Cinderella, "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)"

Break Out the Lighters!  

THE VIDEO Cinderella, "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)", Long Cold Winter, 1988, Mercury 

SAMPLE LYRIC "Don't know whatchu got / 'til it's gawwww-aaawwwwwwwn / don't know what it ii-is / I did so wraw-awww-awwwwwwwng / never know what I got / it's just this sawww-awwwwwng" 

THE VERDICT What better song with which to end power ballads month than with the best song about things ending ever? It's the very last day of March, so that means power ballads month is coming to a close. Bust out those lighters (no cell phones, people, this is an 80s-centric site!), find a make-out partner, and let's finish it out with a bang. 

There's a reason why "Don't Know What You Got" is in approximately nine-million montages — usually of jubilant metal mayhem, like hair band members spraying each other with beer backstage or being jumped on by women in bikinis. It's poignant, it's heartbreaking, it's absolutely pitch-perfect. Like Roy says in the episode of The Office when they think the Scranton branch is closing: "You know that Cinderella song, 'You Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)'? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it... in words." 

It's so true! This song is absolutely gorgeous. I can point to about a million parts of it — well okay, it's not that long a song. I can point to several parts of it that are just incredible. 

Everything about the lyrics, pretty much — "I can't make you feel, what you felt so long ago," I mean who hasn't felt that with someone at some time, wishing you could recapture something ephemeral. And the pre-chorus, with the building guitar and the ultra-growly Tom Keifer vocal ("if we take some time, to think it over bay-bay") is amazing too.

 

And then the chorus itself! I know I often complain about the choruses in metal ballads — there's a fine line between perfect and maudlin here, and Cinderella manage to brilliantly toe that line. 

Unlike say "Every Rose Has It's Thorn," which nearly lapses into self-parody with its chorus, or (as I've also mentioned before) Bon Jovi's endless histrionics in "I'll Be There For You," "Don't Know What You've Got" gets everything right. Sigh! This song is a tear-jerker for like a million reasons. 

I feel like it's also sort of the last gasp of the really glam Cinderella we all came to know and love with Night Songs. "Don't Know What You Got" is the only one of the four videos from Long Cold Winter that really shows us glam Cinderella ("The Last Mile" comes in second place). Let's face it — at this point, even though it's only 1988 (!), the guys have toned down the amount of hair product, they've mainly abandoned the colorful coats and cutaway pants, and I mean lace? Good luck finding much lace in Long Cold Winter videos. 

But in the "Don't Know What You Got" video, we still get a glimpse of glam. Every member of the band is isolated from one another in an open, outdoor space, which makes me feel a little nervous —why aren't they together? But it does make for a fairly magisterial visual. The camera zooms past them, flies over them, spins around them – it kind of goes with the soaring vocals and guitars in this song.

Tom Keifer is playing a freaking grand piano outdoors, for one. But two, he's wearing a long black and red coat, with a matching headband, and tons of silver jewelry. When he's playing piano, you can see he has a giant ring on like every finger. The black patches on his coat appear to be sequined, which is a great choice. It's very Steven Tyler circa Permanent Vacation. It's a little hard to tell, but he might also be wearing not just leather pants, but chaps (they guys are often backlit in this video, so it's hard to identify some of this stuff).

 

The other guys aren't working quite as hard to keep the glam flag flying. Jeff LaBar is playing a guitar with Marilyn Monroe's face on it. He's wearing a long black duster coat, a white shirt, and maybe yellowish or cream-colored pants, with a black belt and black cowboy boots. 

Fred Coury is the hardest to see, since he's seated behind the drums, and we often kind of spin past him. He's wearing black, that's for sure. 

Eric Brittingham has on an open white shirt that's knotted at the waist, and a coat that's a similar cut to Tom's, but in black. He's also wearing what appears to be a giant shark-tooth necklace. Eric comes in second-glammiest, but it's mainly on the strength of his hair. 

It should be noted though that Tom also has a less glam outfit. For the later sequences in the video when he's playing the guitar by what looks like an abandoned house, he switches to a Richie Sambora hat (one of those cowboy hats that's flat on top — I don't know the real name, but Richie Sambora always wears them), and a long, black, Western-style coat with some fringe. No, Tom! Keep glam alive! 

Likely due to a mental bias from "Gypsy Road" taking place in Mexico, I've long thought this video to be in Mexico as well. The overhead shots where you're flying over the band and can see the pools of water remind me of being way south in Baja California. On the way to San Ignacio, there are all these crazy salt lakes, where the water has turned all these different colors because of the minerals. They're really neat to see — it's just miles and miles of road with nothing but barren land and these colorful salt lakes. I know here probably a lot of the water's colors are coming from, you know, the sunset being reflected in the water, but still. 

Turns out however this video was shot much closer to home — they're at California's Mono Lake, which is almost due east from San Francisco (a little north of there) — close-ish to the border with Nevada, not crazy far from Tahoe but not super-close to it either. Probably closest to Yosemite. I've never been there, but clearly now that I know this Cinderella video was filmed there, I need to go.

 

I was right about one thing in my intuitions about its appearance from overhead in this video — Mono Lake is a salt lake. It also, as you can see from the video, has all kinds of amazing geological stuff happening. Apparently there are volcanic hills around it, and the crazy-looking columns of rock you can see sprouting out of the middle of the lake are made out of something called tufa, which is a type of limestone made by the salt deposits. In addition to being featured in this video, you can also see them in some of the album art from Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here (no, not the pic of the man on fire). 

I'm not sure if the bits with Tom at the abandoned house-slash-ghost town are also there, but one can assume it's nearby. Boom! And I found it. My best guess for where Tom is during the guitar solo is Bodie, California, which is a ghost town close to Mono Lake. 

I can't find anything where I'm 110% certain, but the general look and geography of it appear correct — a bunch of old-looking wooden homes arrayed about a mountain ridge. No one else has made this claim about this video before, but I'm going to go with it. Ooh, I love feeling that I've discovered something. 

And I love the end of this video, with all the members of Cinderella finally in the same place, standing in a row silhouetted against the lake, which is reflecting the vivid colors of the sunset. Even though I always feel bad for Fred Coury when he has to just clap or slap his thighs 'cause there aren't drums there, this still looks good. 

Call me cheesy, but seeing things silhouetted in black against a vivid sunset — or really anything — just gets me. I don't mean like iPod ads. I mean like when I'm driving in the evening, even though I've lived in California for years now, if I see palm trees silhouetted black against the sky, it still gives me a little thrill. Similarly, you can't hear this song and not get a chill, 'cause it's so darn good, and it just hits home. 

(I know probably everyone doesn't feel this way, but if you're reading this website, I feel it's safe to assume you do too! Or at least hopefully my one reader who I know loves Cinderella does.)

Cinderella, "Somebody Save Me"

An Almost Fairytale Ending

THE VIDEO Cinderella, "Somebody Save Me," Night Songs, 1986, Mercury

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SAMPLE LYRICS "Somebody saaaaaay-aaaaaaaay-aaaaave me / I lost my job they kicked me out of my tree / Somebody saaaaaay-aaaaaaaay-aaaaave me / Saaaaaaay-aaaaaaaay-aaaaave ME!"

THE VERDICT This song is just pure, vintage, classic Cinderella. Just a good ol'-fashioned guitar assault from Jeff LaBar, and a deliciously growly vocal from Tom Keifer. And the video, which is mostly performance footage, is pretty good too. But that's just my opinion. And in this case, my opinion pales next to that of those two pinnacles of pontification, Beavis and Butt-head. I can not watch this video without thinking of all of the things they say about it, and so as I go through it, I can't help but interject their take.

You know I love when plot elements continue between videos, and this is no exception. As with all of the other videos from Night Songs, we get to see the two wicked stepsisters. After being informed that the video is taking place "Somewhere in Philadelphia" in 1985, they run down a hall toward a studio where Cinderella are recording this song. Let me also mention that in this clip, the gals are wearing completely, utterly ridiculous 80s outfits. I love polka dots, but these ensembles push it a little too far.

Everyone in Cinderella however deserves a special mention for wearing the coolest outfits ever. In particular, Eric Brittingham -- who is looking ridiculously young and hot -- has layered an unstructured, leopard-print blazer over a Batman t-shirt, and Jeff LaBar has accessorized a Look What the Cat Dragged In Poison tee with a silky, sparkly, purple scarf. These are both outfits I would totally wear um, now.



On a semi-related note, Tom Keifer's lips are looking more gigantic and trout-like than ever, but whatever, we all know I love a man with great lips. Seriously, Tom's lips are what Bret Michaels wishes he had. Luscious, pillowy... okay, but enough about me, back to the video.

This is the only video where we get to see their keyboard player Jeff Paris, even if only for a few seconds. I remember reading a thing in I think Circus being like "why can't Cinderella just acknowledge him as a member of the band, he plays on all their songs?" We also get to see the album's producer, Andy Johns (who has a passing resemblance to Joe Elliott), as himself.

But what do the boys have to say about the studio footage? Though they are excited to see the wicked stepsisters (chanting "butt! butt! butt!" each time their skirts flip up), Beavis and Butt-head are less interested in the rest of this video (as Butt-head says "Uhhh... I think this is gonna be stupid"). Once they've spotted Andy Johns, Beavis says, "Yeah. Who the hell is this buttmunch?" which makes them both crack up. Butt-head then repeats, "Why is this dork here?" beginning a pattern throughout this video that supports my theory that Beavis is actually the much smarter of the two, and Butt-head knows this -- this is why he so thoroughly and consistently represses Beavis, whose fatal flaw is believing Butt-head that he (Butt-head) is smarter.

This dynamic gets played out more in their comments on the footage of the band playing in the studio, which are hilarious and worth excerpting here:

Beavis: "This is like 'behind the scenes at a crappy band recording session.'"
Butt-head: "Yeah" (laughter).
Beavis (spotting Tom): "Look at that guy's poodle hair!"
Butt-head: "These guys probably went to SuperCuts and said, 'Could you just like, make it more poufy?'"
Beavis: "'Yeah yeah, but keep the length. I want it like, poufy on top, and then long and straight on the sides, yeah. Yeah that would look really cool.'" (laughter)

Butt-head then accuses Beavis of asking the barber for this himself. After asserting his style comes naturally and that "chicks like it," Beavis distracts Butt-head by pointing out that Eric Brittingham "looks like a cheerleader."



Anyway, as we move from the verse to the chorus, the video switches from the studio to performance footage which -- based on Tom's extreme level of sweatiness and the fact that the venue isn't that big but also doesn't appear to be only two rows deep -- I'm going to assume is real. Also there are little things like the fact that there are a bunch of bored-looking boyfriend-types and security guards in the crowd, Eric bothering to adjust his mic (which he wouldn't need to do for lip-synching), the fact that they probably didn't have a realistically-recreate-a-concert budget, all point to it being live. There's also a shot of a girl waving what appears to be a newly purchased Bon Jovi shirt, which implies they're opening for JBJ here.

There are also a bunch of random moments in the live stuff that I really enjoy, and make it seem like Cinderella are both a fun band and that they're having fun. Fred Coury does a sort of Paul Stanley face at one point, and Tom blows a kiss to a girl in the crowd. I also particularly like when Tom and Jeff briefly play each other's guitars and then look super-happy that they pulled it off successfully. All but Fred have switched into long, skinny, sparkly, Steven Tyler-slash-Stevie Nicks jackets, which is another sartorial choice I can really get behind.

And of course, Beavis and Butt-head have way more to say about the performance footage (which admittedly, with all the David Lee Roth jumps and Steve Vai-esque guitar twirling, Cinderella is asking for a little bit). You know I love that stuff, but the boys don't really care for it. It's actually one of their more lucid commentaries. Continuing the "behind the scenes" theme Beavis picked up on earlier, the boys improvise dialogue from Cinderella:

Beavis: "Yeah yeah. 'All those years of hard work and practice in the garage finally pay off when you see the looks on those people's faces out there in the audience.'"
Butt-head: "These dudes are like, 'Look at me, I'm kicking!'"
Beavis: "'Yeah look at me! I'm twirling my guitar around and wiggling my butt! See? Just like we practiced!'"
Butt-head: "'Yeah, look at me, I'm shaking my hips and kicking, just like we did at practice!'"

See, I'm telling you! Beavis is the innovator. Butt-head just picks up on his ideas.



As the song winds down, we transition back into the studio, where the producer comes over the intercom and tells the lads that it's great and they're done. Cinderella leave the studio, where the wicked stepsisters spot them and get really excited -- or at least so it seems, as they actually run past Cinderella to embrace Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora.

I love cameos, and think it's a cute nod to Bon Jovi having discovered the band, but you know Beavis and Butt-head beg to differ. They make fun of Tom's line of dialogue ("so you think we got it?"), and then mock-pity the band for losing out to Bon Jovi. My favorite bit is a little before this though, when Beavis says he's "glad that's over" but then Butt-head goes "check it out though, they're not stopping" as the band leaves the studio. I love whenever the boys get tricked by a transition in a video (the best example of this is when they watch "Stars" by Hum).

Overall, one of the reasons I particularly love B & B-H's commentary on this video is because they really hit the nail on the head. What they describe is exactly what this video's meant to be -- here we are in 1985, recording this song and losing chicks to Bon Jovi, and then here we are now a year later, rocking the house and getting the bone-eye from chicks in the audience. I mean sure, it's the Slippery When Wet tour so we're not exactly headlining, but hey, we've pretty much made it.

P.S.: If you're looking for the episode that includes this video, it's "Patsies" from season five. Unfortunately, Beavis and Butt-head's commentary on "Somebody Save Me" isn't available online. You can however watch the full episode minus the videos here.

Cinderella, "Gypsy Road"

Livin' It Up Down Old South America Way

THE VIDEO Cinderella, "Gypsy Road," Long Cold Winter, 1988, Mercury

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SAMLE LYRIC "My gypsy road / can take me home / I drive all night just to see the light / my gypsy road / can take me home / I keep on pushin' 'cause it feels / all riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION The video begins with a shot from very far back in the audience of Cinderella playing in what I would describe as a large club or a small theatre. While there are a lot of lights above them on stage, the ceiling's pretty low and the crowd isn't too big. There's an even quicker shot of hands waving in the air (at least one person is, as per the inevitable, holding up drumsticks) with some posters I can't even try to decipher in the background.

A quick shot panning down a street at night in... I'm going to say Mexico... follows. Then we see Jeff LaBar onstage from behind, with a fake cactus in the foreground. We quickly go around to the front of the stage and see Tom Keifer a bit closer, then we see the outside of the venue. It's called the "Cine Maya" and the sign says "Program Cinderella 5:20 7:30 Y 9:30." So apparently Cinderella did three sets that day beginning in uh, the afternoon.

Then we're inside again, with Tom Keifer triumphantly raising his arms to an enthusiastic audience. The camera pans around and we see that the Cine Maya is a pretty big place, but I'm still going to say that at the end of the day it's not a lot bigger than like Irving Plaza. We see Tom again, then some fans, then Fred Coury.

We take a peek at Jeff LaBar, then zoom out for a wide shot, then we see Eric Brittingham triumphantly tossing his flaxen mane. We then see the whole band walking down a Mexican street in the middle of the day. The camera goes back into the concert, and we go slowly toward Tom, with a view that includes a sort of Old West-looking lamp fixture hanging from the ceiling.

We watch Tom sing for a while, then we again see one of the fake cacti by the side of the stage, this one topped by a sombrero. We then follow the camera down a Mexican street during the day, where we see a policeman writing out a ticket. Tom sings a bit, then we watch an older woman walk down the street before watching Tom walk down a different street. We see Jeff rocking out with their oft-hidden keyboardist clearly visible behind him (I remember reading an editorial in I think Circus where they were like, 'why don't Cinderella just admit that this guy plays on every single one of their songs and let him be part of the band?" I don't remember his name though).

Tom sings some more, then a man and child go by on a motorbike outside on the street. We then see the whole band walking down the street, dressed down in basic denim and leather. Tom sings while riding around on a motorcycle, then we look up at some buildings before cutting to Fred on a motorcycle.



We take a look at some Mexican dudes hanging out by a decrepit looking building, then see more of Tom looking all pouty-mouthed and hot. He's wearing aviator glasses and naturally, a scarf around his head. I need to get some friggin' layers cut in my hair so I can tie a scarf around my head without looking like a friggin' hippie. We see more people on the street, then Cinderella on the street sort of goofing around, then more random people on the street. The guys walk by a building labled "Modelorama," which I guess is either full of models or Mexican beer (no, I don't know any Spanish).

Tom continues to sing onstage, but meantime we seem to be going further out into the country. We see more scenes of people and random streets, but it's getting more rural. The shots of Cinderella on stage get more direct at the same time -- we get more close-ups of the band's faces. Then we see an old Chevy truck, the license plate of which says "SHAKE ME" -- awesome! The band then walk by the camera outside, the first really close shot we get of them (aside from Tom singing on the chopper).

Now we head way out to the country, with a long shot of just trees and forest going past from the window of a car. Tom runs out into some brush with a guitar, then the camera pans around some kind of Mayan column. Fred is standing on the other side, hitting it with drumsticks. Then we're back in the city, as two little boys play near a bench Eric is lying on. I think Jeff is sitting on the other end of it.

The camera, from inside a truck, films a truck full of men driving through the forest, then we see Tom and Fred sitting outside singing. They're totally not made up at all, Tom has even foregone eyeliner, which makes him look especially fresh-faced. He also seems especially happy, like he's laughing a little or about to laugh. Maybe he is laughing about how silly that cowboy hat he's wearing looks, but I doubt it.

Next we see the band walking away from the camera down a road. Even though it's probably totally hot out Tom is wearing a long, black leather jacket with lots of silver embellishment. We then see a man getting something from a little window, on side of which is a poster for Modelo and one the other side of which is only some writing I can read, but it's advertising "Cervesa Fria" b/k/a cold beer. Naturally, Cinderella head straight for that. We then briefly see Tom in concert with a big band logo behind his head and then a shot of a little boy.

Now comes my favorite part of the video, where the band is suddenly all out in the woods by the Mayan stuff, and Tom mimes the line "now who's to care / if I grow my hair / to the skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" Tom has a guitar, but everyone else is just clapping and looking at each other. The camera then spins around and we're back by that Mayan column thing, Jeff is playing his guitar in front of it now. Every time it's shooting the Mayan thing, the camera gets little black corners on it, as if we're looking at the band through a telescope or something. We quickly see a crowded street with lots of people in it, then the camera pans past an old woman sitting on a bench to show Tom playing guitar on a bench, then some little kids sitting next to him. Then we are back at the ruins, with Fred again drumming on them.

It turns out the crowded street is actually some sort of parade, lots of people are carrying things. We see a bit more of Tom in concert, then get a low shot where he is riding a white horse wearing a rope bridle. I'm embarrassed I can't remember the name for this -- it's a bitless bridle, so it just goes around the horse's muzzle. We see some random people, then I think Jeff (without all the volume in his hair, he starts to look a lot more like Fred) riding a brown horse. We then see lots of people sitting in very, very makeshift benches watching some kind of rodeo-type event. A calf runs around below them in the next shot.



The band is then back in the jungle by a ramshackle fence, all clapping along with Tom. Then we see Tom silhouetted at dusk. Apparently Fred has decided just drumming on the Mayan stuff isn't enough, now we see him sitting on top of one of the statues. Tom and Jeff sing back at the concert, then Jeff runs past Tom, who's standing on the steps of a very abbreviated Mayan-style pyramid. The camera briefly attends to each band member at the concert, then we're back out at the fence. We then see an overhead shot at the concert, which prominently shows the toy parrot suspended over the stage.

For the lead-up to the solo, we get lots of concert shots interspersed with a few shots of Jeff playing out in the jungle by the Mayan stuff. We also get a nice shot of Tom playing guitar by some palm trees. Tom and Eric share a mic for the "so cold" lyrics, and we see a far off shot that slowly zooms in of Tom reclining in the doorway of a bar. We then see all of the band members sitting on rocks beside what is I guess a beach.

For the solo, guitars are inexplicably thrown onto the stage from the audience. We watch Tom catch a guitar from two different angles. The camera swings wildly by the ruins from Fred to Tom, then we see Tom playing guitar outside at sunset. Tom plays guitar behind his head in concert, whilst we see a crazy shot of him running down the stairs of the little temple or pyramid or what have you. Though Tom's guitar face is obscured by the low lighting in the concert shots, I assure you, it's there.

We then see a far-off shot of much larger Mayan pyramids. The band walk around them, then we see an outdoor shot of Tom, solo complete, raise his hand in triumph. In the concert, Tom tries to get the audience to clap along, then we see -- and I have never seen this before, I think I'm only catching it because I'm viewing it at practically a frame-by-frame speed -- two blonde women in the audience fighting each other! We briefly see something shooting out sparks, then a shot of more extensive Mayan ruins. The shots alternate between the band in concert and random settings, like the Mayan stuff or the sun behind some trees (as shot from a moving vehicle).

Tom slides down one of the littler Mayan pyramid things. We then go back to the concert, where the crowd is not clapping but is at least raising their fists in unison along with Tom. Eric tosses his hair in silhouette, then we see a cow's skull onstage. The crowd finally starts clapping along, and though Tom has stopped playing the guitar, he's really, really grimacing as he sings. I guess he's making song face.

We then see the sunset, still more temples, and more of whatever is shooting out sparks. Jeff is playing guitar silhouetted in front of it, whatever the hell it is. Eric helps Tom out on the mic, and the camera races up the steps of a big temple. The band run toward the camera on a country road, then we watch Fred from in between the arms of that cactus by the stage. Someone shakes hands with Tom, then we see a very smiley Eric and Fred at some kind of outdoor bar. We see people in thatched huts, and then Tom playing guitar on a bench with kids again.

As the video oh-so-slowly wraps it up, we see Tom on the horse again and the band by the fence again. At the concert, Tom leans way into the camera and makes weird faces. We watch Tom and Fred goof around at an outdoor market, then we see Eric in the rearview mirror of a truck, singing along. Fred/Jeff rides a motorcycle down the street, and Tom really, really emotes. The band try to read a newspaper, and a little boy runs down the road after their truck. Back by the fence in the jungle, everyone's making faces like it's the 10,000th take of them singing the song by the fence.

Then we get the umpteenth weird wiggly shot of them by the ruins. A waiter, dressed all in white, brings them a drink on a tray while they all sit on the beach. We see a lot of the band in concert, then we watch their legs walk down a road. Tom is wearing jeans and black and tan cowboy boots (the kind where the foot part is one color and the calf part is a different color) and carrying a guitar. Eric is wearing white high-tops and really, really tight stonewashed jeans. Then we zoom out to see the band, full-length, walking away from a camera down the road. The gypsy road? I suppose it is.



THE VERDICT Now, I love me some Cinderella, but I was boring even myself with this one. What the dilly yo? I like this song well enough, and obviously I love the band. I think the problem is that this is the beginning of the end of the Cinderella I love, and thus the beginning of the Cinderella I don't love, i.e. Heartbreak Station Cinderella. What's the problem?

PROBLEM 1: Lack of products. Now, I understand as well as anyone that when you're in a hot, humid place like Central or South America, not even the strongest amount of AquaNet is enough to keep your hair aloft. And of course, no one wants eyeliner running all down their face unless they're Alice Cooper. But that said, this first glimpse of Cinderella sans glam-ification is an augury of what's to come. Do you see how washed out Tom looks? And how Eric's hair just lays utterly flat? Fred is the only one who looks halfway decent, because he was never especially glam to begin with and his frizzy style is going to look roughly the same when exposed to humidity. Anyway, point is that I love the glam Cinderella, not the scaled back version of later years.

PROBLEM 2: Fred has nothing to do. Why is it that in later videos, Cinderella constantly find themselves in places where there's no place for a drum kit? Fred winds up just having to stand around like a dumbass, or, worse, pretend to drum on the damn Mayan ruins. I just don't get it. Like even if you have to lip synch for a video, at least you should get to pretend to play instruments too instead of just slapping at things or clapping along. This also happens extensively in "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)," where Fred is left to sort of tap on his thigh in time with the song for wont of drums.

PROBLEM 3: Not enough Tom growl. Long Cold Winter is, sadly, the last album that really has the distinctive Cinderella sound. Why? Because it's the last album where Tom sings consistently in his awesome growly, raspy voice. But even on songs like "Coming Home," you have to sit through a whole long part where he sings all normal, before you can finally get up the rocking part where his cool voice kicks in. Now, part of this may have been due to vocal problems on Tom's part. We all know that voices like this are really hard to maintain (*cough* Axl Rose *cough*cough*).

And if you’ve listened to the Cinderella (or most of Cinderella) tracks on either Metal Mania: Stripped album (both of which I highly recommend -- they're not 100% amazing, but there's more than enough there that you'll want to listen to every day for the rest of your life), you know that Tom Keifer can no longer sing like that at all. They try to cover it up on the version of "Shake Me" by changing the song around completely, so it's like this sort of bluesy little ditty, but on "Don't Know What You've Got" the lack is hideously apparent.

It's very different from someone like for example Phil Lewis, who never did that different of a voice and so who sounds great now, as evidenced on these albums (the version of "Ballad of Jayne" is better than the original, and the acoustic version of "Sex Action" is friggin' awesome). I guess the exception to the rule would be Mark Slaughter, who can still do all the screams and growls on "Fly to the Angels." Go figure.

SUMMARY: This video could have been awesomer. For one, they could have let actual Mexicans into the Cine Maya, instead of the tepid all-white crowd they got for the video, who can't even handle clapping along. Also, why not throw in some Jonny Quest-esque shots of like, random jungle animals? You could have had like a jaguar jumping or an alligator going into water or something. That would have been cool. And for god's sake, just get these guys some blowdryers, some mousse, and some friggin' waterproof mascara! That's what I say.

P.S.: Arrested Development reference FTW!

Cinderella, "Nobody's Fool"

Fractured Fairy Tales

THE VIDEO Cinderella, "Nobody's Fool," Night Songs, 1986, Mercury

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "I screeeeeeam my heart out / just to make a dime / and with that dime I buy your love / but nowww Iiiiiiiii've changed myyyyyyyyyyy miiiiiiiiiinnnnnddd / I'm not your foooooooooooooooooooooool"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION This video opens with the two model-types who I'll call the Wicked Stepsisters. They appear as recurring characters in the videos from Night Songs, even though this is the only video that is actually a Cinderella story of sorts. I know, I know, this is the kind of thing I should know about backwards and forwards, but I don't. I'll look into it, I promise.

In any event, the Wicked Stepsisters take a very jiggly run through the night to their frickin' adorable polka-dot car, screaming and making my dog wake up every time they are nearly hit by oncoming traffic. Hopping in, they struggle out of their sunglasses, red tops, and black and white polka dot miniskirts (an outfit god knows I would have found enviable in the 80s or, you know, slightly more recently), and into red elbow-length gloves; tube tops with sparkly wraps; black tulle petticoats beneath black and white polka dot skirts (accented with red garters beneath!), earrings with giant, dangly dice; and enormous sun-hats made to resemble clocks. They crank up "Shake Me," and it's off to follow Cinderella's limo to the video shoot.

We catch up with the band just as they're arriving at the shoot, and we find that they're not alone -- Tom Keifer's got a comely young lass on his arm. Though she's no dresser compared to the Wicked Stepsisters (a sort of black crop top over something brown and lacy, a see-through black miniskirt, black lace gloves, a chain belt, and black thigh-high stockings with visible garters), her softer hair and makeup show that this is the girl we're supposed to be empathizing with, no matter how much we want the other girls' car. So in this video, at least, she's Cinderella. But since the band is Cinderella, too, we'll call the girl Cindy. Anyway, Tom gives her a choice seat beside the stage while the Sisters file in the back.



Cinderella take the stage, which features some kind of sandy floor as well as a sunset-like backdrop in yellow, orange, and pink that really shows off Tom and Eric's carwash-strip frock coats to excellent effect. Something black snows down from the ceiling as Tom does his best to use a badass heavy metal version of sign language to illustrate the lyrics. Everyone's tossing their hair and pouting, and it's really frickin' awesome, the Sisters are getting down, but Cindy keeps watching the clock. Before we're even all the way through the chorus, she's up and outta there!

Cindy's running home while Cinderella keeps rocking. She curls up on her bed, giving me a break from describing what's going on with her to describe how much I l-o-v-e Tom Keifer's voice. On lines like "I scccrrrrrreaammm my hearrrrt out," we can really enjoy the whole like, high-pitched growl thing that this man has just absolutely perfected. I would probably like Cinderella songs no matter what (they're just good songs), but Keifer's distinctive voice just adds so much that I can't really imagine them without it.

During the guitar solo that follows, we see Cindy getting up from her bed in slo-mo. She grabs the bedposts at the foot of the bed and is engulfed in weird blue light, then she sort of turns into stars. All to change from her rocker babe outfit into her nightgown! Nightie-clad, she heads back out the door, running down the street to join what is now a massive crowd of people outside of the studio. As the band heads to their limo, we see the Sisters getting the car door slammed right in front of them (burned!).

It appears that the entire band has gotten back into the limo, but then we see Tom Keifer pausing to sign an autograph for a fan. It's Cindy! But is he like, "Hey baby, you're back! Come on and get in the limo!" No, they just sort of share a meaningful look.



THE VERDICT Let's get this out of the way: I love this song. I'm obsessed with this song. I have a recurring fantasy (something I think about while I'm on the subway and I'm really not wanting to go to work) where I audition for a band by singing this song, and I kick so much ass that they hire me immediately, and then like, we play mad clubs doing amazing 80s metal cover shows. But enough about me, on to the video.

I've always found this video kind of weird because it's like, okay, it's like a Cinderella story but not. She's already all tarted up and with the guy when the video starts, but otherwise it sort of follows the fairytale. You know, midnight, has to leave, changes back, etc., etc. But when she leaves, Tom Keifer totally doesn't care -- there's no glass slipper or anything, and he doesn't even notice when she gets up. And he doesn't have to search for her, she just shows up again! And when she does, he's not like, "You're the one, come away with me." He kind of smiles at her like, "Hey, it's that chick again." So it doesn't really fit.

But then, as I was just watching and writing this now, I thought to myself, "Whoa, dumbass!" Okay, the latter half of the video obviously takes a literal interpretation of the Cinderella story (where the fairytale ends with like, wow, maybe you'll be able to get two seconds of Tom Keifer's time and an autograph even though you were like, totally hanging out before), but maybe, maybe either a) there is another Night Songs video I don't know about (hard to believe, but maybe) that tells the first half of the story? Where we actually see Cindy and the Wicked Stepsisters interacting, where we see Cindy become transformed into a babe, and where we find out how the hell she got hooked up with Tom Keifer in the first place.

It makes more sense that this is an entire other video, and not just exposition missing from this video, since this video already starts with some amount of exposition. Or maybe we are just supposed to accept the fractured fairytale we see in the video for what it is? Either way, I feel I've asked more questions than I answered here, so I'm on the case. I'm getting to the bottom of this.