Scorpions, "Big City Nights"

Summer Tour, Makes Me Feel Fine  

THE VIDEO Scorpions, "Big City Nights," World Wide Live, 1985, Mercury 

SAMPLE LYRIC "Big city! / Big city nights! / you keep me run-nin!" 

THE VERDICT Last year I made a concerted effort to do summertime videos, and back then I included this one from the Scorpions 'cause it's amazingly cheesy and less well-known. But thinking today about what would be a good summertime video, this Scorps classic of course came to me right away. 

I mean for sure, "Big City Nights" is a great song. Even more than other Scorpions tunes for me, it's chock full of great almost-nonsense lyrics that are nonetheless very evocative. I'd say that "a long sweet minute" is one of my favorite expressions in all of heavy metal, and who knows what they're even talking about! Nonetheless, I would totally name my hypothetical memoir that. 

I also appreciate that it's cool to hear a "touring is rad" song for a change, instead of the constant "touring is sooo hard, you guys" whine-fests we usually get. We know, we know, new city, same faces, riding around on the bus, pretending you miss some girlfriend/wife back home while you defile groupies. We get it. 

"Big City Nights" actually makes it seem like touring is pretty cool. As does this video, made for their World Wide Live album/home video. It's shot a little bit all over the place, but mostly in Southern California. Two Los Angeles dates, a Costa Mesa date, and one at the San Diego Sports Arena! (All in April 1984.) 

The behind-the-scenes stuff though appears to have been shot all over the place — you clearly see the Scorps on several different continents, and weirdly the only shots where you can definitely tell where they are in the U.S. are in Illinois (at the Rosemont Horizon).

 

You know the performance shots in this video have a lot from the Cali segments though, since at the end Klaus Meine thanks California and says California keeps them "run-in-in-in-in-in-in." This makes me assume the beach scenes are in California, even if the skimpiness of the bathing suits and the level of tanning in these scenes makes me think Brazil. Then again, it was the 80s. These were the years of baby oil, not sunblock. 

In general, I feel like the "Big City Nights" video is most memorable for being full of amazing 80s babes. I like that (also as per live video cliche) they cut together the footage of random women with random shots of the Scorpions playing live so it appears that, e.g., Matthias Jabs is reacting with a lecherous grin to a woman winking at the camera in a totally different place. 

In addition to the beach babes (did they even know they'd wind up in a Scorpions video?), we also get to see the chicks who appear to be in the Scorpions' entourage. In particular there's this one woman who looks like a very 80s, very tarted up Sandra Bullock who shows up in all the WWL vids. She appears to be Herman Rarebell's girlfriend, and pops up as the sexy pool player in this one. I like though the woman in the background, reading House & Garden magazine while dressed like a dominatrix. 

Though I feel like the bikini footage is kind of the most notable element of this clip, "Big City Nights" still does have tour video cliches. Think: the view through the front window of bus, autograph signings, arena shots, sweaty fans, over-enthusiastic women making their way onto the stage, the band making their way to the stage, roadies testing equipment, hanging out backstage wearing towels, male fans who look like their passion in singing along is about to make them explode. I mean that guy toward the end is really excited to be singing along with this song.

 

And babes and other cliches aside, the thing we see the most is lots of shots of the Scorpions goofing around — they always seem like fun and friendly guys in their videos, who've got a good sense of humor about themselves. 

They're all constantly horsing around though, whether they're waiting around a hotel lobby or boarding a plane. I mean you can't get a camera near Rudy Schenker without him making a silly face. Weirdly we see Klaus Meine kind of the least in this footage, but he's always up to something, usually dancing. In one shot he's dancing with a flamenco dancer, in another, with a belly dancer. 

And then of course, there is the actual live footage of the band. I like the WWL stage set — it looks like a giant stereo from the 80s. Like think of the stereo that gets destroyed in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. It's sort of a lot of horizontal black stuff, but then the glowing colors — shading from red to yellow to green — look like equalizer bars. 

You don't really see stereos looking like that any more do you? Hell, these days everything is just like, a big speaker with an iPod dock stuck on the top of it. I wonder if bands these days do stage sets that look like that (I mean hell, you know I don't know the answer to that one). 

P.S.: It's as un-metal as it gets, but don't act like you don't get the reference in this post's title.

Y&T, "Summertime Girls"

And Don't Call Us Shirley!

THE VIDEO Y&T, "Summertime Girls," Down for the Count, 1985, Majestic Rock

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "Summertime gir-irllllls / you may my whole world go 'rrrround / summertime gir-irllllls / when you lift me up, I never come downnn"

THE VERDICT Oh, Y&T. Allmusic claims this is a self-conscious parody of "California Girls," but my analysis implies it's not. Best case scenario, it's an homage to Kentucky Fried comedies like Airplane! and The Naked Gun. It's actually got a similar sense of humor. Were it not for the utter cheesiness (particularly the atrocious costume choices made by the band) and the fact that musically, this is no "California Girls", this might actually be halfway decent. Alas, it's Y&T.

I mean this is the same band that has named their album "Down for the Count," implying they're in not such a good place. But then they've taken it even further, with ridiculous album art that depicts a swooning female robot about to get down with The Count -- oh and I'm capitalizing that for a reason, because it shows Count Dracula. I mean really Y&T. Really.

But okay, the video. The video opens with a homeless person walking along a garbage-strewn sidewalk. He taps at another bum, then continues on to examine a garbage bin beside a large sign that informs us this is Venice Beach. It also -- in just the first Zucker-like moment -- informs us the beach prohibits smoking, drinking, loitering, or accordion solos. As the bum goes through the trash, it begins to shake, and then bam, next thing you know, the bum has uncovered the drummer from Y&T (or as I shamelessly refer to him, the fat one).

Where else can we find Y&T? Well, we get a wipe that looks like a page turning (or the screen peeling back), and then we see the lead singer and bassist crawl out from under a rock that has been spraypainted "Y&T." Yes, because nothing makes the kids think you're cool and contemporary like literally crawling out from under a rock.

We get a wipe traveling up the screen, then we see a dude with what is labeled a "heavy metal detector." He makes a shocked face, then discovers he has uncovered the guitarist from Y&T, who shakes him off and walks away to meet up with the rest of the band. They are all wearing ridiculous beach clothes (short-shorts on three out of four), but the lead singer gets special mention for wearing a cropped, belly-baring tee shirt that says "Turbo Made in Italy" and having the bottom layers of his hair braided and beaded. Whoever advised him on this should have been fired.



They all lip synch the first line of the song, then dramatically act out the lyrics, scanning the beach for girls walking by. They are quickly rewarded with a giant posse of women barreling down the boardwalk. Of particular note is the girl in striped bikini and Wham!-esque "Choose Me" tee, who is all over this video and has clearly been designated as the "hot extra," similar to the blond in the white dress in "In and Out of Love."

Y&T keep singing and making goofy faces, then we see a lifeguard carrying a woman in a mermaid costume. I say a "woman in a mermaid costume" and not a mermaid because, come on, the fish tail part is too big for her! You can clearly see it hanging off her waist. They're followed by a woman dressed as Carmen Miranda, with a big fruit basket on her head; a Hare Krishna (clearly Airplane! inspired), and a nerdy couple dressed as tourists. Y&T always poke fun at nerds in their videos, which seems a little, well, um... let's just say it's never a good idea to alienate your core demographic.

All these folks file past Y&T, but the boys save their most eye-popping faces for the quartet of women rolling up the boardwalk last. They are all dressed in sort of sexy biker gear -- black leather pants, jackets, etc. Just seeing them onscreen makes me feel sweaty, itchy, and uncomfortable. Oh, I don't mean like they're a turn-on! Ew, no. I mean I'm already imagining how uncomfortable it would be getting sand in those leather pants. I love the beach but ughh do I hate sand.

These ladies -- who are also bedecked in all kinds of chains -- feel the need to push directly through Y&T rather than go past them. They attempt to push them over, but nope, they're all still singing and making goofy faces. It didn't work.

The "Choose Me" girl has taken her shirt off, and is posing on her towel with the pier in the background. Meantime, the biker ladies have set up in an especially hot and icky looking place -- ew, I feel sweaty and dirty every time they're on screen! They are facing away from the water, and have a bunch of hubcabs hung on a fence behind them. The ladies have switched into some weird combination of bondage gear and lingerie (I mean really! Stockings at the beach?!). It is physically uncomfortable watching them on screen. Their only plus is reminding me of bad 80s dystopian future movies they watch on Mystery Science Theater 3000 like "City Limits" and "Robot Holocaust." These gals could be extras in either.



We briefly see the lead singer dancing around next to the mermaid while the Hare Krishna strolls by. Then we see a blonde in a white bikini putting on suntan oil (not sunblock -- you know, the dark brown Hawaiian Tropic stuff). Ahhh! Noo!!! Then we see one of the biker ladies pouring Valvoline motor oil on her leg and rubbing that in. Ahh!! Just thinking about doing that, smelling that in the heat, then getting sand stuck to it -- seriously, this video is giving me a bad case of OCD.

The lead singer dances around a little more, then we see (I think) the guitarist snatch a pair of binoculars from the nerdy tourist couple. The (again, my best guess) bassist is using a watering can to keep the fake mermaid's tail moist, and the drummer (aka the fat one) is eating fruit from fake Carmen Miranda's headdress. Oh Y&T, your dorky humor knows no bounds.

We next actually see the band pretending to play the song, going nuts next to the boardwalk while women walk by completly ignoring them. This is followed by a sequence I really don't get -- women in bikinis rollerskate up and down the boardwalk holding increasingly large ghetto blasters up on their shoulders. I think we're supposed to laugh at the ever-increasing magnitude of the jamboxes, but honestly, I'm not sure. In between, we briefly see the Hare Krishna greeting the nerdy tourists.

Now the biker ladies are on roller skates, while still in their bondage/lingerie gear. They roll close to Y&T (who are still playing the song next to the boardwalk), creating a giant cloud of dust that blows the band away. It also conveniently provides a transition to the next scene, which features Y&T attempting to play volleyball against a bunch of the conventionally attractive women.

They should have kept their eyes on the ball instead of just lip synching and dancing, because one of the biker ladies catches the volleyball and proceeds to fully deflate it just by squeezing it with her hands. Each one of the biker ladies walks past the guitarist making a mean face at him after she throws the ruined ball at his feet.

Then we're back on the boardwalk with the lead singer, who is ogling ladies while he walks past a food stand. A carnival barker convinces him to try a game that involves throwing a baseball through a plywood cutout of a clown's mouth. The Y&T guy decides to give it a try, and of course, he's terrible -- the "Choose Me" girl waiting over at the food window giggles at him. No matter. He picks up the bazooka at his feet and fires, destroying the entire clown backdrop (and I'm assuming, leaving many dead and wounded on the beach beyond, but they don't show that part).



The smoke from the explosion provides the transition to the next scene, showing all the conventionally attractive women packing up their beach stuff to head home. As the sun sets, we see all the different characters from the entire video plow past Y&T, who appear to be begging? I don't know what they're doing, maybe just singing and making weird hand gestures. It's hard to tell. We get an inexplicable close-up of a woman wearing a toga and a helmet -- is she supposed to be Roman? Joan of Arc? Not sure.

Next thing you know, looks who's here, it's the Y&T robot, wearing giant novelty sunglasses. He seems to be having more trouble walking than usual, I guess due to the sand. See? Sand is just problems for everyone. His giant swinging arms knock over Y&T.

Y&T give up and plop themselves into the sand, looking all sad. Aww, poor Y&T. You can see the "Y&T" rock in the background behind them, maybe they should crawl back under that. But no wait, look, walking up the beach, it's the biker ladies. After coldly assessing the lads for a moment, they offer them their hands and help them up. We then see a long shot of everyone silhouetted as they walk along the pier, with the shambling Y&T robot bringing up the rear.

So is this a happy ending for Y&T? Umm, depends what you mean by "happy ending." (Oh ew, I am not trying to make a double entendre people, get your minds out of the gutter!) My guess is this is like the Beavis and Butt-head where the hot biker lady talks to them, but all she's looking for is for them to help her steal some stuff from the convenience store where they're always hanging out. (Clerk: "What's that there in your pants?" Butt-head: "Wouldn't you like to know.") I could picture Y&T sitting around afterwards, much like Beavis and Butt-head, eating nachos and reminiscing about that time a chick talked to them.

David Lee Roth, "California Girls"

Katy Perry Is No Diamond Dave

THE VIDEO David Lee Roth, "California Girls," Crazy from the Heat EP, 1985, Warner Bros.

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "[I dig them girls!] I wish they all could be California / [Ow!] I wish they all could be California / I wish they all could be California girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls"

THE VERDICT As someone who has now lived in California for four years, and who -- while inevitably growing older -- still considers herself more or less a "girl," I've got to tell you, I freakin' hate this Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg "California Gurls" song. Every time I hear Perry doing the "oh-OH-oh-OH, oh-OH-oh-OH-oh-OHHHHH" part I want to scream. It's so overproduced, so calculated, so... inaccurate. I mean women out here don't even bother with the short-shorts. I've seen girls walking around the Gaslamp (which is like the Times Square of San Diego -- disgusting, touristy, overpriced, etc.) wearing just bikinis paired with high heels. Bear in mind now this is nowhere near the beach -- just near San Diego harbor, where you can't exactly swim, let alone tan -- and that the one downside to Cali (besides no Dunkin' Donuts -- don't even get me started on that) is it gets COLD here at night! Damn girls, put on some clothes!

Or since that's probably not going to happen, can we just turn off the Katy Perry, and turn on some David Lee Roth? I know he doesn't add much to this song besides all the "Ow!" and "Ze-bops!", the eye-rolling, and of course all the roundhouse kicks. But can we please acknowledge that the Beach Boys wrote a great song, and that Diamond Dave is an amazing showman? I think we can.

This video begins -- amazingly, not with David Lee Roth or any of his associates in fat suits -- but, of course, with a creepy and bizarre panoply of racial stereotypes. I know Dave fancies himself quite the comedian, but these are not his strengths, and there's a reason why these often get stripped off the beginning of his solo videos that doesn't have anything to do with the running time. But since obviously I'm a completist, we're going to talk about them here.

We kick off with a titular quote from "Thank Heaven for Little Girls," attributed to Maurice Chevalier who sings it in Gigi. DLR continues the lecherous tradition with the addition of "and some of the other sizes too." I wish they'd actually taken it more literally (it means "little" in the sense of age more than size), so we could have a whole conversation about David Lee Roth, cougar hunter, but alas.

Following the words "somewhere in California" (uhh, I'm going to go with Venice), we get a creepy version of the music, and an even creepier voiceover that I'm guessing is meant to evoke Rod Serling and the Twilight Zone: "Submitted for your approval, a busload of tourists on a road a travel agent never told them about, a road leading to the shadowy tip of nowhere, to the land of the different, the bizarre, the unexplainable. They thought they were headed for fun in the sun... not quite. These visitors are trying to go home again, but where they're headed is another dimension entirely, one of wonder and imagination. Fasten your seatbelts, signposts up ahead, as they take a turn into the Sunlight Zone."



Who's on this journey? We've got old friends, and new friends and even a bear... okay, no bear. But get familiar, 'cause come "Yankee Rose," you're going to get to see a bunch of these all over again:

- Obviously, we've got Dave, looking extra-crazy. He's wearing a white tour bus operator's uniform that makes him look like an extra-spiffy ice cream truck driver, or maybe a milkman.
- We've got a fat lady dressed in loud, bright colors (even for 1985), heavily made up and smearing on more makeup as the bus travels (I should mention, everyone's bouncing up and down to emphasize that they're on a moving bus).
- Waldo from the "Hot for Teacher" video, looking extra-disgusting and messily eating a doughnut.
- Beginning the racial and ethnic stereotypes section of our tour bus, we've got a black couple. Both are dressed loudly, with sunglasses. The man is wearing a big hat and is picking his teeth while grinning broadly; the woman has on red sunglasses and is applying and reapplying bright red lipstick.
- A vaguely unhinged-looking plus-size lady, who appears to be dressed as a bride. She's gripping a large bouquet of fake flowers and looking around nervously.
- The next couple are either stereotypical Italians or Hispanics -- it's hard to tell with David Lee Roth videos. I'm going to go with Latinos here, since Dave usually stereotypes Italians as Mafiosos. This is a guy in a hairnet and mirrored glasses smoking a cigarillo, and a woman with big hair and sunglasses holding a baby (or something we're meant to think is a baby anyway).
- A shifty-looking Arab man, sweating profusely in a suit and a shemagh.
- A pair of nerdy Asian tourists, photographing everything. Real original, Dave. Sheesh.
- Okay this one I'm less sure about. A very tired-looking old white man who appears to be wearing some kind of costume ears.
- Next a more stereotyped white guy -- a fat bearded man in a flannel shirt and a cowboy hat sucking down a beer wrapped in a paper bag.
- Another sweaty, vaguely Arab guy. I think he's also wearing a keffiyeh but it's harder to tell.
- Last we get a vaguely Rick Moranis-looking, super-nervous white guy wearing big glasses and a sailor suit.

I guess they didn't trust Dave to actually drive the tour bus (one of those ones you ride around theme parks or country clubs, with just a little canopy roof and open sides) with the occupants in it, because when he pulls it to a stop on the boardwalk, there doesn't seem to be anyone in it (though we do get reaction shots of people looking nervous). The beach they're on is deserted and looks freezing, or maybe like it's early morning. Or like it's freezing and it's early in the morning.

As Dave's spangly shoes step out onto the pavement, the actual song finally starts (a minute and twenty seconds in to the video!). Everyone gets out of the bus, and heads for the beach, walking through fog and some weird stuff -- fallen-down fences (the kind they use to shore up dunes back east, but which I've never seen at a beach out here), caution signs, and white crosses buried in the sand as if it's a graveyard. The significance of this never becomes clear, so don't get excited, I don't have any insight for you.



Finally, the meat of the video! Dave and babes interspersed with reaction shots of Dave and various of the passengers, all of which are shot with what seems like a little bit of a fisheye lens, to make their appearances a bit more exaggerated. The first four segments illustrate the lyrics of the first verse, which I love! We've got:

- East Coast Girls: Love this one! An Elizabeth Berkley-looking woman in a white bikini and sunglasses gyrates with a pole in front of a brick wall covered in graffiti. She's holding something unidentifiable -- a cheeseburger? A cheesesteak? Ungh I totally want a cheesburger now. Great. Dave's wearing all black on top -- leather jacket, scarf -- with pink and blue spandex on the bottom.

- Southern Girls: Wow. Dave is standing with a model in front of a vintage red truck, with a confederate flag hanging behind them. She's wearing a pink bikini, a big hat, frilly white socks with heels, and gloves while sipping a drink through a long straw. In an effort to outdo her, Dave is wearing boot, jeans with the thighs cut out of them, a red bandanna, an open jacket, a hat and gloves. He may or may not be wearing a holster as well. Okay, no, it's some kind of leather fanny pack.

- Midwest Farmers' Daughters: This one is my favorite! I don't care about the girl... I could watch David Lee Roth peel that ear of corn and make sexy faces all. day. LONG. I should make an animated gif of just that and put it on every part of the web ever. Mmm, when Diamond Dave has got it, he's got it. Also this is a great montage. Dave is wearing overalls and a bandanna, and standing in front of a woman with pigtails in a brown, fringed bikini who's sitting on top of some bales of hay. There's a wagon wheel, some milk jugs, and maybe a picnic table in front of her. And behind her, a fence, and a cow! They went to all that extra trouble with the Humane Society and whatnot just to put a cow in the video for two seconds. Awesome. Oh and the girl is chewing on a piece of straw. Point, Midwestern Girls.

- Northern Girls: For this one, Dave gets two girls, dressed identically in pale blue furry bikinis and earmuffs, with white bobbed wigs. Dave's added a winter hat to his wardrobe arsenal, and in addition to the backdrop of pine trees, it's fake snowing on them. At the beach.

For the chorus, Dave's tour guide suit has suddenly become bright orange, as he leads the tourists down the abandoned boardwalk (which also looks very windy). We then see Dave making more sexy faces over the shoulder of a brunette in sunglasses who looks like she's not feeling it at all. Don't hate lady, 1985 if a great vintage of David Lee Roth. The chest hair is thick and the head hair is hangin' on.

We then see two more obliging brunettes in bikinis posing for the sweaty Arab guy and the sailor guy before going to more illustrative vignettes. We see Dave in another all-orange outfit and zinc oxide next to a busty woman enthusiastically applying sunscreen to her friend. Next Dave is wearing stirrup pants (remember those?) and a big straw hat while drinking out of a pineapple. He's in a hammock outside a palapa-roof shack, with a female bodybuilder striking poses right next to him.



Then we see Dave dancing around on the boardwalk while the tourists try to make do. Most of them are wandering around aimlessly, but some seem to have built a fire on the boardwalk. Also, how have I forgotten to mention the sunset shots of DLR? We keep also seeing shots of Dave singing and performing in his white outfit next to a palm tree, with a purple-y sunset behind him. Those I also love.

More Diamond Dave antics: In his orange tour guide outfit, Dave slides (as if on a conveyor belt, but probably just being pulled on some kind of cart) past all the women from the video, who are sitting on boxes and doing synchronized hand motions and kicks. He splashes around by a pier with two girls in sunglasses and one-piece bathing suits, while wearing a Body Glove wetsuit (dang, remember Body Glove? I mean, they're still around, but remember when Body Glove was really cool?). Then Dave lies on the sand, with women's legs doing synchronized kicks beside him. I wonder how much of this video he choreographed. Or how much of it was his idea, anyway.

We then get a genuinely bizarre meta-segment. Dave in his white tour outfit leads the tourists past an abandoned-looking gas station. Then the camera pulls back slightly, and we see it's a set -- there are lights, and a boom mic, etc. But then the camera pulls back further and we see DLR is filming this all himself, even though we can still see tour guide Dave dancing away in the distance. I'm going to guess that Dave did come up with this part himself.

Next comes the sort of breakdown part of the song, which is what most people remember from this video. Dave has shed the jacket and hat from his white suit, and is dancing down the boardwalk while the tourists watch. All of the women from the video are arrayed on either side, pretending to be mannequins, more or less, while Dave leaps and roundhouse kicks and "Ow!"s his way down the boardwalk. Personally I would find it hard to hold still while 1985 David Lee Roth was singing right next to my crotch, but that lady pulls it off. Unlike the lady he grabs sunglasses from, who at minimum moves her hand but who it kind of looks like gives him the finger!

Dave finally makes it all the way to the end, and jumps around looking ridiculous. It's finally really sunny now, so like I said either it was really cold because it was really overcast, or it was really early in the morning and the sun is just coming up. The camera pulls back away from him and down the boardwalk, past all the women posing. The tourists walk around amid all the women, and, oh great, the voiceover is back, as the camera continues to pull away.

"For you, the viewer, this is the end of the video. But for them, this is only the beginning." Of what? A bunch of them are hugging. A couple have fallen over. But wait, maybe they mean the beginning of getting to play ridiculous and often offensive characters in David Lee Roth videos. It may well be the beginning of that.

Keel, "Because the Night"

Shake It Like an Eighth Grader

THE VIDEO Keel, "Because the Night", The Final Frontier, 1986, Gold Mountain

Click here to watch this video NOW!

SAMPLE LYRIC "[Because the night!] / belongs to lovers / [because the night!] / belongs to luhhh-ust / [because the night!] belongs to lovers / [because the night!] / belongs to uhhhh-us"

THE VERDICT Semi-embarrassing admission: In spite of the fact that allmusic neglects to mention Keel's cover of it, theirs is my favorite version of this song. It must also be mentioned that this is in spite of my being a tremendous Bruce Springsteen fan. I'm surprised Keel didn't opt for the more manly lyrics Bruce puts in. And yes, I get chills hearing Bruce sing it, especially going into that first chorus.

The same can't be said for the arguably more well-known (and ostensibly the original, though since she and the Boss co-wrote it, who knows) Patti Smith version, from which Keel takes the lyrics used here. Personally, I've always found her voice grating. I think it's also, however -- and this is no fault of Patti Smith's, since this happened way later -- it reminds me of the 10,000 Maniacs version, which was a staple of dances at my WASPy private middle school.

In spite of its much-vaunted proximity to New York, hip hop had not yet penetrated these whitest reaches of Connecticut, and thus our school dances included stuff like this. I wish I could remember what fast songs were played, because these were undoubtedly hilarious as well -- the only one I can remember was "Magic Carpet Ride." Yes, in the face of a musical landscape that was rapidly turning away from more or less standard guitar-oriented music (of which grunge was arguably the last gasp), the students at my middle school and the associated high school focused their energies on classic rock (particularly Zeppelin and Hendrix) and whatever metal was still around (the Use Your Illusion albums were more or less canonized; girls who wanted something less abrasive turned to the new, shorter-haired Bon Jovi).

The last dance of the night was always Zeppelin's "Stairway." This meant that by the time you'd finally ginned up the courage to ask someone to dance, you had to do it before "if there's a bustle in your hedgerow" because the song was only speeding up from there. It was the classic "Come Sail Away" problem -- dramatized in the first episode of Freaks and Geeks as well as in The Virgin Suicides. (I couldn't find good links for either but both are worth watching anyway.)



Thus if I associate "Because the Night" with one thing, it's either staring pathetically at or slow-dancing awkwardly with short, preppy boys in 1993 and 1994. Trust me, this was a hard association to break. But I can attribute it to a couple of things: Removing the piano motif at the beginning, punching up the fast/slow transitions with a total guitar assault, and Ron Keel's amazing vocal on this song.

I'm less a fan of the breathy harmonizing on the part of the rest of the band (though it definitely works for this style of lyrical metal). But Keel's voice! On this track it's got qualities I just don't hear in other Keel songs, and certainly not in his stuff when he was in Steeler. I think this cover is the first indication we have of where Ron Keel winds up going when he turns into Ronnie Lee Keel, country dude. It's a bit nonsensical, but in trying to come up with words to describe this vocal I keep hitting on things like smoky, honeyed, rich -- so more or less I'm describing barbecue (and Keel is of course from Tennessee!). Heaven knows I love barbecue, so this can't be a bad thing. It also may help to explain why whenever I hear the Keel version of this song, I am absolutely compelled to sing along.

But this is supposed to be a blog about videos. Sooo, what happens in this video? We get numerous spotlit shots of the band members, who are otherwise in complete darkness. I know that sounds like it would look like a thrash video, but trust me, it doesn't since details like their shirts or guitars keep being colored in with bright, very 80s hues. It's less thrash, and more those posters of kids kissing, which are apparently all the work of one woman.



We also get a subplot with Ron Keel, dressed very late 80s or very well, now in a big denim jacket, aviator shades, skinny jeans, and red leather gloves, following around a mysterious blonde who we never quite see. She swims across a pool in a leopard-print maillot, rollerskates along a boardwalk dressed like Debbie Gibson, and lies around a dramatically-lit apartment being sexy a la Tawny Kitaen.

As per the lyrics, Ron can only see her at night. But we have to wonder if the model/actress in this video ever actually saw him, since they're never in the same shot -- all the stuff we actually see at night basically consists of reaction shots of her face and then close-ups of hands fumbling with clothes. By the time the video ends, and we see her on her balcony watching the sun rise, she's alone again without Ron Keel. Quelle disappointment!

I would also be remiss to cover a Keel video without mentioning Marc Ferrari -- a talented guitarist, but also let me say quite the little hottie with that Bonnie Raitt streak in the front of his hair! Love it. Makes me want to put one in myself. Technically I had one circa 1996 or so, but that was a different time with different hair. In that regard at least, much like the 80s.