THE VIDEO L.A. Guns, "The Ballad of Jayne," Cocked & Loaded, 1989, Polydor
SAMPLE LYRIC "Now it all seems funny / kinda lahk a dream / things ain't always what they seem / what a shayyyy-ayyyy-aaaaaame / what happened to Jay-ayne"
THE VERDICT What is it about metal bands and ill-fated blondes? Actually, I guess I shouldn't ask what it is about metal bands. I mean sure, there are metal songs about everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Edie Sedgwick. But it's more of an American phenomenon. We're sort of obsessed. Still, these gals seem to have a real hold on metal bands. I don't know much about them, but my guess is that given metal's previous track record, Steel Panther are currently working on a song about Anna Nicole Smith (and be forewarned, that last link is way more depressing than titillating).
But of course you know L.A. Guns aren't going to say the umpteenth goodbye to Norma Jean. Instead, they go with Jayne Mansfield, who was sort of the Anna Nicole Smith of her day. I had never heard of her until I was in high school, when I checked out a book from the public library called The Encyclopedia of Bad Taste. If I am remembering correctly, Jayne had her own entry, but if not, she was definitely mentioned in the section on death cars. (I also remember this book as the first place I encountered the idea of "dancing water.")
Does the video reference Jayne Mansfield at all? Weirdly no. We just get a couple of shots of a fairly generic-looking brunette walking around. But oh the place she's walking around! L.A. Guns have rented themselves the grounds of some ridiculous mansion (I'm bummed I've been unable to track down the exact location).
They aren't anywhere near a house, but that doesn't mean they don't have a gazebo with a stained-glass roof, tons of stone lions and other various statuary, assorted topiaries, and a ginormous swimming pool with a tiled bottom. I should also mention that all of it is wrapped in enormous swags of red fabric.
Oh yeah, and let's not forget the strings! You know a metal band is getting down to business when strings get involved. You'd think this would be a case where it's like, Guns N' Roses made it safe for everyone else, but this video pre-dates the Use Your Illusion albums and videos. Maybe Whitesnake made violins safe for metal.
Anyway, they've got a good half-dozen or so super old white guys playing the strings on one side of the pool. Most notable is the one with the huuuuuge muttonchop sideburns and the handlebar moustache. Not sure what his deal is, but he's all over this video — he's in it way more than the foxy brunette, and probably than Mick Cripps too.
Aesthetically though this video is such a sign of things to come, with the super-saturated, high-contrast colors. I've lately gotten really into the Instagram app, and this video reminds me of that — it's like they shot whole segments with the "Lomo-fi" filter. (Okay, really, they probably shot it with whatever lomo-fi is meant to imitate.) But really, it's impressive that this video is still technically in the 80s, 'cause this is kind of where everyone's heading. Maybe the L.A. Guns made Yves Klein blue safe for everyone!
Okay, but let's talk about the other aesthetic elements of this video. L.A. Guns look less badass here than they do in their other videos, but they still bring it, especially my fave Kelly Nickels. The little black leather gloves and mirrored glasses are really working with his sassy bass moves.
Phil Lewis is commendable in this video, too, though. He doesn't often look good (e.g., when he's wearing the weird kimono-type top), but when he does look good, he looks very, very good. Yes, you know what I'm talking about. When he's all shirtless with the roses. This is a look I can get behind!
Unlike yes, the beginning of the video, where he's stuck partway between the Mad Hatter as played by Tom Petty and Kate Hudson's exBlack Crowes' lead singer Chris Robinson.
Steve Riley, of course, not so much. I really like that his bass drum just says "Steve Riley." He's not that famous of a drummer. It's more that it feels like he's too temporary to get an actual L.A. Guns logo on his bass. Also, he apparently got the memo that everyone was supposed to dress in red, black, or denim, but decided that a red cowboy shirt was the right way to go. Oh Steve.
This is a weird song, in that it's a little bit of a snoozefest, but at the same time it's an exceptional vocal from Phil Lewis. And the harmonies they do, especially in the final verse, are gorgeous. Phil seems like he's really into it in the video too, leaning on Tracii and really belting it out.
I know, I know, a bunch of other times he's just sitting around in a stupid hat staring at falling rose petals. But the other times guys, the other times!
So why'd I pick this video for this week? Well, it's gonna sound kind of morbid, but I just can't shake Jani Lane from my mind, and it's not much of a stretch to change this song into "The Ballad of Jani." Yeah, he was older than me, but he was just so... not old. And unlike say, Kevin DuBrow, he didn't have an extensive resume of substance abuse. Or at least, no more than your average rock n roller.
I just keep thinking about it.
It's cliche to say Jani's death makes me reflect on and appreciate life more (a lot of other stuff has gone on much closer to me this year that has made me think about that). But still, it's kind of true — it just feels like such a waste. I mean we're talking about the man who wrote "Cherry Pie"! We're just not about to get another "Cherry Pie." Everyone else is freaking out about Steve Jobs, and don't get me wrong, I love my iMac, numerous iPods, and iPhone... but I mean come on you guys, it's Cherry effing Pie!
THE VIDEO Dokken, "The Hunter," Under Lock and Key, 1985, Elektra
SAMPLE LYRIC "I'm a hunterrrrrr / searchin' for love / on these lonely streets / uh-gaaaaaaaaaaaiiiin"
THE VERDICT Well, this is the closest Thursday to my birthday this year, so I'm giving myself — finally — this long-delayed video, for what may well be my all-time favorite metal song. Yeah, I said it. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm close. And regardless, as we'll see in a minute, it contains my favorite moment in the history of heavy metal videos.
Why did I take so long to get around to "The Hunter"? Well one, I was saving it for a special occasion.
But two, when I first started this blog, I did sooo much Dokken. It was kind of a Dokken overdose. I can't help it, I love them. But in any event, my overindulgence circa 2004-5 meant that once I got more serious about blogging, I had to really mete out my servings of Dokken, making them fewer and further between so that I could get to other bands (and I know, I still have plenty I haven't even gotten to yet!).
But when it came to this year's birthday post, I decided it was time.
This video is one of my favorites. It's just unbelievably stylish, with all the detail shots of their clothes and of the guys hanging out.
It is the best use of the Kim Anderson effect of any metal video I would say — and yes, faithful readers will remember that by "Kim Anderson effect" I mean not the rock video girl from "Girlschool" but the whole taking-a-black-and-white-image-and-just-coloring-in-some-parts-of-it thing like in the otherKim Anderson's cheesy photos.
It's in a zillion videos, but "The Hunter" is like a master class in it, especially when they do the little sort of stop-motion sequences of photos like the meet the band sequence at the beginning.
Though most of the video is the stop-motion-y Kim Anderson effect stuff, which is basically the band playing in some kind of rehearsal space, the rest of "The Hunter" involves giving each member of Dokken his own plot. This is always a good video strategy for bands whose members don't get along, as they don't have to spend too much time on set together.
The "plot" parts of the video are filmed in color, so they're visually very separate from the other stuff. Oh right, except for Mick's, which for some reason is in grainy black and white. He always gets the short end of the stick in Dokken videos.
George Lynch and Don Dokken get pretty similar plots, which is fitting — they're always on the same wavelength I feel like, just not with each other. But we follow George as he drives a red sportscar (I want to say a Ferrari) around a city at night (probably L.A.), and Don as he rides a motorcycle in the city during the day and then in the desert.
I know this is mean, but seriously, Don should not have picked a plot that was going to blow his hair around so much. It's like when Shawn Michaels wrestles and his ponytail gets out of whack and suddenly you realize he's actually pretty bald.
I should just get this out of my system now — oh my dear lord does George Lynch look hotttttt in this video. I can't even deal. Pre-body building, pre-tattoos, long hair... I am swooning right now. He has that like perfect lanky build, and he's rocking the loose tank top and leather pants look to the hilt. When he does things like lie down on his side and prop his head up on one elbow, seriously guys, it's almost too much.
Don on the other hand... well, we all know as a Lynch partisan, I'm not very interested in Don. He has stubble in this video, which is a bit of a departure for him since he usually looks very cleaned up (and besides, if you had time to put on eyeliner, you had time to shave). I will give him props though on the loose, Miami Vice-style blazer during the performance scenes. That's a good look.
Mick Brown has the sort of least-involved plot — it's basically just him hanging out at a dive bar. Though I know George and Don are driving around "on the lonely streets, uh-gaaaaaiiinnnn," I feel like Mick is the one who seems the most like he's "searchin' for love." I don't know if he'll find it in places like this, but hopefully whatever he does find is treatable.
Also, following Mick shows us that we are indeed in LA — most of the signs for bars and stuff are hard to read, but at one point a bus rolls by with a KBIG FM 104 ad on its side. If that weren't enough evidence, he strolls down the Hollywood Walk of Fame, too.
Jeff Pilson has the most involved plot by far. It also comes the closest to involving hunting of any sort. Jeff is for some reason caged, then released into the woods to be chased by a large crowd of burly, bearded, flannel-shirt wearing men with torches and baseball bats. And dogs. And dogs. Mmmmmm-kayyyyy. Jeff actually has to get his leather pants dirty, running through a stream and stuff to try to evade them.
But here's where this gets even weirder (and more topical) — in one shot, we see that the little wooden crate they have him locked in has "PMRC" written on it. Unabbreviated, that's the Parents Music Resource Center.
Doesn't this mean he should've been being chased through the woods by like, a bunch of senators and Tipper Gore, rather than a bunch of lumberjacks? One would think so. It's an odd touch, and the one time where Dokken try to make any kind of political point or express any type of stance on topics other than like, relationships, in any of their videos.
Almost every part of this video is just gorgeous. They actually get pretty creative with a lot of the shots, really doing a nice job of framing the band in visually appealing ways (and no, I don't just mean by showing plenty of George!).
In fact, this video doesn't actually show that much George. During the solo, instead of a photo montage of him, we see a photo montage of his guitars. And his plot sequence is mostly just the top of his head from the back.
But let us not forget — dant-da-da-da! — my all-time favorite moment in the history of heavy metal videos. It's such a little thing, but yep, its about a minute and a half in, when Don sings "but then it comes to me!", George hits a big guitar note, and Jeff Pilson does this totally badass rockstar jump.
One minute he's just playing, the next minute he leaps in place, before you know it, he's landed. It's so small, but it's so visually striking, and punctuates that point in the song perfectly. Bravo, Jeff. That's the perfect gift for me.
THE VIDEO Tesla, "What You Give," Psychotic Supper, 1991, Geffen
SAMPLE LYRIC "It's not what you got / it's what you give / it's not the life you choose / it's the one you live"
THE VERDICT Okay, so I know that very little happens in this video. It's pretty much just Tesla playing the song in what appears to be the Blair Witch's house. In the whole beginning part when Jeff Keith is kind of by himself in another area, sort of half in shadow and tangled up in wires, I keep expecting he's going to come into the main room and see Brian Wheat just standing there facing into the corner. Jeff does have his eyes closed until like, halfway into this video, so maybe he's scared.
Seriously, what is it about these sort of unfinished spaces — whether warehouses or barns — that metal video directors decided telegraphs a certain kind of authenticity? And I mean, are Tesla the kind of band that even needs to bother with that? I mean no one looks at Troy Luccketta and is like "That guy's trying too hard. What a poseur."
I don't know, maybe they were trying to counterbalance Frank Hannon's elaborately crocheted sweater. (Yes, my other hobby — approximately as non-metal as you can get — is crochet.) I kind of think that Jeff rocking the denim-vest-over-leather-jacket look does enough of that, but whatever.
Anyway, this week the video's not really what I want to talk about (and nooo, for once I don't want to tell a long anecdote about myself either!). I actually want to talk about this song, which I freaking love.
Well, I halfway do. I love the verse, and hate the chorus, which is actually pretty common for me. In the case of "What You Give," it's just that it goes way too Hallmark with all the rhyming.
But I think the bigger offense is just repetition — jeepers jolly, they repeat the chorus just ad nauseam toward the end of the song, in an increasingly frantic way. About the only song that I enjoy this in is "Cherry Pie."
Here though, if sheer repetitiveness hasn't already worn you down, the part where Tommy Skeoch screams it in a guttural voice will. Ew. It's like cheese squared.
But the rest of the song! Oh the rest of the song. It's the kind of thing I want to doodle in ballpoint pen in the margins of every notebook I own! "I feel so lonely and I know I'm not the only one / to carry on this way / I love you so much I lose track of time! / Lose track of the days." I mean this is what you want love to be like, people.
Okay, maybe not the loneliness part. But no, I don't think it's like, an existential loneliness song. It's more of a temporarily-apart-via-circumstances-somewhat-beyond-our-control song.
And then when they reprise the beginning, and turn it into the second person — "You're the one, that makes me happy / oh yeah bay-bee! / you're the one always on my mind" etc. I. Can't. Even. Deal.
"Why can't forever be, forever and nothin' more?" That is exactly the kind of lyrical nothing — a sort of vague profundity that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense — that instantly makes me feel seventeen again in like, the best way possible.
And yet.
And yet.
It turns out the whole dang song is about a dog! Sigh. For real Tesla? Yes, for real. Or at least, according to Jeff in the little intro to "What You Give" on Time's Makin' Changes.
Now don't get me wrong. I love dogs. I have a dog. She's eight. She is very giving, though I would also say she takes quite a bit too. I just... I don't want this song to be about a dog.
Now Guns N Roses' "Used to Love Her," that's a song that well, I'm not stoked it's purportedly about a dog, but I guess that's better than it being totally misogynistic? I guess this is one of those times where I don't want to know what the song's really about, and just want to have my own interpretation of it.
Weirdly, way back in the day this was one of the most common arguments made against music videos — that seeing a specific visual would supersede whatever the listener just related the music to on their own, in their head.
I don't think I really get this with videos — since at least they're related to the songs — but I will say, having a song be prominently featured in a movie, a commercial, or (the ultimate personal-association-killer) a commercial for a movie really does it.
But has it ever done it for a metal song for me? Hmm, I'm gonna have to think about this one. I think Tesla are safe though, at least from that fate.
P.S.: I know it's a stretch, but I was going for a Freaks and Geeks reference.
THE VIDEO Bon Jovi, "Livin' on a Prayer," Slippery When Wet, 1986, Mercury
SAMPLE LYRIC "Whooooooooa! / We're halfway they-ere! / Whooooooooa-ohhhh! / Livin' on a pray-air!"
THE VERDICT Now those in the know usually give credit to the chart success of Quiet Riot's Metal Health for breaking metal with a mainstream audience. But I would estimate that a great many more claim Slippery When Wet as metal's watershed moment with the broader U.S. audience.
Why choose JBJ over QR? Well, let's face it, Kevin DuBrow (RIP) was never a contender versus Jon Bon Jovi in the looks department. (That said, I'd take Carlos Cavazo over Richie Samboraany day.) So that's probably part of it.
For one, there's the song itself. They've brought in a serious hitman, Desmond Child, who I've ruminated about at length already. Suffice to say that yes, you do usually get what you pay for in the super-producer department.
But two, with this tale of Tommy and Gina, Bon Jovi take a page directly from fellow Jerseyite (Jerseyan?) The Boss, and we already know it's a page that works. Stories about down on their luck (it's tough) New Jerseyers are gold, nay, platinum even.
Now for Bruce Springsteen, who I absolutely freakin' love, the stories are usually enough on their own.
I mean, don't even get me started on "The River." That song makes me cry my eyes out just thinking about it. It is so, so good, and so, so sad. I remember in high school I was on this long college road trip with my mom, and we'd been listening to The Boss' greatest hits CD on repeat. I kept skipping "The River" every time it came up, 'cause it made me cry. But finally she was like, "Don't skip it, I really like this song, it's not a big deal. The people in the song aren't even real."
So I read the liner notes in the little CD book, where he kind of told the story of each song, and found out the song was about his brother-in-law and sister. Oh man, I cried harder than ever. Suffice to say I did not get into the next college where I interviewed, with my red, watery eyes and puffy face. They probably thought I was suffering from some kind of intense college application stress or something (when in reality I didn't really care at all, it's just that "The River" is really sad!).
Anyway.
As Jon has revealed to people's surprise (really?), Tommy and Gina are not real people (this is surprising how?). Doesn't really matter here though. All we care about is that they're gonna make it, and they've got loads of keyboards and a talk box (which I think of as a Peter Frampton Machine) to help them along.
Even more than the song though, I think it's this video (and the constant airplay it received) that just exploded Bon Jovi all over the place. I mean, it's not like they hadn't made albums (and videos) before this. But it's with this one that all the elements that will make up many future Bon Jovi videos — and many other metal videos — fall into place.
One, there's the guys themselves. Most of the video is sort of "behind the scenes" footage as they set up, and we see them as fun, goofy, friendly guys. David Bryan plays Alec John Such's guitar, JBJ and Richie constantly mug at each other, only Tico Torres is kind of relegated to the background.
Two, Jon has really solidified his look with this video, and it's about to get copied all over the place. I think the element that's here now, and was really missing in their previous videos, is his long leather duster jacket, with all the medallions and fringe and stuff. Suddenly, these things (which seem like they'd be kind of hot temperature-wise and awkward to wear) become metal must-haves.
But the other thing that's interesting is the extent to which Bon Jovi have changed their look to transform themselves into the (long-haired) boys next door. As pretty as Jon is, they aren't a very glam-looking band. Jon's coat aside, they are actually wearing pretty normal guy clothes for the time — concert tees and fitted jeans. They're much less colorful looking than they were in say, "In and Out of Love."
So it's a weird paradox — while on the one hand, their sound is as pop and commercial as can be, they're actually among the first of the more glam or lyrical groups to really tone down their wardrobes. If I had to guess whether this helped their popularity with the non-metal-fan U.S. audience I'd have to say um yeah, it did.
The other thing they've done in this video is seriously upped their production values. I don't know what it is about slightly blue-tinted black and white, but it takes everything from looking like it was being shot on the cheap to looking like it's all part of some insanely gorgeous documentary. Slow down the footage just ever-so-slightly for bonus points.
Unlike all the serious black-and-white in like, "Wanted Dead or Alive" though, here it's all fun. Particularly because Jon, Alec, and I'm assuming Richie too are strapped into harnesses allowing them to fly out over the audience. This makes room for even more shots of them goofing around, as they try out the harnesses and joke with the technicians who are strapping them in.
And then, of course, we get the big punch at the end — when with the biggest "WHOA!", suddenly we're in color and there's a live, very sweaty audience.
We might also notice that it's a very male audience. Why? See, even though Bon Jovi might be threatening everyone's manliness with all those power ballads, by toning down the colorful clothes and makeup, it's still all good. You can be a hetero dude and listen to "Never Say Goodbye."
In this sense, I think Bon Jovi hit upon a magic formula several beats before a lot of other really big bands did (though eventually they would become almost notorious for having a heavily female audience, because of course you know that's a bad thing smh).
Okay anyway, before I get all into deconstructing the gender dynamics of heavy metal's listenership (as someone who regularly gets asked things like whether I'm buying that Slayer button for my boyfriend, I could do this all day), why this video now? Well, 'cause school's starting today for me, and I'm feeling more than a little bit beaten down.
And if Jon and the boys screaming "Whooa-ohhhh!" in ever-higher registers is what does it for me right now, so be it.
Also wait, whoa, ("Whooa-ohhhh!" even) — I just realized something. This is my 150th post. (It's only my 149th video though, thanks to my double-dipping on "Estranged.") Still though, dang, that's a lot of videos! And there's still so many more to go. I guess I'm gonna be livin' on a pray-air in more ways than one.
THE VIDEO Enuff Z'nuff, "Fly High Michelle," Enuff Z'nuff, 1989, Atlantic
SAMPLE LYRIC "Why'd you have to give it up? / (Fly high Michelle) / Well you was just a little girl / (Fly high Michelle) / I'll never look into your blue eyes / (Fly high Michelle)"
THE VERDICT Okay people, I'm warning you now: I'm mad stressed out this week what with school starting again and all, and so I have seriously poured myself like a Big Gulp of haterade for this one (and I'm using my SummerSlam Slurpee straws!).
Enuff Z'nuff fans, back away from your computers (or just look at the pretty pictures. Ooh, rainbows!).
So the faithful reader who suggested this is right that the "cutting edge graphics of rainbows, doves and lightning" in this video "should never go ignored."
In fact, as you watch this video they are pretty much impossible to ignore — you can barely see the dang band! There are rainbows, doves, balloons, and clouds flying around everywhere. It's like a Lisa Frank notebook exploded. Or like they designed it based on the Trapper Keeper I got circa 1986.
I know. It's a sad song. I shouldn't be making fun of a song that Donnie Vie actually wrote about a friend's suicide. But I'm sorry, it's just an awful, drippy, monotonous song, and all the CGI rainbows in the world can't change that.
If you want to listen to a metal song about suicide, just go straight to "Don't Close Your Eyes." If you want to listen to a metal song about someone named Michelle, why not "My Michelle"?
I mean jeepers jolly, Enuff Z'nuff are just not a very good band.
Now I know plenty of people out there will disagree with me. Allmusic, for example, describe Poison and Warrant as "disposable" but Enuff Z'nuff as merely "mispackaged power pop." They act like the entire mainstream of metal was the sort of weird aberration (referring to it as the "ill-fated hair-metal craze"), and like Enuff Z'nuff are somehow on the level of Cheap Trick.
There are soo many bands that got "mispackaged" as metal at the time, basically due to the musicians being white, male, and having hair that was longer than chin-length. And yes, there are some where the level of "mispackaging" is debatable, and the talent is definitely not (Tesla are the perfect example of this). Others though are just terrible bands, and I'm sorry, but Enuff Z'nuff is one of them.
Or what about Bad English? Put on leather jackets and tease up your hair all you want John Waite, you're still the dude who's most known for "Missing You." (You know, "I ain't missing you at all!")
And I mean, Neal Schon? Journey have some great songs, but Journey ain't metal. Long story short, I know I like some cheesy stuff, but "When I See You Smile" makes me want to projectile vomit.
Another prime suspect: I don't care if Billy Sheehan's the bassist. Mr. Big are a brutally awful band, and another perfect example of a "lumped in" or "mispackaged" or whatever you want to call it situation.
Actually, if I could guess what band Mr. Big most wanted to be, I'd have to guess Tesla (I mean "Green-Tinted Sixties Mind"?). Instead though, they are whining about waiting in line to be with a girl. It's not even sloppy seconds here, it's like filthy fifths! Ew! And I'm sorry, but lines like "build up your confidence, so you can be on top for once" are basically just guaranteed panty-droppers for girls with low self-esteem. (Sorry, I warned you I was in a dark mood!)
Oh my gosh, I got so into this rant I totally forgot about the video. It's weird too, because I generally hate arguments about what "is" and "isn't" metal, 'cause overall, in case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty inclusive. I'll go glam, I'll do thrash, I like lyrical, I like speed. But yeah, I guess what I hate is bad, guitar-based pop by long-haired guys that confuses people into thinking it's metal.
Long story short, I freakin' hate Extreme. (That should get me some hate mail. But seriously, one of my greatest fears is that I'll be trapped in a confined space and "Hole Hearted" will be playing on repeat. If I were like, in one of those Saw movies, that would be the thing that happened to me. I'd destroy myself trying to escape Gary Cherone!)
Okay, video, video, video. Basically, we are in a rainy, computer-generated sort-of New York City (there does appear to be something like the Empire State building and the Chrysler building, but no WTC).
Everything is in black and white until Donnie Vie drops his goofy John Lennon glasses, which suddenly begin sprouting rainbows.
Though we see the band getting onto a tour bus, next thing we know they're playing the song on a cloud. And naturally, a model-type girl with straight blond hair and a neon green dress is picking up the glasses and putting them on. That's when things start getting really nuts.
Rainbows are shooting every which way, the same dove keeps flying across the frame, and the clouds are genuinely obscuring what's going on. Yeah, we get close-ups of Donnie's face, and Chip Z'nuff impersonating Like a Virgin-era Madonna, but that's about it.
Oh wait, until all the balloons. Somehow, the girl with the glasses gets hold of a bunch of balloons, and they take her up into the sky above the city. Balloons start flying freakin' everywhere! The girl floats past the band's cloud, and Donnie tries to grab her, but she just keeps going. This makes things get a bit darker, and lightning starts shooting all over the place.
And how did I forget to mention the giant full moon that is in the background of virtually every shot? Guess I'm just being lazy.
Okay.
So I know I made like, the same points I made last time I talked about Enuff Z'nuff. But I think that's 'cause sometimes enough is enough! And after that gigundo "November Rain" post, I'm still a bit spent. I'll be back in the swing of things soon enough though, just you wait.
P.S.: When I'm in this kind of mood, you should probably read the whole post to yourself in the voice of Carl from ATHF.
THE VIDEO Twisted Sister featuring Alice Cooper, "Be Chrool to Your Scuel", Come Out and Play, 1985, Atlantic
SAMPLE LYRIC "Be cruel to your schoo-ool! / 'Cause you may never get another! / Be cruel to your schoo-ool! / In the name of rock n' roll!"
THE VERDICT Never seen this one before? Not too surprising — MTV rejected it as too offensive at the time, Vh-1 Classic doesn't even air it now, and even Twisted Sister themselves have more or less buried it.
And as the opening of this video pointedly reminds us, Dee Snider was feeling pretty self-righteous about censorship as it was, having somewhat inadvertently having become the face (and voice) of heavy metal during the Parents Music Resource Center hearings (no one else from the world of metal really showed up to testify).
It's no wonder that after working up this whole song and video only to have MTV pretty much kill it, they decided to shelve the whole thing.
You also have to imagine that all the non-Dee Snider members of Twisted Sister weren't that into it anyway, as they barely figure in the video to begin with. All they really get to do is open lockers and peek inside.
Anyway, the video begins with two quotes, both from the September 28, 1985 U.S. Senate Hearings on Rock Lyrics. First, from Dee: "Our videos are simply meant to be cartoons with human actors." Second, from Senator Ernest Hollings (D-SC, but really that D is in the old-line, Strom Thurmond southern Democrat sense): "It's just outrageous filth."
I have to say, I do appreciate that at least at some point, something cool got discussed during one of these things. When I was in college, I had a work-study job at the library, and I worked in the government documents collection. OMG, does the U.S. government pump out a lot of paper. I spent a lot of time shelving the Congressional Record, so I'm glad that at least in 1985 it might have included some of this.
Then we get a lengthy vignette featuring Bobcat Goldthwait as a frantic high school teacher. Yeah, I kind of relate to this sequence. Sometimes when I'm teaching, I will just kind of go out of body for a second and be like, "Wait, does what I'm saying make sense at all? Or am I just saying completely random things?" I mean, the answers are always yes, and then no, but it's kind of like how sometimes you'll be driving your car, and suddenly you'll have a moment where you're like 'Oh, whoa, I'm driving right now', almost as if you somehow forgot you were driving?
I know, I'm making you fear for the educational future of your children or whatnot right now. But really, if you're reading this, you should probably already be worried about your kids, heh heh.
Anyway, the bell rings, and we get the usual teacher-gets-jostled-about-in-the-crowd-of-students shot. Does this ever really happen, outside of heavy metal videos and charismatic-teacher/principal-turns-around-a-troubled-school movies? I don't remember ever being in such a hurry to leave class that I needed to like, trample somebody.
Fade to Bob quickly regaining his composure in an incredibly spacious teacher's lounge, with giant windows and ample seating. He grabs his Walkman from a cubby and settles into a couch beside another teacher who's also listening to headphones. The first teacher asks him what he's listening to, and Bob responds by yelling "TWISTED SISTER!" right into the guy's face.
The other teacher plugs his headphones into Bob's giant Walkman so he can listen too, and suddenly — two full freakin' minutes in —
Bob opens his eyes and transforms into Dee Snider. And the other teacher opens his eyes and transforms into Alice Cooper!
There's spooky blue lighting, and dry ice fog, and naturally the other teachers have become Mark Mendoza, Jay Jay French, etc.
I also enjoy how everyone demonstrates their transformation by looking at their palms in astonishment.
Is that what one does when one wakes up as someone else? At least in Big and 17 Again and The Hot Chick and stuff like that, people react by looking in mirrors and completely freaking out and screaming a lot and stuff. But I think they decided (rightly) that this video was long enough.
Dee and Alice head into the hall and yup, the students are zombies. This is like the one heavy metal video about school that doesn't use some kind of A Clockwork Orange-type scenario, but zombies give you the same idea I suppose — less that education is force-fed, but still the same idea that it is somehow mindless.
Despite the fact that Dee and Alice just push past the zombies, who seem totally harmless and uninterested in eating their brains, it's clearly the zombie footage that got this video nixed. Probably the grossest thing in it is the zombies-making-out scene, which involves one zombie sort of trying to pull the other zombie's jaw off—yup, it looks like when David Coverdale and Tawny Kitaen make out, only with rotting flesh.
But on the plus, it reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in the best-show-you-haven't-watched, Bob's Burgers — Tina's zombie dream. Seriously, I love everything Jon Benjamin does so much.
Actually, it's not just the making out. A lot of disgusting stuff happens in this video. A student leaves an apple on teacher Dee's desk, and his hand and forearm get left along with it.
Then again, I feel like worse stuff (and with much more realistic special effects) happens in "Thriller." I mean when that one corpse has all that green stuff come out of its mouth? Gee-ross. Okay, but then Dee acts like he's going to eat the arm, so. Michael Jackson did a lot of weird stuff, but cannibalism (or would this be like, necrophagy or something?) wasn't among it.
The cafeteria scene is oddly reminiscent of "Hot for Teacher," with the band playing on a raised platform in one corner. But why is the lunch lady serving the zombies rubber rats? Shouldn't she be serving them brains? Or at least cold spaghetti noodles and peeled grapes? (Come on, you never did that when you were a kid? "These were his eyes!")
Okay, actually I think the grossest scene in this video is — well I'm not sure what's happening. At first it seems like it's the school nurse, but then you see other kids watching, so maybe it's some kind of bio class. But a zombie teacher is decapitating one zombie student, and then a student in the classroom imitates this by ripping open his own neck and going for what's in there. Yeah, it's early in the morning as I write this and that's making me feel a little queasy. Tracheotomies freak me out. (Wait, are there people who aren't freaked out by tracheotomies? Don't answer that.)
Suddenly Alice is dressed as a doctor too, and he shines his little light in one student's ear and has it come out the other. WTF is going on in this video?! Annnnd now he's got a scalpel out. Sorry Dee, but this is no Wile E. Coyote-style giant Acme anvil. You're getting a little too gruesome with this one.
Though to his credit, he does use a fire extinguisher on the home ec teacher whose hands are on fire. But now Dee's biting people again. Is he the only real zombie here?
There's a sequence with a zombie band playing that's pretty straightforward, and I assume is covering for the fact that aside from Alice, they couldn't actually get any of their guest musicians to appear in the video. Hence a zombie stand-in for Clarence Clemons, etc. Apparently this is where the bar was for him (RIP): He'd be in a Lady GaGa video, but not this.
As the zombie students crowd into the auditorium, Twisted Sister quickly run to replace the zombie band. Speaking of zombies, have I mentioned yet that Alice Cooper looks freakin' exhausted in this video? You can tell the whole time that Dee is so into it, but Alice looks like he's barely even going through the motions.
Anyway, the whole zombie crew pours through the halls, and we get a quick meet-the-band sequence actually showing the non-Dee members of Twisted Sister — hey, remember them?
Then we're back in the now normally-lit teachers' lounge with Bob, who's waking up. Wait, was it all just a dream? He puts his Walkman back in his cubby and heads out into the hall — where he is instantly smothered with zombie hands. Dunt-dunt-DAH!
I think this video's biggest downfall might not even be the video — it's the song. Now I know I'm no big Twisted Sister fan, but among their singles I think this is actually the weakest. It's clear they love mining the look, feel, and sound of the 50s/pre-Beatles 60s (I mean remember what the other big single from this album was?). But this bizarre homage to the Beach Boys' "Be True to Your School" just doesn't work.
P.S.: Oh my gosh, even in this already super-long post, I can't believe I forgot the one salient successful element of this video — it was one of the first things Luke Perry was cast in, and Twisted Sister are at times credited with having 'discovered' the future Dylan McKay. Can you believe it?
I can't for the life of me figure out who he is in this video. He would have been about 19 or 20 when it was shot. My first guess was the kid in the center of the first photo strip, but he seems too young. Then again, Luke was playing high school-aged Dylan whilst in his late 20s/early 30s, so maybe when he actually was that age he looked like he was a tween? My second guess is the self tracheotomy guy (left photo in the bottom strip), though that might be the same guy. What do you all think?
THE VIDEO Warrant, "Cherry Pie," Cherry Pie, 1990, Columbia
SAMPLE LYRIC "She's my cherry pie / cool drink of water / such a sweet surprise / looks so good / she'll bring a tear to your eye / sweet cherry pi-ie!"
THE VERDICT I have wanted to write up this video forever, but not like this. Not like this! Obviously at this point in time, this isn't new news, but lead singer Jani Lane is dead at 47. Why, Jani, why?
Well, we all have to grieve the best way we know how. And you know me, I do it through blog posts. (Though I think Canter's did an awesome job, too — I love their cupcakes, so I imagine their pie is darn good as well!)
I already did "Heaven" — it was actually one of the very first posts I did on this blog, seven years ago — so we're going to go with for my money one of the greatest songs ever written. Yes folks, finally, it's time for "Cherry Pie."
Am I being sarcastic when I say I think "Cherry Pie" is one of the best songs ever written? Absolutely not. I really do. Have you heard the acoustic version on Metal Mania Stripped? It's un-effing-believable. It's a great bassline, Jani's vocal delivery is fantastic, and I mean come on, the song just builds and builds. By the end you're screaming the chorus!
I remember getting in an argument with one of my exes over this, with him claiming the metaphor was tawdry and lame, and me taking the side that it's amazing. I mean seriously — they make "swinging" work on so many levels! As an adult I appreciate it, and as a fifth grader I had no idea what the hell this song was about. Well done, Warrant.
I should also mention that technically my favorite part of this song is just the part where they yell "Oh yeah!" at strategic points in the chorus.
Now we all know — especially since it's been endlessly rehashed since his death — that Jani had a contentious relationship to this song, and wasn't always exactly stoked about the idea that it would be his entire legacy. (Which I mean for me at least it wasn't in danger of being, even if it was the centerpiece.)
In the end he seems to have embraced it, and I think he made the right choice.
It's a terrific song!
And the video! The video is unforgettable, and you know it. It's simple, it's funny, and it elevated Bobbie Brown from your standard rock video girl to full-fledged video vixen.
And even though Bobbie has talked a lot of smack about Jani since then, this video led to them getting marriedand having a daughter, Taylar. Plus I mean really, she was dating Matthew Nelson? Now that I'm thinking about it though, she definitely has a type... Stevie Rachelle is like a poor man's Jani Lane.
Anyway. Bobbie herself is definitely a type too — I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but she's a perfect example of this circa-1990 Christina Applegate type that everyone around then seemed to just love. Straight blond hair with bangs, heavy dark eyebrows, red lipstick, often one artfully placed mole... I call these ones "Great White girls" a lot (and indeed, Bobbie's in a couple of their videos) or when I don't know the girl in the video's name, I generally just refer to them all as Christina Applegate.
This was just the standard of beauty back then. I mean even if you think of models who were big at the time — like Niki Taylor was like a high-end Christina Applegate type. Or Kelly Taylor from 90210 — in early seasons, she's like a Christina doppelgänger. (I should also mention that Bobbie was even on Married With Children — the Applegate is strong with this one!)
Okay, now I've made it pretty far into this post without actually talking about anyone who's even in Warrant, let alone the video itself. So let's go there.
I love this video because there's actually very little to it — it's mainly the guys goofing around, and then little vignettes of Bobbie plus a few props. I remember I always used to wonder how they made these like, totally white spaces for videos or photo shoots or stuff like that.
Now I've been around that kind of stuff enough to know it's usually just a completely white painted room, but with a curve leading from floor to wall, so there's no corner and, if lit correctly, no visible difference between the two (the other alternative is to use giant rolls of set paper to create the same effect, but they're jumping around too much for that here).
Thus here Warrant appear to be in this weird, completely empty white space, save for their various red props.
What have the Down Boys brought with them? Umm, all kinds of stuff. Let's see.
First, an amazing red, black, and white wardrobe that they appear to be sharing (I'm pretty sure Jani and Eric Turner are wearing the same polka dot shirt in different shots). They've even coordinated their instruments, with red guitars, red amps, and a red drum kit for Steven Sweet (occasionally with actual cherry pies placed on the drums).
When they're all together, Warrant are mainly shot playing on top of giant red polka dots — gosh I love the polka dots of the late 80s/early 90s — but when they're separate, they're usually just on the white.
Bobbie is wearing pretty much the ultimate Christina Applegate girl outfit. Red lipstick (duh), giant earrings, a red bustier halter top, high-waisted yet extremely short denim cut-offs, a large belt, and red cowboy boots.
I have to say, I've been surprised how strong of a comeback this exact "denim panties" look has made. I'm not going to lie, it's a trap I fall into myself, but still, there are limits. If when you sit down, I can't tell if you're wearing anything on your bottom half, that's just weird. But anyway, I digress.
We watch Bobbie get into some silly situations, semi-acting out some of the lyrics of the song. First she's a red-and-white clad rollerskating waitress (she sort of looks like she works at Ruby's), tripping over Joey Allen's cord and somehow magically dropping a slice of cherry pie straight into her own lap (also having magically changed into black spandex bike shorts — now there's an early 90s look I don't miss). We also almost get the "swinging" literally with Bobbie in a team Warrant red-and-white baseball uniform, posing on a mitt-shaped couch.
Personally though I prefer the lips-shaped couch she's posing on a minute later, in her spandex shorts outfit (complete with black bra top, for that back-up dancer in an MC Hammer music video look). There are weirdly a lot of art references in this video — I could do a whole thing on all the metal videos that randomly reference "American Gothic."
It's not all that highbrow though. Probably one of the best-known sequences of this video is the firehose part. Bobbie walks by a red firetruck that the guys from Warrant are all sitting beside. They pull out the hose and all five of them spray her with the hose. Oh, I don't mean they take turns. I mean it takes all five of them to wrangle this thing, which appears to have about as much water pressure as a garden hose. Hmm.
In case that's not literal enough for us, we then get some close-up cherry eating, followed by another iconic image from this video — Jani with a fake smile on his face "ten miles wide." This shot is often used in decline of hair metal montages where they're trying to be like, "metal wasn't serious enough anymore."
Well you know what? We don't have to be serious all the time. Yeah it's cheesy, but I for one like that Warrant seem to be having a great time in this video. They can throw a bunch of instruments out of the back of a red car, or have Joey cry after he looks through binoculars and somehow sees Bobbie cut in half. (Think about it, if the top of her torso shows up in one eye and her butt's in the other one... something grim has happened.)
Also, can I please get a red-and-white polka dot sheet set like they have in the bedroom sequence? That might well be my favorite part of the video. The shots of Jani and Bobbie in profile make Jani look astonishingly hot, and besides, I think this is my favorite verse of the song. It reminds me of "Your Mama Don't Dance."
Before the video wraps up, we actually get another high-end reference — the cherry pie painting sitting beside the couch, which the car then appears to drive through, is clearly meant to look like the comic-panel-inspired pop art of Roy Lichtenstein (see, aren't you glad I took all those art history classes in college so I could write a blog about metal videos?). Well, I sure am.
THE VIDEO Guns N Roses, "November Rain," Use Your Illusion I, 1991, Geffen
SAMPLE LYRIC "So if you wanna love me / then darlin' don't refrain / Or I'll just end up walkin' / in the cold November rain"
THE VERDICT I know. I've always said this is a pretty depressing wedding song -slash- video -- I mean, the bride dies. But come on, what metal song/video is more associated with weddings than this one? Umm, none of them. So yes, I have a confession to make. Okay well one, obviously, I'm married now, so congratulations to me. (Also if you're reading this now, it's 2020, and I've been divorced for a few years, so... updated the title on this post.)
But two — I walked down the aisle to "November Rain." Yes, that's right. We sprung for having the pianist learn a new song just for us. And it was by Guns N Roses. If I didn't have enough metal cred for you before, I best have it now.
Hilariously, they wound up just straight playing the song. As soon as I heard the piano at the beginning, standing there with my dad, I just burst into tears. I was like, "Dang, this dude is a really good pianist!" (And to be clear, he'd already played a different song for my husband and our family members to walk in to, like on the piano.)
But then the flute and strings and whatnot came in, and I just burst out laughing. I laughed so hard (while also crying) I had to just stand there at the beginning of the aisle for a few seconds to recompose myself. And of course, right as I made it to my husband I hear my mom say, "What is this awful, cheesy song?" Ah, weddings. But now it's OVER! I'm officially hitched, and can officially kick back.
And can blog about the "November Rain" video. (Fear not, except for this paragraph, I wrote this a while ago -- as you read this, I'm on my honeymoon! I mean dude, I have my limits.)
This is an epic video. And to make it even more epic, I have done quite a bit of research for you, with a bit of help from The Language of Fear. WTH is that, you ask? Well, it's just the book of Del James short stories that contains, "Without You," the story that the Use Your Illusion video trilogy is based on.
We are finally going to learn what really is going on in "November Rain," and also what really would have been going on in the video for "Estranged" if Axl and Stephanie hadn't broken up. (Come to think, that is actually probably why the making-of video is subtitled "Part IV of the Trilogy!!!" — part 3, which concludes the story and explains "November Rain," was never made.)
And speaking of makings-of, I also watched Makin' F@*!ing Videos Part II: November Rain to prepare for this (it's a long title, so hereafter I'm referring to it as "MFV"). Spoiler alert: It's a zillion times less interesting than the The Making of "Estranged": Part IV of the Trilogy!!!, and reveals a lot less about where and how the video was made, despite the fact that it cost them a cold $1.5 million to make it (which would be about $2.4 million in 2010 dollars, just to put that in perspective).
So I did even more research, to find out more about video locations etc. Long story short, I am hoping to make this the definitive account of "November Rain." We are going to get to the bottom of the meaning, the mystery, all of it. Also, this is going to be the longest post ever.
I mean face it, "November Rain" is a monstrosity of a video. It's incredibly long — nine minutes plus — so I am going to do a bit of condensing and just note that all the narrative elements are set against Guns N Roses performing in a large concert hall in L.A. with 1,500 extras, an entire orchestra, and of course some foxy backup singers in skintight lace dresses.
Axl has gone all Elton John, sitting at a ginormous piano and wearing little round glasses with colored lenses. The rest of the band is, you know, putting up with the fact that they are stuck doing this insane video for this completely over-the-top song.
Based on how much they all loved making the video for "Estranged," I'm sure they were all stoked to do this one.
And per "MFV", indeed, they weren't. Nobody besides Axl and Del seems to like the song too much — surprise! — it's hard to play, just like "Estranged". Matt Sorum's sort of circumspect, but is clearly like, Slash and Duff hate this. Duff keeps kind of talking around it, like well it's a more "gentle" song than they're used to playing, or having a 130-piece orchestra is something "we're not used to." Axl of course keeps saying the whole video went "very, very smoothly."
The more interesting thing we learn from "MFV" is that the visual reference to Elton John is probably intentional. Surprisingly, Axl loves Sir Elton — it kind of makes me wonder if it being "hard to hold a candle in the cold November Rain" has any relation to "Candle in the Wind."
Matt Sorum talks a bunch in "MFV" about how Axl really wanted the drums in "November Rain" to sound like Nigel Olsson-style drum fills. He mentions "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" as a specific reference, and notes this is the only time Axl ever really gave him direction on drum stuff.
So weird, right? Though less weird when we remember that Axl and Elton totally duetted this song way back in 1992 at the MTV Video Music Awards. They did the whole yin-and-yang pianos thing and everything!
Gosh, seeing that again made me remember what a big deal the VMAs were to me growing up. Before we had cable, I would make my aunt tape them on VHS so I could watch them. Also, what is with Elton John doing duets with noted homophobes? In any event, Axl talks about this during "MFV" as being among the most nervous he's ever been during a performance.
Anyway, back to the video. So one other interesting thing is that this video was actually performed live, rather than mimed and lip-synched as per usual. Axl talks a bunch about how the video was this great excuse for them to get to book an orchestra, and play with them. "MFV" shows the orchestra playing the ending of the song without GNR accompanying them, and the audience appears legitimately really into it.
It also shows the band playing a kickass rendition of "Dead Horse" for all the extras (they basically watched a really long concert where "November Rain" was played numerous times), who are of course dressed in black tie. Note that the extras in the performance/concert sequences seem to have been much happier than the other extras. You also have to love the flutist in the bustier — such a metal touch to add to the orchestra.
So where do we start? Well, with what's actually the only part of this video that's reminiscent of "Without You," the Del James short story we will discuss at length momentarily. Axl pops some pills and goes to bed in a blue-lit room, implying that everything that happens in this video is actually his memories, not anything that's currently happening now (which as we'll see, makes sense with the short story). First though, he dreams of himself playing piano in his Elton John outfit, inside of a tiny church in the middle of nowhere.
And what does he dream of first? His wedding to Stephanie Seymour! Okay, so much to say here. First, had I done a bit more research, had a lot more money, and been Catholic, I could have totally had the wedding from "November Rain." (Now, thanks to my research and blogging, you can have it! Just keep reading!)
The ceremony was shot at St. Brendan Catholic Church in Los Angeles. It's in loads of stuff, but most notably (for me anyway), the rectory next door is the building Brenda claims is her sorority house in the pilot episode of Beverly Hills 90210. It's a really beautiful church, and incredibly tasteful for southern California. They've got swags of white flowers lining the aisle, and candles everywhere — it's actually kind of a gorgeous ceremony.
But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.
We need to back up to Stephanie Seymour, 'cause this is amazing. Now I'd always assumed her and Axl's relationship pre-dated her starring in these videos. In actuality, it was her being cast in these videos that started the relationship!
According to "MFV," Del spotted her on the cover of Cosmopolitan, where apparently she seemed "really down to earth." He remembers her as wearing some sort of 60s-ish, hippie-style shirt, but the only Stephanie Seymour Cosmo cover I could find that would be even remotely the right time period has her in a pretty severe white bathing suit. Could it have been this issue of Elle? Nah, too late. This Vogue cover isn't right either.
Okay, Del probably just misremembered what she was wearing, but whatever.
In any event, Stephanie says she had never wanted to be a rock video girl, claiming "I've had people ask me to do videos and I never was interested, until Guns N Roses asked me to do one."
Axl felt the casting decision for the trilogy was important, and that it needed to be an actress-type who would be "motivated" to do the video, which was not just a "tits and ass video." Steph's beyond gorgeous (still is today, lucky girl!) but comes off as a bit dopey in her (brief) interview segments.
She's most famous here though for coming down the aisle in that totally over-the-top Carmela Sutera gown (side note: the designer seems to be out of the biz as of this year, I can't find anything she designed post 2010). It's sort of the wedding dress equivalent of a mullet, though in the industry they call that a hi-lo hem (high in the front, low in the back... so yeah, a mullet!). She has an enormous train and an enormous veil. I think my favorite part of her whole attire though is the bow on top of her head. It's very 90s, but actually very sweet.
Based on "MFV," they legit filmed a wedding. The guy officiating is a friend of Axl's, who it turned out had actually officiated at St. Brendan before. He seems like a total sweetie based on "MFV," and is one of the better actors in the video.
In "MFV", we see that they actually did it all up, vows and everything. He says, "Stephanie and Axl, you have come here freely and without reservation, to give yourselves to one another, each, in love and harmony, in marriage. Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your days?" That would be really weird to act out with someone you were just dating. Especially given how the video turns out.
It seems the indoor church scenes were shot at night — everyone is exhausted and miserable. The people in the pews keep laying down, and even the musicians are resting their heads on their instruments. The interviewer in "MFV" keeps asking the guys in GNR what they think their role in the wedding is. None are sure, though Matt Sorum guesses he's an usher. Duff doesn't realize he's meant to be holding the rings until right before they shoot it.
Most hilariously, the woman sitting with Gilby complains vociferously that she thinks no one stood up for her when she walked down the aisle, and Dizzy tries to console her by saying "There's nothing wrong with a sit-down wedding." Despite the late hour, the guys seem way happier and more like they're still friends than they do by the time they're making "Estranged."
But okay, wait, mid-wedding, Axl has a sort of moment of reverie — jeepers, is this a dream within a dream? — where he recalls good times with Steph and the guys at the Rainbow Bar & Grill. We don't see this in "MFV," though they mention an aborted scene at Damiano's — can you imagine if "November Rain" had had a freakin' pizza parlor scene?!? Well, it almost did, but for some reason the location was scrapped at the last minute, and they wound up using the good ol' Rainbow.
They don't show it at all in "MFV" though, so I'm wondering if this is actually extra footage from "Don't Cry" that they've repurposed here. It's got the same look, with the band and their girlfriends hanging out and joking around. Also kids, don't smoke, even if Stephanie Seymour makes it look un-buh-lievably glamorous.
Anyway, Axl gets his head back in the game for the ring exchange, which as we all remember is made hilarious by the antics of Slash, who is apparently the ring bearer in the wedding. The priest asks for the rings, but Slash, patting his pockets, doesn't have them. Luckily, with a wink, Duff produces them — who knows why, but on his pinky. Slash hands the priest the rings, then straight-up leaves the wedding. Oh-kay.
He leaves, of course, to play the solo, which finds him somehow exiting a tiny church in the middle of nowhere, dressed in completely different clothes. He's gone from his church attire — tophat, open white blousey shirt, black jacket, etc. — to his solo attire — hatless, chaps, etc. Slash somehow manages to smoke through the entire solo despite it being extremely windy.
Also, in addition to the different clothes, again, he's in a totally different place — this was shot in a little Old West-style church in New Mexico built as part of a movie set for Silverado. (I'm assuming this is also where Axl is in the one random shot where he appears to be walking through an Old West ghost town.) They had wanted to shoot the solo in a field of long grass or flowers, which to me honestly would seem really weird, but since it was winter, this is where they wound up.
But oh yeah, back to the wedding. Of course we get a gratuitously open-mouthed kiss, then Axl and Stephanie run down the front steps of the church while their friends and family throw rice and flower petals. They get into the back of a car, and while Axl looks stoked, Stephanie looks even more like she wants to cry, puke, or both than she did when they were coming down the aisle.
She's got her game face on though by the time they hit the reception, which my research has uncovered was shot at the Greystone Mansion in Beverly Hills. Available for weddings and other events — see, you can have your own "November Rain" wedding! (It's also where they shot the Axl bedroom scenes, if you're wondering.)
Stephanie has changed into a skintight off-the-shoulder black velvet gown for the reception, which makes her look unbelievably skinny. Axl has swapped for a metallic blue coat that is, amazingly, even uglier than the bizarro frockcoat he wore for the ceremony. No worries though, that thing is still represented in the incredibly accurate cake topper atop their ginormous five-tier wedding cake.
At first, everyone's super-happy at the reception. Everyone's toasting each other, Axl's feeding Stephanie frosting, old people are dancing, little kids are running around, Riki Rachtman is happy to be there. (And in real life, it seems like again the reception was one of the easier parts of this video to film — the extras seem happy, and the band are goofing around, playing with the reception band's instruments. I should also mention the reception band are the Capitol Homeboyz — scroll down to #14 for a peek.)
But next thing you know, everything's going wrong — and weirdly, despite this being the part of the video I most wanted to know about, "MFV" doesn't talk about it at all.
But yeah, it starts raining. I mean pouring. And for some reason, this makes everyone absolutely panic. Everyone's running around like crazy, Duff is hiding under the head table, but what absolutely nails it is the guy who jumps sideways through the wedding cake. WTF is that?! What part of getting out of the rain makes this level of cake destruction necessary? Shouldn't someone have been trying to carry the cake inside? Jeez, it's like "MacArthur Park" all over again. (You know, "someone left the cake out in the rain.")
Still, the final shot of this sequence — of the totally destroyed reception table — is ridiculously well art-directed. Congrats, Andy Morahan.
Then next thing you know, everything's really gone to hell. The song's gotten all dark, and Stephanie's dead! She's in a casket that's sort of like a quarter open, with half her face showing. Also I'm not sure, but she might be rewearing that wedding dress in there. Axl is all sweaty and penitent.
Per "MFV," Stephanie was actually the only one who didn't mind this part of the shoot (another overnight one, using St. Brendan again). Why? because she fell asleep in the coffin and pretty much missed the whole shoot. Axl says it was "pretty creepy" to see her in there. Also, it's not clear why the other guys in GNR aren't the pallbearers, and why instead it looks like Joe Friday is.
And of course, it starts to rain at her funeral, too. But this time, everyone holds it together and just like, busts out umbrellas. No one's jumping through a giant floral arrangement or anything like that. Eventually, the funeral wraps up, and everyone leaves except Axl, who's kneeling beside her grave in the rain. But then wait — Axl's clutching his pillow in the blue-lit bedroom back at Greystone.
So see? It's all been a dream. Or a memory? We won't know until, well, we'll know in two seconds, when I finally start talking about "Without You."
But before then, I need to mention the last significant bit of the video (a bit out of order, but I'm trying to keep things semi-organized) — Stephanie's alive again, and tossing her bouquet off the terrace at Greystone. As it flies through the air, the roses turn from white to red, and we see it as the red rose bouquet that's laying on her casket in the open grave. As the video ends though, the raindrops on the casket leak the color out of the flowers, making them white once more.
Okay, so if this video is actually just the wind-up to what was supposed to happen in "Estranged,"what was supposed to happen in "Estranged"?? Patience, patience (though let me also say if you've actually read this far, good on you!) We need a bit of history first.
So Del James first met GNR back in like 1985, through some sort of convoluted story where basically they wind up crashing together in LA. Axl was actually already working on "November Rain" on the piano at that point, but they wound up putting "Sweet Child O' Mine" on Appetite for Destruction instead, since Axl felt it wasn't finished enough (i.e. since no one else could understand what he was trying to do). Such the artiste, as per usual. In "MFV," he mentions that Tommy Lee's piano work in "Home Sweet Home" really inspired him to go with his piano visions.
Around this same time, Del James started working on drafts of what would become "Without You." It was inspired by Axl's relationship with then-girlfriend (and later wife) Erin Everly. The story actually wasn't written completely when "November Rain" came out — Axl says "November Rain" is more just about his own life — but it does pre-date "Estranged," which was very much inspired by "Without You."
In "MFV," both Axl and Del say "Estranged" is Axl's attempt to write the song within the story. Though they really hedge on this in the "Making of Estranged," in "MFV" it's very obvious they intend that video to depict "Without You" — Axl says, "And if budget allows, we'll film the next parts of the story." Del claims they had considered making an entire movie, but that the video trilogy will instead be a condensed version.
Okay, so finally, here's the story! "Without You" is about an Axl-manque, Mayne Mann, who finds fame with a band called Suicide Shift, and now fronts his own group. It's basically the story of his love for a beautiful woman named Elizabeth Aston, who again is based on Erin Everly.
Mayne loves Elizabeth, but leading the rock 'n' roll lifestyle leads to problems with fidelity, and she's the jealous type (probably hence the catfight scene in "Don't Cry"). Mayne struggles to tell her how he really feels, but it's hard, and long story short, he winds up doing so with a song called "Without You," which he bases on something she says to him (basically that she can't live with him, but she can't live without him — wait, isn't that a U2 song?!).
Most of the story is taken up with one morning in Mayne's life. It starts with him having a nightmare vision of Elizabeth, with the song playing in the background — probably what the nightmare scene in "November Rain" alludes to. Mayne wakes up to find himself in his trashed condo, which he proceeds to get trashed in and to continue the trashing of as he struggles with his memories of Elizabeth. There's a lot of drinking (alternating beer and whiskey), some smoking, a good amount of coke, and plenty of smack. Breakfast of champions! In any event, this is what we can guess is just beginning to happen at the end of "November Rain," when Axl wakes up all sweaty.
In any event, I know what you're all waiting for — how did Elizabeth/Stephanie Seymour die? — so here's the big reveal.
Following an especially blatant episode of infidelity, Mayne is desperately trying to get Elizabeth to come to his concert in L.A. She doesn't show up, so he decides to go to her apartment and surprise her. She won't answer her phone, so he barges in — and finds that she has shot herself in the head while playing "Without You" on repeat. Hence the only partially-opened casket in "November Rain" — I think we're meant to believe much of her head is now missing.
So what does this mean would have happened in "Estranged"? My best guess is we would have seen the infidelity more clearly dramatized than in "Don't Cry" (though there is a lot of fighting in that one). We also would have gotten to watch Axl trash an apartment, smash guitars and platinum records, throw a stereo through the windshield of a Bentley, and make it rain hundreds for a crowd of people gathered below.
But I think the most dramatic moment would have been the big finale — which Del alludes to in "MFV." Mayne has been avoiding ever hearing, let alone playing, "Without You," because his memories of Elizabeth are too painful. But at the bottom of his spiral, he sits down at his piano, high and bloodied, and plays it, soulfully and passionately... as his condo burns to the ground around him, 'cause he dropped a still-burning cigarette on the ground in the bedroom. Dram-a!!!!
According to the Axl-penned preface (written in 1993 and more or less just a hagiography of Del), Del introduced this story to him in draft form by claiming he had just written the story of his best friend's (i.e., Axl's) death. Again, he wrote it in the mid-80s, before Appetite came out, and according to Axl, many aspects of it came true (mainly the over-the-top multi-platinum success bits).
Axl says "Estranged" is his "Without You," a song he is haunted by. He confirms that "November Rain" is more the set-up for the story "Without You," and that "Estranged" was going to be the filming of the story itself, except that Stephanie Seymour had "other plans."
So does this bode well for my marriage? Ummm, well, if we're going to be literalists no, not so much. (And yeah, now this is me talking in 2020 again, can't believe I wrote all that back in 2011! But it was hard to hold a candle... my marriage ended several years ago.)
If you found this page, surely you can complete that Cinderella lyric. This is a website I lovingly maintained off and on from around 2005 to around 2011.
Broken links abound, as do references to failed relationships. And I haven’t checked the email address related to this account in probably eight years, though I had some kickass correspondents back when I kept it up.
Also yeah, back when I started this, you could barely find these anywhere outside of VH1 Classic and old VHS tapes... now I'm going through and adding the actual YouTube videos, since it's the future and all the videos are belong to us.
