THE VIDEO Tesla, "Need Your Lovin'", Bust a Nut, 1994, Geffen
SAMPLE LYRIC "Ooh, I need your lovin' / without you baby, love don't mean nothin' / ooooh I need you lovin' / 'sgot to be your lovin' or nothin'!"
THE VERDICT This clip was recommended to me by a faithful reader (they exist!) and let me say, what a recommendation. As he mentioned, I don't think MTV ever bothered to air this one, though this kind of tongue-in-cheek stuff is totally the bread and butter of Vh1 Classic.
Why wouldn't MTV have liked this? (I mean besides because they were too busy playing "The Sign" and crap from the Reality Bites soundtrack.)
Well because Tesla — who we all know are a real "were they ever really metal or did they just get painted with that brush because of the long hair" kind of band — are doing it up right here with a send-up of all the cliches of heavy metal videos.
Yes, you heard me right. It's a meta-video. (Cut to me salivating a la Homer Simpson over doughnuts — actually this is more or less how I react to doughnuts myself, but anyway.)
Anyway, the whole video is Tesla demonstrating — with snarky labels — all of the stereotypical shots of heavy metal videos!
Let's play along, shall we? I'll take you through the highlights. By which I mean ALL OF IT. Prepare for a seriously lengthy post, people!
The Black and White with the Color Blue Left In Shot: Dude! I talk about this all the time! I would have to call this "The Kim Anderson Shot"— but remember, I don't mean the gal from the "Girlschool" video, I mean the woman who takes the weird black and white photos of toddlers in old-timey clothes and colors in just parts of them (e.g., coloring the roses pink).
We can think of about a zillion videos that are offenders in this department, but what comes to mind right away for me are "The Hunter" (Dokken), "Headed for a Heartbreak" (Winger), and "Don't Close Your Eyes" (Kix).
The 80s Power Rock Shot: All they've done for this one is added a wall of Marshall amps behind them, but it gets the point across. The obvious referent here is actually to the reference to this cliche in This is Spinal Tap (though also think in "Bitch School" when Nigel Tufnel plays a guitar made to look like a Marshall amp in front of a gigantic Marshall amp).
But obviously, the reference has to have a referent, so let's think about something like the Vinnie Vincent Invasion's "Boyz Are Gonna Rock."
The Blown-Out Color Shot: Here we see Tesla with the contrast levels upped, so that colors appear distortedly bright and whites are eye-popping. Tesla are quick with this one, 'cause I think of it as not really coming into play until the '90s. It's also probably more popular in non-metal videos than in metal videos. Nonetheless, Faster Pussycat's cover of "You're So Vain"? L.A. Guns' "Ballad of Jayne"? For both of those, the entire video is shot in this style!
The GEE! How'd They Do THAT Shot: For this, we see Tesla superimposed upon a lightning-filled sky, but think of really anything absurd that happens in an 80s video involving "special" effects. Dokken standing in front of chains that explode in "Breaking the Chains" comes to mind, as does the evil future robot queen shooting lasers in Queensryche's "Queen of the Reich."
The TV Shot from a TV Shot: This sounds more complicated than it is — basically, it's filming a television, so the colors look all weird and there are those little lines across it. Guns N' Roses are the primary offenders in this category. They use this to great effect in "Welcome to the Jungle," but then in "Patience" they go all meta, with Axl watching Axl on TV watch Axl on TV.
The Performance in an Open Field for No Reason Shot: This is another visual cliche that I associate less with heavy metal videos and actually more with alternative videos (think the shots of the band in "Black Hole Sun" or "No Rain").
Still, metal videos are full of "what is the band doing there stuff."
For some reason, a couple of thrash examples come to mind. Sepultura's "Territory" video — WTF is the band doing in that mud pit? I mean I guess it looks cool, but I don't know, it's always seemed kind of awkward to me. The other example — even though it's a badass video — is Slayer's "Seasons in the Abyss." WTF are they doing at the pyramids! It never ceases to shock and amaze me that Slayer were given the budget to shoot a video in Egypt. Visually impressive? Yes. Necessary? Uhhh.
Thee Beauty Shot: This one cracks me up every time — I love the pretentious extra "e" on it. Ultra-close-ups of the hawt lead singer's face are again, pretty common to all videos, but come on! What heavy metal power ballad video doesn't offend in this department?
Think of "18 and Life" or "I Remember You" — Sebastian Bach looks freakin' candlelit. Or "I Saw Red" or "Heaven." Like half of what happens in those videos is Jani Lane singing soulfully to the camera from about 6 inches in front of it. Mike Tramp is the other obvious offender. "When the Children Cry" shows more close-ups of his baby face than it does of any actual babies!
Babes for No Reason Shot: Again, this is more or less every shot of many videos! But the way they show it here, which is just that there are porn-star-lookin' women pawing the band while they play, brings a couple of specific videos to mind. Danzig's "She Rides" for sure — the band seems fully oblivious to the women's presence, but it's the same idea.
The other types of videos that are really guilty of this are those that use the "hanging out watching the boys play" motif. Think Great White's "Once Bitten, Twice Shy," where Bobbie Brown and all her galpals sit around watching Jack White wheeze that one out.
Gratuitous Sex Shot: It's true, it's true! But this is what gets a lot of readers to this site, sorry to say. I would sum this shot up as "There Will Be Boobs." With the red halter top and the white background here, Tesla are definitely channeling Warrant's "Cherry Pie."
The Artsie Fartsie Shot: This is another one where if they're thinking just about metal videos, they're gunning for a specific one. With the luminous colors, weird lighting, and inexplicable wind blowing through Jeff Keith's hair, they're clearly calling out Queensryche's "Silent Lucidity."
The Fix the Damn Light Shot: Okay I relate to this one WAY too much! This is exactly what I was talking about last week with "Foreclosure of a Dream" — the darkness, then spotlights, then suddenly everything's so bright you can't see a darn thing is so overdone in metal videos!
It's kind of hard to think of videos that don't incorporate spotlights. Tesla takes this even further by setting this part of the video in exactly the kind of random, empty metal warehouse favored by this kind of video (viz. Saxon's "Ride Like the Wind").
Babe Struts Past Old-Timer: If the sight of Tesla rolling up to a rural gas station in a classic car doesn't make you laugh, this may not be the site for you. Seriously. This whole sequence is hilarious and amazing.
I think they are trying to call out Aerosmith's "Crazy" here (though the timing is a little tight), but plenty of metal videos exploit the men-looking-at-hot-women-in-hot-cars thing. "Blondes in Black Cars" and "Hot Love" come to mind right away. You also see a variant of this in Cinderella's "Coming Home," where it's a hot guy coming up to a rural gas station and being noticed by a woman working there. Tesla helpfully point out that this should be shot from a "low angle for largeness."
Sensuous Open Mouth Shot: This is yet another where it's like pretty much any video we can name that has women in it will fit. I also like that apparently Tesla spell "booty" with an ie. Don't worry, it's a shot of a woman's butt, not a baby's sock (bootie).
Boy Lust Shot: Continuing the sequence at the gas station, this might be the most amazing part of this video — Tesla calling out the inevitable shots of the men in the band gaping at the women in the video as if to be like, "It's okay viewer. We're feelin' it too." Bon Jovi's antics in "In and Out of Love" are a terrific example of this.
The Money Shot: Ew, no! It's just the hot gas station lady pouring a bucket of water on herself. But be real, Tesla didn't make this one up.
Who else gets water poured on them in heavy metal videos? One of the gals in Great White's "Stick It" pours a coffee pot full of water over herself. Bobbie Brown gets it with a firehose in "Cherry Pie." And literally every woman in KISS' "Who Wants to Be Lonely?" gets drenched in water.
I enjoy that Tesla clarify that this is money literally — "increased record sales." Not to mention my increased site hits from people who think they might find boobs here.
Spooky Skull and Snake Ritual Shot: I like this, 'cause it's more of a throwback to the older stuff. All the candelabras (not to mention the snake!) remind me of GNR's "Patience," though I think we're meant more to be reminded of early W.A.S.P. or Mötley Crüe.
It's a Hard Life on the Road Shot: I want to hug them for this one, which let's remember I identified as a cliche of power ballad videos back when I wrote about "Home Sweet Home." Tesla does this just right with the sequence of shots: Through the windshield looking at the road ahead, random shot of the driver, shots of the band on the bus.
The Classic Off the Tour Bus Shot: Ditto this one! Think the Scorpions' "I'm Leaving You" or Ratt's "Wanted Man" or W.A.S.P.'s "Blind in Texas" or any of the other ten zillion heavy metal videos that show the the band members disembarking from the tour bus one by one.
The Walking Down an Empty Road for No Reason Shot: "Heaven" and "Little Fighter" for sure! I feel like I wouldn't have necessarily come up with this one on my own, but it's a good one. I like it for the whole "act like you don't care thing."
It reminds me of the South Park where Cartman starts a Christian rock group and uses a similar thought process to art direct their album cover (can I mention if you haven't seen this episode that it also "features" Metallica).
A couple of these I identified with less. Cliches of music videos, sure. But cliches from metal videos? Not so much.
"The Performance Against White Background Shot" and the "Let's STRETCH the Artist Shot" are familiar, but not from metal videos.
And Tesla don't call themselves out on another shot that they use throughout this video — "The Black and White Behind-the-Scenes Shot."
Come on guys, you know this one! Everyone sitting around backstage, jamming on acoustic guitars and hamming it up with each other? Shooting it in black and white instead of color to emphasize that they band are just "regular guys" and totally down to earth. We might also call this "The You Could Have a Beer With Us Shot," and Tesla are totally guilty of abusing it in this video.
They're even upping the ante on it, 'cause this looks like it's one of the band member's rec room or something.
I mean sure, it's meant to contrast with the contrived nature of the other scenes in the video. Tesla play this up not only with all the different shots, but also by showing things like the makeup artist touching up the band, or a crew member using a light meter to check a shot.
The thing is though — it's too late! They've already pulled back the curtain! You can't just reveal every cliche of heavy metal videos and then act like "No, this really is just us in Tommy Skeoch's garage." We all know the garage stuff is every bit as fake as the other stuff.
I also want to mention that everyone in Tesla looks sort of... wet? I want to say wet, even though they aren't covered in water. But something about Tesla in the 90s looks like Tesla in the 80s after getting locked out of the house in a bad rainstorm.
Everyone looks very grumpy and has very flat hair. And Troy Luccketta doesn't have that badass mullet anymore! He's traded it in for a goatee look that's much more run of the mill. Also Jeff Keith appears to have lost weight, if that's even humanly possible. He looks like an even-skinnier Carly Simon.
Despite the '90s not appearing to treat Tesla well, this is a great video. I mean one, it's a genius concept, and much more well-executed than most other parody videos. It helps give a little something extra to the song, which while serviceable doesn't stand out among Tesla songs of this ilk.
But two, this video has been so good to me! I mean it's like a video that keeps on giving, in that every moment in it reminds me of like, ten other videos. It's a free-association bonanza! And if it's not clear, if there's one thing I love (besides metal) it's free-associating. And free-associating about metal? Come on, does it get better than that?