THE VIDEO Kix, "Body Talk", Cool Kids, 1983, Atlantic
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SAMPLE LYRIC "They know that she talks, body talk / pictures I can see / she talks body talk / [body talk body talk]"
THE VERDICT Crab cakes and calisthenics baby, that's what Maryland does! Or so one would come to think from watching this Kix video, unparalleled in its sheer damn-is-that-girl-even-18-oh-no-wait-she's-30-no-omg-that-girl-is-15-max-ness. A group of gals outfitted in their best tights, legwarmers, leotards and high-waisted pants bust into a school gymnasium (which is possibly being decorated for a dance? There are streamers on the walls and at the very beginning, they surprise a girl who seems to be hanging balloons) and begin doing very basic sorts of stretches and aerobic moves. It's basically an indoor version of the gratuitous gym class scene from Private School.
Enter Kix, checking out the girls' butts and looking awesome. (Also no matter what allmusic claims, the band does not work out in this video. They're no Judas Priest.) In eyeliner, black jeans, a red-striped shirt, black vest, and ratty blonde hair the likes of which TV's Jenny Humphrey wishes she could pull off, Steve Whiteman looks the most like Robin Zander he'll ever look, which is saying a lot since he more or less always looks like Robin Zander.
Also deserving of mention is guitarist Brian Forsythe for a killer ensemble of ripped, skinny jeans, a Slade tee, and a patch-covered vest. Also meriting discussion is bassist Donnie Purnell who looks, well, like not the kind of guy you want hanging around your high school gym.
As for the song: Me, I love it. I know some folks don't though, because it's a bit new wave for a rock band (being someone who loves synth and new wave, this isn't a problem). But come on, who doesn't enjoy the occasional Frampton Comes Alive-esque talk box? Seriously people, don't let all this T-Pain autotune crap make you get it twisted -- vocal effects can still sound fresh and different. In this song, added with the random Eastern-inspired elements, it works.
Because everything about this song is random. If you want a song named "Body Talk" that lives up to its scintillating title, go listen to Ratt (actually regardless, let me make that recommendation. Ratt rules). But if you want a bunch of girls who look like Mary Anne Spier gussied up in eyeliner and a leotard, this is the video for you. Always felt like Kelly Kapowski was "too pretty" and thus wouldn't talk to you? Again, let me recommend this clip. There's even one gal rocking kind of a Freddie Mercury black-and-white look. This video's got it all.
It's hard to choose a favorite scene, but I am going to have to vote for the breakdown at the end ("talk, TALK, talk to me, body talk, talk") where they give up on shooting additional footage and just show still photos of the band (lit so their instruments look extra shiny -- ew that sounded bad) mixed with still photos of the aerobics girls posing for the camera. Not since Ratt's "I Want a Woman" have so many average-looking women been put on a pedestal in a heavy metal video. Gosh, I know I am trying to talk about Kix here but somehow I keep winding up focused on Ratt.
Long story short, this video rules. But also, between the awkwardness of the women, the voyeurism (e.g. the shots of one of the women primping before a mirror), and the extensive collection of layered, colorful lycra spandex on display, I can't believe this video isn't playing 24/7 in American Apparel stores. I mean really, how can they not know about this? Clearly they get their ideas for bringing back splatterpaint spandex from somewhere. Oh wait, that was from Enuff Z'nuff.