Guns N Roses, "November Rain"

Spoiler Alert: I'm Divorced  

THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "November Rain," Use Your Illusion I, 1991, Geffen 

SAMPLE LYRIC "So if you wanna love me / then darlin' don't refrain / Or I'll just end up walkin' / in the cold November rain" 

THE VERDICT I know. I've always said this is a pretty depressing wedding song -slash- video -- I mean, the bride dies. But come on, what metal song/video is more associated with weddings than this one? Umm, none of them. So yes, I have a confession to make. Okay well one, obviously, I'm married now, so congratulations to me. (Also if you're reading this now, it's 2020, and I've been divorced for a few years, so... updated the title on this post.)

But two — I walked down the aisle to "November Rain." Yes, that's right. We sprung for having the pianist learn a new song just for us. And it was by Guns N Roses. If I didn't have enough metal cred for you before, I best have it now. 

Hilariously, they wound up just straight playing the song. As soon as I heard the piano at the beginning, standing there with my dad, I just burst into tears. I was like, "Dang, this dude is a really good pianist!" (And to be clear, he'd already played a different song for my husband and our family members to walk in to, like on the piano.) 

But then the flute and strings and whatnot came in, and I just burst out laughing. I laughed so hard (while also crying) I had to just stand there at the beginning of the aisle for a few seconds to recompose myself. And of course, right as I made it to my husband I hear my mom say, "What is this awful, cheesy song?" Ah, weddings. But now it's OVER! I'm officially hitched, and can officially kick back. 

And can blog about the "November Rain" video. (Fear not, except for this paragraph, I wrote this a while ago -- as you read this, I'm on my honeymoon! I mean dude, I have my limits.) This is an epic video. And to make it even more epic, I have done quite a bit of research for you, with a bit of help from The Language of Fear. WTH is that, you ask? Well, it's just the book of Del James short stories that contains, "Without You," the story that the Use Your Illusion video trilogy is based on. 

We are finally going to learn what really is going on in "November Rain," and also what really would have been going on in the video for "Estranged" if Axl and Stephanie hadn't broken up. (Come to think, that is actually probably why the making-of video is subtitled "Part IV of the Trilogy!!!" — part 3, which concludes the story and explains "November Rain," was never made.) 

And speaking of makings-of, I also watched Makin' F@*!ing Videos Part II: November Rain to prepare for this (it's a long title, so hereafter I'm referring to it as "MFV"). Spoiler alert: It's a zillion times less interesting than the The Making of "Estranged": Part IV of the Trilogy!!!, and reveals a lot less about where and how the video was made, despite the fact that it cost them a cold $1.5 million to make it (which would be about $2.4 million in 2010 dollars, just to put that in perspective). 

So I did even more research, to find out more about video locations etc. Long story short, I am hoping to make this the definitive account of "November Rain." We are going to get to the bottom of the meaning, the mystery, all of it. Also, this is going to be the longest post ever.

 

I mean face it, "November Rain" is a monstrosity of a video. It's incredibly long — nine minutes plus — so I am going to do a bit of condensing and just note that all the narrative elements are set against Guns N Roses performing in a large concert hall in L.A. with 1,500 extras, an entire orchestra, and of course some foxy backup singers in skintight lace dresses. 

Axl has gone all Elton John, sitting at a ginormous piano and wearing little round glasses with colored lenses. The rest of the band is, you know, putting up with the fact that they are stuck doing this insane video for this completely over-the-top song. Based on how much they all loved making the video for "Estranged," I'm sure they were all stoked to do this one. 

And per "MFV", indeed, they weren't. Nobody besides Axl and Del seems to like the song too much — surprise! — it's hard to play, just like "Estranged". Matt Sorum's sort of circumspect, but is clearly like, Slash and Duff hate this. Duff keeps kind of talking around it, like well it's a more "gentle" song than they're used to playing, or having a 130-piece orchestra is something "we're not used to." Axl of course keeps saying the whole video went "very, very smoothly." 

The more interesting thing we learn from "MFV" is that the visual reference to Elton John is probably intentional. Surprisingly, Axl loves Sir Elton — it kind of makes me wonder if it being "hard to hold a candle in the cold November Rain" has any relation to "Candle in the Wind." 

Matt Sorum talks a bunch in "MFV" about how Axl really wanted the drums in "November Rain" to sound like Nigel Olsson-style drum fills. He mentions "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" as a specific reference, and notes this is the only time Axl ever really gave him direction on drum stuff.

 

So weird, right? Though less weird when we remember that Axl and Elton totally duetted this song way back in 1992 at the MTV Video Music Awards. They did the whole yin-and-yang pianos thing and everything! 

Gosh, seeing that again made me remember what a big deal the VMAs were to me growing up. Before we had cable, I would make my aunt tape them on VHS so I could watch them. Also, what is with Elton John doing duets with noted homophobes? In any event, Axl talks about this during "MFV" as being among the most nervous he's ever been during a performance. 

Anyway, back to the video. So one other interesting thing is that this video was actually performed live, rather than mimed and lip-synched as per usual. Axl talks a bunch about how the video was this great excuse for them to get to book an orchestra, and play with them. "MFV" shows the orchestra playing the ending of the song without GNR accompanying them, and the audience appears legitimately really into it. 

It also shows the band playing a kickass rendition of "Dead Horse" for all the extras (they basically watched a really long concert where "November Rain" was played numerous times), who are of course dressed in black tie. Note that the extras in the performance/concert sequences seem to have been much happier than the other extras. You also have to love the flutist in the bustier — such a metal touch to add to the orchestra. 

So where do we start? Well, with what's actually the only part of this video that's reminiscent of "Without You," the Del James short story we will discuss at length momentarily. Axl pops some pills and goes to bed in a blue-lit room, implying that everything that happens in this video is actually his memories, not anything that's currently happening now (which as we'll see, makes sense with the short story). First though, he dreams of himself playing piano in his Elton John outfit, inside of a tiny church in the middle of nowhere.

 

And what does he dream of first? His wedding to Stephanie Seymour! Okay, so much to say here. First, had I done a bit more research, had a lot more money, and been Catholic, I could have totally had the wedding from "November Rain." (Now, thanks to my research and blogging, you can have it! Just keep reading!) 

The ceremony was shot at St. Brendan Catholic Church in Los Angeles. It's in loads of stuff, but most notably (for me anyway), the rectory next door is the building Brenda claims is her sorority house in the pilot episode of Beverly Hills 90210. It's a really beautiful church, and incredibly tasteful for southern California. They've got swags of white flowers lining the aisle, and candles everywhere — it's actually kind of a gorgeous ceremony. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. 

We need to back up to Stephanie Seymour, 'cause this is amazing. Now I'd always assumed her and Axl's relationship pre-dated her starring in these videos. In actuality, it was her being cast in these videos that started the relationship! 

According to "MFV," Del spotted her on the cover of Cosmopolitan, where apparently she seemed "really down to earth." He remembers her as wearing some sort of 60s-ish, hippie-style shirt, but the only Stephanie Seymour Cosmo cover I could find that would be even remotely the right time period has her in a pretty severe white bathing suit. Could it have been this issue of Elle? Nah, too late. This Vogue cover isn't right either. 

Okay, Del probably just misremembered what she was wearing, but whatever. In any event, Stephanie says she had never wanted to be a rock video girl, claiming "I've had people ask me to do videos and I never was interested, until Guns N Roses asked me to do one." 

Axl felt the casting decision for the trilogy was important, and that it needed to be an actress-type who would be "motivated" to do the video, which was not just a "tits and ass video." Steph's beyond gorgeous (still is today, lucky girl!) but comes off as a bit dopey in her (brief) interview segments. 

She's most famous here though for coming down the aisle in that totally over-the-top Carmela Sutera gown (side note: the designer seems to be out of the biz as of this year, I can't find anything she designed post 2010). It's sort of the wedding dress equivalent of a mullet, though in the industry they call that a hi-lo hem (high in the front, low in the back... so yeah, a mullet!). She has an enormous train and an enormous veil. I think my favorite part of her whole attire though is the bow on top of her head. It's very 90s, but actually very sweet.

 

Based on "MFV," they legit filmed a wedding. The guy officiating is a friend of Axl's, who it turned out had actually officiated at St. Brendan before. He seems like a total sweetie based on "MFV," and is one of the better actors in the video. 

In "MFV", we see that they actually did it all up, vows and everything. He says, "Stephanie and Axl, you have come here freely and without reservation, to give yourselves to one another, each, in love and harmony, in marriage. Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your days?" That would be really weird to act out with someone you were just dating. Especially given how the video turns out. 

It seems the indoor church scenes were shot at night — everyone is exhausted and miserable. The people in the pews keep laying down, and even the musicians are resting their heads on their instruments. The interviewer in "MFV" keeps asking the guys in GNR what they think their role in the wedding is. None are sure, though Matt Sorum guesses he's an usher. Duff doesn't realize he's meant to be holding the rings until right before they shoot it. 

Most hilariously, the woman sitting with Gilby complains vociferously that she thinks no one stood up for her when she walked down the aisle, and Dizzy tries to console her by saying "There's nothing wrong with a sit-down wedding." Despite the late hour, the guys seem way happier and more like they're still friends than they do by the time they're making "Estranged." 

But okay, wait, mid-wedding, Axl has a sort of moment of reverie — jeepers, is this a dream within a dream? — where he recalls good times with Steph and the guys at the Rainbow Bar & Grill. We don't see this in "MFV," though they mention an aborted scene at Damiano's — can you imagine if "November Rain" had had a freakin' pizza parlor scene?!? Well, it almost did, but for some reason the location was scrapped at the last minute, and they wound up using the good ol' Rainbow. 

They don't show it at all in "MFV" though, so I'm wondering if this is actually extra footage from "Don't Cry" that they've repurposed here. It's got the same look, with the band and their girlfriends hanging out and joking around. Also kids, don't smoke, even if Stephanie Seymour makes it look un-buh-lievably glamorous. 

Anyway, Axl gets his head back in the game for the ring exchange, which as we all remember is made hilarious by the antics of Slash, who is apparently the ring bearer in the wedding. The priest asks for the rings, but Slash, patting his pockets, doesn't have them. Luckily, with a wink, Duff produces them — who knows why, but on his pinky. Slash hands the priest the rings, then straight-up leaves the wedding. Oh-kay. 

 

He leaves, of course, to play the solo, which finds him somehow exiting a tiny church in the middle of nowhere, dressed in completely different clothes. He's gone from his church attire — tophat, open white blousey shirt, black jacket, etc. — to his solo attire — hatless, chaps, etc. Slash somehow manages to smoke through the entire solo despite it being extremely windy. 

Also, in addition to the different clothes, again, he's in a totally different place — this was shot in a little Old West-style church in New Mexico built as part of a movie set for Silverado. (I'm assuming this is also where Axl is in the one random shot where he appears to be walking through an Old West ghost town.) They had wanted to shoot the solo in a field of long grass or flowers, which to me honestly would seem really weird, but since it was winter, this is where they wound up. 

But oh yeah, back to the wedding. Of course we get a gratuitously open-mouthed kiss, then Axl and Stephanie run down the front steps of the church while their friends and family throw rice and flower petals. They get into the back of a car, and while Axl looks stoked, Stephanie looks even more like she wants to cry, puke, or both than she did when they were coming down the aisle. 

She's got her game face on though by the time they hit the reception, which my research has uncovered was shot at the Greystone Mansion in Beverly Hills. Available for weddings and other events — see, you can have your own "November Rain" wedding! (It's also where they shot the Axl bedroom scenes, if you're wondering.) 

Stephanie has changed into a skintight off-the-shoulder black velvet gown for the reception, which makes her look unbelievably skinny. Axl has swapped for a metallic blue coat that is, amazingly, even uglier than the bizarro frockcoat he wore for the ceremony. No worries though, that thing is still represented in the incredibly accurate cake topper atop their ginormous five-tier wedding cake. 

At first, everyone's super-happy at the reception. Everyone's toasting each other, Axl's feeding Stephanie frosting, old people are dancing, little kids are running around, Riki Rachtman is happy to be there. (And in real life, it seems like again the reception was one of the easier parts of this video to film — the extras seem happy, and the band are goofing around, playing with the reception band's instruments. I should also mention the reception band are the Capitol Homeboyz — scroll down to #14 for a peek.)

 

But next thing you know, everything's going wrong — and weirdly, despite this being the part of the video I most wanted to know about, "MFV" doesn't talk about it at all. 

But yeah, it starts raining. I mean pouring. And for some reason, this makes everyone absolutely panic. Everyone's running around like crazy, Duff is hiding under the head table, but what absolutely nails it is the guy who jumps sideways through the wedding cake. WTF is that?! What part of getting out of the rain makes this level of cake destruction necessary? Shouldn't someone have been trying to carry the cake inside? Jeez, it's like "MacArthur Park" all over again. (You know, "someone left the cake out in the rain.") 

Still, the final shot of this sequence — of the totally destroyed reception table — is ridiculously well art-directed. Congrats, Andy Morahan. 

Then next thing you know, everything's really gone to hell. The song's gotten all dark, and Stephanie's dead! She's in a casket that's sort of like a quarter open, with half her face showing. Also I'm not sure, but she might be rewearing that wedding dress in there. Axl is all sweaty and penitent. 

Per "MFV," Stephanie was actually the only one who didn't mind this part of the shoot (another overnight one, using St. Brendan again). Why? because she fell asleep in the coffin and pretty much missed the whole shoot. Axl says it was "pretty creepy" to see her in there. Also, it's not clear why the other guys in GNR aren't the pallbearers, and why instead it looks like Joe Friday is. 

And of course, it starts to rain at her funeral, too. But this time, everyone holds it together and just like, busts out umbrellas. No one's jumping through a giant floral arrangement or anything like that. Eventually, the funeral wraps up, and everyone leaves except Axl, who's kneeling beside her grave in the rain. But then wait — Axl's clutching his pillow in the blue-lit bedroom back at Greystone. 

So see? It's all been a dream. Or a memory? We won't know until, well, we'll know in two seconds, when I finally start talking about "Without You." 

But before then, I need to mention the last significant bit of the video (a bit out of order, but I'm trying to keep things semi-organized) — Stephanie's alive again, and tossing her bouquet off the terrace at Greystone. As it flies through the air, the roses turn from white to red, and we see it as the red rose bouquet that's laying on her casket in the open grave. As the video ends though, the raindrops on the casket leak the color out of the flowers, making them white once more.

 

Okay, so if this video is actually just the wind-up to what was supposed to happen in "Estranged," what was supposed to happen in "Estranged"?? Patience, patience (though let me also say if you've actually read this far, good on you!) We need a bit of history first. 

So Del James first met GNR back in like 1985, through some sort of convoluted story where basically they wind up crashing together in LA. Axl was actually already working on "November Rain" on the piano at that point, but they wound up putting "Sweet Child O' Mine" on Appetite for Destruction instead, since Axl felt it wasn't finished enough (i.e. since no one else could understand what he was trying to do). Such the artiste, as per usual. In "MFV," he mentions that Tommy Lee's piano work in "Home Sweet Home" really inspired him to go with his piano visions. 

Around this same time, Del James started working on drafts of what would become "Without You." It was inspired by Axl's relationship with then-girlfriend (and later wife) Erin Everly. The story actually wasn't written completely when "November Rain" came out — Axl says "November Rain" is more just about his own life — but it does pre-date "Estranged," which was very much inspired by "Without You." 

In "MFV," both Axl and Del say "Estranged" is Axl's attempt to write the song within the story. Though they really hedge on this in the "Making of Estranged," in "MFV" it's very obvious they intend that video to depict "Without You" — Axl says, "And if budget allows, we'll film the next parts of the story." Del claims they had considered making an entire movie, but that the video trilogy will instead be a condensed version. 

Okay, so finally, here's the story! "Without You" is about an Axl-manque, Mayne Mann, who finds fame with a band called Suicide Shift, and now fronts his own group. It's basically the story of his love for a beautiful woman named Elizabeth Aston, who again is based on Erin Everly. 

Mayne loves Elizabeth, but leading the rock 'n' roll lifestyle leads to problems with fidelity, and she's the jealous type (probably hence the catfight scene in "Don't Cry"). Mayne struggles to tell her how he really feels, but it's hard, and long story short, he winds up doing so with a song called "Without You," which he bases on something she says to him (basically that she can't live with him, but she can't live without him — wait, isn't that a U2 song?!). 

Most of the story is taken up with one morning in Mayne's life. It starts with him having a nightmare vision of Elizabeth, with the song playing in the background — probably what the nightmare scene in "November Rain" alludes to. Mayne wakes up to find himself in his trashed condo, which he proceeds to get trashed in and to continue the trashing of as he struggles with his memories of Elizabeth. There's a lot of drinking (alternating beer and whiskey), some smoking, a good amount of coke, and plenty of smack. Breakfast of champions! In any event, this is what we can guess is just beginning to happen at the end of "November Rain," when Axl wakes up all sweaty.

 

In any event, I know what you're all waiting for — how did Elizabeth/Stephanie Seymour die? — so here's the big reveal. 

Following an especially blatant episode of infidelity, Mayne is desperately trying to get Elizabeth to come to his concert in L.A. She doesn't show up, so he decides to go to her apartment and surprise her. She won't answer her phone, so he barges in — and finds that she has shot herself in the head while playing "Without You" on repeat. Hence the only partially-opened casket in "November Rain" — I think we're meant to believe much of her head is now missing. 

So what does this mean would have happened in "Estranged"? My best guess is we would have seen the infidelity more clearly dramatized than in "Don't Cry" (though there is a lot of fighting in that one). We also would have gotten to watch Axl trash an apartment, smash guitars and platinum records, throw a stereo through the windshield of a Bentley, and make it rain hundreds for a crowd of people gathered below. 

But I think the most dramatic moment would have been the big finale — which Del alludes to in "MFV." Mayne has been avoiding ever hearing, let alone playing, "Without You," because his memories of Elizabeth are too painful. But at the bottom of his spiral, he sits down at his piano, high and bloodied, and plays it, soulfully and passionately... as his condo burns to the ground around him, 'cause he dropped a still-burning cigarette on the ground in the bedroom. Dram-a!!!! 

According to the Axl-penned preface (written in 1993 and more or less just a hagiography of Del), Del introduced this story to him in draft form by claiming he had just written the story of his best friend's (i.e., Axl's) death. Again, he wrote it in the mid-80s, before Appetite came out, and according to Axl, many aspects of it came true (mainly the over-the-top multi-platinum success bits). 

Axl says "Estranged" is his "Without You," a song he is haunted by. He confirms that "November Rain" is more the set-up for the story "Without You," and that "Estranged" was going to be the filming of the story itself, except that Stephanie Seymour had "other plans." 

So does this bode well for my marriage? Ummm, well, if we're going to be literalists no, not so much. (And yeah, now this is me talking in 2020 again, can't believe I wrote all that back in 2011! But it was hard to hold a candle... my marriage ended several years ago.)

Monster Magnet, "Space Lord"

I'm in Vegas, B*tch!  

THE VIDEO Monster Magnet, "Space Lord," Powertrip, 1998, A&M SAMPLE LYRIC "Well I sing ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh / Space lord mother mother! / Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh / Space lord mother mother!"

THE VERDICT I know. This video is from nineteen-ninety-freakin'-eight. It's well outside the purview of Headbanger's Ball (which met its maker three years prior). Not only that, it has the ignominious distinction of having been the first video ever played on TRL. (Not that that kind of popularity is always a bad thing — I mean, think how many videos I've featured were really popular on Dial MTV back in the day! 'Memba that one?) 

So why am I do doing this? Welllll, because I'm getting married in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, and this was the only metal (or even metal-ish) video I could come up with that is in Vegas. Which is weird when you think about it, given how many music videos take place in Vegas. Rock videos, pop videos, pop-rap videos — in terms of U.S. cities, it probably comes in third, after L.A. and New York (the only possible contender I can even think of for third place would be Miami, or like if you counted Brooklyn videos separately from Manhattan ones). 

Anyway. This video is pretty beloved, but everyone seems to forget Monster Magnet pulled this trick not once but twice — "Powertrip" is more or less the same idea, using slightly different hip-hop video conventions (inflated suits, tunnels). I think it's mainly that this one was such a surprise at the time, especially because of how it starts out.

 

I mean, before things really get going, this video plays not only with the conventions of hip-hop videos of the time, but also of dark/nu metal videos. I mean, the whole first verse, when the music's still pretty quiet, could be from any of a number of videos, with the faces coming in and out of the light, and all the fog flying around, and of course the super-wrinkly old people (hello, "The Unforgiven," I'm looking at you). I think the skinny kid with "Mother" written on his chest is a nod at "Jeremy," just like, while they're at it. 

You just have to kind of ignore the fact that if you're paying attention, Dave Wyndorf is already wearing a big ol' chain and a purple vinyl suit. (While you're at it, ignore the guitarist's raver attire, with the big pigtail buns and giant sunglasses, even if it kind of reminds me of Edge and Christian. Late 90s fashion was baaad. For real, no nostalgia there.) 

But dang, when suddenly the black backdrop falls down behind them and you really see Dave's suit, you have to admit it's pretty freakin' badass. Not to mention all the dancers. I feel like nowadays you'd expect them to be more implant-y and dressed more provocatively, but they are totally correct for the time, with their monochrome metallic getups. 

In fact, they're basically the exact outfits worn in Ma$e's video for "Feel So Good," which this video grabs almost all its shots from. It's actually kind of amazing how exactly they recreate parts of it. The biggest difference is Ma$e has more girls throwing around money, and he actually gets to shoot inside the casino. 

So where are they in this video? Same as Ma$e — Monster Magnet aren't on the Strip. By relocating to Fremont Street and the Plaza, they've gotten a hotel that's willing to scroll their band's name on its marquee (and let them shoot off a ton of pyro), so we can't knock 'em for that. It also gives them this cool ceiling-of-lights thing to shoot under, so I like that. You can't imitate the Hype Williams style without a lot of lights and a fisheye lens. I enjoy Dave's lightbulb-covered suit as well. Especially the fact that you can visibly see where it's plugged in. Any shots where you can see his legs, you can also see the cord.

 

Okay ew, the part where Twiggy from Marilyn Manson is suddenly there, no thanks. Sorry, but I am just not a Manson fan. But I appreciate that it was critical that they include a sequence in the video where Dave drives a Pontiac Firebird down a street where it looks like it just finished raining, accentuating all the lights. Again, it's just Fremont, not the Strip, but it still looks good. You've got to appreciate the old Vegas, not just the new stuff. 

I also enjoy though that they aren't even driving on a road — I'm pretty sure this is enclosed now, as part of the Fremont Street Experience (it actually already might have been at the time this was shot, they just aren't lighting the 'ceiling'). So this video has a bigger budget than its non-Strip location might make one think — given that there aren't people gawking at them from the slot machines, Monster Magnet actually closed off like, all of Fremont to make this video happen. 

My guess is they're filming in the middle of the night, but still. Everything in Vegas is open 24 hours, and so there are probably people who want to be in whatever place you're trying to shoot your video 24 hours a day too. 

So given what we've seen in this video, am I going to be cavorting with dancers, wearing crazy suits, making it rain? Umm, no, pretty much the opposite. I'm stoked to see my friends, but as I've said in previous weeks, weddings are awful, kids. Trust me on this one. 

P.S.: I totally realize that the biggest event in metal this week has been the untimely death of Jani Lane. But I have had these wedding-related posts planned out forever, so I'm sorry, but I have to go through with it. Post-wed, it's Jani tribute time all the way.

Stryper, "Honestly"

My Imaginary First Dance Song  

THE VIDEO Stryper, "Honestly," To Hell With the Devil, 1986, Hollywood 

SAMPLE LYRIC "Calllllll on meee, and I'll be there for you-oooooooh-oooh / I'm a friend who allllllll-ways will be tru-ooooooooh-ooooh / And I love you can't you see-eeeeeeee / that I can say I luh-uh-uh-uh-uuuuuuuuve youuuuuuuuuu hon-on-est-lee-eeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeee" 

THE VERDICT Okay, here's video #2 in my wedding theme month. How the heck is Stryper relevant, given that my fiance and I aren't religious at all? Well, given that I'm a bit slow on the uptake on this kind of stuff, for a really long time I just thought this would be a really nice like, wedding first dance song. 

I mean, it's a bit sappy incredibly sappy, and it's all the kind of promises you'd want to make, and really everything you'd want in a life partner, right? Okay, except that it's not being narrated from the point of view of like, a husband or wife or whatever. This song is actually a God's eye point of view. 

And I don't mean like, an omniscient narrator kind of thing. I mean literally, this song is like, the Lord or Jesus or whomever telling people He is always going to be there for them, a friend who'll always be true, etc. If you're a believer, it's a reassuring message, for sure. And if you wanted to use this as a message to your spouse, as I would, it's got a lovely message. 

Even if I think I'm the only person I know who can get through this song without complaining of torture. What can I say, I guess I have a cheesy streak. Okay, I have a cheesy streak like the size of Wisconsin. In any event, we aren't having a legit reception or anything like that, so we'll just have to talk about this video here. 

The video sort of takes us through the whole process of the song, from start to finish. We begin really at the beginning, with Michael Sweet composing the song at the piano. Why these parts are in black and white, I'm not sure. Like, it's a reenactment? The "oh no, look how hard this is!" part of an infomercial?

 

Then we move on to the band practicing the song together. Are they practicing in a garage? Or is this the usual metal video cliche of the empty warehouse, because this is a really big garage. They also seem to have some yellow and black-painted risers in there. Maybe it's like an airplane hangar, where all their stuff is waiting to be shipped off for their tour? Hmm, I'm not thinking the acoustics are probably that good in there. 

You know I have to say, in their way, Stryper have great style, with all the skinny jeans and hats and sweatpants. Robert Sweet just about has better Farrah Fawcett hair than Farrah herself did, it's perfect! You look at how they're dressed in this video, and aside from the big-shouldered jackets, it's all stuff that would totally play now. 

Okay, re-focusing. Probably the most notable aspect of this video is the 'behind the scenes' footage of them getting ready to leave for their tour. This is one of the only metal videos (if not the only one) that includes wives and babies in real time, as part of the video, not as just like, maybe one photo in the midst of a huge photo montage. 

They also show them kissing their wives/girlfriends a lot, which is really unusual in metal videos. They usually want to make the band members seem available to any ladies who might be watching. The exception to this is women in videos who the band members are really dating — viz. all the open-mouthed Tawny Kitaen-David Coverdale action in Whitesnake videos. 

This kissing is not like that, trust. I like too that these bits show Stryper to have a sense of humor. We get some jokey footage of them — Rob tosses an umbrella in a suitcase, Oz Fox just sticks an entire dresser drawer into his luggage. Then a white limo picks them all up and they go to the airport, showing us their passports. We even follow them into the plane — and not like, their own personal plane either (or like the helicopter they have in "Always There For You"). Stryper is flying coach!

 

So Stryper have gone to London, where they're on the marquee of the Hammersmith Odeon. Instead of the usual footage of them like, pensively staring out the windows of their tour bus or sitting around exhausted in hotels, Stryper actually take advantage of their traveling. The boys go out and sightsee a bit, hitting the usual tourist spots — Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace. I especially love when they walk by a poster for their concert, and it's right next to a gigantic Thompson Twins poster.

We also get to peek backstage, and this backstage footage is likewise not your usual backstage footage. There's nary a groupie in sight, and no one sprays anyone with beer. Instead, they've got out their Bibles, and they do a prayer circle. 

Moving forward in the sort of life cycle of the song, we then see them practicing on their stage set in their regular clothes. Then at the end Stryper are actually live in their full black and yellow regalia on the set, though at the last minute we're back with Michael and his piano. Hmm, that was pretty straightforward. 

Okay, strap yourselves in for a huge tangent (see, at least this week I saved it for the end!). Growing up, there was this hole-in-the-wall mom and pop shop a little ways from my house that was called the Corner Store. It was abundantly not on a corner, so who knows. But it was basically like a convenience store minus the gas station. It was very small, and sold like candy, and Wonder Bread, and stuff like that. 

It had a couple of arcade games on the back wall, and it had an incredibly distinct smell — I can't describe it, but if I smelled it anywhere else I would identify it as this. Sort of a mix of loose change, soft serve ice cream, and comic books (which they also sold, on a rack near the counter). 

I think I remember buying Garbage Pail Kids cards there too, but I might be conflating that with a memory of walking home with my parents from either the annual town Tag Sale or the annual town carnival and finding a long trail of Garbage Pail Kids cards along the side of the road and picking them all up. (In other news: Do I still have all those Garbage Pail Kids cards? Hellllll yeah I do!)

 

Anyway: Why this long digression? Okay, 'cause in addition to the aforementioned annual events my town held, there's also an annual Memorial Day Parade which is very like, small town America-y. All the local fire trucks drive down the street, and like, the oldest veterans and the selectmen ride through town in convertibles, and so on and so forth. People throw penny candy from the backs of flatbed trucks, and you run into the street and pick it up. (Well they used to, they aren't allowed to do that anymore because safety or whatever. Lame.)

Okay, I swear I'm getting to the connection soon! So one year, I marched in the Memorial Day Parade as a Girl Scout. I was a Brownie, so this would've been 1987 or 1988. And it was unbelievably hot that year, just scorching. But I made it through the whole parade, sweating under my stupid little felt Brownie beanie. 

When I'd walked the whole parade route, my mom met me (probably at the local high school), and we walked home. On the way though, we stopped at the Corner Store, 'cause she wanted to buy me a soft-serve ice cream cone for being good and all and sweating it out in the parade. 

So while the old man behind the counter (and it was literally just one old man who worked there, always) was getting my ice cream, I remember looking up at the wall behind the counter, where there were posters for sale, the kind you can win at carnivals, you know, where they're sort of mounted on cardboard and in these gold plastic frames. And right smack-dab in the middle above the counter was this big ol' Stryper poster, of them in all their black and yellow regalia. 

Now, today I would be like foaming at the mouth to get that poster, but at the time my little seven- or eight-year-old self was like, "Who the heck is gonna buy that poster?" Okay, that was an incredibly long and not especially relevant digression. 

But that is part of why I write this blog — so many parts of my life are somehow wrapped up in metal, and the littlest things, like seeing Stryper in all their yellow and black concert gear, can conjure up all these memories. I mean shoot, I can't remember the last time I thought about the Corner Store. That place closed in like 1989 or 1990, I think it's a realtor's office now. 

I could go on and on about this stuff. Also, I do.

P.S.: Did you know that unlike metal bands who jokingly claim their names are acronyms (Satan Laughs As You Eternally Rot) or who others claim are acronyms (Kids/Knights In Satan's Service), Stryper actually is an acronym? "Salvation Through Redemption Yielding Peace, Encouragement, and Righteousness." And also yielding lots of striped clothing!

  

Dio, "Rainbow in the Dark"

The Wedding Countdown Begins  

THE VIDEO Dio, "Rainbow in the Dark," Holy Diver, 1983, Reprise 

SAMPLE LYRIC "No sign of the morning com-iiiiing / you've been left on your own! / like a rainbow in the dark / a rainbow in the dark!" 

THE VERDICT Okay, so if you're a regular reader, you know I've mentioned a couple times that I am getting married later this month, and I am buggin'. Weddings. Are. Horrible. I sleep like five hours a night because I'm constantly worrying about some idiotic bull. For serious, guys. I considered doing a whole theme month of songs about insanity, but decided I should try more of a "fake it 'til you make it" approach and go super-positive instead. 

So this whole month, we're doing songs that somehow relate to my wedding or my relationship with my fiance. Ha, I can see you cringing through the internet. Come on, you know it can't be that bad. I mean, I'm starting with Dio. You must love Dio. 

That said, this is gonna be one of those posts that features lengthy personal digressions (they're all gonna be like that this month), so if you're not feeling that, you might want to bail now. Or at least skim down to the bottom where I actually get around to talking about the video. 

So three years ago, driving back to my parents' house from New York in the midst of crazy sporadic downpours and thunderstorms, I actually saw not just one but several rainbows in the dark. I mean forget double rainbows! Friggin' lightning and rainbows at the same time — totally awesome. I'd never seen anything like it before, nor since. 

And also coincidentally, the previous weekend, I'd been with some people at a teeny tiny bar in the basement of an also pretty tiny hotel (post my ten-year high school reunion, just to add to the awfulness). For some reason they had a guy playing loud acoustic guitar — like he was really mic'd up in spite of the fact that the room was roughly the size of an average public bathroom. And you know people playing those kind of gigs always like, tell unfunny anecdotes between songs, even though everyone's like pleasssseeee don't talk, we can finally all hear each other without screaming.

 

Anyway, the high point was when he played what was actually a pretty decent solo acoustic version of "Rainbow in the Dark" which led me to scream and make the Dio sign. He then played the first few bars of "Holy Diver," which now that I think of it would be amazing acoustic, but my cheers were to no avail, as pretty soon it was back to deadly boring Oasis covers. I put some money in his tip jar though and I wrote "PLAY MORE DIO" on it. 

So when my fiance and I were very first dating, I told him this story — I can't even remember the context for it. And then the next time I saw him, he'd taught himself to play "Rainbow in the Dark" on his guitar, and played it for me (as well as "Cherry Pie," which I also love acoustic). So see? Relevant. 

Okay, to my wedding anyway. I had really hoped we'd be able to incorporate "Rainbow in the Dark" into the wedding in some way, but I don't think it'll actually happen. So this blog post is as close as we're gonna get. 

But what of the video? Well, it's astonishingly low-budget. And it takes place in London. Also, this video bizarrely — courageously? — chooses to tell the story of uh, well, of a pervert. We split between a totally badass-looking Dio standing on a rooftop, and then a totally sketchy-looking Englishman stalking a woman through the streets. He adjusts his tie constantly, which is an odd tic. 

 

The woman herself looks like she stepped out of a J. Geils Band video or something along those lines. She's got short 80s hair, and is wearing a red and white polka-dotted dress, red sheer tights, and low white heels (not your typical metal video chick). One of the most memorable parts of this video for me is when the pervy man gets distracted by a display of lingerie, and we suddenly get this weird montage of the lingerie, signs for peep shows, and a deli display full of meat. Oh Dio, your subtlety is a delight.

 

She seems to go in the "Cin Cinema," which greatly pleases the perv. He takes off his glasses and is all prepped to follow her inside, when suddenly he stops, shocked — yes, a super-young Vivian Campbell is busting out of there for the guitar solo, and the woman is definitely very interested in him. It scares the pervert right off. 

For some reason, this triggers further montages of the fronts of peep parlors and such. Uhoh! And now here's Jimmy Bain too! Then the woman kisses Viv. The perv is not pleased, to say the least. He drops his little briefcase and just runs away. 

I wonder if Vinny Appice was bummed he didn't get to be in this video. Then again, I guess unlike "Holy Diver," at least anyone who's not RJD getting to be in the video would probably be considered an improvement among the band members. 

I really enjoy that it seems like this video was not filmed on any kind of closed or even controlled set -- everyone they pass on the street is staring at the actors, or staring straight at the camera. I also feel like how incredibly windy it appears to be on the roof where Dio is gives us further indication of just how low-budge this video is. 

But can we also mention that this is an incredible song? For people who aren't familiar with the Dio oeuvre (I know, it's not you, but they're out there), this is the one they'll know — it actually gets played on classic rock radio. 

And I mean the keyboard riff in this is classic, just classic. You'd recognize it anywhere. You know me though, as per usual what gets me here are the evocative but somewhat nonsensical lyrics. "When there's lightning / you know it always brings me down / 'cause it's free and I see that it's me / who's lost and never fou-ou-ou-ound!" It doesn't get better than that, people. 

Suffice to say I don't know what this song's really about. He keeps being all "you've been left on your own / like a rainbow in the dark." But I feel like seeing a rainbow when you're in the dark would be a hopeful thing. (I mean, when I did see it, it was totally badass.)