Def Leppard, "Me and My Wine"

Would You Like Some Cheese With That?  

THE VIDEO Def Leppard, "Me and My Wine," Bringin' on the Heartbreak (single), 1981, Mercury

  

SAMPLE LYRIC "Me and the boys have been drinking / feelin' like this is the wrong time for thinking / all I can say is I'm doing fine / with just me and my wiiiiine" 

THE VERDICT This very early Def Leppard video presents something of a mystery: Why on earth was a video made for a song that was a B-side for a single? (Particularly given that the contemporaneous video for its A-side, "Bringin' on the Heartbreak," is just a video of a live performance.) Why was it made late enough (1982 at least) to feature Phil Collen instead of Pete Willis, despite Pete playing on the track? And whose house is this, anyway? 

Okay, so we're never going to know, though I will point out that this video is part of a great British tradition of making cheap videos at home, from the metal (Mama's Boys' version of "Mama Weer All Crazee Now", par exemplar) to the totally not-metal (Madness' "Our House", e.g.). It's funny, I feel like I should be talking about this video in British English and saying "estates" and such, but then I would totally not know what I was talking about, so it wouldn't work. But I just want to put it out there. 

Anyway. What's going on in this video? Well, we've got this sort of first-person camera going through this house, eventually into the bedroom, where it lands on lead singer Joe Elliott. Joe is sleeping in a sleeveless tee and suspenders, or he's trying to, anyway — he's holding the pillow over his head, and all the lights are on and stuff. 

His alarm goes off, and he smashes the clock with the mallet he apparently keeps on the ground next to his bed. O-kayyy. This makes the super-cute stuffed animal he has next to the clock fall over (my favorite part of the video for whatever reason), as well as toppling a statue of the Virgin Mary. 

Though attempting to appear hungover, I have to say, the older the Def Leppard video, the better Joe looks to me. He looks super fit in this video, both in the British English sense and the American English sense. 

The house, however, is less so — it's a total mess! We see a can of shaving cream shooting lather everywhere, and lots of of issues of Playboy are stashed about. (Oh gosh, now I am kind of veering into that Madonna-British territory — like where you're so not English, but you start talking with a clipped tone and saying things like "stashed about.")

Joe matches this with his grouchiness — about the first third of the video is just him yelling at the camera. Anyway, once Joe is up and around, he heads into the hallway where Rick Allen is banging a snare drum. Joe takes away his drumsticks, throwing them into the air. I should note that not only does Rick have both arms in this vid (obviously), he also looks realllly young — you definitely are reminded of the whole "he joined the band when he was 15" thing.

 

Then Joe goes into the bathroom, where Phil Collen is playing guitar in the tub — no water, he's fully dressed. He also has weirdly long hair for him. I often think he looks kind of like Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but especially so here. 

Anyway, Joe washes his face, and we can see Steve Clark and Rick Savage in the background through some windows (windows from the bathroom to the hallway? Or are they levitating outdoors? I'm not sure). Joe throws his towel over camera and heads downstairs. On the stairs Joe somehow bumps into Phil, who has materialized from the shower to the stairwell. Oh, I should also mention that Joe is now brushing his teeth, though it looks like he forgot the toothpaste. He then pushes Rick S. and Steve out of the way as he reaches the bottom of the stairs. 

Joe heads into the kitchen, which is a disaster, the messiest room yet. Though it's cleaner than this, one can't help but be reminded of the infamous "breakfast with Ozzy" scene in The Decline of Western Civilization, Part II (or maybe it's just that it's been a while since I've mentioned that one, and if you read this regularly you know I mention it all the time). 

For someone who's ostensibly hungover, Joe keeps moving aside the blinds and looking into the glaring sunlight — no offense, but based on my experiences abroad, this video appears to have been shot on the sunniest day in England's history! After spitting out whatever he was drinking — when he poured it it appeared to be tea or coffee or something, but when he spat it out it looked to be just water — Joe leaps into the living room, where the rest of the guys are already playing. 

Okay, it's not just Rick, everyone looks so young. Rick Allen is wearing what would undoubtedly today be a quite valuable ZZ Top baseball tee, while Rick Savage has on an artfully-cut white tee and sunglasses. Steve Clark looks super young, and his hair kind of looks like a dead animal (and I say this with love, 'cause Steve was always my favorite). 

Another fascinating part of this video -- Rick's bass drum says "Deaf Leopard." Wow, seeing it spelled like that makes it look like kind of the worst band name ever. Not as bad as all those band names you see these days that are like crappy hipster sentences (you know who you are), but still, not a good band name. 

 

Next thing you know, we're back in the bathroom. Rick is drumming on the toilet. No, not like, hitting the toilet with drumsticks. I mean he is sitting on the toilet while drumming. Steve and Phil are both playing guitar in the tub/shower, which is a bit steamy. Oh wait, I mean literally, there is fog in the air. Not like, they are taking a sexy shower together. Rick S. is sitting on the bathroom floor, leaning against the tub. Phil keeps messing with everyone, trying to play Steve's guitar and put his foot on Rick's shoulder. 

Suddenly, Joe's back in bed, and the rest of the boys are back in the living room. Wait, now Joe's there as well. What's going on? Is Joe dreaming all this? Or has this just been edited with little regard for continuity? 

And how have I forgotten to mention 'til now that when they're in the living room, everyone else has real instruments, but Joe is singing into the handle of an upright vacuum cleaner? (See, shouldn't I be calling it a hoover or something?) Now Joe's back in bed and pulling the sheets over his head. And now he's dunking his head in a sinkful of water! Dang, this song should've been called "Me and My Whine." No, just kidding Joe. 

The video ends with a zoom away from a face-making Joe to show the whole band standing in front of the house. Dang, this is a weird video. Apparently it was very popular though during MTV's infancy, when they not only still played videos, they were grateful to have videos to play. 

Thanks to native Sheffielder Andy for requesting this one, and for pointing out that no matter what folks say, this clip is not an homage to The Young Ones, it's just an awesomely low-budget metal video!

Def Leppard, "Armageddon It"

1987: Best Year Ever?

THE VIDEO Def Leppard, "Armageddon It," Hysteria, 1987, Mercury

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Yeah-ah, but are you gettin' it?! / [ARMAGGEDDON IT!] / Re-eally gettin' ih-it?/ [YES ARMAGGEDDON IT!]"

THE VERDICT My quick mention of Def Leppard's concert video "Live: In the Round, In Your Face" last week gave me a hankering for some Hysteria, so rather than go with the obvious, I've decided to shine a light on "Armageddon It." I always feel like this is one of the more forgotten singles from this album, and thinking about it extra hard this week is making me realize why.

For one, the song is a bit of a mish-mash of ideas. You feel like they had maybe three ideas -- the verse, the build-up to the chorus, and the chorus -- that couldn't quite make it to full-on song status. Rather than abandon them, they've been turned into a bit of a franken-song. Admittedly, I love the pre-chorus in this song (the "give me all of your lovin'" part) -- I literally get chills every time I hear it.

But "Armageddon It"? What does that even mean? I think they just liked chanting it, since it sort of sounds like "I'm getting it." I remember circa third grade watching this video and asking my mom what armageddon was, and her explaining the concept to me, and me being like -- even as an eight-year-old -- WTF does this have to do with this song/video. Except I never would have even thought the f-word, even to myself. Despite my secret penchant for metal, I wasn't that kind of kid.

I mean most of the lyrics are sort of like, you're a tease, you talk a good game but you won't actually do anything, blablabla. Does this have anything to do with a biblical version of the end of the world? Ummm no. Nor does it have to do with any type of large-scale, super-destructive battle.



Anyway though, the video for this really gives you a sense of what the Hysteria tour was like, much more so than the more carefully shot "Pour Some Sugar On Me." At the beginning, we get the whole sped-up setting up for the concert montage -- it takes place in Denver at the McNichol Sports Arena, so, as we'll see later, kudos to the women of Denver.

I've got to say, this looks like it was an amazing arena tour. I mean yeah, the whole "in the round" thing is cooler in theory than in practice. It kind of just means you're probably only seeing like half the band at any given time -- even being in the front row doesn't mean they'll be like, in front of you. At the same time though, I can't get over the coolness of the stage.

I love how they took all the squiggles from the album artwork, and sort of blew them up and made them into this like, giant stage covered in neon patterns. I thought it was cool as hell at the time, and I still love it now. Sadly, since I was seven or eight years old at this time, the closest I got to this tour was the videos. Luckily, the videos capture it really well.

About half of this video takes place behind the scenes, with black and white footage of the band arriving and rehearsing. We also get to see, in color for some reason, them hanging out after the show. Apparently on this round stage set, they could basically climb down through the center and go underneath it for their breaks. According to I think it was Joe saying this on their episode of Behind the Music (which is a damn good one), that place was more or less a pit of debauchery.

We don't see that here though, in spite of the women they show in the crowd, some of whom are gorgeous and some of whom are serious eyeliner abusers. There is one blonde woman in particular who also appears in "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and is absolutely stunning -- she knows all the words and somehow doesn't seem to sweat. With how prominently she's featured in the crowd shots, there's no way she didn't get backstage. Anyway though, we don't see even the slightest implication of groupie action here. We see the guys goofing around, with Joe and Rick Savage wearing giant furry slippers.



But more than that, it's how the band members interact -- or mainly, don't interact -- with the camera that gives you a better sense of this. Joe Elliott really hams it up in the rehearsal footage, but there's only one part of the video where he actually sings to the camera. In general, everyone in the band is on the move the entire time, and really playing to the crowd. No one except Joe looks at the camera or pays it any mind.

That's the other thing that's always impressed me about these videos, and made me realize just how big Def Leppard was at the time. I mean okay, one, they could take a franken-song like this and have it be a #1 hit. But two, you never see the cameras in this video. They stay out of each other's way, which is really impressive given that there appear to be a whole ton of cameras. In other words, this was a pretty big-budget production for a hair band.

Thinking about it a little harder, I can't decide whether it was surprising or completely par for the course that they didn't exactly follow up with another amazing album. It's always hard to top your best effort, and yes, in the interim we lost Steve Clark, but come on -- they did follow up on the very excellent Pyromania with Hysteria. So it's not totally impossible.

The other thing really striking me about Def Leppard at this moment is how even though they have a sound that is more toward the pop side of the metal spectrum, they really aren't a band that's about looks (unlike, say, Bon Jovi). I mean Joe has that awful hockey hair, and those shredded jeans are just silly. I am lusting after his "Women" tee though -- I would love one of those.

I have a "Hysteria - On Tour" tee that I'm not sure whether it's a bootleg or a legit concert-sold article. It's basically just the album art with the words "ON TOUR" superimposed across the bottom. I love that dang shirt. I got it for $1 at the Salvation Army about ten years ago now, and I got an Iron Maiden "Somewhere On Tour" shirt that same day, also for $1. Seriously, back before hipsters and widespread eBay, my life was so much better.



Anyway wait, talking about the band's look, not mine. Steve Clark -- in a black jacket, black jeans, and cowboy-ish boots -- looks ah-mazing, but that's just because he's super hot. He doesn't look like he's trying. There's no product in that hair. Rick Savage is in more or less the same outfit, but he's a little too cutesy for me.

Phil Collen -- that rarest of birds, the short-haired guitarist -- isn't even wearing a shirt, and Rick Allen is in a plain white tee. This relates back though to what I was saying about how they definitely appear to be playing to the crowd rather than playing to the cameras here -- this is a band that's more about the music.

Long story short, 1987. What a year! I have to think about this harder, but this might well have been the best year in heavy metal. Just think what you found on the new release rack when you went to the record store in '87: Hysteria, Appetite for Destruction, Back for the Attack, Whitesnake, Among the Living, The Legacy, Keeper of the Seven Keys, Part I, Once Bitten... I mean, the list goes on. Whatever subgenre you like, there's something for you. Also, Headbanger's Ball debuted -- even with Adam Curry as the host, this was a serious event for heavy metal videos.

This is a question I'll have to think about more though: What was the best year in heavy metal history? There are sure to be many contenders, but 1987 is looking like a good bet, at least to me.

Def Leppard, "Rocket"

Hey, Remember the 70s?

THE VIDEO Def Leppard, "Rocket", Hysteria, 1987, Mercury

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Rocket! / Yeah-ah! / satelli-iii-iteoflo-ooo-ooove / Rocket! / Yeah-ah! / satelli-IIIIII-iteoflo-ooo-oooh-ooove

THE VERDICT In the spirit of the decade ending and all the reminiscences, nostalgia-fests, and best of lists we are likely to be subject to in this and the coming weeks, let us take a trip back through time courtesy of our friends in Def Leppard.

This video finds our boys playing in some kind of warehouse full of spotlights, TVs, and other assorted detritus, including all these bikes hanging up in some kind of weird sculptural arrangement-slash-something you'd find in a junk-filled garage. Combined with all the nostalgic stuff on the TVs, this video is less reminiscent of other metal videos (not especially shocking coming from Def Leppard at this point in their careers), but does remind one of broody, reminiscing videos from other 80s bands (think Crowded House's "Don't Dream It's Over" and Simple Minds' "Don't You [Forget About Me]," both of which feature similar motifs). Playing with a bunch of old junk around you apparently implies you're thinking about your life, or something.

The only other metal video employing a similar motif that comes to mind is Great White's "Save Your Love" ("Rock N Roll Children" doesn't really count, as setting the scene in Dio's magical mystery junk shop is sort of central to it's plot). I guess Iron Maiden's "Wasted Years" is even more explicitly about reminiscing, but they only show photos of themselves (same goes for GNR's "Yesterdays"), so it's a bit different. Let's face it, at the time most of these boys were living for the moment and not really thinking too hard about this other stuff.

Then again, with all the tv monitors surrounding them -- showing newspaper headlines, stock photos, and most prominently, words from the song -- Def Lep may also have stumbled into some kind of undergraduate art project. Ooooh, or the Christmas party from Less than Zero! Though we don't see footage of the band on the TVs. We see Gary Glitter, Elton John, Freddy Mercury, David Bowie, the Beatles, Slade and other Brit glam rockers, mod fashion, Nixon (quite a bit), British pols, footballers, NME, and of course, actual rockets. Each verse the pictures shown on the screens tend to focus on one area (so music, politics, sports).



The best bit we get though is a quick clip of a very glam Phil Collen (and Rick Savage?). Somehow Joe Elliott appears to be their drummer! If only this part lasted longer or the video was better lit.

Anyway. On to another digression. Could they make a metal video in the 80s without spotlights? Much as Hype Williams would later make shiny stuff and fisheye lenses de rigeur in hiphop videos, so too did Wayne Isham make the spotlight one of the most prominent, and yet underrecognized motifs in heavy metal videos. Seriously, I should go back and tag all the videos I've written up that include spotlights, but that would be more or less all of them! But in particular, this sort of shadowy space filled with swinging spotlights is pure Isham.

I know, I know, the director on this video is Nigel Dick, but the spotlights are really Isham's thing. Plus Appetite for Destruction videos aside, Dick is more known for working with Britney Spears, the Backstreet Boys, and Band Aid. (Not that Isham's exactly a metal purist himself, but I think given all his early work with Motley Crue, Metallica, Megadeth, etc., Isham is who we can really credit for all these dang spotlights. But for the record, he's worked with Backstreet and Britney too.) In any event, we'll forgive him.

Let's digress about the song for a moment. The falsetto harmonizing -- which, if like me you've watched Vh1's Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story multiple times you know Joe adopted first for "Bringin' on the Heartache" -- renders half the chorus for this song completely unintelligible. It sounds like "Rocket! Yea-ah! Sinalighnaloooone!" to the best of my transcription abilities.



As I would never have known had I not looked it up, what they're singing is "Rocket! Yeah! Satellite of love!" This warms my heart not as a possible Lou Reed reference but because it calls to mind the home of Joel, Tom Servo, Crow, Gypsy, and my personal favorite, Mike Nelson (though not at the same time as Joel, obviously). Given the show didn't start running even on public access in Minnesota until 1988, Def Lep are not making reference to it, but I'd be remiss without plugging MST3K, because I freaking love it. Mike Nelson, if you're reading this, call me.

But the strangest part of this song is the breakdown before the guitar solo, where they take the weird falsetto vocalizations and cut them up, rendering them truly unintelligible, and add in bongo-style drumming. All the better to be accused of backmasking, right boys? Which they do with the "awmapshawdaNewOrleans" at the beginning of this song ("we're fighting with the gods of war"). But seriously. Even though the whole album has Mutt Lange's fingerprints all over it, the two most bizarre and overproduced songs on Hysteria are this one and "Women" (which, as it happens, was shot in this same warehouse, just with different lighting).

However, the bombastic chorus also allows Joe Elliott to sort of mime convulsions as he sings. Apparently at some point someone told Joe to sing with his head cocked to the left, because it's leaning that way for pretty much the whole clip. Meanwhile Phil Collen (who totally looks like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror) and the sorely missed and much loved Steve Clarke engage in all kinds of windmill-style guitar antics. Both do this while wearing cropped jackets over bare chests, all the better to expose loads of flesh.

Long story short, it's all good. I'll take Def Lep's tour through the last 20-odd years over whatever "I Love the '00s" Vh1 is surely moments away from trotting out. Oh WOW. Nevermind. Apparently they put out I Love the New Millenium back in '08. Seriously. Seriously. This is why I'm stuck in the 80s people! Everything that comes after is just too embarrassing.

P.S.: This post is named for the genuinely hilarious Saturday Night Live skit of the same name starring Jim Breuer as Goat Boy and, in the iteration I have in mind, featuring a particularly spirited performance by Chris Kattan as David Lee Roth. Of course since they're psycho about everything, I can't find video online anywhere... but if you can ever catch this episode (the host is Pamela Anderson), you'll get where I'm coming from.

Def Leppard, "Foolin'"

Nobody's Fa-fa-fool

THE VIDEO Def Leppard, "Foolin'", Pyromania 1983, Mercury

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Is anybody out there? / Anybody they-ere? / Does anybody wonder? / Oh oh does anybody cay-a-a-are? / Oh / I just gotta know / If you're really they-ay-ere / and you really care-are / 'cause baby I'm not / f-f-f-foolin'"

EXCESSIVELY DETAILED DESCRIPTION This song opens with a bit of what I think is acoustic guitar, but which is in the video dramatized by a weird looking woman who has her eyes sewn shut playing a harp surrounded by fire (see? This is so why I live for this stuff). Then Joe Elliott's head appears in a little halo of light in the upper righthand corner when he starts singing. The screen does this crappy page-turning effect, revealing Joe singing into a microphone. This is before Hysteria, so he doesn't have his notorious hockey haircut. Instead, he has a totally cute Jane Fonda-style shag.

Smoke starts billowing behind Joe, then we see the harp lady again before panning out to see the whole band. My man Steve Clark turns out to have been the one with the acoustic guitar, but he throws it to the side as Joe kicks in with his patented high-pitched but not loud screaming. With "Is anybody out there?" we find that Joe is chained to a triangular-shaped platform accented with red neon that's attached to a sort of a giant skull. The whole set he's in is sort of like Metropolis, but like, if Metropolis had a crapload of skulls on top of all the buildings. (For real: I had my film geek bf look at it and he was like, "Eh, I'll allow it). Anyway, Joe is splay-legged with his wrists chained by his sides, and he keeps arching his back. He's wearing a tiny white sleeveless shirt and high-waisted white pants (I think their record company just supplied DL with an endless stream of high-waisted white pants -- in all of their old videos at least half the band is rocking them).



Anyway. Joe bops around enough to make sparks explode where his wrists are bound, but it doesn't set him free. Instead, it just cues flashpots back on Def Leppard's set. We finally see shots of the rest of the band, starting with Rick Savage (white shirt, high-waisted red pants), then going to Rick Allen (who admittedly at all times eschews white pants in favor of Union Jack tiny shorts and nothing else), then Phil Collen (black or navy shirt with white polka dots, high-waisted white pants). We don't see Steve, but I can tell you he's wearing high-waisted white pants, a white blazer, and a navy bandanna. Hot! Anyway, we're in the chorus again (already!) and now we see everyone singing. Steve and Phil share a mic since they're totally BFF, and both Ricks sing too.

As the chorus ends, another flashpot goes off, and we get a shot of someone adjusting a spotlight (this shot does not necessarily feel intentional -- why the hell is it in there?). The harp lady comes back, then we see Joe trying to use pelvic thrusts to free himself from his triangular prison as more smoke pours in, then (again) the fake page-turning effect. The page turns onto a shadowy set with some fake sunset clouds painted on in the background. A woman who looks like she's going to be all hot and turns out to be really scary looking (she looks like the "Queen of the Reich" without her helmet) gazes into a crystal ball. She sees Joe chained to the thing with the sparks exploding at his wrists, then sees him singing. For some reason, this makes her scream, then her image turns into a little triangle that flies backward into the fake sunset clouds.

This enables Joe to finally break free, and he holds his hands up and sort of screams at them. He sits all the way up, then we see more of the band playing normally and as we hit the chorus, we see Joe hurrying, stooped over, through a dark room lit only by some random neon rods. There are a series of explosions behind him and he hustles on out of there. Then we see some kind of small explosion in front of a crappy skull picture, and on stage Joe thrusts his mic stand at the camera as Phil tears into the guitar solo. We see a lot of him down on his knees, and I must say he can bend pretty far in his white pants, even if all this posturing is to the exclusion of seeing very much of Steve, who stays in the back.



As the chorus is reprised, we see the crappy skull drawing lit from above by what appears to be maybe a hole with the grim reaper peeping through it? More light is cast and we see that the skull is on the wall in a stonewalled room with flames coming out of a hole in the floor. More flames shoot up, then the band members "jump up" from inside the hole (i.e., they play footage of the band members jumping into the hole backward). For the final "and you really care-are" we get a close-up of Joe, who for various reasons unknown to us has matted down his hair and changed into a different white tank top that say "Le Club" on it in pale blue. Yowza.

The fake page turning thing again gives us the band performing. Steve and Phil are again sharing a mic, which awesomely shows off how Steve's spotted bandanna/scarf totally matches Phil's shirt, which I love. Joe's still in the Le Club shirt, implying to me more that they shot this video sequentially than that they were worried about continuity. The video ends with Joe jumping off the stage, then a triangular picture of him chained to that thing flying backward as everyone left onstage raises their fists and a wall of flashpots go off.

THE VERDICT This song has a lot of things going in its favor. One, to my mind a good Def Leppard video should make you want to put on a bandanna, stat, and this one definitely does. Steve Clarke (my personal favorite Leppard, god rest his soul) is looking h-o-t! No man can rock a jacket shirtless like he. Second, cowbell. Mad cowbell! Which I love. Plus it has the positive association of making me think about college. When I was in school, I often ran on campus and in the neighborhood surrounding, and I'd always listen to my trusty Walkman (and yes, I didn't go to college very long ago -- I just loved my kickass cassette collection way too much to ever really bother with CDs. I went straight from a Walkman to an iPod, with nary a Discman between. No joke). Anyway, when I wasn't blasting the soundtrack to Less Than Zero or Night Songs, I usually tuned to a local classic rock station that was generally inoffensive. The one song, however, that they were always guaranteed to play -- they must have played it once an hour, there was just no other explanation for the fact that they played it all the freakin' time -- was "Foolin.'" So yeah, I have many, many memories of running, listening to this song.

Hmm, I guess reading back over this it was at that point that I decided my post was done. Some kicker, eh?

P.S.: Post updated with big, colorful, new images April 2010!