THE VIDEO Ratt, "You Think You're Tough," Ratt [EP], 1983, Atlantic
SAMPLE LYRIC: "You think you're tough! / harder than stone / you think you're tough! / your talk's gettin' old"
THE VERDICT: Pull out your microwave and get ready to do some reheating, 'cause this video is seriously the leftovers — bits and pieces of all the other things Ratt has done to date (the video's from 1985). Sure, the result is pretty yummy, but for the most part, this isn't stuff that's that new!
The bits and pieces of this video are held together with a framing device of Stephen Pearcy driving around in a dark red Rolls Royce convertible with a TV in it. I love how cars with TVs in them always feel so 80s — the TV is like the televisual equivalent of a Zack Morris phone. Stephen seems to control the TV via a keypad next to it that looks like a calculator. He also has what appears to be just a regular phone that's been installed in a car. It doesn't actually look like a car phone, I mean the thing is white!
Anyway, Stephen turns on his little TV to Warren DeMartini's solo from "Round and Round," where he falls through the ceiling onto the dining table. We actually hear the song play too, which I like. It's a common device in videos — Poison especially do it a lot on their first album. Sort of like, "Remember? We're the guys who did 'Round and Round.'"
He then clicks to "Wanted Man." Then suddenly the TV goes to static, and in the first of many cameos, it's Ozzy! Screaming at the camera with a white rat on his shoulder. You know, of course.
The Ozzy bit transitions into some of the only footage that is 100% original to this video, of the guys playing around backstage. I looove this kind of stuff. Like as much as I know it's contrived, Stephen dancing around and squirting toothpaste in the air is almost just like, too much joy for me.
We also get to go behind the scenes at a Ratt photo shoot. Warren... oh Warren. I want to be like "Smoking's bad kids" (and it is, I don't smoke, and I don't want you to think I do) but damn does he make it look good.
We also get cameo #2 as Tommy Lee shows up and takes some pics with the boys.
There's also on-stage stuff mixed in, but most of it is very generic footage — i.e., Ratt aren't necessarily doing this song. Lots of just like, rushing around, scarf swinging, and guitar jabbing. Stephen may not be fifty in this video, but he sure likes to stretch and kick.
They also do this not-very-special special effect that I'm not even sure how to describe. It's as if they've taken the film, photocopied it, then painted it in with just a few bright colors in sort for sort of a poor man's Warhol.
Stephen drives around LA, spotting a Marilyn Monroe look-alike outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Okay, well, I use the term "lookalike" loosely here. He sees a blonde in a white dress, how 'bout that. She blows him a kiss and waves, and he does his patented Stephen Pearcy finger-point-plus-duck-face move. In case we don't get it, there's also a clip of Marilyn Monroe's hand and heel-prints in the cement outside.
Ahh!! Now Warren (wearing the world's ugliest yellow windbreaker) is calling Stephen on his car phone!! And somehow, even though Warren is calling from a payphone, his image appears on Stephen's car TV. It's like the world's crappiest Skype session, minus computer technology. In other news, Stephen's giant white car phone continues to amuse.
Also, I just realized that it's like, been a while since I mentioned how hot Warren is, so allow me to mention it again. Warren is super hot!
You know though, I have to put in that Stephen has amazing style. Yeah, his hair's a bit girly, and the Bret Hart sunglasses aren't doing him too many favors (it's hard to tell if I actually like them, or I just like them for reminding me of the Hitman), but overall, that boy can dress. He's got a feathered earring in his left ear, and an ear cuff midway up his right ear. He's also got piles of different silver bracelets on each arm, and in the concert footage is wearing literally the most artfully ripped t-shirt I've ever seen. Kudos, Stephen.
Anyway, back to the video. I guess Warren was fake-skyping Stephen to get him to pick them up, since now the rest of Ratt are piling into the convertible. Somehow Bobby Blotzer gets shotgun, with the other guys hopping into the back. Well, they made the right call, as now Juan, Robbin, and Warren are sitting up on top of the backseat waving their arms around while Bobby just sits up in the front like a chump, so. Oh, no wait, now everyone else is sitting down, but Bobby is standing up and miming drumming. Now Juan's in the front, singing straight at the camera. He also has Bret Hart glasses.
Dang, this is getting pretty long, isn't it.
Okay, I'll just focus on the high points, like Stephen signing something for a girl who is wearing an amazing t-shirt which features Stephen's almost life-size face on it. We also must mention that Ozzy's back, and appears to be in drag — he's wearing lipstick and a floral housedress, standing in a garden holding a youngish girl — either Aimee or Kelly, I'm not sure based on the age.
We also get a quick repeat of Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx's big reveal in "Back for More," I guess they wanted to make sure they got maximum mileage out of that footage.
Ooh, then we get a new cameo! It's Carmine Appice, hanging out backstage with the boys.
And speaking of backstage, you've got to love all the backstage "getting ready" shots. These boys have a lot of makeup in there, and I don't mean the 70s KISS kind. I mean the 80s KISS kind — eye shadow, lipstick, etc.
The end of this video only gets more random. There's a sequence with — I'm not sure if I should call them dolls or puppets — being waved out the window of a car. One of them is definitely a Stephen puppet, the other one is hard to get a positive ID on.
We also get an actual, new Nikki Sixx cameo, Ozzy ripping off his shirt, and another dude I don't recognize (he looks Japanese, but is not one of the guys in Loudness).
And then when you think it can't get weirder, the video transitions from the boys singing in their convertible to suddenly being all patriotic, with pics of the Statue of Liberty and the flag. This fades into a sunset, which then (of course) turns out to be an image on Stephen's little car TV. It transitions into concert footage and then static flickers before the whole thing fades out.
The thing that's interesting though is this song is also a bit of a sonic leftover. If you've ever heard Ratt songs that from when they're still called "Mickey Rat" (a nod to Mickey Mouse, though wouldn't Ricky Rat have made the connection more obvious?), this is more or less what they sound like. Wayyy less polished, way less glam. I mean it actually sounds like they crawled out of the cellar!
Such is the way with this track, which though many people know it from their Ratt & Roll 8191 compilation, is from their 1983 debut EP which is notable for a) being awesome but also for b) having seriously amazing, like frame-worthy cover art (despite the fact that I'm pretty sure those are large mice, not rats). None of their other albums measure up, artwork-wise.
The video though is from 1985, sort of filling the gap after Out of the Cellar and paving the way for the clips from Invasion of Your Privacy.
So it actually is a leftover song, with leftover clips from other videos and just a little bit of new stuff — it's like the day after Thanksgiving! And luckily, like the day after Thanksgiving, it's actually pretty tasty.