THE VIDEO Slaughter, "Real Love," The Wild Life, 1992, Chrysalis
SAMPLE LYRIC "Real love! / Won't somebody showw-owww me? / Real love! / Isn't anyone one truuu-uuue anymorrre? / Real love! / Won't somebody showw-owww me? / Real loooooove"
THE VERDICT When you think of famous women who've made cameos in heavy metal videos — nay, many of whom made their careers in heavy metal videos — plenty of big names come to mind. Tawny Kitaen, Stephanie Seymour, perhaps even Bobbie Brown, she of "Cherry Pie" fame.
How is it that in this pantheon of metal pulchritude we have forgotten none other than Shannen Doherty?
Oh yeah, probably because she was in a Slaughter video.
But 'tis true — Heather Duke from Heathers, better known as Brenda from Beverly Hills, 90210 stars as Mark Slaughter's love interest in the video for "Real Love."
This is actually probably my favorite Slaughter song. I mean, the verses in "Up All Night" are great, but it's played to death, and besides, the kids singing are just creepy. If we're gonna get technical, I actually like Mark's work with the Vinnie Vincent Invasion better, but for the moment focusing on the Slaughter output, I like this song best.
The video takes us, ostensibly, behind the scenes, both of the music video itself, and of whatever it is we're meant to believe Shannen Doherty is doing. We see the space where Slaughter perform the song as a video set, with crew members setting up the instruments, and all kinds of various cameras and lighting rigs visible in the early shots. Shannen Doherty is likewise first spotted behind the scenes, though it's unclear if she's in the same place or somewhere else. Assuming she's not in the same space, as it later appears, she looks to be arriving at some kind of photo shoot.
I always wonder about videos like this — does the camera crew just film itself? Or is there a second, fake camera crew that plays the camera crew, and the real camera crew films that? This video is full of shots of like the dollys, and the video being played back on monitors, and stuff like that. Is it just the real stuff they were using, or is there a second layer of real stuff behind it?
It's hard to say, since this video looks like it was actually pretty high budget — it's easy to forget now, but at the time people really loved Slaughter. I mean this is their second album, which was way less big than the first, and they still are getting Shannen Doherty money. By their third album, they would have been lucky to get Gabrielle Carteris.
Amusingly, for some reason there is a pay phone on the set of the Slaughter video. I like that the band would have to make phone calls on their own dime — so weird. Anyway, Mark Slaughter is looking all pensive on the phone as a guy comes and taps on the glass, apparently telling him to wrap it up.
We then get a shot of an old-school office phone ringing — you know the type, with a bunch of different light-up keys for different lines below the number pad? Okay if you're much younger than me, you probably don't even remember these, but suffice to say it's the early 90s, so they don't have cell phones. They don't even have giant Zack Morris cordless phones.
No one picks up though, and from the beginning of this video, Mark is making faces like a puppy who's just been scolded for peeing in the house. Also, suddenly in this video he plays the guitar — well, he holds one anyway.
Mark is clearly the star of this video, though we do see the other members of Slaughter a bit. Blas Elias has his de rigeur customized gong behind him, and the camera tries to ignore the fact that at this point he's obviously the best looking member of the band. This effort isn't helped by Dana Strum, who makes a progression of ultra-serious faces at the camera. Tim Kelly (RIP) is in it the least — he's kind of off to one side, and frequently hard to see due to spotlights shining at the camera.
Oh! There's Shannen! She's sitting at a makeup table piled with products, and looking despondently at the phone. Um well he was trying to call you earlier honey, but you didn't pick up! Oh no wait, one of the lights on the phone is blinking.
Maybe he is still trying to call, but she's not answering? Or maybe that means she has a message? Dang, it's been so long that I can't remember how non-cellular phones work. Is Mark on hold? Well I guess that's only possible if he deposited a lot of quarters, so. Oh wait, no, now we see Mark is on the phone again. Just as quickly it's gone though.
Can I mention that the use of spotlights in this video is particularly egregious. It keeps looking like there are small-scale explosions going on next to Dana, but it's just the lights shining straight into the camera. Why did people think this was such a cool visual effect? It's just annoying. And it had to be hella bright for the camera operator.
Now Shannen's looking haughtily sad while she has her makeup done. I know I'm mixing my popular teen shows here, but she's looking quite Blair Waldorf at this moment. At last, we see what she's doing — it is a photo shoot. At first we see her posing in front of a fake city skyline.
Then during the chorus we get close-up glamour shots of Shannen, which are interrupted by flashes of white — I think we're meant to believe this is the camera shooting photos of her. She's full Brenda at this point in time — heavy eyebrows, heavy straight bangs — but she looks quite pretty (what can I say, I always liked Kelly better).
Anyway, now Mark's on the phone again, but Shannen's already in a cab. Interspersed with band footage, we get moody shots of Shannen having her hair done while looking sad, and Mark sitting alone off set.
Next thing we know Shannen's doing a different photo shoot, sitting on sort of a weird chaise lounge while wrapped in a sheet. What are we supposed to believe these photos are for? For some reason they're being shot with an old-timey box camera.
As we head into the guitar solo, the video gets even more plotless. It's like they started out with a sort of narrative arc or plan, and then didn't shoot enough, and had to just mix everything together. We get Shannen posing in black and white, Mark on the phone, Shannen in the cab, lots of shots of the crew (or is the fake crew?) filming the band, etc., with no real rhyme or reason.
I mean throughout the whole video, I'm not even sure who's the villain here. Mark keeps whining about his desire for "Real Love," but is he the problem? Is Shannen? They both seem sad and like they want to talk to the other one. Or something. Maybe if I understood what the glowing buttons on her phone meant I'd be better able to puzzle this out.
Nope. I guess not. Mark makes a sort of sour face, and hangs up the pay phone, walking back to the video set. Shannen just rides off in her cab, an enigma. And that's it. The video just ends. Which one of them wasn't being "true anymore"? We'll never know.
But I mean, we can guess. And my guess is that while they could afford to get Shannen Doherty to be in this video, they couldn't afford — or possibly, given her reputation for um, let's say prickly behavior — couldn't negotiate her really being in this video.
Based on what we see here, we can safely assume Doherty and Slaughter never actually crossed paths in real life. They don't even use that favorite low-budget trick of showing the image of one superimposed beside the image of the other, implying they're, you know, thinking about each other or something.
Instead, we just get an icy non-relationship between a singer and a model/actress. Boo! This is not very romantic. This is not "Real Love." This is called a gratuitous cameo. It doesn't buy us very much. Nor does it seem to buy Slaughter very much.
Unlike Color Me Badd (who are featured extensively in an early episode of a show), or the zillion bands who grace the stage of the Peach Pit After Dark (including, improbably, the Flaming Lips), Slaughter never even made it onto 90210.
I should point out though that Doherty's appearance marks the second time (that I know of thus far) that an actor from 90210 appears in a metal video. The third one, as we saw not too long ago, was Jason Wiles (aka "Colin") in Bon Jovi's "Always." And the first one? Well, it's pretty amazing — too amazing to waste on the last line of a post about a Slaughter video. So unless you already know what I'm talking about, you're just going to have to wait and see.
And speaking of last words, just when I think I'm getting to have it, it turns out Beavis and Butt-head totally watched this video — I can't believe I forgot that. Season 5, Episode 11, "Career Day" — "Real Love" is the first video they watch. Suffice to say the boys do not have kind words for Ms. Doherty.
My favorite part though is when Beavis freaks out while trying to spit out the numbers "90210", and Butt-head slaps him, saying "Beavis, next time you're talking about that show, just say 'Beverly Hills' and forget about the numbers, okay."