THE VIDEO Y&T, "Summertime Girls," Down for the Count, 1985, Majestic Rock
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SAMPLE LYRIC "Summertime gir-irllllls / you may my whole world go 'rrrround / summertime gir-irllllls / when you lift me up, I never come downnn"
THE VERDICT Oh, Y&T. Allmusic claims this is a self-conscious parody of "California Girls," but my analysis implies it's not. Best case scenario, it's an homage to Kentucky Fried comedies like Airplane! and The Naked Gun. It's actually got a similar sense of humor. Were it not for the utter cheesiness (particularly the atrocious costume choices made by the band) and the fact that musically, this is no "California Girls", this might actually be halfway decent. Alas, it's Y&T.
I mean this is the same band that has named their album "Down for the Count," implying they're in not such a good place. But then they've taken it even further, with ridiculous album art that depicts a swooning female robot about to get down with The Count -- oh and I'm capitalizing that for a reason, because it shows Count Dracula. I mean really Y&T. Really.
But okay, the video. The video opens with a homeless person walking along a garbage-strewn sidewalk. He taps at another bum, then continues on to examine a garbage bin beside a large sign that informs us this is Venice Beach. It also -- in just the first Zucker-like moment -- informs us the beach prohibits smoking, drinking, loitering, or accordion solos. As the bum goes through the trash, it begins to shake, and then bam, next thing you know, the bum has uncovered the drummer from Y&T (or as I shamelessly refer to him, the fat one).
Where else can we find Y&T? Well, we get a wipe that looks like a page turning (or the screen peeling back), and then we see the lead singer and bassist crawl out from under a rock that has been spraypainted "Y&T." Yes, because nothing makes the kids think you're cool and contemporary like literally crawling out from under a rock.
We get a wipe traveling up the screen, then we see a dude with what is labeled a "heavy metal detector." He makes a shocked face, then discovers he has uncovered the guitarist from Y&T, who shakes him off and walks away to meet up with the rest of the band. They are all wearing ridiculous beach clothes (short-shorts on three out of four), but the lead singer gets special mention for wearing a cropped, belly-baring tee shirt that says "Turbo Made in Italy" and having the bottom layers of his hair braided and beaded. Whoever advised him on this should have been fired.
They all lip synch the first line of the song, then dramatically act out the lyrics, scanning the beach for girls walking by. They are quickly rewarded with a giant posse of women barreling down the boardwalk. Of particular note is the girl in striped bikini and Wham!-esque "Choose Me" tee, who is all over this video and has clearly been designated as the "hot extra," similar to the blond in the white dress in "In and Out of Love."
Y&T keep singing and making goofy faces, then we see a lifeguard carrying a woman in a mermaid costume. I say a "woman in a mermaid costume" and not a mermaid because, come on, the fish tail part is too big for her! You can clearly see it hanging off her waist. They're followed by a woman dressed as Carmen Miranda, with a big fruit basket on her head; a Hare Krishna (clearly Airplane! inspired), and a nerdy couple dressed as tourists. Y&T always poke fun at nerds in their videos, which seems a little, well, um... let's just say it's never a good idea to alienate your core demographic.
All these folks file past Y&T, but the boys save their most eye-popping faces for the quartet of women rolling up the boardwalk last. They are all dressed in sort of sexy biker gear -- black leather pants, jackets, etc. Just seeing them onscreen makes me feel sweaty, itchy, and uncomfortable. Oh, I don't mean like they're a turn-on! Ew, no. I mean I'm already imagining how uncomfortable it would be getting sand in those leather pants. I love the beach but ughh do I hate sand.
These ladies -- who are also bedecked in all kinds of chains -- feel the need to push directly through Y&T rather than go past them. They attempt to push them over, but nope, they're all still singing and making goofy faces. It didn't work.
The "Choose Me" girl has taken her shirt off, and is posing on her towel with the pier in the background. Meantime, the biker ladies have set up in an especially hot and icky looking place -- ew, I feel sweaty and dirty every time they're on screen! They are facing away from the water, and have a bunch of hubcabs hung on a fence behind them. The ladies have switched into some weird combination of bondage gear and lingerie (I mean really! Stockings at the beach?!). It is physically uncomfortable watching them on screen. Their only plus is reminding me of bad 80s dystopian future movies they watch on Mystery Science Theater 3000 like "City Limits" and "Robot Holocaust." These gals could be extras in either.
We briefly see the lead singer dancing around next to the mermaid while the Hare Krishna strolls by. Then we see a blonde in a white bikini putting on suntan oil (not sunblock -- you know, the dark brown Hawaiian Tropic stuff). Ahhh! Noo!!! Then we see one of the biker ladies pouring Valvoline motor oil on her leg and rubbing that in. Ahh!! Just thinking about doing that, smelling that in the heat, then getting sand stuck to it -- seriously, this video is giving me a bad case of OCD.
The lead singer dances around a little more, then we see (I think) the guitarist snatch a pair of binoculars from the nerdy tourist couple. The (again, my best guess) bassist is using a watering can to keep the fake mermaid's tail moist, and the drummer (aka the fat one) is eating fruit from fake Carmen Miranda's headdress. Oh Y&T, your dorky humor knows no bounds.
We next actually see the band pretending to play the song, going nuts next to the boardwalk while women walk by completly ignoring them. This is followed by a sequence I really don't get -- women in bikinis rollerskate up and down the boardwalk holding increasingly large ghetto blasters up on their shoulders. I think we're supposed to laugh at the ever-increasing magnitude of the jamboxes, but honestly, I'm not sure. In between, we briefly see the Hare Krishna greeting the nerdy tourists.
Now the biker ladies are on roller skates, while still in their bondage/lingerie gear. They roll close to Y&T (who are still playing the song next to the boardwalk), creating a giant cloud of dust that blows the band away. It also conveniently provides a transition to the next scene, which features Y&T attempting to play volleyball against a bunch of the conventionally attractive women.
They should have kept their eyes on the ball instead of just lip synching and dancing, because one of the biker ladies catches the volleyball and proceeds to fully deflate it just by squeezing it with her hands. Each one of the biker ladies walks past the guitarist making a mean face at him after she throws the ruined ball at his feet.
Then we're back on the boardwalk with the lead singer, who is ogling ladies while he walks past a food stand. A carnival barker convinces him to try a game that involves throwing a baseball through a plywood cutout of a clown's mouth. The Y&T guy decides to give it a try, and of course, he's terrible -- the "Choose Me" girl waiting over at the food window giggles at him. No matter. He picks up the bazooka at his feet and fires, destroying the entire clown backdrop (and I'm assuming, leaving many dead and wounded on the beach beyond, but they don't show that part).
The smoke from the explosion provides the transition to the next scene, showing all the conventionally attractive women packing up their beach stuff to head home. As the sun sets, we see all the different characters from the entire video plow past Y&T, who appear to be begging? I don't know what they're doing, maybe just singing and making weird hand gestures. It's hard to tell. We get an inexplicable close-up of a woman wearing a toga and a helmet -- is she supposed to be Roman? Joan of Arc? Not sure.
Next thing you know, looks who's here, it's the Y&T robot, wearing giant novelty sunglasses. He seems to be having more trouble walking than usual, I guess due to the sand. See? Sand is just problems for everyone. His giant swinging arms knock over Y&T.
Y&T give up and plop themselves into the sand, looking all sad. Aww, poor Y&T. You can see the "Y&T" rock in the background behind them, maybe they should crawl back under that. But no wait, look, walking up the beach, it's the biker ladies. After coldly assessing the lads for a moment, they offer them their hands and help them up. We then see a long shot of everyone silhouetted as they walk along the pier, with the shambling Y&T robot bringing up the rear.
So is this a happy ending for Y&T? Umm, depends what you mean by "happy ending." (Oh ew, I am not trying to make a double entendre people, get your minds out of the gutter!) My guess is this is like the Beavis and Butt-head where the hot biker lady talks to them, but all she's looking for is for them to help her steal some stuff from the convenience store where they're always hanging out. (Clerk: "What's that there in your pants?" Butt-head: "Wouldn't you like to know.") I could picture Y&T sitting around afterwards, much like Beavis and Butt-head, eating nachos and reminiscing about that time a chick talked to them.