THE VIDEO Celtic Frost, "Cherry Orchards," Cold Lake, 1988, Noise
SAMPLE LYRIC "Cherry orchards / ginger looks upon pain / cherry orchards / August fades like tears in vain"
THE VERDICT Full disclosure: I don't know very much about this band. That said, this video has always made me really curious — it's a really weird song, and an oddly art-y video for a later 80s metal video. Everything I've ever heard about it implies that this is a severe departure for Celtic Frost — allmusic calls it "one of the most misguided changes in artistic direction in heavy metal history". Long story short, I took it upon myself to learn more about what's going on here and write this post.
I had thought about saving this video and doing like a "dead celebrities" theme month, but then I thought it would be kind of too morbid. Still, we could have doubled up on the Marilyn with "Photograph." And of course there's "The Ballad of Jayne." Hmm, after that the pickings get a bit thin though. I guess we'd have to go with the Cult's ultra-weird "Edie (Ciao Baby)." I guess metal guys prefer dead midcentury blondes.
Anyway. So Celtic Frost — what was their deal? Well, having been at the vanguard of European metal with what most folks describe as an avant garde mix of death/black metal with classical elements, they apparently had an extremely Spinal Tap-esque misadventure-filled American tour.
Lead singer Tom Warrior had more or less given up when fellow Swiss dude Oliver Amberg (who wrote this song) convinced him to give it one more try. The result was Cold Lake, which apparently everyone now wants to forget and yet, no one can.
Now as someone who knew this song without having any strong association with the band, I have actually always really enjoyed it — I mean if you read this, you probably know that this sort of bizarro glam is more up my alley than the type of music described above. That said, I can definitely see how if you were into what I described above, you'd be absolutely shocked to see this band don artfully shredded jeans and guyliner.
Still, this isn't your typical hair metal. I mean, the start-stop instrumentation? The creepy voiceover? Lyrics that sound like haiku? Dress up all you want, boys, but this wasn't going to be a magic bullet (or what does Billboard call that one chart? Heatseekers, I think).
The video is similarly oddly artsy. It's shot mainly in black and white, except for occasional bits that are in extremely bleached out color (and often shot upside down or sideways). But what else goes on here?
Okay, well at the beginning, the everyone-is-playing-everyone-else's-guitars sequence is kind of amazing. Tom is playing the guitar Oliver is holding, and bassist Curt Bryant is playing the guitar Tom is holding, and there's an extra guitar just stuck in the back there that no one's playing. You'd think the band that plays together, stays together, but this version of the Celtic Frost lineup lasted all of two seconds, so.
The band are playing in a fairly typical metal soundstage type area — big Pearl drum kit, stacks of Marshall amps, gratuitous wires etc. laying about. The biggest difference is that gigantic photos of Marilyn Monroe are being projected onto the walls on either side of them. Some are promo-ey looking photos, others are more candid. Apparently this song is about Marilyn, but I'll be damned if I can figure out how. The lyrics are pretty uh, abstract.
Oh I almost forgot! The other thing I enjoy about this video is that thanks to a weird shot at the beginning that appears to be of the director waving at the camera with Tom Warrior, we know exactly when this was filmed — October 11, 1988. It's written on a clapperboard we see below their faces — you know, the black and white thing they use to mark takes.
Oliver Amberg really works the eyeliner and the super-teased shag. He's also wearing really carefully deconstructed jeans and an awesome-looking t-shirt that I can't quite ID.
He looks just like somebody, I can't quite place who — oh, it's the super-hot guy in Decline II who talks about being mistaken for a girl when he's in his car, but also like, someone from an actual band. Oliver really likes making eyes at the camera from under his thick bangs.
Tom Warrior is wearing a big white shirt, black pleather-y pants, and a wide, studded belt. His hair has been severely teased, and he's got on lots of eyeliner. Still, his face and especially his teeth have always made me think he looks like Chris Benoit. Like a glam Chris Benoit, anyway.
We don't see the drummer, Stephen Priestly, very well, but he looks to be wearing a Marilyn Monroe tee. I also enjoy that at the end of the video, he does the Tommy Lee thing (put one arm up beside your head and make a pouty/surprised expression) not once but three times in a row. It's like he wanted to make really sure they got that on film.
Curt has super-poufy hair a la Jeff La Bar, and is wearing a black jacket with a bunch of little like embroidered things on it or maybe pins. You know that bad faux Versace/Giorgio of Beverly Hills stuff people loved in the 80s. Little crests and stuff like that.
One of the weirdest parts of this video is the guitar solo. It's shot in that sort-of-faded-out color, and we basically see it from the point of view of the guitar's neck. It's mostly Tom's hands really close up, but it's on an odd angle, so it's not like you get a good sense of what he's doing other than spinning past everyone else in the band.
Also, every time we get the woman's voice, everything goes all crazy. Black and white images of Marilyn Monroe are superimposed over faded color footage of the band, and all of it's at crazy angles. Did MTV ever actually play this, or did Vh-1 Classic dig this up on their own?
The more I watch this video, the weirder it gets.
Also the song — how is this about Marilyn Monroe exactly? I had always assumed maybe it was about the similarly-named Chekhov play, which would seem to make more sense given Celtic Frost's interests in highbrow esoterica. In both cases, we could think about the cherry trees as metaphors for the impermanence of life — yes, in some ways, this is basically Celtic Frost's "Candle in the Wind." Or "Dust in the Wind." Nah, Marilyn Monroe theme means "Candle" beats "Dust" here.
But no, for real, in the Chekhov play (as here) there are themes of impermanence, of change being the only thing you can count on. Cherry blossoms blow away, the cherry orchard is chopped down. Okay, okay, maybe I'm stretching too far. But seriously, you try to decipher these lyrics.