Bon Jovi, "Livin' on a Prayer"

Are We Halfway There Yet?  

THE VIDEO Bon Jovi, "Livin' on a Prayer," Slippery When Wet, 1986, Mercury 

SAMPLE LYRIC "Whooooooooa! / We're halfway they-ere! / Whooooooooa-ohhhh! / Livin' on a pray-air!" 

THE VERDICT Now those in the know usually give credit to the chart success of Quiet Riot's Metal Health for breaking metal with a mainstream audience. But I would estimate that a great many more claim Slippery When Wet as metal's watershed moment with the broader U.S. audience. 

Why choose JBJ over QR? Well, let's face it, Kevin DuBrow (RIP) was never a contender versus Jon Bon Jovi in the looks department. (That said, I'd take Carlos Cavazo over Richie Sambora any day.) So that's probably part of it. 

But what else is it? Well, "Livin' on a Prayer" gives us some ideas. 

For one, there's the song itself. They've brought in a serious hitman, Desmond Child, who I've ruminated about at length already. Suffice to say that yes, you do usually get what you pay for in the super-producer department. 

But two, with this tale of Tommy and Gina, Bon Jovi take a page directly from fellow Jerseyite (Jerseyan?) The Boss, and we already know it's a page that works. Stories about down on their luck (it's tough) New Jerseyers are gold, nay, platinum even. Now for Bruce Springsteen, who I absolutely freakin' love, the stories are usually enough on their own. 

I mean, don't even get me started on "The River." That song makes me cry my eyes out just thinking about it. It is so, so good, and so, so sad. I remember in high school I was on this long college road trip with my mom, and we'd been listening to The Boss' greatest hits CD on repeat. I kept skipping "The River" every time it came up, 'cause it made me cry. But finally she was like, "Don't skip it, I really like this song, it's not a big deal. The people in the song aren't even real." 

 

So I read the liner notes in the little CD book, where he kind of told the story of each song, and found out the song was about his brother-in-law and sister. Oh man, I cried harder than ever. Suffice to say I did not get into the next college where I interviewed, with my red, watery eyes and puffy face. They probably thought I was suffering from some kind of intense college application stress or something (when in reality I didn't really care at all, it's just that "The River" is really sad!).

 

Anyway. 

As Jon has revealed to people's surprise (really?), Tommy and Gina are not real people (this is surprising how?). Doesn't really matter here though. All we care about is that they're gonna make it, and they've got loads of keyboards and a talk box (which I think of as a Peter Frampton Machine) to help them along. 

Even more than the song though, I think it's this video (and the constant airplay it received) that just exploded Bon Jovi all over the place. I mean, it's not like they hadn't made albums (and videos) before this. But it's with this one that all the elements that will make up many future Bon Jovi videos — and many other metal videos — fall into place. 

One, there's the guys themselves. Most of the video is sort of "behind the scenes" footage as they set up, and we see them as fun, goofy, friendly guys. David Bryan plays Alec John Such's guitar, JBJ and Richie constantly mug at each other, only Tico Torres is kind of relegated to the background. 

Two, Jon has really solidified his look with this video, and it's about to get copied all over the place. I think the element that's here now, and was really missing in their previous videos, is his long leather duster jacket, with all the medallions and fringe and stuff. Suddenly, these things (which seem like they'd be kind of hot temperature-wise and awkward to wear) become metal must-haves. 

But the other thing that's interesting is the extent to which Bon Jovi have changed their look to transform themselves into the (long-haired) boys next door. As pretty as Jon is, they aren't a very glam-looking band. Jon's coat aside, they are actually wearing pretty normal guy clothes for the time — concert tees and fitted jeans. They're much less colorful looking than they were in say, "In and Out of Love." 

So it's a weird paradox — while on the one hand, their sound is as pop and commercial as can be, they're actually among the first of the more glam or lyrical groups to really tone down their wardrobes. If I had to guess whether this helped their popularity with the non-metal-fan U.S. audience I'd have to say um yeah, it did.

 

The other thing they've done in this video is seriously upped their production values. I don't know what it is about slightly blue-tinted black and white, but it takes everything from looking like it was being shot on the cheap to looking like it's all part of some insanely gorgeous documentary. Slow down the footage just ever-so-slightly for bonus points. 

Unlike all the serious black-and-white in like, "Wanted Dead or Alive" though, here it's all fun. Particularly because Jon, Alec, and I'm assuming Richie too are strapped into harnesses allowing them to fly out over the audience. This makes room for even more shots of them goofing around, as they try out the harnesses and joke with the technicians who are strapping them in. 

And then, of course, we get the big punch at the end — when with the biggest "WHOA!", suddenly we're in color and there's a live, very sweaty audience. 

We might also notice that it's a very male audience. Why? See, even though Bon Jovi might be threatening everyone's manliness with all those power ballads, by toning down the colorful clothes and makeup, it's still all good. You can be a hetero dude and listen to "Never Say Goodbye." 

In this sense, I think Bon Jovi hit upon a magic formula several beats before a lot of other really big bands did (though eventually they would become almost notorious for having a heavily female audience, because of course you know that's a bad thing smh). 

Okay anyway, before I get all into deconstructing the gender dynamics of heavy metal's listenership (as someone who regularly gets asked things like whether I'm buying that Slayer button for my boyfriend, I could do this all day), why this video now? Well, 'cause school's starting today for me, and I'm feeling more than a little bit beaten down. 

And if Jon and the boys screaming "Whooa-ohhhh!" in ever-higher registers is what does it for me right now, so be it. Also wait, whoa, ("Whooa-ohhhh!" even) — I just realized something. This is my 150th post. (It's only my 149th video though, thanks to my double-dipping on "Estranged.") Still though, dang, that's a lot of videos! And there's still so many more to go. I guess I'm gonna be livin' on a pray-air in more ways than one.

 

Bon Jovi, "Always"

I Love the 90s  

THE VIDEO Bon Jovi, "Always," Cross Road, 1994, Mercury 

SAMPLE LYRIC "And I will love you / bay-ay-bayyy-ayyy, ah-all-ways / I'll be there forever and a day-ay / ah-all-ways" 

THE VERDICT I know I don't usually do videos from this late in the game. But don't you ever just think to yourself, hey, I'd like to talk about a video that's extra-long, extra-soap-opera-y, and stars multiple 90s "stars"? Well, that's what I said to myself, so I guess you all have to deal with it. And get ready, people, 'cause this is gonna be a long one. 

Let's get something out of the way first. "Always" is a very uneven song. Some parts of it are great (the "I made mistakes, I'm just a man" verse and the pre-chorus after it, par example). Other parts of it are brutal (the actual chorus, the freakin' strings). 

I have a pretty high tolerance for maudlin Bon Jovi, but this song pushes the limits. It's really wordy and a bit sludgy in places. A lot of it feels like the zillionth chorus of "I'll Be There for You", the one where they sing it a bit higher, and you're kind of just like, "Damn, they're still going?" 

Also, just for the record, what do I consider to be fully over the limit? "Bed of Roses." So see, even I have a TMBJ limit (Too Much Bon Jovi). I guess technically though I should also mention that I consider everything from this album on to fall into that category too — I can not abide "It's My Life" or especially (shudder) "Have a Nice Day." 

But anyway. This song was apparently originally written for the soundtrack of the 1993 film Romeo Is Bleeding, which explains the weirdo beginning ("this Romeo is bleeding / but you can't see his blood"). JBJ bailed on putting it in the movie, but he was later convinced to dig it up for their greatest hits anthology. I'm glad he did, because you guys, this video is ahmazing!! 

I'm too excited to talk about them as they appear, so let's just lay out now the stars of this video. Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora? Hah, I think not. No. This video stars Jack Noseworthy, aka star of MTV's utterly forgotten Dead at 21 and the villain from The Brady Bunch Movie. 

Full disclosure: I thought Jack was soooo hot at the time. I mean so hot. Face facts, I love guys with big, pouty lips. Apparently always have. And I watched the bejeezus out of Dead at 21, which was a bizarre attempt at a scripted action-drama by MTV — Jack had been implanted with some science-y thing as a baby, and he just found out about this, and has to foil it with the help of some woman who looks like Duff (not from Guns N Roses, I mean then-VJ Karen Duffy) so he won't die. I remember finding it really exciting, but being disappointed by the ending.

 

Here, I think he's been cast due to his passing resemblance to Jon Bon Jovi. Longish blondish hair? Check. Pouty lips? Check. Killer cheekbones? Check. All they needed to do was slap some temporary tattoos on him (Superman logo and cow skull with some feathers) to make the transposition complete. In any event, villain-from-The-Brady-Bunch-Movie is too long of a name, so we will call him Noseworthy. 

Noseworthy's girlfriend is played by Carla Gugino, who has been in just a huge amount of stuff. I didn't recognize her from anything in particular, but she's been in lots of TV, including long stints on Spin City, Chicago Hope, and Entourage, as well as all the Spy Kids movies. But what has she been in that I've seen? Um... uh... well... Son-In-Law. We will call her Son-In-Law. 

Son-In-Law has a roommate/friend staying with her or something like that (more on that when we get to the plot) played by Keri Russell, aka Felicity. Um yeah, we're going to call her Felicity. 

Last, we've got possibly the most far-fetched character in an already quite far-fetched video, the artist. And he is played by (drumroll, please!)... Colin from 90210!! I know, I know — in this video he still has his longish hair as he does when he plays (drumroll, please!) Skippy in Kicking and Screaming! 

But whatever people. It's Colin from 90210. I hope I need not have to say more, and that you understand how awesome this is. We will call him Colin from 90210 (oh by the way, this actor's name is Jason Wiles). 

The video begins all verite, with no music, just a street scene that looks like it's in Mexico but based on the rest of the video I'm going to say is in some magical hybrid of Mexico, Los Angeles, and who knows, possibly New York. We'll call it New Los Mexico. 

Anyway, the camera pans up from the street, through a wall, and into an apartment, which is when the music actually starts. Noseworthy is sitting there shirtless (yeah baby!) looking at a picture of Son-In-Law. He reminisces via a flashback about the good times they had when he took that photo, making out and driving recklessly. Aww, they almost ran that Jeep Cherokee off the road! Young love. Sigh!

 

We also start seeing Bon Jovi. They're playing in a weird empty-ish warehouse space, and they look all 90s. You know, shoulder-length hair. Jon is seen mostly in extreme close-up, while everyone else is far away and poorly lit. They appear to have all picked out their wardrobes together, settling on black tees and choker necklaces with big silver crosses and such hanging from them. Real creative, guys. 

Now Noseworthy and Son-In-Law are back at her place. It looks like every chick's apartment in every 90s movie ever — gauzy patterned curtains, elaborately unkempt-on-purpose bed, vanity table covered with photos and crap. Noseworthy is filming her with a camcorder, and of course, since it's a 90s video, Son-In-Law takes this as her cue to perform an impromptu exotic dance routine. 

I should also mention that this woman does not seem to know the difference between a slip-dress and an actual slip. Who says that's a dress? "Calvin Klein!" Anyway, Noseworthy can't resist, so he goes for her, leaving the camera on. 

With the first chorus, we already get to one of the most amazing parts of this video — Noseworthy and Son-In-Law go to a rave. Okay, maybe it's just supposed to be a club, but it's so ginormous it appears to be in a freakin' airplane hangar, so we're going with rave (there's also further rave evidence later). There are women swinging from ropes of flowers, and many of the partygoers appear to be male extras who have been instructed to more or less stand around and gape at Noseworthy and Son-In-Law. 

I can't blame them. These two have both twisted their hair into impromptu dreadlocks. Son-In-Law is wearing some crazy sheer thing, and Noseworthy has on a choker necklace and a shiny jacket. They keep wriggling around on each other, and at one point he pours champagne into her mouth. Allow me to also mention the part where suddenly it's a foam party. 

All their frantic making out is a weird counterpoint to JBJ singing really, really slowly. Noseworthy and Son-In-Law stumble back into her apartment wearing enormous novelty hats — boom! See? I told you it was a rave. Noseworthy is wearing a Mad Hatter type thing, and Son-In-Law has on a like three-foot-high furry Cat-in-the-Hat hat. 

She gestures to him to be quiet — Felicity is asleep on the couch! Why? Who knows. I mean, Felicity's wearing a t-shirt and jeans. So is she Son-In-Law's roommate? And she just fell asleep on the couch? I know this seems obvious now, but trust me, later this will be called into question.

 

Anyway, Felicity decides to turn on the TV since she's awake, and what, what, what?!? Apparently Noseworthy's camcorder is hooked up to the TV in the living room, 'cause Noseworthy and Son-in-Law are getting it on in living color. Felicity appears more amused than repulsed by this, because, you know, it's a metal video. If this weren't a metal video, it'd be either a) a roommate horror story or b) prn, I guess. 

The next morning, Noseworthy and Son-In-Law leave, and Son-In-Law kisses Felicity on the cheek all "See you later!" But then as they're leaving, Noseworthy looks back at her and winks, all "See you later." What is up with that wink!? "Yeah I know you saw us getting it on last night"? "I think you liked it"? "I left the camera hooked up on purpose 'cause Son-In-Law is turned on when I casually exploit her"? Who knows. 

Anyway, there's a jump in time with the beginning of the second verse, which is the strongest of the song in my book. Noseworthy and Felicity are sitting around, and she's wearing a low-cut top and throwing him the bone eye. It takes him a long moment to realize what's up, but once he does, Noseworthy acts fast. 

After a while of watching Bon Jovi sing, we see Son-In-Law come home carrying two bags of groceries. She looks around the apartment but no one's there. We then see that the TV's on (um, why?) and of course, the camcorder's also been left on (here's why). 

We see Son-In-Law's bedroom, where Noseworthy's lying on the bed. Felicity walks in with no shirt on (just the ubiquitous-in-the-90s Victoria's Secret Second Skin Satin bra), and Son-In-Law rips off her sunglasses all shocked as she watches it all on the TV. 

Noseworthy pulls Felicity to him by her mom jeans, and as they start going at it Son-In-Law runs into the room and throws a sack of groceries at them. I kind of love that she does that — it's like turning a hose on some dogs or something.

 

Felicity rolls around on the bed while Noseworthy watches Son-In-Law run away down what suddenly appears to be a suburban street. But before we get too far, see, this is what I was talking about before. If Felicity is Son-In-Law's roommate, why the hell were they hooking up in Son-In-Law's bedroom?!? Either a) dang, this really is a roommate horror story, just not the way we thought or b) Felicity is still in the wrong, but she's just a guest. 

Son-In-Law trudges through the back alleys of wherever-the-hell-this-is-supposed-to-be, ditching her obligatory it's-the-90s Steve Madden chunky black heels and sitting artfully on a random doorstep in a suddenly-very-urban-looking area (think NYC SoHo). The way she's put up her hair and draped that scarf around herself, it looks like she's about to start doing some ballet. 

But Son-In-Law is in luck — who should happen upon her but Colin from 90210! He offers her his coat and brings her up to his preposterously gigantic loft. I know everyone on TV has apartments that are way, way bigger than people can afford in real life, but his apartment is huge. 

Between the giant crappy paintings everywhere and his black mock turtleneck, we quickly learn that Colin from 90210 is an artist. Son-In-Law is way impressed by this. She's quickly seduced as he pours her champagne in seriously the ugliest champagne flutes imaginable. They look like they came from either Big Lots or the SkyMall. 

As per the inevitable, during the guitar solo Colin from 90210 paints Son-In-Law. And as per the even more inevitable, he takes off his shirt to do this, prompting her to likewise reveal herself. As the sort of second bridge begins, Son-In-Law wakes up alone in Colin from 90210's absolutely ridiculous Star Trek bed. 

Where has he gone? I don't know, but I really, really hope it involves... Ding! A low-speed chase. Ding! Getting Kelly Taylor back into drugs. Ding! Erin Silver nearly drowning in a bathtub. Oh snap, I bet he is at the Peach Pit. Ding! Peach Pit After Dark. (Anyone who simultaneously got the Beverly Hills, 90210 references there as well as the Kicking and Screaming reference wins at life.) 

Son-In-Law goes and looks at her painting. Aww, he painted her as Alice Cooper! For some reason, this prompts her to call Noseworthy. He comes right over and they begin making out immediamente. 

She starts to show him all the weird crap in Colin from 90210's loft, and he quickly finds the painting. I guess he can tell she's topless in it even though it's pretty — well, to be generous we'll say it's pretty abstract. 

In any event, Noseworthy goes ballistic. He topples over what appears to be a shopping cart full of art supplies, then throws a speaker while Son-In-Law tries to hold him back.

 

But nothing can hold Noseworthy back from his final act of destruction — yup, the ugly painting. He stabs the painting repeatedly while Son-In-Law looks on in tears. Once done, he's all smiles, but Son-In-Law just looks at him all teary and does an awesome "talk to the hand." 

Now for the most improbable part of the video. And I mean more improbable than all these women letting Jack Noseworthy videotape their sexcapades, more improbable than Colin from 90210 owning that giant apartment, more improbable than Son-In-Law appearing to walk from a favela to the L.A. suburbs to Manhattan. Even more improbable than the fact that it's suddenly night again. 

Noseworthy blows up Colin from 90210's loft. Yup. I know. Okay, we don't see him do it, but we do see flames explode out of its windows, and then we see Noseworthy walk out of the building past the firefighters like it's all NBD. 

He passes Colin from 90210, who's on his way home and probably wondering WTF happened, and they give each other a long, hard look that says a lot without actual words. But if there were words, they would be... Colin from 90210: "I banged Son-In-Law, and I painted her naked." Noseworthy: "I blew up your apartment. And besides, I still have hours of our sex tapes." 

The video concludes back in Noseworthy's apartment. He's still staring at that photo of Son-In-Law when suddenly he sees her, dressed just as she was that day in a slip dress (that for once actually is a slip dress) and a floppy hat. 

He walks up to her, but you can already tell from how totally artificial and green his computer-generated shadow is that she's not really there. She dissolves when he reaches out to touch her though, in case you didn't get the idea already. 

Morals of this story? Don't let Felicity sleep on your couch. Don't paint strange women you meet on the street lest your Star Trek bed and all your crappy paintings wind up in flames. Don't go to raves, they are hella lame. Or really, the most obvious lesson, and yet one celebrities seem to forget all the time — sex tapes are always a bad idea. Ah-all-ways! (Sing it!)

Cinderella, "Somebody Save Me"

An Almost Fairytale Ending

THE VIDEO Cinderella, "Somebody Save Me," Night Songs, 1986, Mercury

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRICS "Somebody saaaaaay-aaaaaaaay-aaaaave me / I lost my job they kicked me out of my tree / Somebody saaaaaay-aaaaaaaay-aaaaave me / Saaaaaaay-aaaaaaaay-aaaaave ME!"

THE VERDICT This song is just pure, vintage, classic Cinderella. Just a good ol'-fashioned guitar assault from Jeff LaBar, and a deliciously growly vocal from Tom Keifer. And the video, which is mostly performance footage, is pretty good too. But that's just my opinion. And in this case, my opinion pales next to that of those two pinnacles of pontification, Beavis and Butt-head. I can not watch this video without thinking of all of the things they say about it, and so as I go through it, I can't help but interject their take.

You know I love when plot elements continue between videos, and this is no exception. As with all of the other videos from Night Songs, we get to see the two wicked stepsisters. After being informed that the video is taking place "Somewhere in Philadelphia" in 1985, they run down a hall toward a studio where Cinderella are recording this song. Let me also mention that in this clip, the gals are wearing completely, utterly ridiculous 80s outfits. I love polka dots, but these ensembles push it a little too far.

Everyone in Cinderella however deserves a special mention for wearing the coolest outfits ever. In particular, Eric Brittingham -- who is looking ridiculously young and hot -- has layered an unstructured, leopard-print blazer over a Batman t-shirt, and Jeff LaBar has accessorized a Look What the Cat Dragged In Poison tee with a silky, sparkly, purple scarf. These are both outfits I would totally wear um, now.



On a semi-related note, Tom Keifer's lips are looking more gigantic and trout-like than ever, but whatever, we all know I love a man with great lips. Seriously, Tom's lips are what Bret Michaels wishes he had. Luscious, pillowy... okay, but enough about me, back to the video.

This is the only video where we get to see their keyboard player Jeff Paris, even if only for a few seconds. I remember reading a thing in I think Circus being like "why can't Cinderella just acknowledge him as a member of the band, he plays on all their songs?" We also get to see the album's producer, Andy Johns (who has a passing resemblance to Joe Elliott), as himself.

But what do the boys have to say about the studio footage? Though they are excited to see the wicked stepsisters (chanting "butt! butt! butt!" each time their skirts flip up), Beavis and Butt-head are less interested in the rest of this video (as Butt-head says "Uhhh... I think this is gonna be stupid"). Once they've spotted Andy Johns, Beavis says, "Yeah. Who the hell is this buttmunch?" which makes them both crack up. Butt-head then repeats, "Why is this dork here?" beginning a pattern throughout this video that supports my theory that Beavis is actually the much smarter of the two, and Butt-head knows this -- this is why he so thoroughly and consistently represses Beavis, whose fatal flaw is believing Butt-head that he (Butt-head) is smarter.

This dynamic gets played out more in their comments on the footage of the band playing in the studio, which are hilarious and worth excerpting here:

Beavis: "This is like 'behind the scenes at a crappy band recording session.'"
Butt-head: "Yeah" (laughter).
Beavis (spotting Tom): "Look at that guy's poodle hair!"
Butt-head: "These guys probably went to SuperCuts and said, 'Could you just like, make it more poufy?'"
Beavis: "'Yeah yeah, but keep the length. I want it like, poufy on top, and then long and straight on the sides, yeah. Yeah that would look really cool.'" (laughter)

Butt-head then accuses Beavis of asking the barber for this himself. After asserting his style comes naturally and that "chicks like it," Beavis distracts Butt-head by pointing out that Eric Brittingham "looks like a cheerleader."



Anyway, as we move from the verse to the chorus, the video switches from the studio to performance footage which -- based on Tom's extreme level of sweatiness and the fact that the venue isn't that big but also doesn't appear to be only two rows deep -- I'm going to assume is real. Also there are little things like the fact that there are a bunch of bored-looking boyfriend-types and security guards in the crowd, Eric bothering to adjust his mic (which he wouldn't need to do for lip-synching), the fact that they probably didn't have a realistically-recreate-a-concert budget, all point to it being live. There's also a shot of a girl waving what appears to be a newly purchased Bon Jovi shirt, which implies they're opening for JBJ here.

There are also a bunch of random moments in the live stuff that I really enjoy, and make it seem like Cinderella are both a fun band and that they're having fun. Fred Coury does a sort of Paul Stanley face at one point, and Tom blows a kiss to a girl in the crowd. I also particularly like when Tom and Jeff briefly play each other's guitars and then look super-happy that they pulled it off successfully. All but Fred have switched into long, skinny, sparkly, Steven Tyler-slash-Stevie Nicks jackets, which is another sartorial choice I can really get behind.

And of course, Beavis and Butt-head have way more to say about the performance footage (which admittedly, with all the David Lee Roth jumps and Steve Vai-esque guitar twirling, Cinderella is asking for a little bit). You know I love that stuff, but the boys don't really care for it. It's actually one of their more lucid commentaries. Continuing the "behind the scenes" theme Beavis picked up on earlier, the boys improvise dialogue from Cinderella:

Beavis: "Yeah yeah. 'All those years of hard work and practice in the garage finally pay off when you see the looks on those people's faces out there in the audience.'"
Butt-head: "These dudes are like, 'Look at me, I'm kicking!'"
Beavis: "'Yeah look at me! I'm twirling my guitar around and wiggling my butt! See? Just like we practiced!'"
Butt-head: "'Yeah, look at me, I'm shaking my hips and kicking, just like we did at practice!'"

See, I'm telling you! Beavis is the innovator. Butt-head just picks up on his ideas.



As the song winds down, we transition back into the studio, where the producer comes over the intercom and tells the lads that it's great and they're done. Cinderella leave the studio, where the wicked stepsisters spot them and get really excited -- or at least so it seems, as they actually run past Cinderella to embrace Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora.

I love cameos, and think it's a cute nod to Bon Jovi having discovered the band, but you know Beavis and Butt-head beg to differ. They make fun of Tom's line of dialogue ("so you think we got it?"), and then mock-pity the band for losing out to Bon Jovi. My favorite bit is a little before this though, when Beavis says he's "glad that's over" but then Butt-head goes "check it out though, they're not stopping" as the band leaves the studio. I love whenever the boys get tricked by a transition in a video (the best example of this is when they watch "Stars" by Hum).

Overall, one of the reasons I particularly love B & B-H's commentary on this video is because they really hit the nail on the head. What they describe is exactly what this video's meant to be -- here we are in 1985, recording this song and losing chicks to Bon Jovi, and then here we are now a year later, rocking the house and getting the bone-eye from chicks in the audience. I mean sure, it's the Slippery When Wet tour so we're not exactly headlining, but hey, we've pretty much made it.

P.S.: If you're looking for the episode that includes this video, it's "Patsies" from season five. Unfortunately, Beavis and Butt-head's commentary on "Somebody Save Me" isn't available online. You can however watch the full episode minus the videos here.

Bon Jovi, "Living in Sin"

Parents Just Don't Understand

THE VIDEO Bon Jovi, "Living in Sin," New Jersey, Mercury, 1988

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Baby can you tell me, just WHERE we fi-it in / I call it love, they call it living in sin / is it you and me or just this WORLD we li-ive in / we're living on love, or are we livin' in sin"

THE VERDICT I have to give this song the award for the greatest ode to premarital sex (sorry, Winger). So what if the allmusic review claims that Bon Jovi's "trying to recreate Born to Run using cheaper materials." I don't know man but for me, this song puts JBJ dangerously close to Springsteen territory. Let's face it: No matter how I really feel about the state, if there's one thing I love, it's a good story-song about doomed lovers from New Jersey. The Boss is king in those parts -- I mean, "The River," "Atlantic City," etc. -- but Bon Jovi's no slouch.

And "Living in Sin" is the best of his story-songs -- though all the details about squabbling parents and Catholicism don't do it for me, his voice is so choked with emotion at the song's opening that it brings a lump into my throat nearly every time. And the video -- oh, the video. It's a total sobfest!



To review: This is the video MTV originally banned back in the day because it was too racy, though I'd argue they actually banned it for a couple of reasons. One, it contains a lot of Catholic imagery, and this was just a little before the whole "Like a Prayer" controversy. If the church didn't enjoy Madonna burning crosses and getting stigmata, I don't think they were going to exactly embrace Bon Jovi showing a vaguely sexy communion and crossing himself repeatedly while singing about the hypocrisy of religion and the idea that love is more important than the legality of one's relationship.

Two, the video is actually not that racy -- lots of clenched hands and unidentifiable swaths of bare skin (between the long hair and the lights being out, there are a lot of shots where it's not clear who we're looking at). This is particularly true of the shorter version, which omits the one brief peek of silhouetted side-boob (see below for an overly-long discussion of the different versions.) Call me crazy, but I think the bigger problem is that it shows sexuality in a positive, loving way -- this is no "Girls, Girls, Girls," which shows way more skin even in the censored version they show on TV. It also has way less nudity than Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game," which has a very similar overall look and feel. Compared to both of those, too, the shots in this video are too quick to really figure out what's going on; you kind of just get a sense of what you're seeing. Which at least for some of us is, admittedly, probably more titillating than the brazen sexuality of say, Motley Crue's love letter to the ladies of the Body Shop.



Instead of Sunset Strip strippers or Helena Christensen, we get a couple of people who actually look young (particularly the girl -- the guy looks vaguely like the friend who dies in "18 and Life"), and who for metal videos are strikingly good actors! They're adorable together, and he's so affectionate with her, it just ... oh no, here it goes. I'm getting teary. It was going to happen at some point, so let's just let it come. Anyway, they're a pretty realistic couple in the sense of they look like people you could've met in New Jersey circa 1988. I feel like this as well was likely part of MTV's problem with the video -- these folks look underage.

There's also an interesting class aspect in here -- while in most Bon Jovi songs, its implied both lovers are working class (think his other big "Living" song, i.e. "On a Prayer"), this video makes it appear that the boy is working class while the girl is middle class. Her family dresses neatly and eats dinner around the table, his keeps a junker car in the front yard and eats in front of the TV. So the video adds the implication of disapproval of downward mobility to the whole no-sex-before-marriage thing (in other words, it's not just the sex her parents disapprove of, though we can assume they disapprove of that too).



But they're in looove! I mean just look at these two, on the beach, in the car, at a motel... can't anybody take the "if you're going to do this, let's do it at home and be safe" approach? I can't stand the thought that this couple isn't going to make it!

If you see the full version of this video, it includes bits before and after the song ends that give a bit more context (it also includes more explicit sexuality than the shorter version, which is also considerably tamer). Both show the girl having dinner with her parents, and standing up to look out some large windows (or maybe French doors?) out to the street. The beginning includes a voiceover (we assume from the boy) saying, "There's always something that we have to do for them, but this is one thing that we have to do for us."



In the longer ending, we see the girl looking out the window again, and the boy's car driving by. We then see the girl running out to the boy's car. Some folks claim this means she's decided to run away with him. However -- since a) she's wearing different clothes and b) we also see this shot of her running to the car in the beginning of the video (when they're leaving for the motel?) -- I've always taken this to be a memory. In other words, she's looking for his car, but it's not there anymore. Noooooo!

Then again... there's also the shot of them being discovered in bed at the beginning of the video, which is obviously foreshadowing and repeats again at the end. So maybe... hmm. Maybe the whole intro is foreshadowing her leaving with him at the end. But doesn't she need more than that tiny backpack? I mean that'll barely hold her Aqua Net, let alone her enormous supply of giant hoop earrings! Nonetheless, I think further study is required to solidify my interpretation of this video. Are they truly star-crossed, or is this "Tommy and Gina: The Early Years"?

P.S.: Yes, I got the idea for this title from Parks and Recreation.