THE VIDEO Warlock, "All We Are," Triumph & Agony, 1987, Mercury
SAMPLE LYRIC "All we are / all we are, we are / we are all / all we need" [Repeat 10,000x]
THE VERDICT I feel badly that Doro Pesch is too often forgotten in the halls of metal. I mean come on, she's got that great, growly voice, she actually doesn't sing about sexy stuff (unless Dungeons & Dragons-y themes turn you on), and yes, she is gorgeous.
I feel okay saying that because if you read this blog regularly, you know I spend a lot of time objectifying men, so it's not like the usual situation where someone's appearance only gets mentioned if they're a woman.
This isn't to say she's totally above objectification — they do what they can in this video to sneak in a few disembodied butt shots, and come on, just look at the Heavy Metal-esque album art for Triumph & Agony. I mean, you'd never see Eddie copping a feel on Bruce Dickinson on the front of an Iron Maiden album!
We do get to see this album cover come to life in the video, but — spoiler alert — not the groping. Instead, we see the Warlock come to life. He's hiding out under a bridge that spans a highway, with cars rushing back and forth below.
Now I know this probably makes no sense, but for some reason this overpass area always reminds me of the movie Wolfen. I'm not really sure why — this video's several years later, and it doesn't really look like the Bronx.
But something about it just brings to mind Wolfen.
Ooh, maybe it's supernatural stuff happening in an urban setting? That could be it. I know there are like, way more obvious urban supernatural films, from An American Werewolf in London to Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan to Leprechaun 6: Back 2 Tha Hood. Hmm, why is it that Jason goes to the city, then to space, but the Leprechaun goes to space first?
Okay, I'm getting way, way off topic. Let's look at the video. So we see the Warlock hiding under the overpass, watching the cars beneath. He whips out a crystal that immediately gets struck by lightning and begins glowing (his eyes glow, too — he looks kinda like the Leprechaun).
The crystal ball then shoots a bunch of new lightning out of it that freezes the cars below. The previously fast-moving traffic is all now stuck in place, with the drivers and passengers appearing to be frozen in their cars. I should mention that this is all basically silent — we hear the wind whistling around, and some crackly sounds for the lightning, but that's about it.
A couple of metal-looking dudes — actually, I think these are the guitarists from Warlock — bring out ginormous Marshall amps that they proceed to set on the hoods of some of the cars. I should also mention that they're sparkling with lightning at first. They peep in the window of one of the cars and high-five each other when they finish with the amps.
The Warlock shoots more lightning out of his crystal ball, making the band appear on top of a bus that is stuck in the traffic, and the song finally begins. Everyone in the band has busted out their best denim and leather — lots of studded accessories, frayed stuff, etc. I should also mention that it seems this band was really into Batman. One of the guitarists has a Batman logo sticker on his guitar, and while at first I thought it was a Warlock on the bass drum, on closer inspection, it looks to be the Joker.
The force of the song beginning causes the car with the amp on it to explode from the inside. Okay, weren't there people in that car a minute ago? No one in the band appears concerned about this. They just keep rocking out on top of the bus.
The longer Warlock rock out, the more the people down in the cars start to stir. Or at least, some of them do anyway — it seems to have more of an effect on the younger people than the older ones.
I have to say, Doro's hair in this video is convincing me not to cut mine. It's like waist-length at this point (oh wait, I mean my hair — but hers is too in this video), and it bugs the heck out of me. But I don't know, seeing this video, I'm thinking maybe the solution to my hair woes is just to cut bangs again. Also, her wearing a bangle bracelet on her upper arm is reminding me that this is an excellent way to accessorize.
Oh man, for the guitar solo, Doro jumps off the bus onto one of the cars and headbangs on the hood. This then causes the entire car to explode in a giant fireball! And yet, again, we're meant to believe no one is harmed. They actually show the shot of Doro jumping off the bus in reverse to imply she is somehow able to just jump up and backwards to get back onto the bus.
The chant-y breakdown part of the song actually prompts some of the more rocker-y looking drivers and passengers to leave their cars and come over by the bus. Others continue sitting in their cars unaffected (and apparently no one has noticed the explosions or had their cars damaged by them).
Okay there's one shot I can't really explain. Doro appears to shoot a lightning ball out of her hand into some guy's crotch. It makes something jump off of his crotch, but I can't tell what. There's even a little lightning-bolt sound effect. I'm not sure what this bit is meant to be telling us. It looks like another thing where they're running the film in reverse to make it look like something is jumping off his crotch, but in reality something was falling onto it. What this was, however, I sure as heck can't tell, and I've watched this like a jillion times now.
After much fist-pumping and guitar-swinging, the song fades out on a shot of Doro swaying back and forth. This fades into a close-up of the Warlock and his crystal, which he sort of gazes at appreciatively before the video fades out.
Okay so forget Wolfen — you know what this video really is? It's a heavy metal version of "Everybody Hurts." And in fact it predates "Everybody Hurts" by several years. In that video, except for R.E.M.'s car, you see the cars pretty much already stopped, or at least bumper to bumper.
Who's to say that a Warlock didn't cause that pile-up?
I mean yeah, "All We Are" doesn't have all the ultra-depressing subtitles explaining what the people are thinking. But it does have the whole thing that the song building and building convinces the people to leave their cars, so there is that.
Ooh, and the R.E.M. video has one ultra-depressing moment that is vaguely supernatural (the woman in the back seat of the one car who is implied to be a ghost).
So yeah. Maybe Michael Stipe and company saw "All We Are" and were like, "You know what, that is a good idea for a video." Or maybe it's just a coincidence, since you rarely see anything in music videos done just once. But you know I like to propagate my random connections, so I'm going to go with it.