Lita Ford feat. Ozzy Osbourne, "Close My Eyes Forever"

Let's Duet  

THE VIDEO Lita Ford feat. Ozzy Osbourne, "Close My Eyes Forever," Lita, 1988, RCA 

SAMPLE LYRIC "If I close my eyes forever / will it all remain unchay-aynged? / If I close my eyes forever / will it all remain the sayyyy-ayyy-ayyyy-ayyyme" 

THE VERDICT Spoiler alert: I freakin' love this song. I mean the queen of metal meets the prince of darkness? This is like the heavy metal version of "Islands in the Stream." There aren't a lot of metal duets out there — it's really just this and "Everything You Do (You're Sexing Me)", so obviously "Close My Eyes Forever" wins that contest. 

This song is a little weird in that at the time it's really the only power ballad for either of these artists. I can't really think of another song Lita does that's in this style. Ozzy obviously will go on to go much further sonically in this direction, with like "Mama, I'm Coming Home", but lyrically, he doesn't really have love songs. 

In a way that makes it too bad they didn't do this song later — I feel like he got more into really singing, whereas in this song he's sort of doing an exaggerated version of his usual creepy Ozzy voice. I feel like a lot of people aren't too into this song, particularly hardcore Ozzy partisans. But for me, it's a great one. 

I don't know, something about the sentiment really gets to me. I feel like I've had times in various relationships when I wished I could just stop time, and stay right where we were. I feel like this song really gets at that well for me. 

At the same time though, this was a song I liked better when I understood the lyrics less. In my head, it was pretty romantic — I had always heard it as "warm and dark embrace," and so when one of my karaoke video games informed me it was "warm and darkened grave," it was a bit unsettling. All the sort of goth parts in this song feel like they're trying a little too hard — I mean cobwebs on your eyes? Gee-ross. 

Something tells me the sort of darker aspects are Ozzy-slash-Ozzy's management trying to make sure it doesn't seem like he's gone soft. I mean yes, at this point Sharon Osbourne is also Lita's manager, so clearly she orchestrated this, but at the same time, you know she's keeping track of everyone's interests here.

 

But even if you ignore the lyrics, it's still a great song. I really like Lita's solo in it, and the way the song just sort of builds and builds. There's kind of a chorus, but it's really more of just a repeated motif. The last part ("I know I've been so hard on you-ou") is definitely a favorite for me — the more I think about it, this is the Lita Ford song I like best. 

And oh yeah, the video! The video's all right too. Not the most happens — I get the feeling Lita and Ozzy were never actually in the same place. We mostly see them apart, and sometimes the image of one is superimposed on top of the other, but that's about it. 

It's mainly them singing the song in an empty, dark space with just a few random props. There's a blue velvet curtain, a random archway, a window set high in one wall, and then hanging mics. That's pretty much it. 

We see more of Lita than of Ozzy, probably because she looks absolutely gorgeous in this video. She's wearing a great outfit — purple boots, artfully shredded jeans layered over sparkly black tights, and a couple of different embellished black leather jackets (the jackets switch along with her guitars). Her hair is amazing, and she's painted her nails blue. 

Ozzy is harder to see. We mostly only see his face, and a lot of times it's only partially lit to create exaggerated shadows and make him look spooky. He's wearing a black jacket with sort of textured embroidery on it, but otherwise, he's a bit hard to see. 

We only really see Ozzy actually standing there in the very last shot, when suddenly he and Lita appear to be in the same space. Or at least, they're made to look that way — like I said, based on the way this video was shot, I don't think they were ever actually together for this shoot. 

Regardless! I love this song, and a lot of other folks did too — this song went to #8 on Billboard's Hot 100 (by contrast, "Kiss Me Deadly" peaked at #12). Still you know, it's not for everyone. And if you read this blog often, you can probably guess who I mean.

 

Yep, Beavis and Butt-head rip this song a new one when they watch the video, and to this day I can't watch this video without thinking about what they have to say about it (particularly the "monster faces" comments). 

They check it out during the season 5 episode "Choke", which is hard for me to watch due to its heavy ick-factor, but which also contains some amazing insights into B&B-H's relationship. My favorite part is when the 911 operator tells Beavis, "Sir, if you want to save your friend's life, you must administer the Heimlich maneuver" and Beavis says "He's not really my friend." Anyway, here's what they have to say about this video, which they pick up already in progress:

Beavis: "Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, it's Ozzy!"
Butt-head: "Yeah! ... Uh, why's he whining?
Beavis: "Yeah, yeah, what's going on here? (both stammer and laugh for a while) Boy, this isn't very good."
Butt-head: "Yeah. Ozzy shouldn'ta done this."
Beavis: "Yeah really."
Butt-head: "Eh, maybe this is Meatloaf."
Beavis: "You know who I think this is, Butt-head? I think this is the Indigo Girls."
Butt-head: "Oh yeah!" (both laugh)

They watch the video silently for a while, during which time Butt-head looks over vaguely incredulously at Beavis, and they make eye contact for a second. I love it when they have little moments like that.

Beavis: "Whoa, check it out, he's making one of those monster faces!"
Butt-head: "Yeah. Monster face and wuss music do not go together. It's like, you may've scared somebody with that face twenty years ago, but now you just look like some old fart."
Beavis: "Um, oh yeah. Um. You're being kind of hard on Ozzy, Butt-head."
Butt-head: (laughing) "I'm being what Ozzy?"
Beavis: "Hard on Ozzy! (pause - both laugh) Oh yeah. Yeah."

I dunno. In a way the boys' hatred of the song kind of just adds for the song to me. Although again, as they sort of also obliquely point out, there is this weird tension between like, the scary Ozzy everyone's known to this point, and then the softer side of Ozzy we start to see here. I wish they'd gone back and done this song over around the time of No More Tears so Ozzy really could've gone all in. 

I think in general, I wish there were more metal duets. Like could you imagine a Doro Pesch/Ronnie James Dio duet? Omg and they could've called themselves Dorodio. Or Dioro. That would have ruled. Maybe what I need is just someone to duet with, and I can just turn whatever metal song I want into a duet. Hmm. 

P.S.: I know it's not metal-related, but come on, don't tell me you didn't see this movie!

Lita Ford, "Kiss Me Deadly"

Spandex and Pleather

THE VIDEO Lita Ford, "Kiss Me Deadly," Lita, 1988, Dreamland

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SAMPLE LYRIC "Come on, kiss me once! / Kiss me twice! / Come on pretty bay-beeee / Kiss me dead-lyyyyyyyyy"

THE VERDICT I want to like Lita Ford. I really, really do. The Runaways kicked so much ass, and deserved so much more than to have their legacy besmirched by a crappy Dakota Fanning vehicle. In the end though, I'm always more drawn to female metal acts that sound, well, more like the Runaways -- think Girlschool, for example.

Lita's just so -- how to put this. Okay. You can either talk about how important it is for women to be taken seriously as musicians, or you can dry-hump your guitar in your videos. But you really can't do both. Lita's a competent vocalist and a talented guitarist, but the ridiculous lengths she goes to in this video to convey some bizarre version of heavy metal sexuality put her on par with an obvious eye-candy group like Femme Fatale.

'Memba them? Like Lita, they also have song called "Falling In And Out of Love," though their female lead singer looks like Carly Simon trying to dress as Like a Virgin-era Madonna.

Anyway. What goes on in this video that I find so unappetizing? Well, really nothing much happens. What does happen is we find Lita playing in I don't even know what. An empty loft space? A parking garage? An enormous meat locker? It's hard to say. Either way, all that's in there are a bunch of large blocks of ice, which in some shots are augmented by a bunch of random small fires. Like I always say, nothing says "this equipment is plugged in" like having the band play in standing water.

It's mostly just Lita singing and playing the song, with frequent clothing changes. When we see a close-up of her face and shoulders, she's wearing a black leather strapless bra top, all the better to show off her shoulder tattoo and half-and-half hair. It's no early George Lynch half-and-half hair, but whatever, it's close enough and it's a good look for her. However, in most of these shots she's making sort of furious porno faces while frantically running her hands through her hair, which is less alluring.



When Lita's furthest away and the rest of her band is there, she puts on more clothes. It's hard to tell because it's not very well-lit (lord knows what the guys are wearing), but she appears to be in a black sleeveless cropped top and very shiny (possibly pleather?) high-waisted black pants.

In her super-close ups, where it's really just her face (though we see the rest of the outfit later), she's really metaled up, notably in a very heavily studded black leather motorcycle jacket. She also puts on a pair of shredded, high-waisted jeans.

Isn't it weird how none of that stuff seemed high-waisted at the time? I mean back in the 80s, no one would have said she was wearing Mom jeans. But to look at her now, it's "omfg mom jeans." They probably come to just below her navel. Toward the end we see some shots of the ripped jeans with the strapless top, so we can assume she's layering.

In the most famous shots though, she's wearing a ridiculous costume that looks like it's straight out of Heavy Metal. She's got on a cropped black tank top, and has layered a very high-waisted black thong over some silver spandex tights. A giant belt with lots of hardware, weird studded kneepads, and black boots further contribute to her sexy-heavy-metal-robot look.

It reminds me of the scene in Wayne's World (I know, I talk about Wayne's World way too much, but whatever) where Wayne goes to find Cassandra at her music video shoot. Wayne complains about how the video is clearly all about showing her in a sexualized light, and when the other members of Crucial Taunt walk by, he says, "Oh, hey guys, didn't see you there." (How could he have missed Marc Ferarri!? Anyway.)

Point is, if Tommy Iommi or Nikki Sixx or Chris Holmes or whoever she was involved with at the time had showed up to this video shoot, the same dialogue could have happened. Yeah, in some of the shots you can see the guys in the band, and sometimes we even see the guitarist or the drummer (who's on a weird moving pedestal) on their own, but barely.

This video is really starring Lita's hair and ass cheeks. I mean I did tell you the other week that I'd help you find the metal videos with side ass, right? It might be covered in spandex here, but this video's got loads of side ass.

And not a lot else, honestly. They backlight the guys so that even when they're on camera, you can only really see their silhouettes. There's more backlighting, plus dry ice fog, when we get close-ups of Lita singing. Occasionally there are random extreme close-ups of the ice -- we see Lita acting like she's going to nuzzle it with her face, then with her butt, and at one point one of the blocks gets hit with a sledgehammer.



I'm not the biggest fan of this song, either. I really like the pre-chorus, which has a great sound, with the guitar motif sort of amping up the vocals ("but I know what I like / I know I like dancing with you"). Most of it though, I can leave. It feels overproduced in a bad way, and very keeping-up-with-the-boys, which is unappetizing. Even though Lita's growls of "it ain't no big thang" have a lovely twang to them, I can't really get past the triteness of most of it.

'Cause like I was saying at the beginning of this post: You can either talk about how important it is for women to be taken seriously as musicians, or you can dry-hump your guitar in your videos. But you really can't do both.

It's hard to be a female musician in any genre, but particularly in male-dominated ones, I know. Hell, it's hard to be a female anything! But to stick with music: It's rough on these gals. People objectify you, people don't think you really play your instruments, people assume you engage in all kinds of sexual debauchery... the list goes on.

I feel like this video is a sort of "Let's get out in front of this" strategy -- in other words, I'm going to be objectified anyway, let me just objectify myself. I don't know how much it works. I mean, if you're in your video mounting your mic stand while dressed as a metal fembot, I don't think viewers (male or female) are going to be thinking to themselves, "My, she's very musically talented." They're probably more likely to, if they think about it, assume the latter ("she must need to distract me from the fact that some male guitarist is really playing this solo", or some BS like that).

And I mean yeah -- it'll get more guys to buy your record. (See Chuck Klosterman's revolting analysis of Lita in his memoir Fargo Rock City -- or don't, it was repulsive enough to convince me to never read another word of his writing regardless of subject.) But here's the thing: Even if in the short term, sexing it up is making it easier for you, it's a) making it harder for other female musicians and b) a crappy strategy in the long run.

Think about it: If you not only play well, but you also tart yourself up a la Femme Fatale, you're basically perpetuating the status quo not only for yourself, but also in that other women musicians are all going to be expected to show a lot of side ass and get freaky with inanimate objects too. And this strategy also entails long-term losses: Watch any history o' metal-type show on Vh-1 or wherever, and you'll find a zillion (male) talking heads reminiscing not about Lita's musical abilities, but about that time she humped an ice cube. SIGH.

The biggest twist to all this: If there's one woman out there who probably doesn't give a shit about all this criticism, it's Lita herself. Read any interview with her. This is a woman who sticks to her guns (sometimes, uh, literally), and has no regrets. While I suppose sticks and stones may break her bones, blog posts like mine definitely won't hurt her.

P.S.: Don't get the title? Come on, sing it! "Spandex, and pleather / brought us all together!"

Lita Ford, "Dressed to Kill"

This One's for the Rock N Roll Children

THE VIDEO Lita Ford, “Dressed to Kill, Dancin’ on the Edge, 1984, Mercury/Polygram Records

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SAMPLE LYRIC “[Kill me bay-by!] / You’re dressed to kill / [You killll mee bayyy-by!] / You’re drrressed to killllllllllllll”

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION Lita Ford, clad in an off-the-shoulder mini-dress thing made of uh… garbage bag material (or at least the world’s cheapest pleather) approaches a vanity table covered with an array of girly goods and studded leather accessories and a big lighted mirror. Suddenly, as she is about to take a seat, a random bearded dude (Tommy Iommi maybe?) appears on the right of the screen and growls “you’re dressed to kill.” Lovely Lita takes a seat, revealing a generous helping of stocking-covered leg. An acoustic guitar plays softly as she chooses a compact and a large brush and begins brushing powder onto her cheeks.

Lita smiles to herself as she (off-camera) begins singing the song (i.e., the Lita we see is applying foundation with a sponge, the Lita we hear is singing. Get it?) She’s already wearing a ton of makeup, notably very frosted lipstick and heavy eyeliner, but there’s always room for more. Ope, nope, here we go. She slowly applies more lipstick.

As Lita slides out of her o-t-s outfit (revealing some kind of negligee-type thing beneath), then rolls her stocking down to her totally hot snakeskin heels, off-screen Lita growls “you’re dressed to kill” for the first time, as a guitar kicks in revealing that contrary to what you’ve been hearing so far, this song will not be a ballad. Half-dressed, Lita teases her hair and smiles knowingly at the mirror. But then the camera pulls out and suddenly she’s fully dressed and wearing a black tank top with a pattern of white skulls on it and black pants with long white fringe running down the sides (chaps??).

Lita unnecessarily kicks over her zebra print chair and moves to grab a guitar as the song finally starts rocking, and we cut to a performance shot of Randy Castillo. Now we’re at a fake-looking Lita Ford concert, with Lita pumping her fist in the air and the paid extras in the audience (excuse me, the fans) halfheartedly doing the same. An anonymous guitarist in a killer skinny 80s tux (I am obsessed with skinny 80s tuxedos -- so hot) spins around, and Lita does too, with the camera sort of swinging wildly above them. We also get lots of shots taken from about halfway back in the crowd.



As the song begins its refrain (“kill me baby”), we see a chunky, pissed-off looking girl who’s wearing a scarf on her head and a shapeless flannel thing standing right in front of the camera on the right (weirdly, those shapeless flannel things are like really in right now). In the background, we can see some clothes tossed on the ground, a table with a speaker and some other junk on it, posters, halfheartedly strung Christmas tree garland, and a lamp. An older dude, probably her dad, stands by the doorway. He gestures at the girl, and she makes an angry face, turning toward the camera and aggressively applying powder with a large brush. We briefly see Lita and Hugh McDonald thrashing in unison, then we’re back with the girl, who’s now wearing a shapeless black velvet garment and shaking out bright green hair while her father berates her. Let me mention also that she has a nose ring and eyebrows that have been plucked to the brink of invisibility. Lita et al rock out a bit more, then the girl puts on a hat while her father (now with cigarette and disheveled hair) rants on.

As the second verse begins, we’re in the bedroom of a suspiciously old-looking white skater dude. He jumps in on his skateboard wearing a t-shirt and a backwards hat. The room is sparsely furnished -- there’s a lawn chair, an acoustic guitar, a bookshelf with some junk on it, posters, and a window with venetian blinds. He bops up to the camera, takes his hat off, and shakes out his (graying??) longish hair. We then see fast-forwarded film of him bopping around the room changing his clothes while sort of headbanging the whole time. Come to think, this whole sequence is not super-different from the video for “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by REM. He changes basically from a skater to a metalhead, with loose hair, a black sleeveless t, black sleeveless vest, boots, etc.

We then see lots more shots of Lita and the band singing, and I’m pleased to report that her random guitarist is actually wearing fabulous 80s tails. And a headband! This is a great outfit. At least one person in this video is actually dressed to kill. The drummer bashes his fists into his head repeatedly and all parties concerned flash the devil hands repeatedly as we move into the guitar solo, which I am pleased to say Lita plays (since she actually did all the guitar on the album, hence the no-name guitarist in the video).



We quickly cut though to an Asian girl in a crocheted sweater who’s teasing her hair. We cut to Lita, and by the time we’re back with the girl she’s put on a leather jacket and her hair is ginormous. She grins ecstatically, and Lita continues to shred onstage. There are lots of close-ups of her hands, and lots of shots of her bent over her instrument silhouetted in a greenish-blue spotlight.

Finally, we get up to our last guy, a heavyish white guy in a suit who’s running his hands through his hair. Behind him a Lita Ford poster and a Scorpions poster are visible on the wall. Grimacing into the camera the entire time, he tears off his tie and shirt and puts on mirrored aviator sunglasses. Lita and her bandmates, meanwhile, take turns screaming “you’re dressed to kill” into each others’ faces. The dude then has put on uh… okay, it’s like an asymmetric torn t-shirt, and he’s wrapping a length of chain secured with full-size handcuffs around his neck. O-kayyy. He tops this off with a sleeveless leather vest.

We then see a longer shot of him, showing that he’s also wearing cuffed jeans and that his room wasn’t quite so tiny as it looked -- we were seeing him from a mirror over a cluttered dresser that was on the long side of the room. The short side of the room is uh, like six feet across, hence the room looked even tinier than it is. It’s very messy, lots of clothes on the floor and stuff. There’s a Bon Jovi poster on the back wall (who was the set designer on this video? Jeez). He spins around and does a bunch of crummy air guitar moves, even dropping to his knees he’s rocking out so hard. The video closes with a brief concert shot of Lita shaking hands with someone in the crowd, then cuts to the shot of her all made up and looking satisfied from the beginning of the video.



THE VERDICT This video is extremely Dio-esque in its embrace of the downtrodden, the disdained-by-their-peers and kept-down-by-their-parents and lampooned-by-their-coworkers "Rock N Roll Children." In fact, give Lita Ford a crystal ball, and this more or less is that video. Of course, rather than running away to live out their dreams these people are um, accessorizing, but it's more or less the same concept.

I really want to like Lita Ford’s music, I really, really do. I like her quite a bit as a person, but as a performer… um… ehh… yeah, it’s just not happening. Part of this is probably that as the most successful female performer in metal, I wanted her to be great. Amazing, memorable songs instead of … high-cut leotards, leather pants, and the usual. Sad to say, but while on a man glam metal style is subversive, on a woman it’s pretty much the usual sexist b.s.

Talking about Ms. Ford however gives me the opportunity to mention the fact that they’re releasing a movie about the Runaways next year. Why, I don’t know. A) I thought the documentary released a few years back pretty much covered it. B) Particularly when I was in high school, the Runaways were a big style influence on me. We’re talking loooong, straight hair, high-waisted vintage work pants, and tiny scoop neck tees with glittery iron-ons. In particular, there’s a picture of them reprinted in The Rolling Stone Guide to Women in Rock that I would ogle for hours (matter of fact, it was this picture). I very much wanted to look like Jackie.

And now… Cherie’s being played by Dakota Fanning. Joan Jett’s going to be interpreted by that sourpuss girl from Twilight. And our good friend Lita Ford will be interpreted by … some girl who’s biggest credit to date seems to be appearing in both the Rob Zombie Halloween remakes. Weak. The one thing I can say for this movie is it features Alia Shawkat (Maeby from Arrested Development) as well as Robert Romanus. Yes, Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High! I didn’t even know he still acted. On the other hand, it also includes Elvis’ granddaughter. I didn’t know she “acted.”

Long story short, it’s just a matter of time before Teen Vogue et al. start claiming they’ve always been into Lita et al. and comparing the music of the Runaways to that of latter-day manufactured female punk-pop like Avril Lavigne (because let’s be real, just because the Runaways were really good doesn’t mean they weren’t a Svengali job all the way -- just look at Bow Wow Wow). But even still, they probably won’t be titling any fashion spreads “Dressed to Kill.” But that’s probably more because it’s too reminiscent of that creepfest Brian DePalma movie.

P.S.: Notice anything different? I've rejiggered the layout to bring you super-sized pics -- 1/3 bigger than the old style! Part of this is that when I started this blog, I was using an indigo clamshell iBook which only had a screen with 800x600 resolution, so bigger images wouldn't have even fit. But now, it's the future, and we like our jpgs HUGE!