect this is my second week in a row doing an inspirational song -- okay, this song isn't inspirational per se, but it is certainly aspirational. I mean, I do wanna be somebody, be somebody soon. I mean I guess I don't want the "nine to five" but in a technical sense my dissertation will likely work my "fingers to the bone," so I don't know. All I do know is Blackie Lawless + great costumes + fire + money + Chris Holmes + booze + skeletons = awesome.

Tesla, "Hang Tough"

How's It Hangin'?

THE VIDEO Tesla, "Hang Tough," The Great Radio Controversy, 1989, Geffen

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SAMPLE LYRIC "Hang tou-OUGH! / When the goin' gets rou-ough / Hang tou-OUGH / you got to give it all you go-ot / keep your head above the ground / oh don't you let it get you dooown / oh you gotta hang tough"

THE VERDICT I know this isn't the most scintillating video, but it's a great song, and really what I need to be hearing right about now with a new quarter starting up and a zillion things on my plate. I have a gigantic soft spot for inspirational songs, and for my money no one does it better than Tesla -- I know some people say they go over the top, but I feel like these boys keep it right in the sweet spot between empowering and saccharine. Plus, who can deny the crazy guitar in this song? Not I, that's for sure.

After beginning with a semi-random brief re-enactment of the album's cover art, this video mainly features Tesla performing in a weird, empty room -- vaguely warehouse-y, but made of wood, and of course featuring the requisite random old chairs, signs, industrial fans, etc. All the damn fans in this video keep making it hard to see Tesla! And I don't mean like humans or metalheads or what have you, I mean literally like, they keep putting the camera behind a ceiling fan.

This type of empty room decor is a huge cliche of metal videos of the late 80s and early 90s -- are we meant to think they practice in there? Or that they just love warehouses? Are the old signs meant to evoke something? I have no idea, all I know is that everyone from Anthrax to Warrant is constantly performing in these empty rooms.



It's one of those things like how every chain restaurant -- and many independent ones for that matter, but I'm thinking of like TGI Friday's, Chili's, that kind of thing -- has to cover their walls with random tsotchkes, as if they actually found all these weird old signs, photos, musical instruments, sporting goods, etc. and thought "gosh, that would just improve the ambiance in here." I bet when you open one of those restaurants, their corporate just sends you a big ol' box full of like, random photos of sports teams from the 1920s and faux-old signs for like chicken feed or fresh eggs or something. Is it all the wall tsotch that separates casual dining from fast food?

But anyway, I digress. Back to this particular faux empty warehouse, and the five man electrical band (err okay, it's a video so probably lip-synching) contained therein. One other thing I always love about Tesla is their total lack of pretension. I mean, just look at everyone's hair. Or just look at drummer Troy Luccketta's hair. I feel like we could go to a tractor pull together and just hang out.

Same goes for the clothes. Jeff Keith does like to take his shirt off, to be sure, but he also wears those handprint pants in more than one Tesla video, so we can assume he owns them. I love that he's like "oh we're shooting a video today, so better go put on my cool video pants." I had similar pants circa 1986 -- cream-colored corduroy with handprints in pink, lilac, and teal. My brother had the overalls version with primary red, yellow, and blue hands. Jeff I think just like, took a pair of white jeans, dipped his hands in paint, and you know, went to town, but same idea more or less.

The only time this video really changes is during the bridge (which is fantastic, btw). Suddenly there's an oriental rug, a Tesla banner, a piano, a dining set, an old film projector, and Jeff Keith has put on white cowboy boots and a Canadian tuxedo. (I know, I'm bad, but it cracks me up every time.) Anyway, everyone's changed clothes. This also takes us back to the little boy from the beginning of the video. The two themes finally come together, as we see that the images of the boy are being projected onto the wall near Jeff (or at least, it's made to look that way, pretty obvious the stuff of the boy was added later).



The end goes back to the original set and original clothes, with everyone in Tesla going berserk. Tommy is on at least his third guitargasm, and if you thought Jeff could open his mouth wide before, well, wait till you see this. He's in Carly Simon territory here.

Something else that makes me feel like Tesla is unpretentious is that they tend to show everyone in the band about equally in their video, unlike pretty much any other metal band, where it goes 1) lead singer, 2) guitarist (if there's a solo and/or they're camera-worthy), 3) attractive women, 4) anything else they might possibly want to show in the video, 5) shots of everyone else in the band, if we have time. Oh, and these'll probably not show their faces, or have them completely in shadow, or something like that.

Not so with Tesla. Tommy Skeoch and Frank Hannon are out in front quite a bit, leaning on each other, tossing hair, guitaring it up. Jeff comes in and out, heading to the background any time he's not singing. We see Troy pretty often, mostly from overhead. Bassist Brian Wheat probably gets the least screen time, and we still see him pretty well.

They also have one of my favorite video cliches -- showing each member of the band in sequence -- at the end. It actually -- finally! -- makes the stupid cliche industrial fans useful, as the turning of the blades provides some of the transition from band member to band member. It also mirrors the pinwheel the little boy has, though what any of the parts of that sequence are meant to convey, I don't know. All I know is listening to this song (and others like it) definitely keeps me going.

Beastie Boys, "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn"

Baby I'm Not Fa-fa-fa-foolin'

THE VIDEO Beastie Boys, "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn," Licensed to Ill 1987, Def Jam

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "No sleep 'til / Brook-lynnnnn / No sleep 'til / Brook-lynnnnn / No! Sleep! 'Til Brooklyn! / (Brook-lynnnnnnnnnnnn!)"

THE VERDICT Yes, I'm switching the site to an all rap-rock theme, and starting off strong with the Beastie Boys. Of course, things will rapidly go downhill after this, what with Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock, Linkin Park if they count, and whoever else is foolhardy enough to try blending rock and rap without the assistance of Rick Rubin. Sure all my posts will be scathingly negative, but that shouldn't get too repetitive, right?

Okay, okay. April Fools! Obviously I would never change the format of this blog. But in the spirit of the first of April, I decided to do something a bit different. Obviously, "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" is not a heavy metal video. It is, however, a pretty decent parody of one! So in honor of all this April Foolery, here we are.

I've heard various of the Beastie Boys comment that this video was inspired by situations they would actually come across as a bunch of white guys trying to play club gigs. In the video, they show up at a club and tell the manager they're the band. When he asks where their instruments are, Ad-Rock produces a record, which the manager promptly breaks over his head. They leave, but a few minutes later, return dressed as a heavy metal band (with exaggerated British and Californian accents) and are promptly ushered onstage.



Their fake metal costumes are pretty good. MCA is wearing a giant Vince Neil-looking blonde wig, though the rest of his outfit is more Tommy. Ad-Rock is more or less dressed as Theatre of Pain-era Nikki Sixx, with a Nikki-style wig, red and black leather pants, and a black and white zebra-striped fringed jacket. Mike D wins though. In addition to a pouffy Twisted Sister-style wig, he's straight up wearing a knight's armor for a very Armored Saint kind of look. He quickly collapses under its weight.

A security guard fails to hold back the four or so female fans (dressed in black, animal prints, and pink as per heavy metal video regulations circa 1987), and they run onstage and grab, among other things, Ad-Rock's wig. They then promptly disrobe all of the Boys, leading to the transition out of their metal outfits. (An especially crafty gal uses a can opener on Mike D -- helpful hint for all you Armored Saint and Grim Reaper fans out there.) The women run off stage with the clothes -- probably happy that since it's 1987, it's all stuff they can wear -- and the Beasties continue rhyming onstage in their underwear. Soon enough though, they've got their clothes on. This infuriates the club owner.

In a sequence that they surely meant to be symbolic, Ad-rock takes an ax to their stack of Marshall amps, Mike D smashes a guitar, and late MCA machine guns the amps for good measure. Yes, we've broken away from the conventions of rock. But have we? 'Cause next thing you know, a blonde who looks and dances very much like the dancing gal from Danzig's "Mother" shows up, dancing around in a silver bra and a very bizarre sort of high-waisted, sumo wrestling-looking belt thing that has a long, silver train.

Because yes -- if you're a youngster and thus only know the Beastie Boys in their "I want to say a little something that's long overdue / the disrespect of women has got to be through" phase of their careers, yeah, they were not always like this. The Licensed to Ill tour not only featured dancers such as this one (often caged, no less!) but also in case that was too subtle, a giant, veiny, 6-foot-tall inflatable penis right in the middle of the stage. Really. Really.



Can you imagine what all the little Madonna wannabes out there in the audience thought of that one? Oh yeah, because on this tour, they were opening for Madonna. Any doubts about whether the Beastie Boys have always been cuddly, vegan, woman-loving, Buddhists can be quickly dispelled by the video for "She's On It" (in which, by the way, we actually get to see Rick Rubin -- he's the guy with the beard who keeps giving them all their "missions" on the chalkboard).

Anyway, back to this video. The club owner/manager guy and some heavies come onstage to drag off the Boys. They have a long altercation that ends in the Boys reclaiming the stage. The next bits are mostly just them rapping onstage and long shots of the dancing girl, but I would be remiss not to mention the many excellent crowd shots. Whoever costumed the extras for this video, well done. It's definitely a more diverse crowd than you'd see at a metal show (I don't just mean racially -- they've improbably made the crowd an exact 50-50 of men and women), but it totally works. Also since it's the Beastie Boys, silly things happen. Mike D tosses a mic offstage and a woman catches it in her mouth, and at one point we see an Orthodox Jew headbanging. Another headbanger bangs his head right off.

Toward the end, this song actually has a guitar solo. At first, it's being played by a guy in a gorilla suit. But next thing we know -- boom! -- that guy gets pushed aside by the guy actually playing guitar on this track -- Kerry King from Slayer!!!!!! I've heard Kerry say they actually wanted him to do sillier stuff in this video (I think including either having the Boys blow him up or having the solo somehow cause him to spontaneously combust), but he wasn't down for that. Nonetheless, he does show up, and we do get to see him play a bit. Slayerrrrr!

The video ends with the Boys breaking into the club owner's safe and stealing bags full of money. Though this pleases them greatly, they are displeased that their exotic dancer leaves with the guy in the gorilla suit.



For me, this track stands up on its own, but let me also mention the many ways that it is a pretty legit metal track. The title plays off a Motorhead album (No Sleep 'til Hammersmith), and the guitar interpolation is a modified version of "TNT" by AC/DC. And lest we forget who's playing that guitar -- it's freakin' Kerry King from Slayer!!

See here's the thing I was getting at above with my little rant about Fred Durst et al. It's not impossible to do the whole rock and rap thing right. But in order for this to happen, you really need Rick Rubin to produce. He cut his teeth with Run-DMC and brokered the version of "Walk This Way" with Aerosmith. And at more or less the same time that he produced Licensed to Ill, Rubin also produced Reign in Blood.

And you can really hear that metal influence in a lot of what he does. I often feel like Licensed to Ill is his greatest statement -- it's got lots of really heavy beats in it (Led Zeppelin's "The Ocean" anyone? How about "When the Levee Breaks"?). Anyone familiar with the Less Than Zero soundtrack (which I highly recommend, allmusic doesn't know what it's talking about) knows that there Rubin puts together a bunch of great tastes that taste great together -- it's got Poison (covering KISS), Anthrax (covering Public Enemy), LL Cool J's best song ever, Slayer (covering Iron Butterfly), the Bangles (covering Simon & Garfunkel), etc. You can still hear this in the hip-hop he produces today though -- just listen to that hard and heavy beat in Jay-Z's "99 Problems."

I'm telling you, Rick Rubin, baby. He might have a weirdo Zakk Wylde beard, but I'm never going to stop with this. Though I am going to stop with the rap-rock. Don't worry, next week will be April Serious, and we'll be back to your regularly scheduled heavy metal videos.

P.S.: Come on, if you're reading this, don't even pretend you don't get the title reference.