W.A.S.P., "Wild Child"

Hell Yeah Blackie Lawless

THE VIDEO W.A.S.P. "Wild Child," The Last Command, 1985, Capitol

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SAMPLE LYRIC "I'm a wild child / come an' lovvve me / I want you-ouuuuuuu / my heart's in exxxile / I need you to touch me / 'cause I want what you do / I want you"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION This video opens with a shot of the sun over umm, well, I don't know where but since I know "Blind in Texas" was filmed in Arizona we're going to guess that they were economizing and this was too. So yes, Arizona. The shot fades into Blackie Lawless, he of the most badass pseudonym ever, who is riding his chopper down some desolate road. I'd call it a highway but who am I kidding, it's two lanes wide. Anyway. He's very far away, but I still know it's him.

We cut to a quite voluptuous lady (think Delta Burke in the first season Designing Women -- then never think of the fact that I just used that as an example ever, ever again) standing on top of what for lack of better knowledge of desert geography I will call some Wile E. Coyote-lookin' rocks. She's wearing a red, filmy, carwash-strip jumpsuit (I'd call it a belted dress but it looks like it has legs) and holding some kind of tall staff with erm, feathers attached to it. Legs firmly planted and hand on hip, her expression says, "Come 'n' get me, Blackie. Good luck tying me to your stage set."

We then see him close up, sunglasses on, sans makeup and sawblades (and missing the gray highlights, come to think -- were those things clip on? Oh.my.god. Okay, must resist digression on fake hair. But let's just say I'm obsessed). Then we cut back to the lady again. But oh! She fades away into the rocks. Then we see Blackie from the side, and he drives off the screen as the song finally starts.

Now I only noticed this once I'd slowed it down to the frame-by-frame level, but in that first shot you can see his motorcycle parked next to their little uh, stage. In this video, the whole point is that W.A.S.P. are standing up on some serious Wile E. Coyote rocks -- I had always assumed they were quite far off the ground -- but this one shot shows that they are, in reality, at most ten feet off the ground. Actually, I just looked again. Make that five.

So yes, just to quickly describe the set -- W.A.S.P. are playing on top of a little mesa, or butte, or something, that's in front of a much larger wall of desert stone. One could say their only decoration is their metal "WASP" sign behind drummer Steve Riley, but then one would be ignoring the amount of costumery they're wearing, which is (as per always) near KISS levels.



We first get a good look at Mr. Lawless, who since parking his chopper has changed into quite the ensemble, plus added the aforementioned highlights and his spooky makeup (lotsa eyeliner, red lipstick). His bass looks sorta like an axe, black with a beveled silver edge. Next we go to guitarist Randy Piper -- no, not Rowdy Roddy Piper, this is Randy Piper. His guitar is also sort of x-shaped, and has a sort of 3D scary horned skull face (like Mr. Scary, only just a face). While his outfit is nowhere near as badass as the chainlink garter belts he sports in "I Wanna Be Somebody," Randy gets many extra points for the hand-to-hair pout for the camera. Paul Stanley would be proud.

Then we get a lot more Blackie, making dramatic gestures (rubbing face, "jazz hands") and running around a little in a camera-swinging-around shot that makes it look like the rocks they're on are really high up (they do a lot of filming them from below which also makes them look like they're on a ledge -- if they had just cut that one shot where you can see the damn motorcycle, the illusion would be complete). Next, however, comes another one of my all-time favorite moments in heavy metal videos (two in a row, following close on the heels of my last entry!). This would be when Blackie, Randy, and Chris Holmes all run to the front and a bunch of flashpots explode just as chorus begins. This is so badass!

Of course, Blackie starts really doing his dance, which is a sort of variation on the Axl dance -- instead of moving your hips, however, the Blackie dance involves moving your legs in a frantic jig. It's also the first time where you can really see what Blackie's got on down below -- moccasin-style fringed boots and tights (yes, tights -- they're sheer) with black, red, and tan long feathers down the sides (he's also got some in his hair). Whoa. Top that off with a black top that's been slit open in about a gajillion places (and ornamented at the cuffs with his famous circular saw blades) and you're all set. During the first big "I want youuu-ooooh" Randy points at the camera and touches his hair again (so very Paul Stanley, again), also proving that when you have two guitarists (or when you're just shakin' it for the camera), you're a lot more free to take your hands off your instrument.

Next we see guitarist Chris Holmes, who in this video (and most of their others) looks like Ozzy Osbourne but who in his infamous scene inThe Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (P.S.: I don't care for this review at all, but it's worth it for the movie quotes) looks like Chris Jericho. So yes, for better or for worse I am saying that this guys looks a lot better tanked and floating around in his mother's pool in leather pants than he does here.

Anyway, to try to avoid getting into a lengthy digression about the coolest movie ever made, I'll just say that he's wearing eyeliner and a black and red leathery costume that reminds me of what the Road Warriors used to wear. And I'm not just saying that as an excuse to make another wrestling reference! His guitar is the least theatrical of the three. It's the four-prong pointy shape that I'm sure there's a name for (the shape Metallica always use) in black with a red and yellow picture of some feathered wings on it.



Next we see the drummer, Steve Riley, and even though for the most part I'd say Blackie was constantly kicking people out of W.A.S.P. as an ego trip, in this case he was definitely justified. He taps away at the drums like a diligent typist and has amazing posture, which when you're trying to be like the most super badass band around are just not compliments.

Anyway, the video progesses. Randy keeps trying to be foxy, Blackie keeps trying to be scary, Chris, most likely, keeps trying not to fall of the rock. As the chorus wraps up, we see the road again, and that lady from the beginning is standing in the middle of it. Blackie drives down the road with his hair pulled back (and headlight on for safety) looking not unlike Mick Mars in his non-all-dolled-up guise. As the second verse of the song starts, the mystery lady disappears in a flash of well, flash. Like the scene transitions in the old Justice League cartoons.

The whole next verse features again, more of the same performance footage, then ends with another totally amazing moment (why they didn't bring in the flashpots again, we'll never know) as Randy, Blackie, and Chris jump off the rock. Not to belabor a point I've made a million times already, but this was a lot more badass when I didn't know they were just kind of hopping off of a little ledge. Then we have more Blackie dancing and Chris waving his guitar over his head (which I love). Randy even does the thing where he rubs his hair again, just to tie it all together.

As we go into the bridge, we're back on the road with Blackie. The sun goes down suddenly, and we see a weird umm... I'm going to venture a guess based on what I know about W.A.S.P. and call this a sacrificial altar-type place (perhaps an "Altar of Sacrifice"?). It's basically a bunch of sticks and stuff poked into the ground with skulls and stuff tied to them and a couple of little fires burning on the ground nearby. Blackie (hair once again resplendent) drives up for a closer look. He has a really weird expression on his face, like maybe his mouth is full of water or he's trying not to burp out loud. We then see the moon, then some close-ups of the skulls and masks and stuff tied to the poles.

That lady walks out again, and we see Blackie (maybe he's trying not to laugh?) again too. She walks into the middle of all the stuff, crosses her arms, then forcefully uncrosses them, causing some little fires to light up on the ground. Then she disappears in a puff of flames. Blackie screams, and his face as he closes his mouth again is, I'm afraid to say, unmistakably that of one trying to hold in laughter. He leans forward and drives his bike through all the stuff, causing it all to really light on fire.

We watch it all burn for a minute, then we're back with W.A.S.P. on their rock, and the flashpots do finally go off again, but now it's night so it's harder to see, making it a bit less badass. This also causes the frame around their sign to light on fire, as per usual. The band dances around in front of it, and they seem like they're really rocking out but it's kind of hard to tell cause it's really dark. The camera pans across the burning sign, then we go back to the weird burning stuff. The video closes with Blackie making a face and pointing at us, superimposed over the burning altar.



THE VERDICT Okay, I tried to make this one shorter, and it didn't work. Probably because holy crap this video is awesome! A lot of people think W.A.S.P. are terrible, or all flash, but I think they friggin' rock, and I don't care if I'm alone on it. The widespread fury it caused Tipper Gore to unleash on the world aside, "Animal (!@#$ Like a Beast)" is one of the best pop metal songs ever. If he could have just managed not to scream "I !@#$ like a beast!" when all of the music cut out, this song would have been huge. Huger than huge.

But yeah, what with all the sawblades and women chained to things and entrails purportedly thrown into (or tossed from) the crowd, it's easy to see why people dismissed their music pretty easily while taking the act waaaay too seriously. I'm not sure where I fall in this. I appreciate the stage show, but in kind of a campy way, or at least in a "sure, that's what we're getting at" way -- like how Slayer always kind of make light of their satanic image (i.e. "yeah, sure, our name means Satan Laughs As You Eternally Rot") but at the same time their songs are, you know, a little bit on the umm dark side.

It's hard to tell how seriously W.A.S.P. actually take themselves. Part of it is probably that Blackie Lawless isn't as vocal or well-known as for example someone like Dee Snider, who's always the first to say look, it's just rock and roll, we're just having a good time. Lawless took a lot of flack back in the day for being the only one who tried to stay true the game (and admittedly, someone who wears gray highlights and saw blade wristicuffs is taking it all pretty damn seriously) and refused to come and testify and be like it's not a problem, you're just not getting the joke.

And yeah, in a video as over the top as this (I've often thought that every movie sequence where they're ostensibly shooting a heavy metal video was based on the look of this video), it's hard to tell if we're in on the joke, or if it's simply not a joke. Maybe part of it is seeing it now? Even still, as seriously as I want to take it, it's hard to believe that Blackie's really like "Oooh, I look super scary" every time he's making one of those faces, unless the only person he's trying to scare is, you know, Tipper.

Guns N Roses, "Welcome to the Jungle"

The Country Axl and the City Axl

THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "Welcome to the Jungle," Appetite for Destruction, 1987, Geffen

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SAMPLE LYRIC "In the jungle / welcome to the jungle / watch it bring you to your / sha-nanananananana knees knees / ooh-ah I / I wanna watch youuu bleed"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION The video begins innocuously enough, with a sort of quiet street (there's a police siren, but it's pretty far away) and a vaguely sketchy dude in a pleather jacket leaning against a bench smoking a cigarette. But as soon as a bus enters the frame -- and Slash's guitar cranks up -- we know we're in for something good.

A pre-teen looking, hayseed version of Axl Rose steps off the bus, wearing a backward-tipped Bob Seger trucker hat (second coming of trucker hats -- the first coincides with Smokey and the Bandit), a plaid shirt, flared jeans, white pointy-toed shoes (possibly cowboy boots, possibly the shoes Eddie gives Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Vacation) and with (in case we don't get it) a piece of straw still stuck in his mouth. Did Axl really dress like this back in Indiana? Why are so many awesome metal musicians from Indiana? (Diamond Dave and Mick Mars spring to mind right away, naturally). The world may never know.

Anyway, as Country Axl picks up his suitcase, the sketchy dude comes up to him and starts talking to him right away, in a confidential looking manner (we can't hear any of it, because the Real Axl is going, "Woooo-oooh-oooh-ohhhh-ohhhh" like a spider monkey on crack). Country Axl steps aside at whatever the man's offer is, putting his hand on the dude's chest (despite the physical contact, this is probably the least confrontational confrontation any version of Axl's ever had), and walking away.

The camera pulls closer as Country Axl walks away, and we follow his gaze as he looks at a blonde passing him going the opposite direction. We stick with his eyeballs as they roam up her stocking-clad legs to wear they end in uh, what I wish I could refer to as hot pants but what appear to be biker shorts. Country Axl stops and stares after her, then looks at a wall of TVs in a store window (note Slash in a cameo as a drunken bum on the sidewalk beneath).

The TVs show Fantasy Axl, strapped to a chair (explaining the screaming), and we sort of travel toward the TVs until the shot on their screen becomes the shot on ours. After the screaming Fantasy Axl fills the screen momentarily, we finally see Real Axl, who's onstage with his hair teased in well, it's the one time we see him with his hair like this in any GNR video (there are plenty of old photos with his hair like this, however). He's screaming, hands outstretched, and as he brings them together over his head his scream reaches its apex. Just as his hands are about to meet, he stops, and breaks into the Axl dance, which rules.

The camera pulls back and we see that we're actually in a fairly large space (which is probably supposed to be a club but I have always thought of as a warehouse -- it's dark in there but the space is very unfinished looking to me), and as per every metal video directed by Nigel Dick there are spotlights shining around but it's mostly pretty dark. The band's onstage, and the next sequence of shots is sort of a "meet the band" thing (sans Izzy): overhead shot of Steven (who was at the time my favorite member of the band), then Slash (who's actually never been my favorite member of the band, but then again neither has Izzy), then Duff (who now that I'm older and wiser is my favorite member of the band. In retrospect, he was/is the band's best looking member).

Then we go back to Axl, who's dancing, clapping his hands, and in general mustering more enthusiasm for this video than he's since mustered for anything that wasn't brown and liquid (at this early juncture, he is apparently not yet a complete prima donna rock star). Then we finally see Izzy, who's wearing a frilly patterned shirt that in spite of leather pants makes him look like he accidentally wandered in here from the set of a Black Crowes video.



Anyway. Axl's singing now. We get through almost the whole first verse with basically the same shot, him singing from the front, then we see it from the back, to show the crowd. As Axl does his first "sha-nananananana-kneeeeees," he's holding the microphone and using more of a facial expression than he ever does in any other video (I mean, all he does is close his eyes when friggin' Stephanie Seymour buys it in 'November Rain'). As he leans into Slash, for the first time we cut away to news footage -- a cop (or something holding a baton -- the brown uniform means it's either in another country or this person's actually a security guard) shoves away a mostly unseen person, then some other sort of something enforcement personnel shoulders a rifle in another shot.

Second verse, we see a little bit more of the band, starting with a lengthy shot of Izzy. Then Axl steps in front of him, so that's over. Axl starts dancing around, doing the Axl stomp (which here he's doing in leather pants but which really, we are most familiar with him doing in either a) a kilt or b) biker shorts. I think at one point Beavis and Butthead mused on what was up with Axl always wearing stuff like that, and didn't anyone else in the band think of kicking him out over that).

Then we go to a better shot of Izzy doing a similar move, then (one of my favorite parts of the video), as Axl sings "now you're a very sexy girl / very hard to please" we see a shot of a blond in a bikini walking forward and then film of a still image of another bikini babe laying down (I always think of this as being a billboard, but it's hard to tell -- it goes by really fast and also, since I didn't note this before, I keep calling it "news footage" because it looks like someone literally taped it off the tv and then edited it into the video -- yes, the quality is that good).

Next we see Duff kind of, from below the back of his bass, and then more of Axl dancing. As the chorus begins (and we briefly see footage of soldiers running), Axl starts really going for it, with the hands-over-head-hip-swivel. We also see the crowd get a little more into it, with hands waving in the frame and a shot of Slash from behind that highlights an enthusiastic blonde in the front row.

After we see Slash playing guitar for a second or two, we go to one of (drum roll please) my all time favorite shots in all of heavy metal videos (yes, I'm not afraid to come right out and say these things!). In the background, we see Steven Adler and an anonymous babe kind of lying next to each other on a bed (ok, you can only see their heads, so I am extrapolating a bit here but stay with me). City Axl is in the foreground of the screen, taking up the entire left half, but he's out of focus. As Steven turns to look at said babe, City Axl comes into focus.

I love this shot! I could watch it all day. Seriously. In my mind, half the time when I think about The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (which obviously, I love), I remember the whole movie as being this one shot! Even though it's not in the movie at all. It is reminiscent of the scenes with Paul Stanley though. Anyway.

The camera then slides around behind City Axl's back, and we see that he's sitting at the foot of the bed (which I still uphold is there), and they're all watching a bank of four or five (or more -- it's hard to tell) TVs of varying sizes which have been stacked up against a wall (actually, the side of a staircase, since railings are partially visible and there are also these weird fleur-de-lis lights running up the side diagonally). All of the TVs are showing something different, but we can't really see since we quickly go right up to one of them, which is showing a whole bunch of soldiers around something burning.

We quickly jump back to Slash playing guitar, but just as fast we're back with something weird happening with an ambulance, some kind of military or assault vehicles going down the street away from us, then (almost too quickly to see), something that looks like somebody surfing or something and then an image of a red convertible (sorry -- even going over these videos frame by frame -- which is how I do, p.s. by the way -- I can't pick it out).

Next we again see City Axl, looking more than a bit jaded, that random chick still blurry but visible in the background. Axl's onstage, leaning on Slash, then we cut back and see that Duff is also in the TV room. Steven looks away from the woman to smile at someone else (another shot I love -- the man may have been a junkie or whatever but he was the only one of these lads that was any good at conveying emotion with any subtlety). City Axl turns again as they rewind a shot of people walking on one of the tvs.



Whoa... I just realized I'm up to 1,575 words... and I'm only 1:55 into the video. Methinks I need to start editing myself more (or not describing every shot in quite such detail!).

Anyway. The next verse is mostly Axl onstage, singing and doing his dance, but it's intercut with more tv footage -- soldiers running, a print ad or billboard of a woman in a bikini -- and also another close-up shot of the now über-jaded City Axl. We get more performance (Duff singing backup, then making a badass face, Axl dancing, Slash bent over guitar, Steven from above), then we move into the bridge -- and get to see a replay of my favorite shot! So again, Steven turns to look at the anonymous groupie/girlfriend, and as his head turns, City Axl in the foreground comes into focus. Onstage, Axl's beginning the snaky, hands-over-head dance that is about the billionth truly memorable part of this video, then we again are looking over City Axl's shoulder at the wall of TVs.

We come toward the TVs to see soldiers/police officers with bigass guns, then go back to the stage for the "When you're high you never / ever wanna come down / suh! down" as Axl turns his usual dance into a sort of mime version of this idea (think of someone miming pulling taffy, or making pasta, and then throwing it at you, and you've got the idea). On the final "down," he jumps to his knees (making me wince at the idea of doing this in what appear to be pleather pants), and we see him rocking out from the front and also (somewhat incongruously, as it's the one shot in the video where he's suddenly sweaty and shirtless) from the back, with the crowd reaching toward him. Slash finally gets substantial camera time for the guitar solo (which he manages to play without even once showing his entire face), and we see a little bit more of Steven, who keeps the cowbell coming.

Axl's return to the mic (and Slash's nice big sliiide) brings us finally back to Fantasy Axl, who appears to be in both an electric chair (okay, it could just be some kind of weird restraining thing) and a straightjacket in some sort of A Clockwork Orange scenario that also involves the dancefloor from Saturday Night Fever. He's watching a whole wall of TVs (more neatly arranged than the ones in the sequence where the whole band's on the bed) and shaking.

We can't really see what's on them, just that all are showing something different, though we do pull in once for the millionth shot of police walking, then a happy couple sort of leaping up in each other's arms in water, soldiers running, then someone throwing a rock. Axl starts screaming, "You know where you are? / you're in the jungle, baby" as the shots of the TVs become even more frantic (as does Fantasy Axl's shaking), then we see the same bikini woman from the first TV sequence and (as Axl yodels, "di-I-I-I-I-I-I-ie") a covered body being loaded into an ambulance. Onstage, Axl's making a crazy-ass face, we see some soldiers real quick, then Fantasy Axl starts flipping out and screaming.

The final chorus brings us back to performance footage, Axl with his hands aloft and the rest of him thrusting, and just a quick cut to a crowd of people running from a man striking at them with a bullwhip (I'd be interested to know what any of this stuff is from -- unlike, say, "Peace Sells," none of it is recognizable, at least to me). The next shot, which is that security guard-looking guy hitting at someone with a nightstick, is the only one that's labeled in any way -- very generic 80s looking news text that says "Last Wednesday / Westwood." Axl gives us one last "sha-nananananananana-knees" and we see a man (looks like movie footage) shooting a gun.

The camera pulls back and we see City Axl watching the wall of TVs in that store window from waaaay back at the beginning of the video (remember them?). He's got his hands on his hips, and the TVs are switching back and forth between different footage we've already seen and Fantasy Axl screaming. As Real Axl wraps it up, we see City Axl from the side (in a shot that's obviously parallel to the first time we see Country Axl). He shakes his head dismissively and walks away as the camera comes back in to focus on the televised image of Fantasy Axl screaming.



THE VERDICT Clearly, Guns N Roses are like, the Brian DePalma of heavy metal videos (they didn't invent the form or the genre, but they did do their best to take it to its logical extreme -- viz. the Use Your Illusion trilogy/Scarface), so I'm starting out with the lighter fare and leaving the concept videos (the analysis of which will likely make my exhaustive essaying of say, Whitesnake's "In the Still of the Night" seem like light reading). Yeah, I'm tossing out easy pitches for now, but don't worry, I'll get to everything eventually. I also need the disclaimer because my analysis of this video is so celebratory (even moreso than usual!). And why is that? Well let's take a look with 5 Reasons Why "Welcome to the Jungle" Rules.

1) It's got one of my all-time favorite shots, which is also one of my favorite in a very cinematic way and not just a "Whoa! That was frickin' badass" way. It shows how much faith Geffen had in GNR that they were willing to roll out the big bucks immediately and do a video that even jeez, over fifteen years later, still looks very slick. Don't get me wrong, we all know I love the mad old videos and their patently D.I.Y. set design, I'm just really impressed with the way that this video just gets it right. Unlike later Guns videos (which paved the way for excessively plot-heavy, expensive, bloated videos of all genres), this video is mad tight.

2) Axl's hair! As mentioned above, one can find a jillion pictures of Axl where he has his hair teased, but this is the only video where you see it. I find it to be so, so hot. Admittedly, I like that very L.A. look with the teased hair and aviators (it's what got me into Faster Pussycat), but I think it also helps Axl out a lot because otherwise, he's really kind of a small guy (or at least he was then). As evidenced by the last shot where he's shown from the side, the hair gives him some size.

3) Steven Adler. Hotness! At the time, Steven was my favorite member of GNR -- I thought he was sooo cute (what can I say, my taste had not yet matured enough to appreciate Duff). This video, however, makes me remember what I was thinking at the time. He looks so hot! And the drumming in this song is tight. I've always felt bad for Steven getting kicked out of Guns -- I mean, can you imagine those guys being like, "Dude, we think you've got a substance abuse problem"? I hope that they at least put down the Jack Daniels while they told him. Seriously, if he'd been in Mötley Crüe, those guys would have laughed at him for being a wuss. Plus, everyone knows I'm a sucker for bands that stay with their original lineups (notable exceptions like Iron Maiden excluded).

4) I am also a sucker for anything that uses news or old movie footage (viz. my obsession with old Headbanger's Ball bumps, Iron Maiden). Part of it's a general obsession with anything I can get my hands on from the 80s and prior (viz. this entire website, most of what I own). This video in particular does a great job with this. Juxtaposing all of the creepy, "Is it the third world or is it California?" news footage with vaguely sexual advertisements totally works and is convincing for the A Clockwork Orange sequence. It also adds something to the Country Mouse/City Mouse convention (which is actually intended here as a reference to Midnight Cowboy). Unlike a video like say, Poison's "Fallen Angel," where the individual seems to have directed her own destiny (or at least, had it directed by other individuals and personal events), "Jungle" offers a broader, cultural explanation for the transformation.

5) It's the one of the most over-played, over-used songs ever, but it's still (not to belabor the term) evocative. (Unlike, for example, the Who's "Baba O'Riley," which is one of the most amazing songs ever but which I can't help feeling gets cheapened with every misuse.) You can't go to a sporting event (or a sports bar, for that matter), without having to put up with revolting losers screaming along to it -- but somehow, you can sing along too without losing your lunch. Try going to a karaoke night anywhere without having to suffer through some fool's drunken rendition of it. But you still love it! It's impossible not to. And no matter what it gets used in, it's still badass.

Remember how the movie Lean on Me opens with it, over the lengthy sequence showing just how awful that school is? It's pretty incongruous (you were expecting rap), but it fits perfectly and sets the scene. Same thing with the current super-saturation of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas commercials (which actually use the song in a similar way, where one would again expect rap). Every time that thing comes on, I sit up and pay attention. The biggest draw still is that opening guitar/scream thing. Even though every time I hear it I think, "What the hell was Axl thinking? Of course he was dooming himself to a career's worth of throat problems singing like that all the damn time," it still sends chills down my spine. Literally.