KISS, "Forever"

I'm Engaged!!!

THE VIDEO KISS, "Forever," Hot in the Shade, 1989, Mercury/Polygram

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SAMPLE LYRIC "It's for-evvvvvv-errrr / this time I know it there's no doubt in my mind / for-evvvvv-errrr / until my life is through, girl I'll be lovin' you / for-evvvvv-errrrr-eerrrrrrrrrrr"

THE VERDICT I was going to dance around why I was doing such a boring video, or what would bring me to another 80s KISS song so shortly after "Who Wants to Be Lonely?", or wax on about why KISS wrote a song with that ass-clown Michael Bolton, but I've already cut to the chase with this post's title -- I'M ENGAGED!! And while in the end the proposal did not involve this KISS song, I had many times alleged to my now-fiance that I would only accept a proposal if "Forever" was somehow involved. He actually did debate working it in there, but in the end chose not to make Paul, Gene, & co. part of our moment together. So let me do so now!

It's unclear to me why around 1990 bands decided the best way to make a video for a sappy song was to show themselves in black and white, and then have colored light filtering through some kind of elaborate window. Honestly, in general with metal videos it's hard to find something only one band did -- it's like if it worked once, we have to do it again. Hence in addition to KISS' "Forever," we've also got Firehouse's "Love of a Lifetime", which is basically the exact same video, maybe with some elements of Great White's "Save Your Love." I don't know if I could see an elaborate window and not think of a crappy song at this point in time.

The other most notable thing about this video visually -- since seriously, it's just them playing the song in this room that totally looks like it will host a wedding reception next --is that KISS are in black and white, but the light coming in is orange, ranging from like pale peach to pretty deep orange. The whole "let's make the video in black and white but color some parts in" is a much longer-standing visual trope than the "colored light through elaborate windows" one -- I mean you've got "The Hunter," "I Saw Red," "Don't Close Your Eyes," "Headed for a Heartbreak" to name a few -- just a million videos that use this.



I've talked about this before, but seriously, it's a cheesy effect. It looks like those posters you inevitably see at poster sales (alongside that idiotic thing with all the women with the Pink Floyd album art body paint) of like little kids dressed in adult clothing who are like kissing and stuff, and they're always handing each other roses, and the roses are colored in but the rest is in black and white. How this aesthetic makes it into videos I'll never know, but like I said it did long before this video (though I would say like 1989-90 is its peak) so we can't blame Michael Bolton.

In all other ways, this is your standard issue 80s KISS video. Paul Stanley is sort of playing "lead singer," and he's making duckfaces the whole time. Gene Simmons can't resist holding his bass upright and looking like a total lech even though this is supposed to be a ballad. I also like that he's the only one who has to have a copy of the music on a stand in front of him, a la Axl Rose.

The shots of Eric Carr are really fast and poorly lit -- for the most part, the camera quickly spins past him. At the same time though, Eric is all over this video compared to Bruce Kulick, who is seated such that he's completely in shadow. They barely even show Bruce during the guitar solo. You can kind of see his hands and the silhouette of his face. Instead of actually showing Bruce, they show Paul, who has gone over to tell something to Gene, which they both laugh at. I seriously pity the KISS guitarists of the 80s.

So long story short, it's an uneventful video. And yet -- as with many KISS songs in the 80s (like "Reason to Live" and "Thrills in the Night") -- the song has a total hold over me. (Admittedly though, with songs like "Uh! All Night" and "Rise to It," KISS lose even me.) Like other over-the-top favorites like Stryper's "Honestly," it is so ridiculously, insanely cheesy that it has come back around to me totally loving it and belting it out every time I hear it. (And for the record, this isn't always true -- I hate "Love of a Lifetime" [as per the above] and "I'll Never Let You Go," [aka "Angel Eyes"] so it's not like I'm not picky.)

I don't know, there's just something about this song. And since it doesn't really sound like any other KISS song -- even the super-slow ones like "Beth" -- I have a sneaking suspicion that the ante is being upped on this song by none other than Michael Bolton, who co-wrote it. It's similar to how I don't enjoy the music of Richard Marx, but I do like the songs he wrote for Vixen. And I mean, it worked -- "Forever" made it to #8 on Billboard, way higher than any of their other 80s tracks.



So long story long, when thinking about songs with which to announce my life commitment (or which I wanted playing when I did so), "Forever" topped my charts. I mean, we all know "November Rain" is sort of the most wedding-y of metal ballads, but um, she dies in the video. Also I don't want to begin my engagement with "when I look into your ey-ey-eyes / I can see a love restrained." What? No!

And even though it took me a long time to put it together, "Honestly" -- which I'd always thought would be a great wedding song -- is pretty much just about Jesus. My fiance claims to have the same attributes described in that song ("call on me / and I'll be there for you-ou-ou / I'm a friend who allllll-ways will be tru-ooooh-ue"), and he does, but even still, it's about Jesus. I'm not religious at all, and I still can't not hear it as being about Jesus.

Another option that came to mind was "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica, arguably the only Metallica love song. Fun fact about me: I worked as a writer for a wedding magazine for several years (I was working there when I started this blog!), and so have written many, many stories about real people's weddings. The only metal song I ever encountered a couple using for their first dance was "Nothing Else Matters" -- romantic-ish lyrics, sure, but what a long, dirge-y first dance!

I mean, it was a refreshing change from the usual BS couples pick ("Amazed" by Lonestar, any version of "At Last"), but I kind of felt for their guests. The second closest I saw was a couple whose processional (that's the part where everyone walks down the aisle to you laymen) was "When It's Love" by Van Halen, but since I do not acknowledge them as a band unless David Lee Roth is involved, I don't count that one.

In any event, lack of actual KISS music aside, the proposal was everything I could have asked for -- and I'm not just saying that because really all I wanted was to marry this guy. I'm so excited! But I promise not to devolve into all sappy posts or declare summer to be power ballad season or anything like that. You just have to indulge me in this one KISS song first.

KISS, "Who Wants to Be Lonely?"

The Rock 'N' Wrestling Connection

THE VIDEO KISS, "Who Wants to Be Lonely?" Asylum, 1985, Mercury/Polygram

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SAMPLE LYRIC "Who wants to be loh-own-lay / who wants to be with you tonight / oh-oh-oh-OH-oh, oh-oh-oh-OH-oh"

THE VERDICT So why on earth am I devoting an entire post to this WTF-fest of a video? I mean, the entire first 45 seconds consists of nothing but Paul Stanley in an incredibly ridiculous neon, sparkly trenchcoat and fringed hot-pink gloves walking down some kind of industrial hallway (maybe a boiler room? There's steam and fire). Literally. There's nothing else. This is KISS without makeup in the sense that they aren't wearing their signature black-and-white facepaint, but it is KISS with makeup in the sense that they sure have put on a lot of eyeshadow.

And then when it gets going, it only gets weirder. KISS appear to be playing in some kind of industrial women's bathroom (think white tile, weird pipes and valves everywhere) that in addition to featuring many leather-clad ladies also has the dancing fountains from the Bellagio. The question for the women is less "who wants to be lonely?" and more "who wants to get hosed down by Paul and Gene?" Because all these video babes -- dressed sort of like female, skin-baring versions of Rob Halford -- are standing under individual showerheads and/or being sprayed with water from off-camera. Water, water everywhere, but not a plot to speak of.

What else happens? Paul takes off his shirt, of course. We find out the dark area separating Eric Carr from the rest of the band is a swimming pool. One of the women falls into the pool, and another gets all sexy with a big valve wheel. Many, many shots of the various ladies dancing beneath their showerheads. Many of those are from a low angle and basically just show legs and butts, though to be fair, we also get a lot of crotch shots of KISS. We see lots of Paul and Gene singing together, and very few shots of Eric or Bruce Kulick.



More random occurrences: A woman in some kind of black leather apron getting spooled out from a long swath of white fabric. Paul doesn't even pretend to play his guitar. Bruce rises out of the swimming pool during the solo. And one of the women dances her way out of a wall of cellophane. For the finale, a shirtless Paul gets cleaned off by some of the ladies before returning to the hallway from the beginning of the video, which is now on fire.

I could describe this video in three letters -- WTF. But I could also describe it using three other letters -- WWF. Or I suppose technically by law now I have to say WWE, but really I still use both interchangeably (and often just refer to it as WW). Why do I say this? Many reasons. And not just because I am kind of obsessed with professional wrestling, and sort of have been since I was about seven (sort of goes well with the metal, no?).

First, the weird boiler room/hallway thing Paul is in at the beginning of this video has always instantly made me think of No Holds Barred, the crappy Hulk Hogan vehicle. Click on that link and watch the trailer -- Zeus is totally in that same weird hallway as Paul Stanley!

Second, just look at what Paul is wearing (or really any of the members of KISS, since they all are wearing variations on the same outfit). A long, glittery, multi-colored coat over either a) a bare chest or b) a super low-cut shirt, with colorful spandex pants and boots. Paul even goes so far as to top off his look with a wide gold belt. Um, who does this sound like?! How about any wrestler ever!??! Or okay, fine, any wrestler in the 80s (though it also sounds like Gorgeous George, so).



Seriously, there's a long line of spangly coats worn by wrestlers that goes from the Ric Flairs of yesteryear to the John Morrisons of today. I would say with all the neon, sparkles, and chest hair, for me Paul is most reminiscent of the Macho Man, Randy Savage. And it's a symbiotic relationship too, as you can draw a straight line from metal costumery to the type of ringwear favored by the Rockers, the Rock 'N' Roll Express, or even folks like the Road Warriors/the Legion of Doom, and the Ultimate Warrior (though in the latter cases I think the Mad Max movies are the confounding variable).

Third, all of the pointless decorative women. I know, I know -- it's a feature of like every metal video circa 1985. But pro wrestling also has a long history of pointless decorative women -- the valets, from Miss Elizabeth to Sherri and everyone else in between. Yes, these days the women actually do get to wrestle a bit more (not just in women-only franchises like GLOW but also on the main nationally televised wrestling programs), but nine times of ten its in something ridiculous like a "Red Carpet Dress to Impress" match, a "Baywatch" match, a "Divas Pajama Pillowfight" match, or something else to render them relatively decorative and pointless as compared to the men.

Fourth, all of the crotch shots. I can't explain it, but no matter how many cameras they have covering a pro wrestling match, they always will manage to cut to the one that is positioned directly between the legs of whomever is in a submission hold, getting pinned, or is otherwise just laying all splayed out in the ring. Honestly, it's kind of weird. I mean sometimes it's someone like Randy Orton, so it's okay, but other times, like when it's Sheamus, I just don't need to see all that.

Long story short, I can't completely hate this video -- much as I do -- because it reminds me of one of my other favorite things. Professional wrestling! The two really go together. Wrestling theme songs are some of the only places I can still dig up songs that actually sound a lot like lyrical metal -- for example, Christian's current theme or even Dolph Ziggler's music. Just imagine those being done by Warrant and Winger! Oh, I die. I mean, imagine if the Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection had really gotten going -- it's got to be a similar demographic, right? So why can't TNA get Poison to perform at one of their pay-per-views?

P.S.: Because a picture is worth a thousand words, peep the side-by-side comparison:

KISS, "Tears Are Falling"

Paul Stanley's Playhouse

THE VIDEO Kiss, "Tears Are Falling," Asylum, 1985, Mercury

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SAMPLE LYRIC "You look at me with your eyes in tears / and then it's raining / looks like it's raining / oh no / tears are falling"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION The video begins with two images flashing back and forth in rapid succession: a waifish looking video girl (come to think, she looks just like a less babe-a-licious version of the girl in Danzig's "Mother") looks into the camera, crying; and Paul Stanley's neon gloved jazz hands. This is the backdrop to the song's heavy guitar opening, which continues as we hear Paul go "ah!" and then see a weird, sepia-tone shot of him reacting as if (verbally, if not physically) slapped.

Next we see the girl in her house, also sepia-tone. It looks like the kind of place the Mystery Inc. gang always find themselves in on Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?. All of her furniture -- a loveseat, several chairs, a small coffee table -- is covered with sheets, and the back wall is all huge windows which are covered with gauzy curtains. She jumps up and starts tearing down the curtains, pulling their rods down and everything, and as she runs across the room we can see a non-sepia-tone Paul peeing in the corner. On second thought, he's probably just standing facing the corner with his hands at his waist -- but see, you can see why I made that mistake.

Anyway, as she pulls the curtains down, it lets light in but also makes an insane amount of dust go everywhere (maybe the sheets were on because her floors were being sanded? But I think you'd have to just move the furniture out for that). As she nears him, full-color Paul whips his head around and the song begins in earnest.

First we see Paul onstage. He's wearing a neon pink jacket covered in some sort of pink and orange frippery and boasting enormous shoulder pads over a low-cut yellow tank top (the jacket makes me think of the old Shawn Michaels tag team The Rockers). He also has on neon green fingerless gloves with long yellow fringe hanging from them. Whoa. He's also wearing a lot of makeup -- but no, this is 1985, remember, so I don't mean KISS makeup. I mean regular lipstick.



Gene is next, but his outfit goes by a little too fast for me -- it's much darker, gold, burgundy, purple, etc., and if I had to do a word association to describe his outfit I'd say King Tut, since he's all bejeweled and wearing a big flat collar/necklace thing. Their most recent addition, guitarist Bruce Kulick, has on a tent-like red top, and Eric Carr has (as per always) giant, giant hair and an almost equally giant feathered earring. He's wearing a turquoise jacket, yellow and red belts (or sashes?), and purple pants. This sounds like an outfit I would have chosen for myself in 1985, so I'll allow it.

As Paul continues to sing and gesture dramatically (he's not miming, but enthusiastically pointing at the camera a lot, if you see what I'm saying), we see a tear run down the young lady from the beginning of the video's cheek. It falls into a cup of coffee, causing both cup and saucer to explode. Gene gives us a wink as we move into the chorus, and there we are.

The first chorus gives us our first real look at the set, which I have avoided talking about thus far because it's a real beaut. I'll try to get in all in in under a bajillion words. Kiss are on a stage that's about a 3' high platform made to look like it's made of rock. (To avoid lengthy explanations like this for the rest of this video, let me just use quotes -- imagine me making those stupid finger quotes -- whenever I am trying to say something is mad fake). The platform is surrounded by a "moat" of dry, flat blue plastic which has a few more "rocks" scattered around it. "Jungle vines" and "rope bridges" crisscross the stage, and there are some "plants" back by Eric. Behind him, there's a small "volcano." The backdrop for the set is sort of a red and black "sunset" thing.

Since the backdrop doesn't even wrap around the entire stage, let alone the entire set, I'd like to think it's kind of tongue-in-cheek, "look, we're on a silly set," but based on Paul's outfit I'm going to venture a no. Also, before I forget -- there are a bunch of TVs scattered all around the set showing static, including a whole bunch hanging from the ceiling back by the "volcano". All of these different pieces move around all the damn time thoughout the video for an overall effect that can be easily described in two words (or rather, two compound words) -- Pee-wee's Playhouse.



Anyway. It's Kiss without their makeup so, I know, enough kicking them while they're down. Besides, at the end of the chorus Paul does a little dance and we get to see that he's wearing some pretty hot multicolored boots. Let's move on. We see a couple more "tears" on the sternum of the girl, then as we get into the second verse Paul actually does start miming. He mimes "pulling a rope" while he sings "hold you near," then claps his hand against his chest for "heartbeat" when he sings "your hearrrrrt."

Next we see him kneeling in the "jungle" and rubbing his cheek as if rubbing away a tear in a dismissive manner (a precursor to Ozzy's attitude in "No More Tears"?). Then we look at everyone in the band as they lean on each other and sing along, and a second "tear" joins the first on the girl's sternum (there was some liquor ad last year that used this image exactly, and I found it unappealing then too -- I can't remember who it was, unfortunately. I think a liquer thing, might have been Disaronno or Baileys).

Second chorus, we get another pulled-back shot of the set, and the girl's pulling down her curtains again. We watch Kiss dance and sing a bunch (Paul's really going to town with the "wooo-ooooh-ooooh-ooohhhhhhoohhh") then we see a "tear" run down the girl's knee, which is oddly a little hairy. Then "tears" run down the side of a guitar, and a curtain or piece of fabric is pulled away to reveal -- um, a showerhead. And so yes, if you were wondering, does Bruce go on to play the song's solo in an "outdoor jungle shower", the answer is yes.

We see the girl kneeling in some "fog," then get an amazing close-up of Paul's yellow shirt. It turns out its actually completely sequined/beaded and decorated with black, orange, blue, pink, and deeper yellow zigzags. Whoa. He's also pounding his chest again ("heartbeat"). A "tear" falls from the girl's face, and Bruce musters some guitar face, even though he's pretty soaked. Then we see Paul's shirt again. He's holding his pouffy jacket open to show it off. I wonder if he still owns it -- that must be a heck of thing to run across in your closet.



As Gene and Paul sing, the girl leans backward into the fog. Then, inexplicably, and proving without a doubt that Kiss are either a) taking themselves very, very seriously or b) not, we see that Paul has climbed one of the "rope bridges" and is swinging across the set on one of the "jungle vines." Then the "volcano" "erupts." Kiss dance in front of it while a tear slides down the top of the girl's foot. Then Paul, jacket and shirt-less, leaps with legs akimbo over Bruce and Gene.

After a little more clowning around with the band, the video ends with the girl lying on her covered loveseat as her curtains magically return to their original positions. We see her hand turn off a light switch, then as the light bulb turns on it starts pouring, yes, inside the room, as she's lying on the divan. As the camera approaches the girl, we see Paul's face superimposed. He's using his index fingers to mime "windshield wipers" in front of his eyes.

THE VERDICT Well. I'll be the first to admit that this is the hardest I've been on a video to date, but I would also have to say that this video seems to have been asking for it. The main problem? Kiss. Before you freak out, let me explain.

If "Tears Are Falling" was a song by any other band, it'd be a pretty good song -- maybe even a pretty great song. But Kiss are doing it, not, say, Pretty Boy Floyd (just to use a random example -- and yes, I can't find an even semi-legit link for them), which puts it in the context of other Kiss songs ("Strutter," "I Love it Loud," "Calling Dr. Love," to name some of my favorites), not Pretty Boy Floyd songs ("I Wanna Be With You," "Set the Night On Fire," e.g.). Do you see how this begins to be an unfavorable comparison? If a band like Pretty Boy Floyd had done this song, it would easily be the best song that they'd ever done. But since Kiss are doing it, and up till this point most Kiss songs are pretty good (we're still a couple of years away from "God Gave Rock N Roll to You" and "Crazy Nights"), this is a pretty bad Kiss song. But it's an even worse Kiss video.

Admittedly, unlike all of these other bands, Kiss are not products of the music video era -- they're precursors to it. That said, they definitely aren't (or weren't, I guess) at any point amateurs when it comes to manipulating their image, a point which only leads me to the greater question of why'd they ever lose the makeup, but that's one I'm not even going to touch. This does, however, explain why in their videos from the 80s Paul suddenly appears to be the band's unequivocal leader (just look at Gene -- that's why).

Paul's by far the most video-friendly band member, and in this video (and basically all of them) he's front and center, pouting and posing the whole time. He's also the only one shown with the woman in this video, implying it's a story about him (although based on his exaggerated pantomimes -- "Oh! I'm so sad for you"-- he seems pretty unsympathetic). Does any of this explain his excessively dandaical costumery? Well, no. Nothing really can, so we'll just have to accept the whole thing as something that seemed like a good idea at the time (just like taking off the makeup).