Cinderella, "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)"

Break Out the Lighters!  

THE VIDEO Cinderella, "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)", Long Cold Winter, 1988, Mercury 

SAMPLE LYRIC "Don't know whatchu got / 'til it's gawwww-aaawwwwwwwn / don't know what it ii-is / I did so wraw-awww-awwwwwwwng / never know what I got / it's just this sawww-awwwwwng" 

THE VERDICT What better song with which to end power ballads month than with the best song about things ending ever? It's the very last day of March, so that means power ballads month is coming to a close. Bust out those lighters (no cell phones, people, this is an 80s-centric site!), find a make-out partner, and let's finish it out with a bang. 

There's a reason why "Don't Know What You Got" is in approximately nine-million montages — usually of jubilant metal mayhem, like hair band members spraying each other with beer backstage or being jumped on by women in bikinis. It's poignant, it's heartbreaking, it's absolutely pitch-perfect. Like Roy says in the episode of The Office when they think the Scranton branch is closing: "You know that Cinderella song, 'You Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)'? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it... in words." 

It's so true! This song is absolutely gorgeous. I can point to about a million parts of it — well okay, it's not that long a song. I can point to several parts of it that are just incredible. 

Everything about the lyrics, pretty much — "I can't make you feel, what you felt so long ago," I mean who hasn't felt that with someone at some time, wishing you could recapture something ephemeral. And the pre-chorus, with the building guitar and the ultra-growly Tom Keifer vocal ("if we take some time, to think it over bay-bay") is amazing too.

 

And then the chorus itself! I know I often complain about the choruses in metal ballads — there's a fine line between perfect and maudlin here, and Cinderella manage to brilliantly toe that line. 

Unlike say "Every Rose Has It's Thorn," which nearly lapses into self-parody with its chorus, or (as I've also mentioned before) Bon Jovi's endless histrionics in "I'll Be There For You," "Don't Know What You've Got" gets everything right. Sigh! This song is a tear-jerker for like a million reasons. 

I feel like it's also sort of the last gasp of the really glam Cinderella we all came to know and love with Night Songs. "Don't Know What You Got" is the only one of the four videos from Long Cold Winter that really shows us glam Cinderella ("The Last Mile" comes in second place). Let's face it — at this point, even though it's only 1988 (!), the guys have toned down the amount of hair product, they've mainly abandoned the colorful coats and cutaway pants, and I mean lace? Good luck finding much lace in Long Cold Winter videos. 

But in the "Don't Know What You Got" video, we still get a glimpse of glam. Every member of the band is isolated from one another in an open, outdoor space, which makes me feel a little nervous —why aren't they together? But it does make for a fairly magisterial visual. The camera zooms past them, flies over them, spins around them – it kind of goes with the soaring vocals and guitars in this song.

Tom Keifer is playing a freaking grand piano outdoors, for one. But two, he's wearing a long black and red coat, with a matching headband, and tons of silver jewelry. When he's playing piano, you can see he has a giant ring on like every finger. The black patches on his coat appear to be sequined, which is a great choice. It's very Steven Tyler circa Permanent Vacation. It's a little hard to tell, but he might also be wearing not just leather pants, but chaps (they guys are often backlit in this video, so it's hard to identify some of this stuff).

 

The other guys aren't working quite as hard to keep the glam flag flying. Jeff LaBar is playing a guitar with Marilyn Monroe's face on it. He's wearing a long black duster coat, a white shirt, and maybe yellowish or cream-colored pants, with a black belt and black cowboy boots. 

Fred Coury is the hardest to see, since he's seated behind the drums, and we often kind of spin past him. He's wearing black, that's for sure. 

Eric Brittingham has on an open white shirt that's knotted at the waist, and a coat that's a similar cut to Tom's, but in black. He's also wearing what appears to be a giant shark-tooth necklace. Eric comes in second-glammiest, but it's mainly on the strength of his hair. 

It should be noted though that Tom also has a less glam outfit. For the later sequences in the video when he's playing the guitar by what looks like an abandoned house, he switches to a Richie Sambora hat (one of those cowboy hats that's flat on top — I don't know the real name, but Richie Sambora always wears them), and a long, black, Western-style coat with some fringe. No, Tom! Keep glam alive! 

Likely due to a mental bias from "Gypsy Road" taking place in Mexico, I've long thought this video to be in Mexico as well. The overhead shots where you're flying over the band and can see the pools of water remind me of being way south in Baja California. On the way to San Ignacio, there are all these crazy salt lakes, where the water has turned all these different colors because of the minerals. They're really neat to see — it's just miles and miles of road with nothing but barren land and these colorful salt lakes. I know here probably a lot of the water's colors are coming from, you know, the sunset being reflected in the water, but still. 

Turns out however this video was shot much closer to home — they're at California's Mono Lake, which is almost due east from San Francisco (a little north of there) — close-ish to the border with Nevada, not crazy far from Tahoe but not super-close to it either. Probably closest to Yosemite. I've never been there, but clearly now that I know this Cinderella video was filmed there, I need to go.

 

I was right about one thing in my intuitions about its appearance from overhead in this video — Mono Lake is a salt lake. It also, as you can see from the video, has all kinds of amazing geological stuff happening. Apparently there are volcanic hills around it, and the crazy-looking columns of rock you can see sprouting out of the middle of the lake are made out of something called tufa, which is a type of limestone made by the salt deposits. In addition to being featured in this video, you can also see them in some of the album art from Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here (no, not the pic of the man on fire). 

I'm not sure if the bits with Tom at the abandoned house-slash-ghost town are also there, but one can assume it's nearby. Boom! And I found it. My best guess for where Tom is during the guitar solo is Bodie, California, which is a ghost town close to Mono Lake. 

I can't find anything where I'm 110% certain, but the general look and geography of it appear correct — a bunch of old-looking wooden homes arrayed about a mountain ridge. No one else has made this claim about this video before, but I'm going to go with it. Ooh, I love feeling that I've discovered something. 

And I love the end of this video, with all the members of Cinderella finally in the same place, standing in a row silhouetted against the lake, which is reflecting the vivid colors of the sunset. Even though I always feel bad for Fred Coury when he has to just clap or slap his thighs 'cause there aren't drums there, this still looks good. 

Call me cheesy, but seeing things silhouetted in black against a vivid sunset — or really anything — just gets me. I don't mean like iPod ads. I mean like when I'm driving in the evening, even though I've lived in California for years now, if I see palm trees silhouetted black against the sky, it still gives me a little thrill. Similarly, you can't hear this song and not get a chill, 'cause it's so darn good, and it just hits home. 

(I know probably everyone doesn't feel this way, but if you're reading this website, I feel it's safe to assume you do too! Or at least hopefully my one reader who I know loves Cinderella does.)

Pretty Boy Floyd, "I Wanna Be With You"

Next Time, Just Pass Her a Note  

THE VIDEO Pretty Boy Floyd, "I Wanna Be With You," Leather Boyz with Electric Toyz, 1989, MCA

SAMPLE LYRIC "I wanna be-eee with you-oooh / I wanna be with you-ooh! / I wanna be-eee with you-oooh" (repeat endlessly) 

THE VERDICT I've been doing mostly well-known, everyone-can-sing-along power ballads so far, so I decided to throw in one lesser-known track. Now if you've been reading this blog for a while, you might remember that the last time I talked about a Pretty Boy Floyd video, it took quite a beating. 

If that upset or distressed you in any way, you should probably stop reading right now, 'cause spoiler alert: This song is horrible. But it's so amazing in its awfulness that I have to talk about it. 

Recall that Pretty Boy Floyd claim to be "dirty glam," and to have styled their look and sound after Mötley Crüe. Now spend a minute thinking about how awesome Mötley Crüe are, especially like Shout at the Devil. Once you feel you have sufficiently reacquainted yourself with how badass the Crüe are, listen to this song. I mean seriously, listen to it. Make yourself do it. Good lord. Listen to it. 

I mean even just the beginning: "As I was walking out of class / the other day at school / I saw you." 

One: We're supposed to believe these guys are in high school?!?! 

Two: We're supposed to believe these guys are badass, dirty, raunchy rockers when they are singing about stuff like this? 

I mean sure, on the one hand, if it's like "Yeah, I'm a gross twenty-something dude hanging around the high school picking up underage chicks," I guess that seems sort of like, LA Guns-ish. But based on the rest of the song, that's not what's happening here. No, it's something much lamer. "I don't live too far / we could walk down to the park / if you got nothing else to do." Seriously, this sounds like Milhouse trying to ask out Lisa Simpson! 

The video more or less acts this out. Well, sort of. It's all in black and white, and one shot fades into the next really quickly. 

Complicating matters further, there's some serious spotlight abuse going on. The spotlights keep shining directly into the camera, making it even harder than normal to tell who's who, since everyone in this band looks like Nadir D'Priest (except for Vinnie Chas [RIP] who as I've pointed out before looks like a glam double for Warrant's Joey Allen. But he's barely in this video, so). 

They also keep throwing in crazy shots for no reason. Like there's a really long shot of drummer Kari Kane that's basically from the point of view of one of the cymbals. WTF is the point of that?

 

Anyway, Pretty Boy Floyd are standing around on these risers that are covered in spotlights. Singer Steve 'Sex' Summers (say that five times fast) is looking extra like a lady. I don't know if it's his big Carly Simon hat, or his little gloves, or just his like, smoky eye look, but the whole package does not fit with the everyone-firing-tommy-guns intro to the video. 

And of course, we're supposed to believe that the girl in the video wants to "be with" him. She's a super-wholesome-looking blonde, very much not your usual metal video gal. She kind of reminds me of Victoria Jackson, the comedian with the breathy voice who used to be on SNL in the late 80s/early 90s —probably best remembered as the lady who had all those extra fingers. 

Anyway yeah, they literally act out the song in the video. Steve calls her from the video — like right there, in the middle of all the risers and spotlights, there's a freakin' payphone. While Kristy Majors rocks out in the background, he coos this song's ridiculous lyrics to her. 

She's lying on her bedroom floor reading a magazine, and seeming more genuinely like a high school girl than most of the women you see in metal videos (though to be clear, she seems way older than high-school age). 

I also need to point out that everyone but Steve seems to think this is a wayyyyy more intense song than it is. Kristy machine-guns his guitar and throws punches at the camera, Vinnie thrashes around and glares intensely, and Kari looks like he is competing in a "Make Your Best Tommy Lee Face" contest. 

Seriously, his mouth is open in that sort of fake "Oh no!" pout the whole time — then again, his nickname was 'The Mouth.' I should also mention the enormous amount of drumstick spinning going on, like way more than you need for a song like this. I mean this is a drippy, slow-ass song.

 

Anyway, of course toward the end of the song, the girl shows up at the video. Steve leaves with her, acting awfully bashful for someone whose nickname is 'Sex'. The other guys are left to just sit there with all the spotlights, but then look — she called all her friends! Yeah, they look more like, you know, not-super-young single moms than like high school students, but whatever. It's still enough to get Kari to do a double-take. High school girls for everyone! 

They all leave, but the spotlights are still going. What, is this just like, where Pretty Boy Floyd hang out? They never do any meta-stuff, like showing cameras, the fact that they're making a video or whatever. Likewise, the girls don't seem like, impressed or interested by the band's whole setup. 

Does this mean all these spotlights and crap are actually in like, Kristy's mom's basement or something? You know actually, that would make sense. 

Oh man. I kind of alluded to it before, but seriously guys, this song is awful. Why does Steve suddenly have a Madonna-esque British accent? And the freaking chimes every time the verse begins again? This is verging on being physically painful. Could anyone have done this song and made it into a good one? Possibly Stryper, but the lyrics seem a little too risque for them. 

I talked about this at length the other time I talked about Pretty Boy Floyd, but here it's even more apparent. They think they're doing a whole "dirty glam," sleazy Mötley Crüe thing, but come on. You're asking high school girls to take a walk in the park with you! And you actually mean a walk in the park, it's not like, a gross metaphor for some weird sex act. 

But alongside all these wholesome lyrics, we've got all kinds of black leather, draggy makeup, and the lascivious nicknames. This makes the whole situation even less realistic, if that's possible. 

I mean, I can't imagine my high school self sitting in my high school bedroom, and my mom like yelling up to me, "Honey, Sex is on the phone!" Or like, "The Mouth called while you were in the shower." And then to have him call and screech "I wanna be with you-ouuu!" into the phone? Sorry, but no. Just... no.

Lita Ford feat. Ozzy Osbourne, "Close My Eyes Forever"

Let's Duet  

THE VIDEO Lita Ford feat. Ozzy Osbourne, "Close My Eyes Forever," Lita, 1988, RCA 

SAMPLE LYRIC "If I close my eyes forever / will it all remain unchay-aynged? / If I close my eyes forever / will it all remain the sayyyy-ayyy-ayyyy-ayyyme" 

THE VERDICT Spoiler alert: I freakin' love this song. I mean the queen of metal meets the prince of darkness? This is like the heavy metal version of "Islands in the Stream." There aren't a lot of metal duets out there — it's really just this and "Everything You Do (You're Sexing Me)", so obviously "Close My Eyes Forever" wins that contest. 

This song is a little weird in that at the time it's really the only power ballad for either of these artists. I can't really think of another song Lita does that's in this style. Ozzy obviously will go on to go much further sonically in this direction, with like "Mama, I'm Coming Home", but lyrically, he doesn't really have love songs. 

In a way that makes it too bad they didn't do this song later — I feel like he got more into really singing, whereas in this song he's sort of doing an exaggerated version of his usual creepy Ozzy voice. I feel like a lot of people aren't too into this song, particularly hardcore Ozzy partisans. But for me, it's a great one. 

I don't know, something about the sentiment really gets to me. I feel like I've had times in various relationships when I wished I could just stop time, and stay right where we were. I feel like this song really gets at that well for me. 

At the same time though, this was a song I liked better when I understood the lyrics less. In my head, it was pretty romantic — I had always heard it as "warm and dark embrace," and so when one of my karaoke video games informed me it was "warm and darkened grave," it was a bit unsettling. All the sort of goth parts in this song feel like they're trying a little too hard — I mean cobwebs on your eyes? Gee-ross. 

Something tells me the sort of darker aspects are Ozzy-slash-Ozzy's management trying to make sure it doesn't seem like he's gone soft. I mean yes, at this point Sharon Osbourne is also Lita's manager, so clearly she orchestrated this, but at the same time, you know she's keeping track of everyone's interests here.

 

But even if you ignore the lyrics, it's still a great song. I really like Lita's solo in it, and the way the song just sort of builds and builds. There's kind of a chorus, but it's really more of just a repeated motif. The last part ("I know I've been so hard on you-ou") is definitely a favorite for me — the more I think about it, this is the Lita Ford song I like best. 

And oh yeah, the video! The video's all right too. Not the most happens — I get the feeling Lita and Ozzy were never actually in the same place. We mostly see them apart, and sometimes the image of one is superimposed on top of the other, but that's about it. 

It's mainly them singing the song in an empty, dark space with just a few random props. There's a blue velvet curtain, a random archway, a window set high in one wall, and then hanging mics. That's pretty much it. 

We see more of Lita than of Ozzy, probably because she looks absolutely gorgeous in this video. She's wearing a great outfit — purple boots, artfully shredded jeans layered over sparkly black tights, and a couple of different embellished black leather jackets (the jackets switch along with her guitars). Her hair is amazing, and she's painted her nails blue. 

Ozzy is harder to see. We mostly only see his face, and a lot of times it's only partially lit to create exaggerated shadows and make him look spooky. He's wearing a black jacket with sort of textured embroidery on it, but otherwise, he's a bit hard to see. 

We only really see Ozzy actually standing there in the very last shot, when suddenly he and Lita appear to be in the same space. Or at least, they're made to look that way — like I said, based on the way this video was shot, I don't think they were ever actually together for this shoot. 

Regardless! I love this song, and a lot of other folks did too — this song went to #8 on Billboard's Hot 100 (by contrast, "Kiss Me Deadly" peaked at #12). Still you know, it's not for everyone. And if you read this blog often, you can probably guess who I mean.

 

Yep, Beavis and Butt-head rip this song a new one when they watch the video, and to this day I can't watch this video without thinking about what they have to say about it (particularly the "monster faces" comments). 

They check it out during the season 5 episode "Choke", which is hard for me to watch due to its heavy ick-factor, but which also contains some amazing insights into B&B-H's relationship. My favorite part is when the 911 operator tells Beavis, "Sir, if you want to save your friend's life, you must administer the Heimlich maneuver" and Beavis says "He's not really my friend." Anyway, here's what they have to say about this video, which they pick up already in progress:

Beavis: "Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, it's Ozzy!"
Butt-head: "Yeah! ... Uh, why's he whining?
Beavis: "Yeah, yeah, what's going on here? (both stammer and laugh for a while) Boy, this isn't very good."
Butt-head: "Yeah. Ozzy shouldn'ta done this."
Beavis: "Yeah really."
Butt-head: "Eh, maybe this is Meatloaf."
Beavis: "You know who I think this is, Butt-head? I think this is the Indigo Girls."
Butt-head: "Oh yeah!" (both laugh)

They watch the video silently for a while, during which time Butt-head looks over vaguely incredulously at Beavis, and they make eye contact for a second. I love it when they have little moments like that.

Beavis: "Whoa, check it out, he's making one of those monster faces!"
Butt-head: "Yeah. Monster face and wuss music do not go together. It's like, you may've scared somebody with that face twenty years ago, but now you just look like some old fart."
Beavis: "Um, oh yeah. Um. You're being kind of hard on Ozzy, Butt-head."
Butt-head: (laughing) "I'm being what Ozzy?"
Beavis: "Hard on Ozzy! (pause - both laugh) Oh yeah. Yeah."

I dunno. In a way the boys' hatred of the song kind of just adds for the song to me. Although again, as they sort of also obliquely point out, there is this weird tension between like, the scary Ozzy everyone's known to this point, and then the softer side of Ozzy we start to see here. I wish they'd gone back and done this song over around the time of No More Tears so Ozzy really could've gone all in. 

I think in general, I wish there were more metal duets. Like could you imagine a Doro Pesch/Ronnie James Dio duet? Omg and they could've called themselves Dorodio. Or Dioro. That would have ruled. Maybe what I need is just someone to duet with, and I can just turn whatever metal song I want into a duet. Hmm. 

P.S.: I know it's not metal-related, but come on, don't tell me you didn't see this movie!

Warrant, "Sometimes She Cries"

Somebody Forgot to Close the Barn Door  

THE VIDEO Warrant, "Sometimes She Cries," Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich, 1989, Columbia

SAMPLE LYRIC "(Sometimes she cries!) / when she's alone at ni-ight / (sometimes she weeps!) / oh, when she's feeling cold and we-ee-eeak" 

THE VERDICT I don't want to like this song. Really, I don't. I know in my heart that this one is really cheesy. Damn you, Warrant! Why can't I quit you? Seriously, their ability to make me utterly love songs I feel I should by all rights absolutely loathe tells me that Warrant are, quite possibly, musical geniuses. (Then again, "Cherry Pie" pretty much tells me this all on its own, so.) 

I feel like "Sometimes She Cries" is the forgotten Warrant power ballad. I mean "Heaven" is the one everyone knows, even if they aren't into metal. And "I Saw Red" is, while much less frequently heard, still a lot more well-known. What is it that people don't like about "Sometimes She Cries"? It's not quite as good as either of the other two songs, but it's still decent. So what's the problem here? 

I think it might be the content. This is a pretty unusual song for heavy metal, even for power ballads — it's a narrative song about a woman, but not about like, her sexy homicide record, or her secret sexy side, or really anything sexy. Nope, it's about a woman who's been unlucky in love, and encouraging her to stay strong. 

Fascinating (okay, to me) fact about this song: There seems to be very little agreement on what the lyrics exactly are. I have always heard the verses as starting with "and she." As in, "and she don't think, she's pretty no more." But I've found versions that claim it's a woman's name — Lisa seems to be the most popular option, followed by Mercy, then Marcy, then Melissa. Which is weird, 'cause Lisa? I don't hear that long e sound at all in there. 

Well, whatever her name is, the song — and this video — is mostly about her. Like the song, I feel like this video is really unconventional territory for a metal power ballad. I mean for one, it's winter. There's not snow, but people are dressed throughout the video (okay, with a notable exception, as we'll see) like it's cold out, and there are no leaves on the trees. Now the thing about winter is, it means no filmy, sheer garments, no bikinis, in general, very little bare skin. Thus, weird for a metal video.

 

The other thing that's extremely unusual about this video is it shows a family. Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa has a kid. This is not a part of the hot metal chick experience that generally gets portrayed in videos. Metal videos tend to focus more on, you know, where babies come from than they do on actual babies. I feel like this is probably another reason why this song is less popular. 

I mean, as I've discussed at length, there's a reason why power ballad videos always seem to demonstrate a compulsion to show that despite the fact that the band is singing a slow song now, in general they are still rocking. "Sometimes She Cries" I think tilts too far past that balance. It is hard to still see Warrant as really rocking in this one, unlike in say "Heaven," which has the obligatory slow-mo concert action footage. 

Anyway, the video. Well we first see Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa walking around on her property. Okay spoiler alert, one major reason I love this video (and always have) is because it clearly takes place in my homeland of Connecticut. 

Why do I say this? Many reasons, as we'll see. But indicator one for me is that Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa lives in an old saltbox colonial house that appears to have a huge amount of acreage, yet be set right next to the road. It also has a large barn set fairly close to the house. Hell-ooo, Connecticut. 

I should also mention that right off the bat we can see that Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa is an unconventional metal video heroine. For one, she has short hair. Now admittedly, it looks like she could have had a long-straight-hair-and-bangs haircut and just chopped it to be chin-length, but still. 

Normally the only short hair you see in metal videos is teased, sprayed, and accompanied by dramatic makeup. This woman is rocking zero hair product and very natural makeup, if any. She's also bundled up in a big jacket and a scarf. 

Most of the video alternates between shots of the Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa narrative and of the band playing the song in her barn. Yes, I know. Her narrative is in black and white, and the band are in color. 

At first we mostly see Jani Lane, sitting alone on a barrel. For some reason, possibly to try to prove they are still rockin', he is wearing a Rob Halford-esque leatherman outfit. Little leather hat with chains, sleeveless leather vest with no shirt under it, cowboy boots, the whole deal. It's already weird, but the thing that makes it weirder is that he's wearing just a vest even though it's so cold in there you can see their breath in some shots.

 

The rest of Warrant are arrayed about the barn. When we see Jani with them, he's standing and sort of dancing around, sans barrel. We mostly see Joey Allen and Erik Turner silhouetted in front of the barn door, and Jerry Dixon is barely in this video. He gets like a few hair tosses in and that's it. 

Drummer Steven Sweet is the most prominently displayed member of Warrant after Jani, but that's because he's in the background for a lot of the close-ups of Jani singing. Still, we can see him pretty well, and enjoy the fact that he makes these like kissy faces the whole time he drums. 

But the Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa plot takes up most of the video. We sort of see it out of order, with the more plot-advancing bits interspersed between a lot of shots of her moodily staring out at the frozen winter landscape. 

After her walking through the field, we see her sitting inside, staring pensively out the window while holding a toddler. Then we get a flashback to an earlier time — you can tell because the kid is now like an infant — and her husband packing up and leaving her. Why? We don't know. How she can afford to heat this gigantic old home in winter even though she doesn't seem to work, just walks around and stares at stuff? Even more of a mystery. 

Anyway, Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa stares out the window and watches him leave. Then we see her looking out the windows of the kitchen or dining room, peeking through venetian blinds to see if he's coming back. The table's set with lit candles and two place settings, but sorry sweetie, I think you're eating alone. Well, maybe one of the glasses of wine is for the baby. Okay, probably not. 

For the first chorus shots of Warrant rocking out are interspersed with close-ups of Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa making concerned faces and walking around with her baby. We then see her walking around her field by herself, making me wonder who's watching the baby. Did she leave the baby with Warrant? 

The next big plot bit we get shows Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa in bed with another man, who looks way rougher than her ultra-preppy husband. He's sneaking out in the middle of the night while she's asleep. She realizes he's gone and like rolls over and looks all moody. Seriously honey, are you that surprised? I mean you have a kid. Mr. One-Night-Stand is not about to step up to that plate. 

An amazing part of the video comes next as we finally see Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa in color. She walks to the window, and sees Warrant playing the song out in her barn. Like as she spots Jani, she turns from black and white to color. Even more amazing is the fact that even though it's nighttime, and she appears to live alone in like, a pretty remote rural area, she does not appear at all perturbed that her barn is infested with Warrant.

 

As the song sort of escalates, we see her husband looking vaguely perturbed and writing a letter, and then we see Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa reading the letter in a giant winter coat. It pleases her greatly, and we see a bunch of shots of her playing with her kid. Let's mention now that even though she does not appear to have aged a day, her kid now looks to be in nursery school. 

They play on a tire swing and roll around on the hard, frozen ground together. I should mention that this is what happens during the guitar solo. See what I meant above now? Nothing says "we rock" like a mom and her kid playing together. 

Next comes one of my favorite moments in this video, because for me it incontrovertibly proves my they-are-in-Connecticut hypothesis. Her husband calls her. Okay not only is he wearing an offensively preppy sweater — he is calling from a SNET payphone! SNET = Southern New England Telephone. This is the phone service we had when I was growing up. 

I remember watching this video at the time and being stoked about recognizing SNET in it. I know, so random, but whatever, it's usually pretty much impossible to figure out where videos were filmed, so I take what I can get and enjoy it. 

After a few pensive moments spent standing beside her now apparently Warrant-less barn, we see Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa hanging out clothes to dry on the line. This despite the fact that it is obviously hella cold out, and that her washing will freeze. (This is a moment in this video that even watching it back in the day always made no sense to me.) 

Adding to the confusion — her husband drives up, looking like he just arrived from a Ralph Lauren ad, and she is totally psyched to see him. I'm sorry Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa, did you forget how he abandoned you with an infant, and then it took him like four years to even write you a letter? 

The video ends with them hugging in the driveway, but maybe we can imagine like, a sequel where she bitches him out for that. 'Cause seriously, it's great the family's reunited and all, but there are clearly still some issues here. 

Ooh wait, how could I forget! The last last thing we see after their reunion is Warrant all walking away through her field together. I love this. Like they roosted in her barn playing this song until Lisa/Mercy/Marcy/Melissa and her husband got back together, and now their work is done so they can leave. It's so cheesy that it works.

P.S. from the future (it's 2020 now): After I posted this, I got an email from someone who was on the set of this video. It was shot in western Connecticut! This person said I think their dad knew or worked with the people whose house it was, and they were like "Hey, you're a teenager! A band is shooting a video here, that's pretty cool, right?" This person was not a Warrant fan, but was like okay I'll go, and years later found this post while trying to find info on the video. The other memory this correspondent shared with me was that the band was very low energy, and only talked to them to be like, "Hey, you're a teenager! You probably know where to get drugs around here, right?" Yeah, no drugs were obtained. 

Poison, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"

Power Ballad Cliches, Part II  

THE VIDEO Poison, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn," Open Up and Say... Ahh!, 1988, Capitol 

SAMPLE LYRIC "Eaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyv-ry rose has its thawn / jest laaaaaahk eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyv-ry naght / has its daw-aawww-awww-awwwn / jest laaahk eaaaayyyv-ry cow-ow-boy / sings his sad, say-ad sawng / eaaaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvv-ry rose has its thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwn" 

THE VERDICT Yeah baby! It's March again, so you know what that means! Wait, you don't know what that means? Allow me to refresh your memory! Once again, it's Power Ballad Month! For the entire month of March, we'll be focusing on one of hair metal's core components — the power ballad.

Kicking it off, it's Poison with "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." I picked this one for a lot of reasons. It's one of those songs everyone knows, and so you see it misattributed all over the place (Def Leppard? Guns N Roses!?!?). 

But for our purposes, its video boasts a bevy of power ballad video cliches. I went into this topic at length last year with the video that I argue originated a lot of these cliches, but "Every Rose" gives us a nice refresher on some of these. 

Lead Singer Has Lady Problems: I've made this argument at length elsewhere, but suffice to say that whenever it's a breakup song, suddenly the lead singer has a girlfriend. This signals to any ladies out there listening that hey, he's available. It also signals to the guys that he's not totally whipped, since I mean he is breaking up with her after all. 

"Every Rose" uses this just at the beginning of the video, and then never brings it up again. We see a truly glorious Bret Michaels asleep in bed with a woman who sort of looks like a more voluptuous version of Downtown Julie Brown. Okay, maybe it's just the fact that she appears to be sleeping in a sports bra and an incredibly high-waisted thong — seriously, it's like a Mom thong, if there is such a thing. I'm glad we've moved on from the time when underwear was cut that way.

 

Besides the thong, there's a lot of discomfort in the room. One, they've left a fire burning in the fireplace, which doesn't seem safe. Two, both have their eyes open and are shifting around a lot. Three, Bret is sleeping with a whole bunch of jewelry on — that is so uncomfortable! And if that stuff's cheap at all, he's gonna wind up with green stains on his wrists. 

Anyway, we just see this romantic interlude for the very beginning of the video. As soon as Bret gets out of bed (and just before we get to clearly see his teeny bikini briefs!) the shot fades out and we move on. Oh, also the song finally starts, since the whole beginning of the video is silent except for the rustling of the bed sheets and the crackling of the fire. 

Grainy Behind-the-Scenes Footage: Most of this video is shot in a sort of blue-tinted black and white, but we also see a lot of backstage footage that's in grainy black and white. I don't know what it is about showing some film grain that just screamed verite to metal video directors of the 80s, but they sure loved that stuff. Lots of C.C. DeVille and Rikki Rockett looking pensive. 

Footage of the Band Rocking Out: If this is your first introduction to this band, Poison don't want you to be confused by the fact that it's a power ballad. Similarly, if you forgot about "I Won't Forget You" and only listened to the other tracks on Look What the Cat Dragged In, Poison don't want you to abandon them, thinking they've somehow stopped rocking. As a reminder then, this video includes lots of live footage of the band playing songs that are obviously not this one. 

The part where Bret is screaming and windmilling his arms, with his eyes so bugged out he's a dead ringer for Jani Lane, gets used in a lot of Vh-1 montages. Also included are lots of shots of Rikki drumming super-intensely with his hair soaking wet with sweat. 

They also put in lots of slow-mo action shots. This has the advantage of demonstrating how hard the band is capable of rocking, while at the same time taking things down to a power ballad pace. Lots of the shots of Rikki are slow-mo, as is some stuff of Bobby smashing a guitar (or trying to anyway) and Bret jumping off some risers.

 

"It's Soo Hard On the Road!": Oh man, this video lets you know that as much as Poison's rocking, they really are leaving it all out on the stage, and are drained and broken men when the curtain falls. Seriously. 

There's no beer spraying and groupie groping in this video. Instead, we see a bunch of shots of Bret sitting around looking like his dog just died. We also see Bret getting his ankle taped, and Rikki having the same done to his fingers. Oh my god guys, they're killing themselves to entertain us! 

In case this isn't enough to convince us of the lonely, difficult life led by super-famous rock stars, we also see footage of an open highway through the tour bus' windshield, and the guys leaning their heads against the bus windows and staring listlessly into the distance. They pop off the bus and stretch, because being driven around in a tour bus is sooo hard. 

Perhaps the best of this though is the footage of Bobby Dall (who's barely in this video otherwise) crawling around on the stage, and being lifted to a semi-standing position by a roadie. It's unclear if Bobby's really that exhausted or if he's just pretty loaded, but either way it's clear rocking this hard isn't easy, kids. 

"We're Such Nice, Regular Guys!": Not all the backstage stuff is drama and sorrow. I mean, in this video most of it is, but we do still see a little bit of the fun-loving Poison we all know and love. Bret can't resist checking out the women hanging in the hallway backstage, or painting a white stripe down C.C.'s nose while he sleeps. See? Even though we're super-famous, we're still totally down to earth. Another name for this type of footage in power ballad videos is "We Would Totally Have a Beer With You."

Suddenly the Lead Singer Plays Guitar: Why is it that lead singers who never normally go near a guitar suddenly have chops when it comes to power ballads? I mean any other song, they're just the singers. Then the minute it slows down, it's like oh wait, I can do this too. 

A lot of this video we see Bret Michaels sitting on a stool in an otherwise empty space, playing an acoustic guitar with a blue rose painted on it. He's wearing wraparound sunglasses and a big black hat. 

I mean I get it — this is really Bret's song. But it's still kind of weird. At least for the solo, we see C.C. playing, so it's not like they try to convince us Bret suddenly became a guitar virtuoso. But still.

 

Ending on an Emotional Note: Though most of this video is live footage, we don't see many close-ups of fans. There are crowd shots, but all they demonstrate is that this is a quite-large arena. Toward the end though, we finally get close-ups — and it's a total of course shot for a power ballad video. Yup, it's a female fan, covered in sweat and her eyes shining with tears. An emotional experience for everyone! We also get the obligatory shot of the band members all putting their arms around each other and bowing to the crowd. 

I've heard this song about ten zillion times, and despite the fact that I don't care that much for the chorus (the enuncuation is too exaggerated for my taste, and it gets very repetitive and dirge-y), it's still a good one. 

I have heard Bret say before he wrote this song after calling some stripper he'd been dating while they were on tour for Look What the Cat Dragged In, and having a dude pick up the phone at her place. On the one hand, I guess it's an "aww" story, but on the other hand, come on, like this guy wasn't getting a ton of ass on the road? 

Still, this song has some truly great parts, mainly in the verses for me. The last bit, starting with "and now I hear you found somebody new / and that I never meant that much to you" gets me every time. Or maybe it's just that as Dave Chappelle and John Mayer point out, this song is really in the sweet spot of stuff white people like (or at least will dance to). 

They're just making the point that it has guitar in it, but if you really think about it, it fits. I mean it's metal, but it's also a very country song — listening to this, it's like duh Bret Michaels went on to do solo country stuff. 

Plus it doesn't have the hard edges that a song like "I Remember You" has, with the screamy vocals, making it an ideal gateway drug for people who never thought they'd listen to a metal song. If this is you, now go listen to the rest of Open Up and Say... Ahh!.

P.S. from 2020: Looking at some of my old notes for this site, I had gotten my hands on a VHS copy of Rock Video Girls 2, which includes the thong girl from the beginning of this video (that link goes to a photo of the back of the tape, you can see her really clearly). Her name is Monique Biffignani, and her only other credit is some Playboy lingerie thing. 

In RVG2, she says she left Oregon to go to LA when she was 13 or 14, and her big break was Mötley Crüe's "Girls, Girls, Girls" (and yes, you can totally see her in that post — she's the brunette wearing red, satiny undergarments with a sheer white top over them). 

Monique said she heard from a girlfriend that they were looking for dancers for a video, and to go down and "look as hot as you can." She lied and said she had experience as a dancer, and was cast in the video. That also got her cast in this video — she says the Crüe had met Poison through a photographer, and she got recommended.

Her other uncredited appearances include videos for Tone Loc, Young MC, and Bon Jovi. I still haven't figured out which Bon Jovi video she's in, though she mentions it was shot in the desert and that JBJ was "really nice" and "very involved" in making the video, though she didn't get to talk to him much. 

(And yes, I also own Rock Video Girls 3, but the only VCR I could find died before I had the chance to watch it!)