THE VIDEO Nitro, "Freight Train," O.F.R., 1989, Rhino
SAMPLE LYRIC "I'm on a freight traiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnn / I'monafreighttraincomin' / I'm on a freight traiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnn / I'monafreighttraincomin'"
THE VERDICT Nitro are one of those groups where it's sort of like, did anyone actually listen to them in the 80s? I'm not sure. I definitely didn't know anyone who did.
But then with the 00s and the birth of the viral video, suddenly everyone knew all about Nitro. Or at least, they knew that Nitro looked like a really over-the-top 80s parody, or maybe an obscure eastern European country's entry in the Eurovision Song Contest.
But no, Nitro is regular ol' American hair metal. They are even on the cover of the book American Hair Metal.
That said, there's nothing random about Nitro. This band was, as far as I can tell, a calculated effort to take every element of metal to its logical extreme. Vocalist Jim Gillette was known for shattering wine glasses by screaming, while guitarist Michael Angelo is famed for his "Quad Guitar X-400," which is more or less what it sounds like. I guess it goes to 44? It just makes me think of the Mooninites' quad laser.
It's the kind of thing where you feel like, if they'd shown up with this in like, 1984, Nitro would've been huge. People would have thought this was so way cool. But by the time Nitro come around, I feel like people had kind of moved on. I mean the bands that used to have the really big hair (Mötley Crüe, Cinderella, Poison) now just had long hair, and some of the bands that previously had long hair now in some instances had short hair (think like Scott and Charlie in Anthrax).
At first I thought Michael Angelo was the guy from the old "Metal Method" ads, but that's a dude named Doug Marks. But then a little googling and — lo and behold! — not only does Metal Method totally still exist, but both Michael Angelo (now using his last name, so Michael Angelo Batio) and Jim Gillette are instructors for them. Amazing!!
Oh wow — this is even more amazing. They were instructors for them. It says Jim's lessons were recorded in the early 90s. This is possibly even more amazing than if he were still doing it — these things are freaking artifacts!
Michael Angelo, on the other hand, appears to still be at it — his most recent lessons are from 2010.
Seriously, one day I may have to get it together and just scan some of these old ads, 'cause it seems like no one has put the old stuff online anywhere. I mean the Hit Parader I was (successfully) looking through for old Metal Method ads has ads like "40 yards lace $2.25." They say it is "marvelous for dresses, pillowcases, etc." but come on, this is Hit Parader, you're selling this stuff to people who will tie it to mic stands a la Steven Tyler.
Ahhh!! Here we go. It took some digging, but I totally turned up a two-page ad for Jim Gillette's Metal Power. Please allow me to reproduce some of the copy, with original formatting intact:
Have you ever wished you could hit those glass shattering high notes? If so, METAL POWER is for YOU! Instructor Jim Gillette has combined extensive Opera training along with his own unique style to create method of singing GUARANTEED to improve your range and power! Jim now has an amazing 5-OCTAVE RANGE and is striving for his 6th? How is such a range possible? Lots of dedication and the same technique offered in his lessons!
Oh man, that is the stuff! My favorite is that opera is capitalized and in italics.
Whoa, for $8 you could also get yourself an autographed copy of his debut album, Proud to Be Loud.
Next to an extra-ridiculous photo of Jim in full makeup, elaborately-teased hair, and a leather jacket with lots of chains is — wait, OMG, I just noticed that Jim is standing around a bunch of wine glasses on platters. You can't make this stuff up.
Yup, I think we're supposed to imagine those shattering while he sings, since anyway as I was saying, next to this astonishing image it says "WARNING: This album contains the highest screams and fastest guitars ever recorded. Listen at your own risk."
If you're wondering if these "fastest guitars" are Michael Angelo and the quad guitar, don't worry, they are. Later they changed the album art to this much less glammy pic, so thank goodness someone thought to scan the original.
Oh wow. These ads are the gift that keeps on giving. Apparently there is also a hotline you can just call to talk to Jim. "As an added bonus, JIM CAN BE REACHED BY CALLING THE HOTLINE."
They also give extensive warnings around lesson IV, which is scream exercises. They say (again, with the original formatting), "DO NOT SKIP LESSON I, II, AND III. YOU CANNOT LEARN TO SCREAM WITH LESSON IV ALONE!!!"
Oh dang, that is just amazing.
I got so wrapped up in looking through my old metal mags that I forgot to talk about the video. What happens here. Basically, what you'd expect. Everyone has severely giant hair, though Jim's enormous blonde palm tree of hair is the biggest. Seriously, his hair is like one of those freak vegetables that win ribbons at county fairs. And speaking of things not found in nature, that quad guitar is all over this video.
Other than the band going nuts on a little soundstage, we also see footage of (surprise) a freight train. Now not long ago I drove to Arizona, and saw a lot of freight trains going through the desert. Those things aren't too fast. Like, you can beat them with your car, and you wouldn't even be speeding. Shouldn't the song have been about like, one of those Japanese bullet trains? Maybe those didn't exist yet.
Also, I can't believe I forgot this — in the "where are they now" department, so obviously Michael Angelo is still teaching people to play metal guitar really, really fast. But what of Jim Gillette? Duh! I totally knew this and forgot. Jim Gillette is now of course Mr. Lita Ford. I love the fact that they got married having known each other for two weeks, and yet are still together. When you know, you know, I guess.
Though also judging how many of her tweets are about how great he is in the sack, I think they're doing okay.
That said, last spring there were rumors they were about to do a reality show, and for every Sharon and Ozzy, there's a zillion other people who were broken up by doing a cameras-follow-you-around-at-home-style reality show.
Think about it: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, that tattooed drummer from Blink-182 and the Playboy Bunny, Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro, Brigitte Neilsen and Flavor Flav (though technically they also got together on a reality show, so...).
That said, I can't find much more info on it than this sort of demo video Lita herself posted, so who knows if this is still really happening.
Hold the presses! Oh snap and a half! Apparently this is on hold because in the time between when I wrote this post and well, now (and as I'm writing this it's still two weeks before this one goes up online — yeah, I work way ahead of schedule to make sure I bring you metal each and every week) Lita Ford and Jim Gillette are getting divorced.
I'm like wait, what!?!? They didn't even make it to having their lives invaded by a reality show, and already?!?! You look at her Twitter and as of July she's saying "all is good" and tweeting hints about the reality show, and then yeah, I guess there is kind of radio silence for a while, and now they're splitting?!?!
I mean, if the guitarist from the Runaways can't find true love with the ex-singer of Nitro, what chance does this mean the rest of us have?