Guns N Roses, "November Rain"

Spoiler Alert: I'm Divorced  

THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "November Rain," Use Your Illusion I, 1991, Geffen 

SAMPLE LYRIC "So if you wanna love me / then darlin' don't refrain / Or I'll just end up walkin' / in the cold November rain" 

THE VERDICT I know. I've always said this is a pretty depressing wedding song -slash- video -- I mean, the bride dies. But come on, what metal song/video is more associated with weddings than this one? Umm, none of them. So yes, I have a confession to make. Okay well one, obviously, I'm married now, so congratulations to me. (Also if you're reading this now, it's 2020, and I've been divorced for a few years, so... updated the title on this post.)

But two — I walked down the aisle to "November Rain." Yes, that's right. We sprung for having the pianist learn a new song just for us. And it was by Guns N Roses. If I didn't have enough metal cred for you before, I best have it now. 

Hilariously, they wound up just straight playing the song. As soon as I heard the piano at the beginning, standing there with my dad, I just burst into tears. I was like, "Dang, this dude is a really good pianist!" (And to be clear, he'd already played a different song for my husband and our family members to walk in to, like on the piano.) 

But then the flute and strings and whatnot came in, and I just burst out laughing. I laughed so hard (while also crying) I had to just stand there at the beginning of the aisle for a few seconds to recompose myself. And of course, right as I made it to my husband I hear my mom say, "What is this awful, cheesy song?" Ah, weddings. But now it's OVER! I'm officially hitched, and can officially kick back. 

And can blog about the "November Rain" video. (Fear not, except for this paragraph, I wrote this a while ago -- as you read this, I'm on my honeymoon! I mean dude, I have my limits.) This is an epic video. And to make it even more epic, I have done quite a bit of research for you, with a bit of help from The Language of Fear. WTH is that, you ask? Well, it's just the book of Del James short stories that contains, "Without You," the story that the Use Your Illusion video trilogy is based on. 

We are finally going to learn what really is going on in "November Rain," and also what really would have been going on in the video for "Estranged" if Axl and Stephanie hadn't broken up. (Come to think, that is actually probably why the making-of video is subtitled "Part IV of the Trilogy!!!" — part 3, which concludes the story and explains "November Rain," was never made.) 

And speaking of makings-of, I also watched Makin' F@*!ing Videos Part II: November Rain to prepare for this (it's a long title, so hereafter I'm referring to it as "MFV"). Spoiler alert: It's a zillion times less interesting than the The Making of "Estranged": Part IV of the Trilogy!!!, and reveals a lot less about where and how the video was made, despite the fact that it cost them a cold $1.5 million to make it (which would be about $2.4 million in 2010 dollars, just to put that in perspective). 

So I did even more research, to find out more about video locations etc. Long story short, I am hoping to make this the definitive account of "November Rain." We are going to get to the bottom of the meaning, the mystery, all of it. Also, this is going to be the longest post ever.

 

I mean face it, "November Rain" is a monstrosity of a video. It's incredibly long — nine minutes plus — so I am going to do a bit of condensing and just note that all the narrative elements are set against Guns N Roses performing in a large concert hall in L.A. with 1,500 extras, an entire orchestra, and of course some foxy backup singers in skintight lace dresses. 

Axl has gone all Elton John, sitting at a ginormous piano and wearing little round glasses with colored lenses. The rest of the band is, you know, putting up with the fact that they are stuck doing this insane video for this completely over-the-top song. Based on how much they all loved making the video for "Estranged," I'm sure they were all stoked to do this one. 

And per "MFV", indeed, they weren't. Nobody besides Axl and Del seems to like the song too much — surprise! — it's hard to play, just like "Estranged". Matt Sorum's sort of circumspect, but is clearly like, Slash and Duff hate this. Duff keeps kind of talking around it, like well it's a more "gentle" song than they're used to playing, or having a 130-piece orchestra is something "we're not used to." Axl of course keeps saying the whole video went "very, very smoothly." 

The more interesting thing we learn from "MFV" is that the visual reference to Elton John is probably intentional. Surprisingly, Axl loves Sir Elton — it kind of makes me wonder if it being "hard to hold a candle in the cold November Rain" has any relation to "Candle in the Wind." 

Matt Sorum talks a bunch in "MFV" about how Axl really wanted the drums in "November Rain" to sound like Nigel Olsson-style drum fills. He mentions "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" as a specific reference, and notes this is the only time Axl ever really gave him direction on drum stuff.

 

So weird, right? Though less weird when we remember that Axl and Elton totally duetted this song way back in 1992 at the MTV Video Music Awards. They did the whole yin-and-yang pianos thing and everything! 

Gosh, seeing that again made me remember what a big deal the VMAs were to me growing up. Before we had cable, I would make my aunt tape them on VHS so I could watch them. Also, what is with Elton John doing duets with noted homophobes? In any event, Axl talks about this during "MFV" as being among the most nervous he's ever been during a performance. 

Anyway, back to the video. So one other interesting thing is that this video was actually performed live, rather than mimed and lip-synched as per usual. Axl talks a bunch about how the video was this great excuse for them to get to book an orchestra, and play with them. "MFV" shows the orchestra playing the ending of the song without GNR accompanying them, and the audience appears legitimately really into it. 

It also shows the band playing a kickass rendition of "Dead Horse" for all the extras (they basically watched a really long concert where "November Rain" was played numerous times), who are of course dressed in black tie. Note that the extras in the performance/concert sequences seem to have been much happier than the other extras. You also have to love the flutist in the bustier — such a metal touch to add to the orchestra. 

So where do we start? Well, with what's actually the only part of this video that's reminiscent of "Without You," the Del James short story we will discuss at length momentarily. Axl pops some pills and goes to bed in a blue-lit room, implying that everything that happens in this video is actually his memories, not anything that's currently happening now (which as we'll see, makes sense with the short story). First though, he dreams of himself playing piano in his Elton John outfit, inside of a tiny church in the middle of nowhere.

 

And what does he dream of first? His wedding to Stephanie Seymour! Okay, so much to say here. First, had I done a bit more research, had a lot more money, and been Catholic, I could have totally had the wedding from "November Rain." (Now, thanks to my research and blogging, you can have it! Just keep reading!) 

The ceremony was shot at St. Brendan Catholic Church in Los Angeles. It's in loads of stuff, but most notably (for me anyway), the rectory next door is the building Brenda claims is her sorority house in the pilot episode of Beverly Hills 90210. It's a really beautiful church, and incredibly tasteful for southern California. They've got swags of white flowers lining the aisle, and candles everywhere — it's actually kind of a gorgeous ceremony. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. 

We need to back up to Stephanie Seymour, 'cause this is amazing. Now I'd always assumed her and Axl's relationship pre-dated her starring in these videos. In actuality, it was her being cast in these videos that started the relationship! 

According to "MFV," Del spotted her on the cover of Cosmopolitan, where apparently she seemed "really down to earth." He remembers her as wearing some sort of 60s-ish, hippie-style shirt, but the only Stephanie Seymour Cosmo cover I could find that would be even remotely the right time period has her in a pretty severe white bathing suit. Could it have been this issue of Elle? Nah, too late. This Vogue cover isn't right either. 

Okay, Del probably just misremembered what she was wearing, but whatever. In any event, Stephanie says she had never wanted to be a rock video girl, claiming "I've had people ask me to do videos and I never was interested, until Guns N Roses asked me to do one." 

Axl felt the casting decision for the trilogy was important, and that it needed to be an actress-type who would be "motivated" to do the video, which was not just a "tits and ass video." Steph's beyond gorgeous (still is today, lucky girl!) but comes off as a bit dopey in her (brief) interview segments. 

She's most famous here though for coming down the aisle in that totally over-the-top Carmela Sutera gown (side note: the designer seems to be out of the biz as of this year, I can't find anything she designed post 2010). It's sort of the wedding dress equivalent of a mullet, though in the industry they call that a hi-lo hem (high in the front, low in the back... so yeah, a mullet!). She has an enormous train and an enormous veil. I think my favorite part of her whole attire though is the bow on top of her head. It's very 90s, but actually very sweet.

 

Based on "MFV," they legit filmed a wedding. The guy officiating is a friend of Axl's, who it turned out had actually officiated at St. Brendan before. He seems like a total sweetie based on "MFV," and is one of the better actors in the video. 

In "MFV", we see that they actually did it all up, vows and everything. He says, "Stephanie and Axl, you have come here freely and without reservation, to give yourselves to one another, each, in love and harmony, in marriage. Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your days?" That would be really weird to act out with someone you were just dating. Especially given how the video turns out. 

It seems the indoor church scenes were shot at night — everyone is exhausted and miserable. The people in the pews keep laying down, and even the musicians are resting their heads on their instruments. The interviewer in "MFV" keeps asking the guys in GNR what they think their role in the wedding is. None are sure, though Matt Sorum guesses he's an usher. Duff doesn't realize he's meant to be holding the rings until right before they shoot it. 

Most hilariously, the woman sitting with Gilby complains vociferously that she thinks no one stood up for her when she walked down the aisle, and Dizzy tries to console her by saying "There's nothing wrong with a sit-down wedding." Despite the late hour, the guys seem way happier and more like they're still friends than they do by the time they're making "Estranged." 

But okay, wait, mid-wedding, Axl has a sort of moment of reverie — jeepers, is this a dream within a dream? — where he recalls good times with Steph and the guys at the Rainbow Bar & Grill. We don't see this in "MFV," though they mention an aborted scene at Damiano's — can you imagine if "November Rain" had had a freakin' pizza parlor scene?!? Well, it almost did, but for some reason the location was scrapped at the last minute, and they wound up using the good ol' Rainbow. 

They don't show it at all in "MFV" though, so I'm wondering if this is actually extra footage from "Don't Cry" that they've repurposed here. It's got the same look, with the band and their girlfriends hanging out and joking around. Also kids, don't smoke, even if Stephanie Seymour makes it look un-buh-lievably glamorous. 

Anyway, Axl gets his head back in the game for the ring exchange, which as we all remember is made hilarious by the antics of Slash, who is apparently the ring bearer in the wedding. The priest asks for the rings, but Slash, patting his pockets, doesn't have them. Luckily, with a wink, Duff produces them — who knows why, but on his pinky. Slash hands the priest the rings, then straight-up leaves the wedding. Oh-kay. 

 

He leaves, of course, to play the solo, which finds him somehow exiting a tiny church in the middle of nowhere, dressed in completely different clothes. He's gone from his church attire — tophat, open white blousey shirt, black jacket, etc. — to his solo attire — hatless, chaps, etc. Slash somehow manages to smoke through the entire solo despite it being extremely windy. 

Also, in addition to the different clothes, again, he's in a totally different place — this was shot in a little Old West-style church in New Mexico built as part of a movie set for Silverado. (I'm assuming this is also where Axl is in the one random shot where he appears to be walking through an Old West ghost town.) They had wanted to shoot the solo in a field of long grass or flowers, which to me honestly would seem really weird, but since it was winter, this is where they wound up. 

But oh yeah, back to the wedding. Of course we get a gratuitously open-mouthed kiss, then Axl and Stephanie run down the front steps of the church while their friends and family throw rice and flower petals. They get into the back of a car, and while Axl looks stoked, Stephanie looks even more like she wants to cry, puke, or both than she did when they were coming down the aisle. 

She's got her game face on though by the time they hit the reception, which my research has uncovered was shot at the Greystone Mansion in Beverly Hills. Available for weddings and other events — see, you can have your own "November Rain" wedding! (It's also where they shot the Axl bedroom scenes, if you're wondering.) 

Stephanie has changed into a skintight off-the-shoulder black velvet gown for the reception, which makes her look unbelievably skinny. Axl has swapped for a metallic blue coat that is, amazingly, even uglier than the bizarro frockcoat he wore for the ceremony. No worries though, that thing is still represented in the incredibly accurate cake topper atop their ginormous five-tier wedding cake. 

At first, everyone's super-happy at the reception. Everyone's toasting each other, Axl's feeding Stephanie frosting, old people are dancing, little kids are running around, Riki Rachtman is happy to be there. (And in real life, it seems like again the reception was one of the easier parts of this video to film — the extras seem happy, and the band are goofing around, playing with the reception band's instruments. I should also mention the reception band are the Capitol Homeboyz — scroll down to #14 for a peek.)

 

But next thing you know, everything's going wrong — and weirdly, despite this being the part of the video I most wanted to know about, "MFV" doesn't talk about it at all. 

But yeah, it starts raining. I mean pouring. And for some reason, this makes everyone absolutely panic. Everyone's running around like crazy, Duff is hiding under the head table, but what absolutely nails it is the guy who jumps sideways through the wedding cake. WTF is that?! What part of getting out of the rain makes this level of cake destruction necessary? Shouldn't someone have been trying to carry the cake inside? Jeez, it's like "MacArthur Park" all over again. (You know, "someone left the cake out in the rain.") 

Still, the final shot of this sequence — of the totally destroyed reception table — is ridiculously well art-directed. Congrats, Andy Morahan. 

Then next thing you know, everything's really gone to hell. The song's gotten all dark, and Stephanie's dead! She's in a casket that's sort of like a quarter open, with half her face showing. Also I'm not sure, but she might be rewearing that wedding dress in there. Axl is all sweaty and penitent. 

Per "MFV," Stephanie was actually the only one who didn't mind this part of the shoot (another overnight one, using St. Brendan again). Why? because she fell asleep in the coffin and pretty much missed the whole shoot. Axl says it was "pretty creepy" to see her in there. Also, it's not clear why the other guys in GNR aren't the pallbearers, and why instead it looks like Joe Friday is. 

And of course, it starts to rain at her funeral, too. But this time, everyone holds it together and just like, busts out umbrellas. No one's jumping through a giant floral arrangement or anything like that. Eventually, the funeral wraps up, and everyone leaves except Axl, who's kneeling beside her grave in the rain. But then wait — Axl's clutching his pillow in the blue-lit bedroom back at Greystone. 

So see? It's all been a dream. Or a memory? We won't know until, well, we'll know in two seconds, when I finally start talking about "Without You." 

But before then, I need to mention the last significant bit of the video (a bit out of order, but I'm trying to keep things semi-organized) — Stephanie's alive again, and tossing her bouquet off the terrace at Greystone. As it flies through the air, the roses turn from white to red, and we see it as the red rose bouquet that's laying on her casket in the open grave. As the video ends though, the raindrops on the casket leak the color out of the flowers, making them white once more.

 

Okay, so if this video is actually just the wind-up to what was supposed to happen in "Estranged," what was supposed to happen in "Estranged"?? Patience, patience (though let me also say if you've actually read this far, good on you!) We need a bit of history first. 

So Del James first met GNR back in like 1985, through some sort of convoluted story where basically they wind up crashing together in LA. Axl was actually already working on "November Rain" on the piano at that point, but they wound up putting "Sweet Child O' Mine" on Appetite for Destruction instead, since Axl felt it wasn't finished enough (i.e. since no one else could understand what he was trying to do). Such the artiste, as per usual. In "MFV," he mentions that Tommy Lee's piano work in "Home Sweet Home" really inspired him to go with his piano visions. 

Around this same time, Del James started working on drafts of what would become "Without You." It was inspired by Axl's relationship with then-girlfriend (and later wife) Erin Everly. The story actually wasn't written completely when "November Rain" came out — Axl says "November Rain" is more just about his own life — but it does pre-date "Estranged," which was very much inspired by "Without You." 

In "MFV," both Axl and Del say "Estranged" is Axl's attempt to write the song within the story. Though they really hedge on this in the "Making of Estranged," in "MFV" it's very obvious they intend that video to depict "Without You" — Axl says, "And if budget allows, we'll film the next parts of the story." Del claims they had considered making an entire movie, but that the video trilogy will instead be a condensed version. 

Okay, so finally, here's the story! "Without You" is about an Axl-manque, Mayne Mann, who finds fame with a band called Suicide Shift, and now fronts his own group. It's basically the story of his love for a beautiful woman named Elizabeth Aston, who again is based on Erin Everly. 

Mayne loves Elizabeth, but leading the rock 'n' roll lifestyle leads to problems with fidelity, and she's the jealous type (probably hence the catfight scene in "Don't Cry"). Mayne struggles to tell her how he really feels, but it's hard, and long story short, he winds up doing so with a song called "Without You," which he bases on something she says to him (basically that she can't live with him, but she can't live without him — wait, isn't that a U2 song?!). 

Most of the story is taken up with one morning in Mayne's life. It starts with him having a nightmare vision of Elizabeth, with the song playing in the background — probably what the nightmare scene in "November Rain" alludes to. Mayne wakes up to find himself in his trashed condo, which he proceeds to get trashed in and to continue the trashing of as he struggles with his memories of Elizabeth. There's a lot of drinking (alternating beer and whiskey), some smoking, a good amount of coke, and plenty of smack. Breakfast of champions! In any event, this is what we can guess is just beginning to happen at the end of "November Rain," when Axl wakes up all sweaty.

 

In any event, I know what you're all waiting for — how did Elizabeth/Stephanie Seymour die? — so here's the big reveal. 

Following an especially blatant episode of infidelity, Mayne is desperately trying to get Elizabeth to come to his concert in L.A. She doesn't show up, so he decides to go to her apartment and surprise her. She won't answer her phone, so he barges in — and finds that she has shot herself in the head while playing "Without You" on repeat. Hence the only partially-opened casket in "November Rain" — I think we're meant to believe much of her head is now missing. 

So what does this mean would have happened in "Estranged"? My best guess is we would have seen the infidelity more clearly dramatized than in "Don't Cry" (though there is a lot of fighting in that one). We also would have gotten to watch Axl trash an apartment, smash guitars and platinum records, throw a stereo through the windshield of a Bentley, and make it rain hundreds for a crowd of people gathered below. 

But I think the most dramatic moment would have been the big finale — which Del alludes to in "MFV." Mayne has been avoiding ever hearing, let alone playing, "Without You," because his memories of Elizabeth are too painful. But at the bottom of his spiral, he sits down at his piano, high and bloodied, and plays it, soulfully and passionately... as his condo burns to the ground around him, 'cause he dropped a still-burning cigarette on the ground in the bedroom. Dram-a!!!! 

According to the Axl-penned preface (written in 1993 and more or less just a hagiography of Del), Del introduced this story to him in draft form by claiming he had just written the story of his best friend's (i.e., Axl's) death. Again, he wrote it in the mid-80s, before Appetite came out, and according to Axl, many aspects of it came true (mainly the over-the-top multi-platinum success bits). 

Axl says "Estranged" is his "Without You," a song he is haunted by. He confirms that "November Rain" is more the set-up for the story "Without You," and that "Estranged" was going to be the filming of the story itself, except that Stephanie Seymour had "other plans." 

So does this bode well for my marriage? Ummm, well, if we're going to be literalists no, not so much. (And yeah, now this is me talking in 2020 again, can't believe I wrote all that back in 2011! But it was hard to hold a candle... my marriage ended several years ago.)

Guns N Roses, "The Making of 'Estranged'"

Too Big For One Post  

THE DOCUMENTARY Guns N Roses, The Making of 'Estranged:' Part IV of the Trilogy!!!, 1994, Dir: Andrew Morahan 

THE VERDICT What, what, what?! A post that's not on a Thursday?! A post that's not about a music video, but about a documentary about the making of a music video?!?! What can I say, people. It's the holiday season, and even though Christmas is over I'm still all about giving. 

"Estranged" is one of the most-viewed posts on this site, so clearly people are curious about it. At least, the people who aren't busy searching for bizarre David Lee Roth quotes are. Okay, technically I wrote the following post (as attentive readers may be able to tell) almost a year ago, not long at all after I wrote the original post about "Estranged." But then I was wayyy too lazy to deal with images and links and such, so I just dropped it until now. 

Plus I didn't really know what to do with it — it's not a music video, and I'm always all "I don't think I really have time to get all into documentaries and Vh-1 countdowns and such." Anyway, here it is — my holiday gift to you — how your "Estranged" sausage got made: 

Okay before I begin though, full disclosure: Ever since my post on "Estranged," I have become obsessed with the Use Your Illusion albums, and particularly with listening to the trilogy of "Don't Cry," "November Rain," and "Estranged." I can't explain it, except that I am just continuing to try to wrap my head around these videos, and particularly "Estranged." 

So what luck when my boyfriend tracked down The Making of 'Estranged:' Part IV of the Trilogy!!! (sic) on what appears to be maybe some kind of Korean version of YouTube. It was cut into three parts, but otherwise fully intact — no dubbing, subtitles, or anything like that. It had approximately the same resolution as one would have on an old VHS tape, so I feel I got the real experience. 

And let me tell you, what an experience. You will not believe the words that come out of Axl's mouth. And for everything that I had maybe slightly overestimated the cost of, there were like three other things that I had apparently greatly underestimated the cost of. Who knew they needed to travel to like eight places to shoot all this stuff, which looks like it's all just in Southern California? 

Well, this is why we have these "Making of" videos. I can only hope they have them for the other parts of the trilogy. But enough of my introductory remarks — this is already the second post on this one (admittedly 8-minutes-plus) video! So without further ado, here's what we can learn from The Making of 'Estranged:' Part IV of the Trilogy!!!(sic).

 

- Axl describes the song as about the ending of his relationship with Erin Everly (at the time he wrote it), but also says it applies to his relationships with Stephanie Seymour, Steven Adler, and various family members. He gives Slash credit for the guitar parts, but otherwise it's pretty clear the whole thing is his baby (and even more so when people other than Axl talk about it). Throughout, Axl keeps talking about the dissolutions of his relationships like NONE of it involved him being in any way part of the problem. 

- The mansion is Axl's effing house in Malibu. Of course he decorates with giant crucifixes. The room he is sleeping in at the beginning, with the rocking T Rex, is Stephanie Seymour's son's room. Axl says this whole long thing about how much he misses the little boy and how he actually fell asleep up on that shelf while they were shooting, and felt refreshed and at peace. He felt he communed with her son during the shoot. 

- Side notes about the interview footage: Slash's voice is higher than I remembered, Axl's is much lower. Why the heck did he sing like that? You wonder what he'd sound like if he just sang instead of making the trademark Axl howl. Another weird reversal: This video is the one hour where Duff is fat and Gilby Clarke is thin. Duff is honestly kind of hard to recognize, and it's easy to convince yourself Gilby is really Izzy Stradlin (who has obviously gotten the heck out of there by this point). 

- The long shots of concert footage (stage from afar, overhead shots) and the stuff of fans was all shot at an actual live show in Munich, Germany. All of the close-up shots that appear to be live are actually shot on a recreated set of that live show, somewhere near LA. 

- They all talk about what a pain in the butt "Estranged" is to perform live, and how they find the starting and stopping annoying. Dizzy has to have all the music in front of him to play the piano solo in the middle. Axl claims the piano parts came to him in a dream, and that that was the first part of the song he wrote. He woke up and immediately started trying to play all the piano stuff himself, and somehow this led to the lyrics. All the parts of the “Making Of” where you get a window into Axl’s life are extra weird. 

- The women and children shown watching those TVs in the room with all the candles do appear to all be real-life GNR wives, girlfriends, and hangers-on. The only one who's clearly associated with a specific band member is the girl with chin-length blonde hair, who manages to get in on most of the interviews with Matt Sorum. We only hear her talk to complain about how Matt's never around because it's taking them freakin' forever to shoot the video. I'm not 100% sure on this ID, but I think it may be his longtime paramour Ace Harper.

 

- They don't in any way explain the dream sequence in the middle, or where Axl got all those extra children from. Seriously, they don't even touch any of that stuff. Are those his dogs? We'll never know. 

- The band shutting down the Sunset Strip did make the local news in L.A. — side note, I always love seeing news footage of stuff like this! 

- Apparently some hapless assistant director or PA who was crawling biker bars looking for extras for the Sunset Strip scenes attempted to cast Gilby Clarke as an extra. See, I told you he's unrecognizable here! 

- For the first guitar solo, Slash appears to "float" past the people on the Strip because he is strapped into ski boots that have been attached to a little dolly. They just kind of crank him down the street past everyone. Slash talks about how it's weird to be back there, the Strip has changed, and he doesn't hang out there anymore. 

- The dolphins are meant to symbolize "grace," but mostly just became a motif in the video because the sound of the music in the middle of the song reminded them of whales. CGI whales must have been too large or something. 

- The actual footage of the super tanker and Axl jumping off was shot about 30 miles off Corpus Christi, Texas — because there aren't super tankers around LA or San Diego? Who knows. Probably because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is warmer. Also how could I forget to mention the steadicam operators for all these helicopter shots in my list of expenses in my first post? Not just the stuff with the boat, but also overhead shots of the concert, mansion, etc. 

- Axl apparently did his own stunt of jumping off the boat, which is identified as a super tanker. This I'm not 100% sure about — I feel like they may have just tried to make it seem like he didn't have a stunt double. They make it sound like Axl just did one perfect take and that they didn't have to shoot the jump multiple times (slightly plausible, since either way it appears they shot it with multiple cameras). Heck of a long way to jump, so who knows. 

- It turns out it was Duff in the rowboat trying to save Axl! I had misidentified him as a roadie. Duff said the shoot was very stressful for him and that sometimes he felt like Axl was really drowning and he actually needed to save him. Based on his phrasing in the interviews, you can tell he's already out of the band, so it's kind of surprising he doesn't say it was easy to let Axl drown. 

- For whatever reason, Axl with the live dolphins was shot on or around Treasure Island in the Bahamas, as far as I can tell at one of those tourist-y "swim with the dolphins" places. Really, they couldn't have just shot this at Sea World?

 

- They do reveal that for the second guitar solo where Slash rises up out of the ocean, he indeed had a stunt double (there's a cute part where he encounters the stunt double). Slash had to wear a wetsuit under his clothes for the parts of this shot that are really him. 

- On a similar note, whenever they have to shoot anything in water, all the band members complain about how cold the water is. Whenever the director describes the water, he refers to it as a hot tub. 

- All of the close shots of Matt Sorum inside the helicopter, Axl drowning, and Axl being saved by the Coast Guard helicopter were shot on a giant soundstage in San Diego. They set up a mock helicopter over a giant wave pool. Axl bitches a ton about how stressful it was being in the water, while Matt Sorum seems to think it's kind of funny that he got to be in the video. 

- The video was meant to conclude the trilogy, but as everyone talks around in the documentary, since Axl had broken up with Stephanie Seymour, that couldn't happen. Whatever the original concept was, it involved explaining how and why she died in "November Rain." Del James, the guy who wrote the story the "November Rain" video is purportedly based on, talks about how his book is coming out, and you can read it to find out how the story really ends. He is also one of the main interviewers in the Making Of. 

- Speaking of "November Rain," everyone but Axl (who doesn't really talk about it) mentions how much they hated shooting that video, too. Axl also mentions having considered buying "November Rain" from the band so it would never air, then realizing this was not financially feasible. This means timeline-wise he and Stephanie Seymour had split up before that video premiered. Hmm.

- They do all this hemming and hawing about how you're supposed to be able to make your own interpretation of the video. They also make a lot of the significance of attempting to save Axl three times (Gilby and life preserver, Duff in rowboat, Matt and helicopter) and Axl ignoring it three times, but call me old-fashioned, doesn't he wind up getting pulled into the helicopter? Why wouldn't that count as being saved? Eh, whatever. 

- They don't even touch the animatronic dolphin at the end of the video. They just don't even mention that thing. Instead, everyone keeps talking about what a classic the song is, and how meaningful and emotional the video will be (mostly the director and Axl make the latter point, but everyone claims they think it is a great song). 

Just, you know, a great song they hate to play that has underscored for the zillionth time what a control freak their lead singer is. 

P.S.: Again, just in case you missed it, click here to read my original post on “Estranged.”

Guns N Roses, "Paradise City"

The Summer of '88

THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "Paradise City," Appetite for Destruction, 1987, Polygram

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Take me down to the Paradise City / where the grass is green and the girls are pretty / Take! Me! Ho-oh-ooooooome yeah yeah-ah!"

THE VERDICT This video always, always has said "summertime" to me. "Paradise City" is also, for my money, one of GNR's most iconic videos, as opposed to the bloated, over-budgeted monstrosities of their later years.

If you watch it, it has a lot of shots that will go on to get used in Vh-1 montages and the like, even moreso than "Welcome to the Jungle" (really mostly just Axl screaming and leaning on Slash, and Axl sitting on the bed watching all the TVs) and "Sweet Child O' Mine" (really just Slash plugging in his guitar). Let's review it together.

The beginning of the video, shot in gritty black-and-white, establishes that this is an "on tour" video. The camera pans around an empty Giants stadium, and we see GNR tees that are probably $150 on eBay right now. The camera pans past the stage, where we see various of the band members hanging out, looking young and oh-so-hot. I've talked about this many times before: These boys are in their Magic Hour.

Of course, Axl Rose only appears once the video is suddenly in color, and they're actually performing. He's wearing a customized white leather getup that somehow, no one ever makes fun of him for, even though people make fun of Warrant for their customized white leather getups all the time! Maybe it's 'cause he's also wearing a Cathouse t-shirt. If I could find a non-repro Cathouse tee, I'd be the happiest woman alive pretty much.

Shots of the band performing in color are interspersed with backstage shots in black and white in a very fast "meet the band" sequence, then when Axl finishes the first chorus and swings his arm out, we finally see the ginormous stadium crowd for a minute. Again, this is Giants Stadium, where GNR are opening for Aerosmith, who I assume are still touring off of Permanent Vacation (since GNR are likewise still touring off of Appetite). Can you imagine watching 1988 Guns N Roses do "Welcome to the Jungle" live, then watching Steven Tyler wheeze through "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)"? I don't mind Aerosmith, but that would really be a letdown.



Anyway, then we see the band (not Axl, of course) roaming around 80s Manhattan, which you know I love. Slash, Duff, and Steven go to beloved (and since departed) Manny's Music, where we get an iconic shot of the camera zooming in on Steven sitting against a bunch of amps.

Then we're back at Giants Stadium with more set-up shots, including a favorite of mine, Slash wearing cut-offs standing in the middle of the stadium. Fans begin to pour in, and we also see the boys looking at stuff on the street. I'm pretty sure they're in midtown, but I always picture them as being down near St. Mark's Place in this part.

The crowd is in full effect, and even Axl seems to have shown up. Everyone gets their guitars, and then with that piercing whistle, we're finally at the dunt-duh-nuh-nunt-duh-nuh-nunt-duh-nuh-nunt-duh-nuh-nuh-NUH guitar part, which rules. Everyone's going nuts, particularly white leather Axl. The crowd is going nuts, though interestingly you can see when they pull back enough (which they try to avoid doing I'm assuming for this reason), the top-tier of nosebleed seats is far from full.

In the midst of this performance footage, we get another of my favorite moments: Duff hits on a woman walking by, who totally keeps walking. Woman! You are being hit on by 1988 Duff McKagan!! He is not going to look like that forever! This is soon followed by another iconic shot -- the quick transition from "tell me who you're gonna believe" to the couple making out in the middle of the crowd. Damn! Can you imagine being like "that was me making out in the crowd during 'Paradise City' in 1988"? And then we've got yet another one -- Steven Adler riding around on a boat in the East River, with the World Trade Center behind him.

Then we're back with Axl, and what appears to be literally a sea of white people waving their arms at him rhythmically. A tiny security guard foils an equally small dude trying to get onstage. Lots of fast camera swings, but then we get some nice shots of Slash playing his guitar while standing next to a fan -- not a GNR fan, literally like a large box fan, 'cause they're playing during the daytime in the middle of summer at the freakin' Meadowlands. It's hot.



Anyway, it's mostly color footage of an increasingly sweaty band performing at this point in the video, interspersed with backstage/behind-the-scenes black and white stuff. I love the trying-to-wake-up-Steven-at-the-hotel shots, as well as Slash signing an autograph using some guy's back as a table.

In the midst of all this, we see the band hopping on the Concorde to head to England to play the Monsters of Rock festival (so for this we know an exact date -- August 20, 1988). That year Donington was headlined by Iron Maiden, and also featured KISS, David Lee Roth, Megadeth, and Helloween -- can you imagine?! A bunch of behind the scenes shots (race track sign, GNR dressing room sign) establish that yes, we are in England now. Lots of fans, Slash getting interviewed in the press tent by... crap... I can never remember this guy's name. He looks like Bruce Villanch, but he's not. I remember seeing him talk about this video on a Vh-1 special once, and he was thrilled to pieces that he's in the video.

We don't get much clear performance video from Donington, just a lot of crowd shots. Though no one cites a source for this (and I don't think of GNR as a terribly thoughtful band, sorry), everything I've read about this video (which admittedly isn't much, remember, I am the best source of heavy metal video info on the web! Or anywhere else) claims that the band added all this Donington footage in honor of two fans who were crushed to death during the band's performance that day. The biggest difference between this and the Giants stadium footage is that it's in black and white; there's no seating, just a giant sea of people; and fans in Europe always bring big, elaborate homemade banners with them.

As the song goes more and more off the rails, the video actually gets more subdued. Yes, there's some Axl dance, in both Jersey and England, but we mostly get a lot of vaguely moody crowd shots, and images of the band members sitting around peacefully backstage.

The end of the video is almost all Donington -- chaotic shots of the band and the crowd, with lots of rapid cuts. But for the final "hooooooooooooooome" we cut back and forth between screaming Axl in both settings, in color and in black and white. The final shot is of Axl in Jersey with his arms upraised.



This video is a bit of a time capsule, really -- there are a lot of things in it that don't exist anymore (and no, I don't just mean a GNR lineup that isn't packed full of randos): The Monsters of Rock festival. Giants Stadium, just replaced by the outstandingly fugly Izod Center. Manny's. The World Trade Center, which is always hard to see. (I don't mean it's difficult to make out, I just mean, it's sad to look at.) The Concorde. Steven Adler as a full-fledged member of GNR, of course. In all, I like the time-capsule video more than I like the song.

Speaking of the song: Have you ever seen someone try to sing this song karaoke? Casual fans always just remember the sing-along chorus, which is realllly easy to sing, and completely forget what the rest of the song sounds like, which is a slower version of "Garden of Eden" without the helpful bouncing ball. (Weirdly, I can't find a version with the bouncing ball on Youtube, but I SWEAR it exists. Beavis and Butt-head watch it!)

They also tend to forget how long and instrumental the beginning is. You'll see them get a panicked look in their eye, then try to make the best of it with some air guitar. But then when the first verse appears ("jus' an urchin livin' under the street / I'ma, hard case that's tough to beat") the real fear sets in. Most people don't make it past the second verse (the "I'd have another cigarette" one), which is probably for the best. (I'm assuming they also forget that the song is nearly seven minutes long, but it never comes to that.)

The weird thing is, the verses are by far the coolest part of this song. The sort of breakdown part ("so faaaar away") comes in second, and anything involving the actual chorus (including at the end when it gets really fast) comes in a distant third for me. I think the chorus is just, for better or worse (but mostly worse), something frat guys can sing along to that helped GNR sell more albums.

But really, the verse on this song encapsulates everything I enjoy about Appetite-era Guns N Roses -- gritty lyrics, staccato delivery punctuated by the occasional yowl, and crunchy, heavy guitars. Guess I'll mostly stick to "Night Train" and "Mr Brownstone." But for when I need to see delectable footage of a young Duff McKagan, I'll put on this video.

Guns N Roses, "Estranged"

Too Big Not to Fail

THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "Estranged," Use Your Illusion II, 1991, Geffen

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "When you're talking to yourself / and nobody's home / you can't fool yourself / you came in this world aloh-one / alone" (Note this is nearly whispered over some tinkly piano. This song has no chorus, so if you don't recognize the intro, I probably can't help you.)

THE VERDICT If you thought the "Is Axl dead no wait is Stephanie Seymour dead" shenanigans of "Don't Cry" and "November Rain" were as over the top as Guns N Roses got, clearly you forgot the final video in that trilogy, the often-overlooked "Estranged." By way of comparison, those two video epics look downright understated next to this monstrosity.

Don't believe me? Okay then, ponder for just a moment what the budget for this video must have been like. I mean, look at what it includes, and tell me this doesn't read like a completely insane person's list of demands:

- Research expenses (looking up words in the dictionary)
- A giant mansion
- A SWAT team
- A rocking Tyrannosaurus Rex. This is like a rocking horse, only it's a dinosaur with handles and a saddle on it.
- Charles Manson tee
- A dozen or so all-white LAPD uniforms (for fantasy sequence; this is in addition to regular uniforms for reality sequence)
- A dozen or so racially diverse child actors to play around your mansion and look befuddled when they drag you off to the loony bin
- A white limo (fantasy sequence) and a black limo (to take you and your fake son to your concert)
- Custom dolphin hood ornament thing-y for the white limo
- Police and permits to facilitate stopping vehicle and pedestrian traffic for several blocks on the Sunset Strip
- Various equipment for Slash to stand on while he plays the guitar solos
- Oil tanker rental
- Helicopter plus Axl stunt double for shots with oil tanker
- Coast Guard helicopter and diver
- CGI dolphins
- Real dolphins
- Not 100% sure, but that one at the end looks like an animatronic dolphin



(Note that if you're really curious about this, and have at least $1.72 plus shipping and handling to burn and a VCR, you can actually purchase the "Making of 'Estranged'" which is apparently "Part 4 of the Trilogy" [shouldn't this tell you something?]. Amazon reviewers tell us parts of the video were filmed in a wave pool, as if this weren't abundantly clear already! To be honest, I'm very tempted, but I don't have anything that'll play VHS.)

It sort of reminds me of when I was in first or second grade, and every time it was someone's birthday, the teacher would have everyone draw pictures for that person of what they wished they could give them for their birthday. Being relatively young kids, and this being the 80s and thus six and seven-year-olds not being considered tweens, we were pretty nice about it -- everyone gave everyone more or less the same gifts, so it wasn't a popularity contest.

Anyway, the most popular gifts included rainbows, a money tree (this was not a check-cashing place but a tree that grew money), and exotic pets. Obviously, "Estranged" has got the last item checked off on the list, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they had had to tell Axl the rainbows and money tree were going to put them too far over budget.

I mean I remember around this same time I had a special issue of Life magazine that someone had given me because it was their music issue (I still have it, in horrible, tattered condition). It had an article about Guns N Roses in it -- the text is here, but what really made this article were the pictures, most of which showed GNR having one of their after-show parties at some arena catered as if it were a Roman feast, complete with togas and laurel wreaths, a roast pig carried on a tray, and some really ugly strippers. Compared to this video, that pictorial is downright quaint. (Though let me also mention, you know who else liked ridiculously lavish Roman-theme parties? Executives from Tyco. Though in GNR's case, they were one of the reasons Izzy left the band.)

Or let us remember back to their first video for "Sweet Child O' Mine." All that is is GNR playing the song on a set, with some b-roll of them with their actual girlfriends and a Rottweiler. They didn't need a Coast Guard helicopter or CGI dolphins to know how to rock!



Seriously, it took Guns N Roses barely four years to live out the entire life cycle of the major label rock band, a cycle that used to take bands nearly twenty years to complete! From the underbelly of the Sunset Strip to double albums and eight-minutes-plus songs, beating up supermodels, blowing off shows, and this song, which combined with "Don't Cry" and "November Rain" more or less constitutes a rock opera in my book. The second half (movement?) of this song (beginning with "when I find out all the reasons") is actually pretty good, but it's easy to forget what with how absurd this video is.

In case you've already forgotten (even with our handy list of expenses above), let me remind you of some of the things that happen in this nine minute, forty-one second opus:

- Axl evades an enormous SWAT team by sleeping on top of some kind of shelf above his closet.
- Guns N Roses fans storm an arena for a general admission seating concert. No one gets trampled and Axel doesn't cancel the show.
- During this concert, while the band is ostensibly playing "Estranged," a shot captures Axl's teleprompter displaying the lyrics to "Welcome to the Jungle."
- Taking a nap after the concert, Axl has an out-of-body experience in which he uhh... well, he curls up in the shower in a fetal position while fully clothed.
- Looong fantasy sequence with everyone wearing white, as per above. Between the erratic behavior, crazy mansion, and army of little kids who aren't his, Axl here is a bit reminiscent of Mr. Jefferson.
- Oh did I mention that last section is all shot with some kind of wiggly gel on the camera, while (present-tense) definitions of the (past-tense) word "estranged" show at the bottom of the screen?



And really, at this point, things are only getting started. We aren't even quite halfway through the song! It hits maximum ridiculousness -- well, for the first time anyway -- at five minutes, twenty-three seconds in, when the members of GNR walk up to a large cargo plane... and a humongous CGI dolphin swims out of it. Didn't anyone think to say to him, "Axl, this is kind of ... uh ... maybe not the best direction for the band?"

A bunch of hot women (and their kids) who had earlier been watching live footage of GNR now start watching dolphins on TV, and in an homage to the opening scenes of "Welcome to the Jungle," we see Axl leaning against a store's grate, with TV screens showing dolphins behind him. Yep, it's dolphins from here on out folks.

Axl walks along the sidewalk from the Roxy to the Rainbow Bar & Grill. Beside him, the street is full of water, which is full of giant dolphins swimming alongside him. Still more gigantic dolphins emerge from a billboard above the Rainbow, and then Slash emerges from its door. He appears to be riding on a people mover as he plays the first solo, since he sort of floats past everyone else on the sidewalk without having to walk himself.

Next thing we know, we're on a giant oil tanker (I know, this video just keeps going and going) that must be empty because it's riding really high in the water. We see Axl walking around on deck, and next thing we know, he's jumped off the dang ship. Not sure on this ID, but I think it's Gilby Clarke who inexplicably next appears and throws him a life preserver. Luckily by this time, Axl is thrashing around in what is obviously a tank of water on a set, so don't worry, he's safe. Still, that doesn't stop what appears to be a roadie in a rowboat from coming out to try to rescue him.



Throwing away the life preserver and ignoring his other potential saviors, Axl's drowning until suddenly he finds himself surrounded with what appear to be real dolphins. He grabs the fin on one of them and rides away. For some reason, this causes the water to turn red and the sky orange, and next thing you know a fully-clothed Slash has risen out of the ocean to play the second solo.

Keeping this video's ever-so-tenuous grip on reality vs. fantasy intact, we then see Axl again thrashing around in the ocean, but fear not -- here comes Matt Sorum in a Coast Guard helicopter. Okay really -- how did anyone come up for the ideas for what happens in this video?! Anyway, a diver jumps in and saves Axl, and pulls him up into the helicopter.

The video closes with one of Axl's customized kicks sinking beneath the surface of the water. It's no wonder that ship looked like it was riding high -- apparently the water Axl was just nearly drowning in was about six feet deep! It concludes with what we can only term a WTF moment: A wet Axl, bundled in a towel, sitting next to what we can only hope is an animatronic dolphin, wearing one of Axl's flannel shirts.

I mean really people -- where could GNR have gone from here? Practically every shot in this video involved a helicopter, a crane, underwater cameras, or CGI. I mean, I know metal is all about excess, but seriously, this is the video equivalent of that Enron guy's apartment that had the $6,000 shower curtain and the $15,000 umbrella stand. Sure, everyone needs a shower curtain -- just like any band needs a video -- but did it really have to be that shower curtain? Did it really need to be this video?

Guns N Roses, "Patience"

Because Every Bad Boy Has His Soft Side

THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "Patience," GNR Lies, 1989, Geffen

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Said woman, take it slow / it'll work itself out fine / all we need is just a little patience / said sugar, make it slow / and we come together fine / all we need is just a little patience"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION The video begins with a producer's hand turning on a uh… my technical knowledge is not so good here so I'll call it a tape recorder as Duff says, "one, two, one, two, three, four …." Izzy (I think, based on the hand only mind you) begins to strum an acoustic guitar, and our own W. Axl Rose begins to uhh… whistle.

Whistling is well, something I can't even get started on here, but let me tell you, it is a plague. Nothing better says to the world, "hey world, I am completely and utterly mindless" than whistling. I will take humming, murmuring to one's self, even nose picking over whistling. Never the less, this is how GNR, the hardest, heaviest, wildest, etc, etc, have chosen to begin their song, so who am I to say that by god whistling sucks.

Anyway. Axl's hair is super-straight, and he's wearing a bandana with a backwards-turned baseball cap over it. He must have a teeny-tiny head. If I was going to try a look like that, the baseball cap would have to be the size of a friggin' hubcab to fit over my giant head. Sorry, pointless. Anyway. He also has sunglasses tucked into the neck of his tee-shirt, which features some sort of large Japanese print on the front. Axl has rolled up the sleeves of his tee for a sporty look.

Axl sways around before fading out, while a view from behind the backs of the record producers comes into focus. The camera pans along behind them, and we see one turn to the other. We can see Duff in the far background, the soundboards in front of them, and in the near foreground, a table covered in refuse dominated by food wrappers and beer and champagne bottles.

Izzy comes briefly into view, but we quickly cut to a producer's hand cranking up the volume on a dial labeled "Slash." Then we see Slash, who basically is a cigarette poking out of a ginormous amount of hair. Don't worry though, we can also see his arms. He's playing an acoustic guitar with a mic hanging down in front of it.

Since there are no drums whatsoever in this song, we see Steven Adler blowing out a long match having just lit a candle or incense or some such crap. Though based on the wider shots we know the Gunners are technically in the studio, it looks like a Pier One threw up in there. Oriental carpets, pointlessly fringed tapestries, candles, decorative bottles, and chintzy-looking brass abounds. You expect Kirstie Alley or one of the Queer Eye dudes to pop out of there at any moment (or, if you're sort of drunk, you’re thinking the dude from the Counting Crows is way better looking than you remember).

We see Duff, then a wide shot, before coming in tight on Axl doing a slow version of the Axl dance with Duff's back in the foreground. A sliver of Slash’s face makes an appearance before we get a headshot of Axl, who is still whistling (it's been 40 seconds, but who's counting?).

Panning across the band shows off more of the crap they picked up at the Pottery Barn, before ending on Axl. Now is a good time to mention that he's completed his look with a gigantic studded belt and black leggings that are patterned with white thingies (I can't tell what they are -- they look like very wide "x"s).

Suddenly, we're in an old-fashioned, wood-paneled hotel lobby. A woman in a black leather jacket sits in a white chair reading, and a clerk is visible at the desk behind her. Behind him there are all of those little mail hutches, like when they sort all of their mail or whatever for all of the different hotel rooms. Next we see a hallway in the hotel, with three people (a man in between two women) backlit and walking toward us. They quickly fade into a shot of hotel room. We're facing the unmade bed, which has a large upholstered headboard. The lights on the bedside tables are turned on, and though the room isn't a wreck or anything there is a lot of stuff left out. By the bed's foot one of Slash's guitars is on a stand, and his hat is hanging on it.

Axl finally begins singing. We watch him emote sincerely for a moment, then we see Slash (shirtless, wearing black leather pants, black leather gloves, and many silver necklaces and bracelets) laying in the hotel bed and holding a hugeass snake. We pull back, and see that on the other side of the bed, a woman dressed all in black lingerie leans over and peels off her shirt.

We then go back to the studio, where Duff strums along in the foreground and further back Slash holds his guitar all the way up in the air while he plays (he’s leaning back all weird like he is sunk in a papasan chair). A wider shot reveals all manner of knick knacks (specifically, weird candelabra/statuary and elaborate end tables) behind Axl.



As we head into the first chorus, a well-dressed couple (the man in a suit and the woman in a strapless black evening dress and gloves) walk toward us down the hotel hallway, arguing. They fade away as they get near us. Back with GNR, all of the producers nod in approval and make adjustments on the boards.

Axl (who we all know is lost without a teleprompter) sings with his eyes on a sheet of paper he's holding to be sure he remembers all of the words. Lyrics remembered, he focuses on gyrating his hips while Izzy and Duff strum valiantly along and Steven uh… stares at the floor.

Next we're in a hotel room identical to Slash's, only we're with Duff, who's looking good in a white blazer and black everything else. He's smoking and sitting on the edge of the bed, and he stands up to grab a used room service tray (with a pot of coffee, a mostly-finished glass of o.j., and a bunch of crumpled-up napkins on it, if you were wondering).

Slash does one big strum, and Axl whispers "pay-shunse," then closes his eyes and tilts his head back while adjusting his package. Then Duff, still carrying the room service tray, passes a maid pushing a cart in the opposite direction. He's walking toward the camera down that same hallway we keep seeing. The maid fades away as she looks over her shoulder at Duff.

Axl begins the second verse sitting down, as is Steven, who uses a big mesh, metal thing to snuff out one of his candles. Axl almost cracks a smile while looking over at Izzy during the line, "sometimes I get so tense." Interesting. Then we see Duff, who is now in the hotel's lobby. The woman reading is still there, and the clerk is tending to a couple who are both wearing their jackets. He turns toward Duff as the couple exits, but then both he and the woman reading fade away as Duff inexplicably deposits his room service tray at the front desk. Now I am not much of a traveler, but even I know that you can just kind of, you know, set it outside of your room's door.

The camera zooms in toward Duff as he turns toward us, taking a drag on his cigarette and putting one hand on his hip. He also shows off that he has a big chunk of dark hair going on under all the bleached stuff in this. I love two-toned hair. We all know I love it on the luscious Mr. George Lynch, but this is more along the lines of Jan/Lynn from Vixen who had the like, raccoon tail thing going on under her hair. He appears to do a double-take at something to his right.

Axl stands up again for the chorus, and Slash hoists his guitar likewise. We then see a different view of the hotel's lobby, which is grand and old-fashioned looking. A bellboy enters carrying two suitcases with a man in jeans following, and two other men are on their way out. A couple of model-looking women converse animatedly on one of the couches, and the camera goes in close to pan across them. Steven Adler is sitting next to them, and he smiles bemusedly while scratching his head with a drumstick. He tilts his head back and looks at the ceiling.

Then we're back with GNR. Izzy, who looks like he just stepped out of a Black Crowes video (or Brent Muscat's dressing room, though I suppose it's really Brent who dresses like Izzy, and probably they're both really dressing like, I don't know, David Johansen from the New York Dolls), is sitting in front of a massive pile of Oriental rugs. It is like the longer the song goes on, the more tchotch fills the room. Somehow, even though there aren't any windows visible, it is getting darker in there. Suddenly Izzy is playing on a wooden bench, with a big vase or something next to him and screens next to him (I guess he went into another showroom, or the set of a Bang Tango video).



Axl is again overcome with emotion as we head into the guitar solo. Slash picks at his guitar, and Axl does a slow Axl dance with his eyes closed. Now, I am not the first to make this observation (it was actually Mike Myers on a Wayne's World special on MTV that coincided with the release of one of the Wayne's World movies), but if this video shows one thing, it's that Slash might like hookers but he loves snakes. I guess that's why his solo projects haven't been called Slash's Hooker Pit.

As a continuous shot of Slash playing with that snake in bed unfurls, we see a succession of -- come on, everyone, count along -- 1 (blonde in black camisole and thigh-high stockings getting into bed), 2 (different blonde, corset-y thing and normal tights continuing motion of getting into bed), 3 (dark-haired girl with bangs in red sitting next to him), 4 (dark-haired, black miniskirt, bending over and flipping hair), 5 (curly brown hair, sitting down on bed), 6 (reddish hair, black stockings, lying down facing him) -- 6! Six rather professional looking ladies with Slash. The last one disappears, and we go in close again to look at Slash, who's still messing with that snake.

Dancing Axl briefly reprises the whistling, then brings both hands together before bringing one finger to his mouth in a "ssh" gesture. The screen fades to black momentarily, then Slash kicks up again with the second (third, if you count the whistling) movement of the song. Dials are pushed as Axl looks thoughtful and brings his hands together, then holds them apart, palms up, feeling the music. He starts singing and doing some serious ass Axl dancing.

We then see Axl enter a room -- maybe another room in the hotel, but it is decorated in a much more modern way than Slash or Duff's rooms. There's a double bed with two framed photos over it, and French doors that are lit blue (they look like the screens that were behind Izzy before). On the nightstand, there's a large lamp and a phone with blue neon in it that is ringing. Also in the near corner there's some other low piece of furniture, a chest or something, that has a black leather jacket embellished with big white bones (like a fake skeleton pattern, a la Spinal Tap's "This is exact, my exact inner structure done in a t-shirt, exactly medically accurate.") draped on it.

Anyway, Axl walks over to pick up the phone. He picks up the entire phone unit, then (after a brief look at Steven and Izzy nodding along), he puts the phone to his ear, then looks at it, then throws the entire thing to the ground and repeatedly stomps on the phone (we see this close up). I remember when I was younger I always felt bad for the phone, because I totally wanted to have a phone like that.

Singing Axl smiles, and the whole band sings along for the "just a little pay-shuns / yeahhhh-ahhhhh" part. Axl swings a mic on a cord and catches it in his hand to start the badass coda of the song ("I been walkin' the streets at night" etc). He swings his butt around a lot, showing that he has a big scarf or something tied to his big belt. Slash tilts his head back enough that his face finally emerges from beneath his hair.



We then see Axl again in his hotel room (or whatever that room is). He's sitting in a little armchair with a lamp (like the one from the bedside table) and a white baseball cap on the table beside him. He leans forward, looking intently at his television. He's wearing a black tee-shirt with a red and yellow logo I don't recognize and blue jeans, as well as a lot of silver jewelry (most notably a couple of very large silver crosses). He is watching the video for "Welcome to the Jungle."

He crosses his arms, then we see over his shoulder to the tv, where the Axl of 1987 dances around behind Slash. We then see a shot that I do not believe is actually in the video -- it's the part where they're all in that bedroom together, and this is of Axl sort of shaking on the bed. 1989 Axl then rests his chin in his fist, looking jaded. "WTTJ" Axl leans on Slash and screams. Then we're back in the studio with Axl, who's really rocking out. Everyone sings along gamely, and Axl yowls like my cat demanding attention.

As the song wraps up, we again see the hotel hallway. The arguing couple is now walking away from us, and fading away from the moment we see them. The song ends with Slash hoisting his guitar and Axl sloooowly bringing the mic to his lips, as per the inevitable.

THE VERDICT My New Year's resolution? To devote more time to rockin', of course. And that means getting off my lazy (okay, in actuality, overworked and overextended) ass and start writing about more videos. The time has come! Maybe 2006 will be the year in which I actually begin to tackle the big GNR trilogy (b/k/a "Don't Cry," "November Rain," and "Estranged"). If nothing else, it is the year of the Poison 20th anniversary tour, and that, my friend, is something to look forward to.

Anyway. I learned a lot while I was writing about this video. I learned that I am totally rusty at the moment. But I also learned that I have been getting a lot of the words to this song wrong for years, which is especially odd since this is one of the GNR songs with more intelligible lyrics. I've always heard it as "sad woman, take it slow," not "said, 'woman, take it slow.'" Same with "I ain't got time for the game" -- I've always heard it as pain. Hm. I pride myself on my excessive lyrical knowledge, so this is a bit perturbing to me to say the least.

In general though, I love this song. Aside from Axl's trademark, cat-like wailing, it's a not very Guns-sounding song, but that's okay. After Appetite for Destruction, maybe we were ready for a taste of something different (if you'll pardon my pun). Sadly, however, I am not seeming to have a lot to say analysis-wise for this video. GNR Lies is a weird album. It has always struck me as killing time, like something they released just to tide people over between stripped-down, hardcore AFD and the over-the-top bombast of the Use Your Illusion albums.

You could argue that "Patience" paved the way for all of the Unplugged-ness to come, but seriously, people argue that about every acoustic metal song (and they're only right about "Wanted: Dead or Alive"). At least this one doesn't have a "the record company didn't want us to put this on the album, but we said we wouldn't put out the album without it, and it became our biggest hit" story (at least that I know of). (cough!) "Save Your Love" (cough! cough!) "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" (cough!)

Ok, now I'm just being mean, and you know I heart the metal, so that's just silly. Besides, I should really be trying to figure out what's up with the video. Does the white jacket and bussing of trays mean that Duff works at the hotel? Are Axl and Izzy in a different place? Did Steven actually leave the band of his own will, because they make him do all the lame stuff in this video? Axl's playing himself, right? Does Slash put down the snake at least to well, you know? We'll probably never find out. If y'all remember the pseudo-tabloid style cover of the album, it's all Lies.

Guns N Roses, "Welcome to the Jungle"

The Country Axl and the City Axl

THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "Welcome to the Jungle," Appetite for Destruction, 1987, Geffen

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "In the jungle / welcome to the jungle / watch it bring you to your / sha-nanananananana knees knees / ooh-ah I / I wanna watch youuu bleed"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION The video begins innocuously enough, with a sort of quiet street (there's a police siren, but it's pretty far away) and a vaguely sketchy dude in a pleather jacket leaning against a bench smoking a cigarette. But as soon as a bus enters the frame -- and Slash's guitar cranks up -- we know we're in for something good.

A pre-teen looking, hayseed version of Axl Rose steps off the bus, wearing a backward-tipped Bob Seger trucker hat (second coming of trucker hats -- the first coincides with Smokey and the Bandit), a plaid shirt, flared jeans, white pointy-toed shoes (possibly cowboy boots, possibly the shoes Eddie gives Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Vacation) and with (in case we don't get it) a piece of straw still stuck in his mouth. Did Axl really dress like this back in Indiana? Why are so many awesome metal musicians from Indiana? (Diamond Dave and Mick Mars spring to mind right away, naturally). The world may never know.

Anyway, as Country Axl picks up his suitcase, the sketchy dude comes up to him and starts talking to him right away, in a confidential looking manner (we can't hear any of it, because the Real Axl is going, "Woooo-oooh-oooh-ohhhh-ohhhh" like a spider monkey on crack). Country Axl steps aside at whatever the man's offer is, putting his hand on the dude's chest (despite the physical contact, this is probably the least confrontational confrontation any version of Axl's ever had), and walking away.

The camera pulls closer as Country Axl walks away, and we follow his gaze as he looks at a blonde passing him going the opposite direction. We stick with his eyeballs as they roam up her stocking-clad legs to wear they end in uh, what I wish I could refer to as hot pants but what appear to be biker shorts. Country Axl stops and stares after her, then looks at a wall of TVs in a store window (note Slash in a cameo as a drunken bum on the sidewalk beneath).

The TVs show Fantasy Axl, strapped to a chair (explaining the screaming), and we sort of travel toward the TVs until the shot on their screen becomes the shot on ours. After the screaming Fantasy Axl fills the screen momentarily, we finally see Real Axl, who's onstage with his hair teased in well, it's the one time we see him with his hair like this in any GNR video (there are plenty of old photos with his hair like this, however). He's screaming, hands outstretched, and as he brings them together over his head his scream reaches its apex. Just as his hands are about to meet, he stops, and breaks into the Axl dance, which rules.

The camera pulls back and we see that we're actually in a fairly large space (which is probably supposed to be a club but I have always thought of as a warehouse -- it's dark in there but the space is very unfinished looking to me), and as per every metal video directed by Nigel Dick there are spotlights shining around but it's mostly pretty dark. The band's onstage, and the next sequence of shots is sort of a "meet the band" thing (sans Izzy): overhead shot of Steven (who was at the time my favorite member of the band), then Slash (who's actually never been my favorite member of the band, but then again neither has Izzy), then Duff (who now that I'm older and wiser is my favorite member of the band. In retrospect, he was/is the band's best looking member).

Then we go back to Axl, who's dancing, clapping his hands, and in general mustering more enthusiasm for this video than he's since mustered for anything that wasn't brown and liquid (at this early juncture, he is apparently not yet a complete prima donna rock star). Then we finally see Izzy, who's wearing a frilly patterned shirt that in spite of leather pants makes him look like he accidentally wandered in here from the set of a Black Crowes video.



Anyway. Axl's singing now. We get through almost the whole first verse with basically the same shot, him singing from the front, then we see it from the back, to show the crowd. As Axl does his first "sha-nananananana-kneeeeees," he's holding the microphone and using more of a facial expression than he ever does in any other video (I mean, all he does is close his eyes when friggin' Stephanie Seymour buys it in 'November Rain'). As he leans into Slash, for the first time we cut away to news footage -- a cop (or something holding a baton -- the brown uniform means it's either in another country or this person's actually a security guard) shoves away a mostly unseen person, then some other sort of something enforcement personnel shoulders a rifle in another shot.

Second verse, we see a little bit more of the band, starting with a lengthy shot of Izzy. Then Axl steps in front of him, so that's over. Axl starts dancing around, doing the Axl stomp (which here he's doing in leather pants but which really, we are most familiar with him doing in either a) a kilt or b) biker shorts. I think at one point Beavis and Butthead mused on what was up with Axl always wearing stuff like that, and didn't anyone else in the band think of kicking him out over that).

Then we go to a better shot of Izzy doing a similar move, then (one of my favorite parts of the video), as Axl sings "now you're a very sexy girl / very hard to please" we see a shot of a blond in a bikini walking forward and then film of a still image of another bikini babe laying down (I always think of this as being a billboard, but it's hard to tell -- it goes by really fast and also, since I didn't note this before, I keep calling it "news footage" because it looks like someone literally taped it off the tv and then edited it into the video -- yes, the quality is that good).

Next we see Duff kind of, from below the back of his bass, and then more of Axl dancing. As the chorus begins (and we briefly see footage of soldiers running), Axl starts really going for it, with the hands-over-head-hip-swivel. We also see the crowd get a little more into it, with hands waving in the frame and a shot of Slash from behind that highlights an enthusiastic blonde in the front row.

After we see Slash playing guitar for a second or two, we go to one of (drum roll please) my all time favorite shots in all of heavy metal videos (yes, I'm not afraid to come right out and say these things!). In the background, we see Steven Adler and an anonymous babe kind of lying next to each other on a bed (ok, you can only see their heads, so I am extrapolating a bit here but stay with me). City Axl is in the foreground of the screen, taking up the entire left half, but he's out of focus. As Steven turns to look at said babe, City Axl comes into focus.

I love this shot! I could watch it all day. Seriously. In my mind, half the time when I think about The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (which obviously, I love), I remember the whole movie as being this one shot! Even though it's not in the movie at all. It is reminiscent of the scenes with Paul Stanley though. Anyway.

The camera then slides around behind City Axl's back, and we see that he's sitting at the foot of the bed (which I still uphold is there), and they're all watching a bank of four or five (or more -- it's hard to tell) TVs of varying sizes which have been stacked up against a wall (actually, the side of a staircase, since railings are partially visible and there are also these weird fleur-de-lis lights running up the side diagonally). All of the TVs are showing something different, but we can't really see since we quickly go right up to one of them, which is showing a whole bunch of soldiers around something burning.

We quickly jump back to Slash playing guitar, but just as fast we're back with something weird happening with an ambulance, some kind of military or assault vehicles going down the street away from us, then (almost too quickly to see), something that looks like somebody surfing or something and then an image of a red convertible (sorry -- even going over these videos frame by frame -- which is how I do, p.s. by the way -- I can't pick it out).

Next we again see City Axl, looking more than a bit jaded, that random chick still blurry but visible in the background. Axl's onstage, leaning on Slash, then we cut back and see that Duff is also in the TV room. Steven looks away from the woman to smile at someone else (another shot I love -- the man may have been a junkie or whatever but he was the only one of these lads that was any good at conveying emotion with any subtlety). City Axl turns again as they rewind a shot of people walking on one of the tvs.



Whoa... I just realized I'm up to 1,575 words... and I'm only 1:55 into the video. Methinks I need to start editing myself more (or not describing every shot in quite such detail!).

Anyway. The next verse is mostly Axl onstage, singing and doing his dance, but it's intercut with more tv footage -- soldiers running, a print ad or billboard of a woman in a bikini -- and also another close-up shot of the now über-jaded City Axl. We get more performance (Duff singing backup, then making a badass face, Axl dancing, Slash bent over guitar, Steven from above), then we move into the bridge -- and get to see a replay of my favorite shot! So again, Steven turns to look at the anonymous groupie/girlfriend, and as his head turns, City Axl in the foreground comes into focus. Onstage, Axl's beginning the snaky, hands-over-head dance that is about the billionth truly memorable part of this video, then we again are looking over City Axl's shoulder at the wall of TVs.

We come toward the TVs to see soldiers/police officers with bigass guns, then go back to the stage for the "When you're high you never / ever wanna come down / suh! down" as Axl turns his usual dance into a sort of mime version of this idea (think of someone miming pulling taffy, or making pasta, and then throwing it at you, and you've got the idea). On the final "down," he jumps to his knees (making me wince at the idea of doing this in what appear to be pleather pants), and we see him rocking out from the front and also (somewhat incongruously, as it's the one shot in the video where he's suddenly sweaty and shirtless) from the back, with the crowd reaching toward him. Slash finally gets substantial camera time for the guitar solo (which he manages to play without even once showing his entire face), and we see a little bit more of Steven, who keeps the cowbell coming.

Axl's return to the mic (and Slash's nice big sliiide) brings us finally back to Fantasy Axl, who appears to be in both an electric chair (okay, it could just be some kind of weird restraining thing) and a straightjacket in some sort of A Clockwork Orange scenario that also involves the dancefloor from Saturday Night Fever. He's watching a whole wall of TVs (more neatly arranged than the ones in the sequence where the whole band's on the bed) and shaking.

We can't really see what's on them, just that all are showing something different, though we do pull in once for the millionth shot of police walking, then a happy couple sort of leaping up in each other's arms in water, soldiers running, then someone throwing a rock. Axl starts screaming, "You know where you are? / you're in the jungle, baby" as the shots of the TVs become even more frantic (as does Fantasy Axl's shaking), then we see the same bikini woman from the first TV sequence and (as Axl yodels, "di-I-I-I-I-I-I-ie") a covered body being loaded into an ambulance. Onstage, Axl's making a crazy-ass face, we see some soldiers real quick, then Fantasy Axl starts flipping out and screaming.

The final chorus brings us back to performance footage, Axl with his hands aloft and the rest of him thrusting, and just a quick cut to a crowd of people running from a man striking at them with a bullwhip (I'd be interested to know what any of this stuff is from -- unlike, say, "Peace Sells," none of it is recognizable, at least to me). The next shot, which is that security guard-looking guy hitting at someone with a nightstick, is the only one that's labeled in any way -- very generic 80s looking news text that says "Last Wednesday / Westwood." Axl gives us one last "sha-nananananananana-knees" and we see a man (looks like movie footage) shooting a gun.

The camera pulls back and we see City Axl watching the wall of TVs in that store window from waaaay back at the beginning of the video (remember them?). He's got his hands on his hips, and the TVs are switching back and forth between different footage we've already seen and Fantasy Axl screaming. As Real Axl wraps it up, we see City Axl from the side (in a shot that's obviously parallel to the first time we see Country Axl). He shakes his head dismissively and walks away as the camera comes back in to focus on the televised image of Fantasy Axl screaming.



THE VERDICT Clearly, Guns N Roses are like, the Brian DePalma of heavy metal videos (they didn't invent the form or the genre, but they did do their best to take it to its logical extreme -- viz. the Use Your Illusion trilogy/Scarface), so I'm starting out with the lighter fare and leaving the concept videos (the analysis of which will likely make my exhaustive essaying of say, Whitesnake's "In the Still of the Night" seem like light reading). Yeah, I'm tossing out easy pitches for now, but don't worry, I'll get to everything eventually. I also need the disclaimer because my analysis of this video is so celebratory (even moreso than usual!). And why is that? Well let's take a look with 5 Reasons Why "Welcome to the Jungle" Rules.

1) It's got one of my all-time favorite shots, which is also one of my favorite in a very cinematic way and not just a "Whoa! That was frickin' badass" way. It shows how much faith Geffen had in GNR that they were willing to roll out the big bucks immediately and do a video that even jeez, over fifteen years later, still looks very slick. Don't get me wrong, we all know I love the mad old videos and their patently D.I.Y. set design, I'm just really impressed with the way that this video just gets it right. Unlike later Guns videos (which paved the way for excessively plot-heavy, expensive, bloated videos of all genres), this video is mad tight.

2) Axl's hair! As mentioned above, one can find a jillion pictures of Axl where he has his hair teased, but this is the only video where you see it. I find it to be so, so hot. Admittedly, I like that very L.A. look with the teased hair and aviators (it's what got me into Faster Pussycat), but I think it also helps Axl out a lot because otherwise, he's really kind of a small guy (or at least he was then). As evidenced by the last shot where he's shown from the side, the hair gives him some size.

3) Steven Adler. Hotness! At the time, Steven was my favorite member of GNR -- I thought he was sooo cute (what can I say, my taste had not yet matured enough to appreciate Duff). This video, however, makes me remember what I was thinking at the time. He looks so hot! And the drumming in this song is tight. I've always felt bad for Steven getting kicked out of Guns -- I mean, can you imagine those guys being like, "Dude, we think you've got a substance abuse problem"? I hope that they at least put down the Jack Daniels while they told him. Seriously, if he'd been in Mötley Crüe, those guys would have laughed at him for being a wuss. Plus, everyone knows I'm a sucker for bands that stay with their original lineups (notable exceptions like Iron Maiden excluded).

4) I am also a sucker for anything that uses news or old movie footage (viz. my obsession with old Headbanger's Ball bumps, Iron Maiden). Part of it's a general obsession with anything I can get my hands on from the 80s and prior (viz. this entire website, most of what I own). This video in particular does a great job with this. Juxtaposing all of the creepy, "Is it the third world or is it California?" news footage with vaguely sexual advertisements totally works and is convincing for the A Clockwork Orange sequence. It also adds something to the Country Mouse/City Mouse convention (which is actually intended here as a reference to Midnight Cowboy). Unlike a video like say, Poison's "Fallen Angel," where the individual seems to have directed her own destiny (or at least, had it directed by other individuals and personal events), "Jungle" offers a broader, cultural explanation for the transformation.

5) It's the one of the most over-played, over-used songs ever, but it's still (not to belabor the term) evocative. (Unlike, for example, the Who's "Baba O'Riley," which is one of the most amazing songs ever but which I can't help feeling gets cheapened with every misuse.) You can't go to a sporting event (or a sports bar, for that matter), without having to put up with revolting losers screaming along to it -- but somehow, you can sing along too without losing your lunch. Try going to a karaoke night anywhere without having to suffer through some fool's drunken rendition of it. But you still love it! It's impossible not to. And no matter what it gets used in, it's still badass.

Remember how the movie Lean on Me opens with it, over the lengthy sequence showing just how awful that school is? It's pretty incongruous (you were expecting rap), but it fits perfectly and sets the scene. Same thing with the current super-saturation of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas commercials (which actually use the song in a similar way, where one would again expect rap). Every time that thing comes on, I sit up and pay attention. The biggest draw still is that opening guitar/scream thing. Even though every time I hear it I think, "What the hell was Axl thinking? Of course he was dooming himself to a career's worth of throat problems singing like that all the damn time," it still sends chills down my spine. Literally.