THE VIDEO Great White, "Lady Red Light," Once Bitten..., 1987, Capitol
SAMPLE LYRIC "Lady Red Light, rock me to-nigh-ight / baby's got a way-ay, to make me feel right / Lady Red Light, rock me to-nigh-ight / she really knows how to moo-oove meeeee!"
THE VERDICT Oh, Great White. Of course, of course, of course you would write a song about the joys of hookers. I know that talking heads in any Vh-1 metal special-type thing will always talk about how Jack Russell got an inexplicable amount of ass for looking the way he does, but looking the way he does, I've got to imagine at least some amount of that ass was bought and paid for.
Speculation about Jack's sexual proclivities aside, I have been thinking about Great White lately because I recently added a Great White t-shirt to my heavy metal t-shirt collection. Yes, I finally have gotten over the "Mista Bone" t-shirt that I turned down at (ironically enough) Red Light in Seattle like three years ago now and am proud owner of a 1987 "O-fish-al" tour tee.
Will I actually wear it? Maybe. I don't think metal is enough on the radar screens of the people I'm generally around that they'll be like "oh my goodness, how are you supporting a band that killed all those people." (Which is not my goal, that was a horrific fire.) I'm rounding out my collection, a lot of which stays more or less on ice anyway. Depends on the value and condition of the shirt. (Though I'm wearing my Iron Maiden 1987 "Somewhere On Tour" shirt just to type this post, so it's not like I save them all for special occasions!)
Anyway, the "Lady Red Light" video. What goes on here? Well, it's basically your standard model Great White video. Though there is some variation in their video catalogue, Great White's default is as follows. One, the band standing in a huge, empty stage area that is lit by overhead spotlights. Two, a woman with straight blonde hair and bangs doing sexy things nowhere in the vicinity of the band. Three, repeat ad infinitum.
The spotlights in this video are out of control, I guess 'cause it's a (slightly) faster song. It gives things almost a strobe-lit effect. Lorne Black tosses his hair furiously in front of a stack of amps, Mark Kendall makes constant guitar face, Michael Lardie as always looks a little awkward or nervous to be playing the keyboards. You have to own it bro, you have to own it. Even during the keyboard solo, he looks half asleep.
Jack Russell is glowering up from under his pouffy bangs in like every shot. He also seems to have a fan on him. Oh, not like a music fan or anything — I mean like something is blowing his hair around the whole time. Per always, he's wearing like 800 pounds of turquoise jewelry.
I should also give a special shout-out to Mark Kendall's guitar. I'm usually not a big fan of novelty guitars, but this one is just adorable. Can't help it. The body of the guitar is shaped like a slightly cartoonish great white shark, and then the neck is a leg clad in board shorts and a high-top sneaker. It's a shark eating a surfer! Okay, a surfer who's inexplicable wearing shoes. But still, it's a cute guitar, and I like that it's like themed to the band's name.
I digress. As I was saying, this video features spotlights, Great White, and a blonde girl with bangs doing sexy stuff. What exactly does she do? Well, she stays the hell away from Jack Russell and company, that's for sure. We mostly see her posing near one of the most literal props in the history of heavy metal videos — various red lightbulbs. I'm not kidding.
She starts off in the preferred outfit of all Great White girls — miniskirt, black semi-sheer stockings, and black leather jacket. We then see her in an 80s-girl-next-door outfit — white tee, Keds, and artfully ripped jeans. Of course, the fact that she's lasciviously arraying herself on a motorcycle makes her more of an 80s working-girl-next-door, but that's the point of the song, right?
The shots of her eating an ice cream cone are some of my favorites. They're just so Great White — it's like they said to themselves, "How can we make this whole girl-next-door thing sleazier?" Ah yes, close-ups of her mouth sensuously licking what looks to me like black raspberry ice cream.
Then since that apparently wasn't sleazy enough, the camera pulls back and she makes eye contact with the viewer while continuing to go at it. Great White, you guys are too much.
We also get her in a very girlish nightgown on a brown leather club couch — okay Great White, this one is a little too inappropriate in what it suggests.
The weirdest one for me is when she's wearing an oversize white button-down and heels, lounging in a sort of big wooden chair that's next to... I don't even know what those things are. They look like giant sacks of potatoes. The girl looks really uncomfortable trying to pose all sexy in the obviously uncomfortable chair.
She also does sort of a dominatrix look — black bustier, little black biker hat, fingerless gloves, and sheer stockings attached to a garter belt.
Some shots they don't even bother really inventing just for this video. We've already seen a blonde girl with bangs lounging in a bed with satin sheets in "Save Your Love".
They'll basically use the same convention again for the ...Twice Shy album cover. And so yes, they use it here, too — a round red bed with satin-y sheets (which was obviously the inspiration for the album cover, which came after).
Side note: If I had to guess, I would also say it's the same girl in both of these videos, though I don't know that for a fact, and I don't know her name. I'm less sure though that it's the same girl as from the Once Bitten... album cover, though I've often assumed that she's the girl who's in "Rock Me." We'll have to wait 'til I get to that video though for a full investigation.
Anyway. Did Great White save some dough by making pretty much the exact same video three times in a row? We're going to have to hope that yes, that's their excuse for this. Then again, many of their other videos also display their fondness for blondes with bangs, so who knows.
What made straight blonde hair with bangs such a thing in the late 80s? Do we thank Christina Applegate? Bobbie Brown? Debbie Gibson?
P.S.: I know, the song I named this post for is definitely not metal, and is technically more Working Girl than Pretty Woman.